A bad day! Just bad

[BaileyBea]

Long.. I am sorry I am so exhausted mentally physically.. emotionally.. My BFF cross out the last F... and I were friends since 1st grade.

Well we broke up today. No longer friends. The worst part is I really don't know how I feel. She's like family but I am sick of being treated badly.

1) Wedding.. she showed up 10 minutes before my wedding not dressed. She was the maid of honor. She wasn't there early enough for photos (Hello the photographer was $4K couldn't you show up for Wedding party photos?) and she called me all day long every 30 mins or so to negotiate w/me what time she had to be there. She was the Bridezilla of my wedding. It started 30 minutes late because she was getting ready. She caused me so much stress I am honestly still hurt.

2) When I babysit for her she takes advantage. Tells me it will only be 1 hour and then 5 hours later she arrives. She's done this so many times. Last time I was 8 mths pregnant w/a 17 month old in the texas heat caring for her two children at a local restaurant where she was 3 HOURS LATE! I paid for their meals too. She didn't pay me back a single cent.

3) Maybe it was that xmas present. Where I gave her a nice fairly expensive charm for her charm bracelet and I got left over cookies from her cookie exchange in a cheap stocking w/a cheap ornament. Hello... I am your best friend.. couldn't you do a tiny bit better than that. We no longer exchange any type of gifts. My idea since it beats being disappointed by her lack of effort when it comes to me.

4) She expects me to do stuff for her.. set up her website, paypal acct etc.... She called me one time to ask me what to do about a Scorpion sting... HELLO! call your Dr......

5) Maybe it was that fight over my pregnancy and my babyshower. She didn't support my natural birth plan. And was mad I wanted a couples Babyshower because honestly my Husband was so excited about the baby I didn't want to leave him out. Is that my fault for including my loving husband? That fight was so horrible that I had to go to the emergency room w/early contractions and labor. My blood pressure was through the roof.

6) That urgent xmas card she wanted me to design for her on one of the busiest days of my life. I carved out 2 hours to design a card for her and then.. get this ....... She loves the card. Trust me it was super nice but she changed her mind and sent one from Costco instead. No respect of the time I took out of my day.

7) The numerous times we make plans and she cancels because she can't get it together. The numerous times she's late to FREAKING EVERYTHING!

8) She got mad because I called my son "Cute" one day. I hardly talk about him to her anymore because I am afraid she thinks I am bragging so doing something that is un-ettiqute like. She's so critical of everything I say that I am afraid to be myself w/her.

9) I have low expectations of her. While I will be there for her I really don't count on her as she is not very reliable.

10) I told her I would call her after I give birth to DD. I was in labor 27 hours and she called me at least 10 times if not more. What about "I'll call you did she not understand?" She was the first person to find out I had Luci because she tracked me down as they were bringing me into the room at 7 am. I didn't have time to tell my parents first. That really irks me.

11) My other GF's lent me their maternity clothes, gear etc.. She was so wierd and didn't even offer to lend me a thing. She didn't have a small baby at the time. She just wasn't that giving w/me. But when she had her 3rd baby I lent her my things to help her out.

I love her but our relationship is not healthy and I just don't know what to do. I am trying to forgive her but obviously I am deeply hurt. I feel like it's so one sided and it has been for a long time. We had a huge blowout today. As she called me when I was under so much stress already.

UGH! It's over isn't it? I am so awful for carrying this around. I am just done.. done...done...done!

Thanks for listening... I have a huge pit in my stomach over this today. UGH!

Nance

[elliput]

Oh, my! You need some big hugs, Nance. {{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}} That is a rough relationship to be in with anyone, let alone with someone whom you have known since 1st grade. Unfortunately, your friend was all about taking whatever you were willing to give and did not caring about your time, resources or feelings. More hugs.

[elizabethkott]

((((((((((HUGS!))))))))))

Nance, you deserve a better friend than this. She is self-centered, irresponsible, rude and just thoughtless based on the examples you gave. Oddly, she sounds just like my oldest "friend" (late for every event centered around me - bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding rehearsal, wedding, baby shower and has not yet seen my almost 3 month old DS even though she lives with her mom *5 minutes away*). So based on what you wrote and my personal experience with someone like this, you can either let yourself be a doormat for her or get her out of your life.
While it may be painful to end such a long relationship, she is NOT treating you like a friend. She is treating you like a babysitting service, and a personal assistant. And the stress the relationship seems to be putting on you is NOT worth it!
You deserve better than this!
Good for you for standing up for yourself!

[MamaMolly]

Nance,
I'm soooo sorry. Hugs first, then advice:

Sounds like she hasn't been your friend since first grade, she WAS your friend from when you were in first grade.

In other words, she isn't being a friend to you at all and hasn't for years. Having BTDT, I can tell you that you will mourn the friend you thought you had, but will not miss the toxic, selfish person she really is.

Let me tell you, you don't want to be anybody's doormat out of sentimentality. It isn't worth it.

Courage, Mama!

[Sillygirl]

Seriously, I'm sorry you're hurting, but I want to offer my congratulations that you have finally booted this toxic beeyatch out of your life. Even if she had given you her kidney you are even by now and better off without her.

[DrSally]

Yeah, she sounds like someone you don't want in your life. It's all about her. The wedding thing is just outrageous. Is she that dramatic all the time??? I say move on with better frieds, you'll be happier.

[Bean606]

Sounds like you got yourself out of a bad friendship. Who has the time or energy for someone like that? You did the right thing.

[tarabenet]

Sounds like she has not been a friend for quite a while. *You* have been the best friend, but she hasn't been willing to fill that role in return. There are some great people out there, women who are compassionate and helpful and respectful, who also need and deserve better friends than they currently have. Spend your time and energy on/with women like yourself, and you'll build the kind of friendships you deserve.

In truth, you aren't grieving this relationship. You are sad to realize that it isn't the friendship you thought/hoped it was. I'm sorry that it wasn't. I'm sorry that she wasn't wise enough to realize what a special friend she had.

[maestramommy]

Wow! The only thing I have to say is what took you so long to break it off? I guess it's really hard to leave a childhood friend. But man! She sounds like such a emotional mental drain. I don't think I could take it as long as you have.

You're feeling similar to how I felt after I broke up with my most intense ex. Totally numb for a few weeks. The hurt and anger didn't set in until much later. Truthfully I was exhuasted by the relationship.

((HUGS)). Even though she was awful, it's always sad when a long time friendship is over.

[saschalicks]

Nancy,
There comes a time in life when a person has to think of themselves and take care of themselves. In your relationship w/your BF you have spent the entire relationship being the giver and her being the taker. When it hurts too much to be w/someone it's time to take care of yourself. What would it take to do that? Does it mean cutting her off completely? Does it mean just a casual freindship? These are only questions you can answer.

IMHO she's spent way too much time taking advantage of you. I really think that you can't continue the friendship the way it is. The last few years I've realized that you can't change ANYONE! But you can change your own behavior when regards to another person. You need to change whatever you can for yourself so you never ever feel disappointed again.

Good luck!

[almostamom]

>While it may be painful to end such a long relationship, she
>is NOT treating you like a friend. She is treating you like a
>babysitting service, and a personal assistant. And the stress
>the relationship seems to be putting on you is NOT worth it!
>You deserve better than this!
>Good for you for standing up for yourself!

Yep, this exactly! I've been in a similar situation where I had to cut ties with a very close friend. I am her son's godmother, so this wasn't easy. I did this 7 years ago. I still miss her sometimes, but I don't miss the stress, the guilt, etc. I left the friendship feeling like I had been emotionally abused. It was a relief when it ended. You absolutely deserve better than what you've received in this friendship!

Linda

[Kungjo]

Nance,

Sounds like you're her friend but she isn't yours. You're a much better friend than she deserves. HUGS to you.

[oneplustwo]

Huge {{{{hugs}}}} sent your way! It must be so hard when you have shared your life with someone for so long, but it's clear that she has not been a friend to you in quite a long time. You are doing the right thing by extricating yourself from this friendship, but it will take some time to feel better about it. Focus on other friends, focus on your kids, vent here when needed, and do one nice, splurgy thing for yourself this weekend to take the edge off -- some nice chocolate, a manicure, a shopping splurge, or a dinner out -- whatever fits the splurge definition for you.

[BaileyBea]

I needed to hear all of this. We haven't talked since the big fight. I am going to tell her that we need a long break from one another. I need to concentrate on so many other things right now. I really need my space.

I've been thinking about our relationship since December and I have to let it go.

Thanks again for the support and the hugs. I needed them.

Nancy