Absent parents

[katydid1971]

This is my first time coming to this board so if this is bitched about a lot I'm sorry. Today I took my 22 month old son to the play ground at the mall ment for "Under 3". He really likes it and I like that everything is well padded and pretty much clean. (Believe me I still Purell him down 15 times while we're there.) My bitch is the other parents. First there are several children there that aren't "Under 3" (I've heard them talking about their grade school activities.) They climb the equipement incorrectly and jump around not paying any attention to what they are doing. I don't know how many times these kids have almost kicked my little guy. Then most of the moms there are busy talking on their cell phones or to their friends or just staring off into space and not paying any attention to what their kids are doing. A little boy today kept throwing an action figure at the toddlers. I asked him nicely not to do that, told him not to do that. Finally I took it away and gave it to his mother who was completely clueless about what was happening. I use to be a teacher and have practice watching several children all at one. But this isn't school, I shouldn't be correcting their children's behavior. I corrected my son's when he tried to push another child out of his way, why can't they do that too? My son loves playing here on rainy days and it gets us out of the house but I am starting to fear for his safety with these other kids around.
Sarah

[miki]

This happens at our local mall as well. Enough people complained to the mall's management about the obviously older kids playing that now I've seen the mall security guards go over and periodically tell parents that their older children may not play there and also to enforce the other posted rules. Maybe you can send an email to them or speak to someone at customer service. If they post 3 and under, it really becomes a liability issue for the mall to handle.

[C99]

Is it spring break where you are? I definitely think things are different during spring break. If this always happens, I would complain to mall management or mall security. But I have learned that spring break is a particularly hairy time for mall playgrounds, museums, and zoos.

Also: just to offer another perspective. What are moms of kids over 3 and under 3 supposed to do with their older ones while the younger ones are playing in the under-3 section?

[JBaxter]

At our mall the Under 3 section is just a small area under the climbing area. Unless someone stands to guard the opening it is almost impossible to keep the over 3's out. Even if you explain to a 3,4 or 5 yr old that is the "baby" area when they are playing and running around they forget. Mine is well over the 36in "allowed" height he likes the sign and tells me 3 ... 6 and maybe I am one of the moms who sits and chats ( but also watches my son from the bench)but Im not going to stand up and say something to him every few minutes if he enters the "under 3" area. I guess what I am saying is there is a certian amout of risk you take when you allow your child to play in one of those areas.

[bcky2]

i have never seen a three and under sign at ours, maybe i just have never noticed it. we dont play at the mall play lands often because i just dont even like to deal with it all. i feel like i am always on my boys to have to move or watch out or something because of what is going on in those play areas. we go to a huge huge indoor play land and they love it there. there is more room so more stuff to play on. i guess i just like that better because there is more room to redirect them if there are issues. i also have just come to the conclusion that i am not there to parent others children so i just watch out for my own and get them out of an area if i know they can get hurt and just try to teach them to be respectful of others and if there is something bad going on then i take it as an opportunity to let them know that is the kind of behavior we dont accept. but i do agree going to any of these types of places you have to be ready for those types of things to be going on. i do watch my boys but i also take a book with when i go. just because i have a book or talk to another mom wouldnt mean i am not watching them. i just think some parents let their kids do things that we just wouldnt let our kids do or get away with and that is hard to watch.

[ellies mom]

3 seems a pretty young cut-off huh? Ours must be 3.5 - 4' tall.

I actually don't mind older kids in there for the reason you mentioned. But since the older kid aren't technically supposed to be in there, then that is all the more reason for the parents to make sure they aren't completely out of control. Especially when the kids are well over five years old.

I love to see the older kids playing when their younger siblings. But I cringe when I see 3-4 way way older kids racing around, jumping from one toy to the other and such, with no regard for the younger kids and clearly their parents, if they are even in there" are just turning a blind eye.

[peasprout]

Our mall is the opposite. When I complained to security about the older kids who were jumping off the structures and racing around, totally oblivious to the little ones that were there, the guard told me that they were no longer allowed to ask the kids to leave. (Even though there's a huge sign and a height marker at the entrance!) Apparently enough moms complained about their older kids not being able to play there that they now just "monitor" to make sure the older kids aren't "hitting". But it's not the hitting that makes it dangerous for the little ones, it's the fact that the older ones play so much rougher. Frustrating. x(

JP

[gatorsmom]

We have never played at the mall play area. I just totally avoid it. For several reasons:

1-too many older kids and it's too much effort to prevent both my little ones from getting trampled.
2-too many germs
3-too many other good places for the kids to play where I don't have to worry about 1 and 2.

I'd just steer clear of the mall area and plan to take your son to a more toddler friendly place on a non- springbreak week.

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[LarsMal]

I just had an experience with this today!

I was doing some shopping and decided to let DS play for a few minutes b/c he had been so good. It was just him and this one other girl. She was definitely too big for the play area, but she wasn't bothering him so I didn't mind too much. She was doing some very dangerous moves, though, jumping from one toy to another. She almost knocked into DD (sleeping in her car seat), but she looked at me apologetically and moved away carefully. Problem was that I didn't see ANYONE watching her. I thought this one woman was her grandmother watching her, but then I realized she was watching her daughter and grandkids getting their photo taken with the Easter Bunny- behind me.

I think I was there with DS and the little girl for a good 15 minutes. No one ever came to check on her, and looking around the area, there was no on there watching her from a distance. Could the mother/caretaker really have left her there while she went to get their lunch from the food court- or even worse, gone shopping?! What is wrong with people?!?!?!

[s7714]

>I think I was there with DS and the little girl for a good 15
>minutes. No one ever came to check on her, and looking around
>the area, there was no on there watching her from a distance.
>Could the mother/caretaker really have left her there while
>she went to get their lunch from the food court- or even
>worse, gone shopping?! What is wrong with people?!?!?!

I would have had someone contact mall security if she'd been there that long. I used to be a manager at a mall toy store. You wouldn't believe the number of people that would literally drop their kids off at the train tables and then take off to do some shopping. If they were there longer than 15 minutes unattended, we called mall security and they got hauled off to the management office to wait for their parents. We usually let those parents spend a few good panicked minutes looking franticly for their kids in the store upon return before "realizing" they must be the parents of the kid(s) in question. }( Now that I’m a parent I realize that was kind of mean, but I sure as hell hope it made some of them think twice before dumping their kid off unattended somewhere again!

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Limit Tester 6/05

Our bones may be brittle, but our spirit is unbreakable.
Osteogenesis Imperfecta www.oif.org

[supercalifragilous]

I totally share this bitch with you!

I've gotten to the point where I don't avoid the "Under 5" places anymore b/c it's not fair to my DD to exclude her. I have gotten really free about getting onto the other older kids who aren't playing nicely. I try to give the kid the benefit of the doubt and take it case by case, but worst case scenario, when I've had enough, this is what it boils down to.

Usually when they hear me say "HEY! That's NOT nice!" parents will get off their phones or stop chatting to their friends and pay attention and come see what's going on. Sometimes they'll take their kid and leave the area to get away from the "crazy mommy" (that's me) and that's fine with me. At the very least, the kid listens to me (and the tone of my voice and the seriousness of my face). If it keeps happening, I'll just tell the kid, "You need to go see your mommy."

This is my stance: If you can't supervise your kid, you need to take it to a place where you're either paying for supervision or it's not harming anybody else's kid and is free of danger itself.

I'm sick of moms who use other moms to supervise their kid without even asking. It's one thing if you deem me trustworthy enough to ask me if I can keep my eye on your kid for a while. Nevermind the legal ramifications (BF is an attorney). But just to leave your kid and walk off to shop - WTH are you thinking? Face it, nobody NEEDS to be at the mall - if you can't mesh nicely with the rest of civilized society, GO HOME.

Honestly it has crossed my mind to call security or the police and have them pick up the kid for child abandonment/endangerment as soon as I see mom walking away into a shop, just to see what happens.

Sorry for the hijack - this got me going on a rant of my own. My point was just to say I totally agree with your bitch!

[gatorsmom]

Hats off to you! If there were more moms like you around, we would be running into this problem a lot less often.

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[StantonHyde]

Our city's Childrens Museum is in a large "open air"/street shopping center with upscale shops. I guess that at least 2-3 times a week, staff find kids who are there on their own and ask them where their parents are--"shopping". Now there is NOTHING to keep somebody from walking off with your kid from this museum and there are at least 3-4 ways to get out from the front (elevator, stairs, etc) that lead directly to a parking garage. HELLLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!! If somebody can afford to shop at this place, then they can afford a baby sitter.

There is one Target-type store that runs an actual play place where you check your kid in and out and somebody is there to supervise them. But that's different.

[roysmom]

If you really want to experience this at ultimate level, try Chuck E. Cheese!!! Went their on Saturday and I swear, this little girl, who looked about 3, shoved her way in front of DS at least 25 times. Her mother/father/guardian was nowhere to be seen. I asked her politely to wait her turn a couple of times, ignored it the first few times, and finally told her that she was not jumping in front of DS. He kept asking when was it his turn. The other thing that happens there is the bigger kids never look out for the little ones. We were having a party, so the hostess finally climbed into the slide thing and sat at the top to monitor the little ones. It was for a 2 yr old, which I realize is young, but the kids were LOVING IT, but the older kids would push them down the slide and fall on top of them. We finally just got to where we were telling them they had to wait their turn. My opinion, if you don't want me telling your child what to do, then by golly, come watch your child!!!

[deborah_r]

OT, regarding Chuck E Cheese. I still have not been there with DS on a weekend (I have heard it is a nightmare) but my playgroup used to meet there sometimes on weekday mornings when the weather wasn't nice enough to go to the park, and it was great. There were not any school-aged kids, and really hardly any other kids at all, so our little ones could wander around and enjoy themselves, minus the chaos.

[supercalifragilous]

>My opinion, if you don't want me telling your child what to do, then by golly,
>come watch your child!!!

I CAN'T AGREE MORE!!!! In fact, you have a LOT more patience than I would've had in the same situation!

[moncheechee]

I can't help it. When I go to the park or somewhere with my niece the same things happen. With the slide for instance, the kids are going up the thing. She is standing there waiting for a turn so patiently for an almost 3 y/o. I talk loudly and say J you are going to have to wait until these kids figure out the RIGHT way to slide. Everyone knows that you go up one side and down the other on your BOTTOM! I also say excuse me but you are going the wrong way. You need to go up the other way. I have also seen kids too old and climbing on top of the toddler equipment. Being the teacher that I am (first grade), I say "Aren't you too old to be in here? You are going to hurt somebody." Usually they are scared of my teacher tone and move along quickly. I don't know what it is about my teacher voice but all kids recognize a teacher voice from a parent voice and will straighten up immediately. :O)

[super_grape]

Can you please tell me where I can get one of those "Teacher Voices"
because I could soooooo use one right about now :P ,lol!

[bubbaray]

Yeah, me too. Because the "completely frazzled, about-to-lose-it Mom" voice is sooooo NOT working.... :(


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[kali]

I totally feel your pain. This is a major peeve of mine: when parents let older kids crash the areas set aside for toddlers, and then don't supervise them. The whole point is to provide the really little ones with their own safe place to play!

I hope this isn't a threadjack, but here's a related thing that really annoys me: when older kids boss the little ones around. Recently, we took DS to the toddler area of a playground. He wanted to go down the slide and struggled up the ladder by himself, only to be told by a know-it-all 6-year old that he couldn't go down the slide because it was wet. Even after we told the child that we were his mommy and daddy and we said it was okay, she actually physically restrained him; at which point, he of course started crying.

Now, I don't totally blame her; she thought she was doing the right thing by enforcing the "rules". The real questions are why this kid's parents aren't telling her to mind her own business, and why they're letting her play in the toddler area in the first place?

Kali,
Mom to Sammy, born 7/16/04