Rude people

[KrisM]

DS loves to hold the door open for people to walk through. Coming out of a store today, he opened it for me to push the stroller through and then held it for a minute while 2 ladies walked through. He's saying things like "More people are coming. I'll hold the door for everyone." etc. Do they say anything? NO! I can not believe they don't thank a not quite 3 year old for holding the door.

I was so annoyed that I loudly thanked him and told him the others should have done so. I know that's rude, but too bad.

[Drag0nflygirl]

Good for you! Some people need a manners wake up call. They could learn alot from your son.

Nancy

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

Ugh that is just rude! I am glad that you thanked your DS loudly. Some people are just plain rude and need to get some manners. Hopefully they learned something from your little guy!

[elliput]

I would have done the same thing you did. Recently, I have had a couple instances where some young gentlemen have held the door for me, and the look of pride on their faces when I thanked them was priceless. I am sorry your son was not one of them. :-(

[Marisa6826]

Usually when young guys hold the door open for us, I tell them that their Mamas raised them right. Never fails to make them blush. ;)

-m

[supercalifragilous]

My DD loves to do this as well and it's amazing the number of people nowadays who don't say Thank You. It takes all of 2 seconds and whether they mean it or not, it's just plain polite.

My DD actually says "Hey, they didn't say Thank You!!" to which I loudly reply, "Well, some people are RUDE and don't have any manners but Mommy and MOST people appreciate kind girls like you who care to help others."

I have gotten really outspoken as I get older! Watch out, World!

[maestramommy]

Gosh, even if people don't usually thank other for holding the door, wouldn't they be at least charmed that a 3 yo was doing it? I'd be all over it even if I wasn't a mom.

[TraciG]

This reminded me of the other day in CVS , I was looking for a birthday card & Sydney went up to a lady & asked what's your name (she's almost 3 1/2 ) the lady just giggled & walked away, what would have been the big deal to tell her your name !!

This is Sydney's new thing, she ask's everyone, even people that work in stores .

[denna]

Good for you Kris! I hope they heard you too. That was very sweet of your DS and ppl just suck.

[o_mom]

I totally agree that they should have thanked him. They are probably the kind of people who will be b*tching 15 years that "those teenagers don't hold doors for me".... well, if you had thanked them when they were three....

Anyway, I read an article once on parenting and the woman talked about how they were driving one day and she let someone in the line of traffic but they didn't give the little 'thank you" wave. Her daughter (4 or 5?) said something to the effect of "you shouldn't have let them in because they didn't wave". Her realization was that we don't do these things because we get thanked, but because it is the right thing to do. She said after that she made a point to teach her daughter that concept, that it was helpful to the other person even if they didn't say thank you and that sometimes people just forget to say it or just weren't being nice that day. I have really tried to remember that and not get bitter when peole don't recognize my good deeds (which are far fewer than they should be).

It's still hard not to say something to them, though. ;-)

[KrisM]

That's a very good point and I will have to remember that. But, I still think it's rude when the door-holder is 3!

[o_mom]

ITA!!

I wasn't trying to come down on you, because I know I have done the same thing at times. I just try to remember what example I want to set for the kids and that I don't always have my best manners on either. For some reason, that article just stuck in my head after 3 years so I thought I would share.

[dogmom]

This is one of my pet peeves, not people who don't say thank you, but people who get all bent out of shape about not getting a thank you. I usually thank people when they hold open the door, but quite honestly opening a door to store is so automatic to me I can be running over a list in my mind, muttering to myself like the crazy overworked mom like I am, and it doesn't occur to me that someone opened the door until I'm halfway through the store. I'm not saying I don't say thank you, about 90% of the time I do, but every once in while I don't and I get a "Well, YOUR WELCOME!" I hold doors for people all the time, I don't expect a thank you. I actually prefer a nice smile in my direction then I don't feel obligated to say your welcome back. Manners are there to make people feel appreciated, not to feel morally superior to someone else. Maybe it's my Catholic upbringing and belief in salvation by works, but the reward of doing a good deed is the good deed itself. I hate it when I hear people go on about not getting thanks you notes. There are many reasons someone may not have gotten around to writing a thank you note. If someone gives me a gift I assume they wanted to do something nice for me, not just to get a thank you. (That is my intent when I give a gift.) When my son does nice things for others I'm always touched and often will say something like, "That was a very nice thing to do." I can't imagine pointing out to him that the signifance of experience was somehow changed or minimized because someone didn't say thank you to him. And yes, I teach my children to say thank you. I'd just like everyone to take a moment and think what we are teaching our children when we make such a big deal about something like this.

[KrisM]

I do agree with that, as I did with o_mom's similar post.

I always thank people when they hold the door because I am tired of people not holding it and letting the door slam at me and the stroller. I figure if I thank people, they'll continue to do it because they know it's appreciated. As you said, showing good manners by saying "thank you" DOES make the doer feel appreciated. It's a circle - say thanks and people are happy and will do more nice things. Sure, it would be nice if people just did good things for everyone all the time, but that's just not going to happen. People want, and deserve, to be recognized with a simple Thank You for nice things.

I wouldn't normally have said something to the people who walked through. But, my shopping experience had been so frustrating already that I was in that kind of mood.

I totally disagree with sending thank you notes though. If I take the time to pick out a gift and send it to someone, I think they can spend a minute writing a quick note to at least let me know they got it. To completely ignore that a gift was received is very rude, IMO. Sure, I'm doing it because I want to do something nice for you, but if you don't care that I did (which is what I'll assume if I don't get thanked), then I'm not likely to ever do it again. Why waste my time?

[supercalifragilous]

In my car, the back window is slightly tinted and I think people have trouble seeing my wave. Also in our SUV, I know people can't see me wave unless it's a bright sunny day.

Instead, I flash my hazards twice, like truckers do. My DD says we "winked" at them. :)

I don't know if it's necessarily the right thing, but I feel like if it's something that you know will make someone feel better, I don't think it's wrong to do it, even if you don't feel it. Like when I know someone tried to ignore my signal and then begrudgingly let me over b/c he had no other choice, I still "wink" (flash thank you), just b/c I know it will take their edge off (knowing that they didn't want to let me in the first place). I'm enabling them to lick their wounded pride by thinking, "Well at least she said thank you." I do the same with "I'm sorry." It costs me nothing and placates the other person.

I am definitely NOT a people pleaser and don't usually avoid conflict, but in the company of strangers and road rage in this day & age, I think conflict avoidance is a good thing, no matter what the motive.

I think that's great to teach kids - to do the right thing no matter what the outcome. I'd hate to see kids that young be embittered already but I have to admit I'm no saint when it comes to letting stuff slip out that would make my DD think otherwise! Thanks for the reminder!

[supercalifragilous]

I thought this was interesting:

http://www.giftingresources.com/gifts/thankUnoteEtiq.aspx?gift=68

Is a thank you note always required after receipt of a gift?
While thank you notes are not required for birthday, shower, housewarming and other holiday gifts that are presented in person, and have been acknowledged with a verbal "thank you", a note is always appreciated and never inappropriate.

Etiquette does require a handwritten thank you note for all wedding-related presents, and for hostess gifts sent after a guest's stay.


Me personally? I'll still write a thank you note! I think it makes the giver feel good to have it in writing! If I took the time to address the invitation envelope, I certainly have time to address the thank-you one! Like it says - "a note is always appreciated and never inappropriate" - you can't go wrong!

Really, it's about what the giver/society thinks you're required to do, right? That's how you're perceived.

But I just wanted to put it out there that in some circles, people do not feel required to send a thank you note for certain occasions, like the website states above. Maybe that will take the sting out of not receiving a thank you note - maybe they didn't think it was required!

[dogmom]

PP
>
>Really, it's about what the giver/society thinks you're
>required to do, right? That's how you're perceived.
>
>But I just wanted to put it out there that in some circles,
>people do not feel required to send a thank you note for
>certain occasions, like the website states above. Maybe that
>will take the sting out of not receiving a thank you note -
>maybe they didn't think it was required!

Go point about giver/society. Certainly when/where I was brought up we did not send thank you notes for kids birthday gifts, for example. Thank you notes for gifts for special occasions (First Communion, Graduation, etc.) were common. My friend who was brought up in the deep South always sent thank you notes. She didn't even use those response card for her wedding invitation because, "who family wouldn't know what to do with them, they would write out a response." My family always calls and thanks in a sort of, "Hey I got the gift, it arrived in one piece, thanks very much, we really like it," way. I think it is way more of indication of culture than many other things. I guess that's why it bothers me so much. It starts to get into the uncomfortable territory of breaking the society up into the side with manners and without, which tends to mean a code word for so many other things. I won't even get into the fact that the mother is always the one expected to write the thank you, not the dad.

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03
& Eve 6/18/06