Why is my son's penis any of your business?!?

[JoyNChrist]

So we didn't circumsize DS. Don't worry, I'm not gonna get all preachy on you, it was just the right choice for us. I felt like it was a respect issue - I'm not going to perform what is essentially cosmetic surgery on my child without his consent. It's his body, so it should be his choice.

But I could care less what other people choose to do with their sons. It's totally a personal decision.

Which makes me wonder why I've had to have "the penis discussion" with every single member of my family and DH's.

Like my MIL (who I totally love, BTW), who pulled DH aside at the hospital and loudly whispered, "You're not really going to *let* her not circumsize that baby, are you?"

Or my mother, who informed me that "he's going to look weird and get teased in the locker room."

Or the lady in the bathroom at Target, who actually asked me "What's wrong with his *thing*?"

Or my grandmother, who felt the need to tell me that "your grandfather isn't circumsized either, and it really freaked me out the first time I saw it."

Okay, why would I want to know anything about my grandparents' sex life?!? And why is this anybody else's business? DH and I discussed the pros and cons, weighed our choices, and made the decision we felt was right for our son. End of discussion.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I'm starting to realize that, once you have a baby, everything in your life is apparently up for debate and discussion, and it's annoying the hell out of me today.

[cstack]

>Like my MIL (who I totally love, BTW), who pulled DH aside at
>the hospital and loudly whispered, "You're not really going to
>*let* her not circumsize that baby, are you?"

Like maybe you're nuts because you didn't want him circed? Sorry, Stacy, I thought you were the only in your family that would ever make me laugh on this board!

>Or my mother, who informed me that "he's going to look weird
>and get teased in the locker room."

Probably not, as this has become more common than it used to be - plus a lot of schools don't even make them shower anymore. Oh, that and from what the guys I know have told me, they don't look at each other (thought I think this may have been a bit of a lie, LOL).

>Or the lady in the bathroom at Target, who actually asked me
>"What's wrong with his *thing*?"

So many people have never seen an uncirced penis, so it does look strange. I cannot for the life of me imangine asking a total stranger such a personal question, but let's face it, some people are just rude.

>Or my grandmother, who felt the need to tell me that "your
>grandfather isn't circumsized either, and it really freaked me
>out the first time I saw it."
>
>Okay, why would I want to know anything about my grandparents'
>sex life?!?

OK, so this made me laugh even harder. I can just picture this conversation - *and* the look on your face when she said it.

>And why is this anybody else's business? DH and
>I discussed the pros and cons, weighed our choices, and made
>the decision we felt was right for our son. End of
>discussion.

FWIW, I opted to have both sons circed, however, they tend to leave more skin these days to prevent possible problems (or so my OB told me when I asked why my little guy did not look as though he was circed) and my 7YO does not look circed at all. I often think that maybe I should have just left him intact and saved him the pain.

> I'm starting to
>realize that, once you have a baby, everything in your life is
>apparently up for debate and discussion, and it's annoying the
>hell out of me today.

Oh, didn't you know that everyone who knows you and pretty much most of the people in this world who come into casual contact with you will be more than happy to tell you how much you're screwing up and how many years of therapy your child will need because of it? Eventually you get "mommy hearing", where you truly do not hear anything you don't want to.

[o_mom]

Wow, some people just have no manners!

Neither of my boys is circed and I have never had anyone say a word about it. We live in a high circ rate area too, but it has never come up. I can't imagine someone in a public bathroom saying something. If I weren't picking my jaw up off the floor I would probably ask why on earth they were looking at a child's genitals in the first place.

[deborah_r]

>
>Or the lady in the bathroom at Target, who actually asked me
>"What's wrong with his *thing*?"
>


I think the perfect response here is "Nothing is wrong. His *thing* is exactly as G*d made it."

I can't believe people actually look closely enough to notice whether it's intact or circ'd. I probably would have just called her a pervert.

As to the main question, I really don't know why people - even family- think they have a right to discuss this with the parents. It's between the parents and the child. Will Grandma still be asking for penis updates when the boy is 15 years old?

[tarynsmum]

Wow, Stacy, wow.

1), I think the "locker room" discussion is outdated, since a lot of boys aren't circ'ed anymore (I don't know the exact #s, sorry, but I think it's like 60-40 now? 60 being circ'ed) Also, most "locker rooms" don't include showers usually.

2) It totally freaks me out that not only a random stranger-woman was *intently* staring at your son's penis (ANY childs pnis for that matter), but that she had the INSANE audacity to actually make that comment. WOW.

3) Now, I have a really close relationship with my grandmother, borderline "unusual". MEANWHILE, I would NEVER, EVER, EVER, *EVER*, discuss my grandfather's penis with her. EVER. I cannot stress this enough. euuuw euuw euuuuw.

I've (obviously) never been in your position, since DD doesn't have a penis, but, because I assum at some point we will have a DS, this will come up (especially since DH wants future DSs circ'ed, and I do not).

[elliput]

>Or my grandmother, who felt the need to tell me that "your grandfather isn't circumsized either, and it really freaked me out the first time I saw it."

LOL! Stacy, I nearly spit my water all over my laptop.

As you have realized every minute detail of your parenting will be examined under a neutron microscope by people who should just be minding their own business. It's the pits, however the fun part now is to come up with clever things to say back. But your grandmother's comment - priceless!

[maestramommy]

Yup, welcome to the new parents' club, where all your relatives, friends, and total strangers will feel compelled to tell you things you should be doing differently, as if they are providing a service. I have to say, I was LMAO when I read about your grandmother. Ewww! Just TMI, and I wouldn't even want to visualize that. Besides, why would she freak out? Did she have something to compare it to? (sorry, was that too snarky?)

[lisams]

Luckily we haven't had that problem, at least yet. I've been to a few baby showers where the older women start talking about it and it felt odd.

Silly people! Maybe you should ask when was the last time her labia was the topic of discussion?! I've noticed women talk about this much more than men, it's interesting.

[dogmom]

Reminds me when I was teaching clinical to nursing students. Had a group all females in their mid 20's. Came upon all 6 of them in the hallway all acting like high schoolers with one saying, "What did IT look like???!!!"

They all stopped talking and turned to me. I calmly said, "So who saw their first uncircumcised penis?"

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03
& Eve 6/18/06

[kozachka]

Your grandma's comment is priceless, LOL!

For the record, I come from a country where boys did not get cir'ed, even until recently jews. I think cir'ed (baby) boy penis looks weird since the only time you would see penis like that on a intact male is during an erection. Eeeww for a little boy. Of course, I keep my thoughts to myself.

[DrSally]

Just like many other things about raising babies that people think is their business. I can't believe that lady in the Target restroom. Good for you for making the choice that was right for your family. In the future, maybe you can say, "my son's genitals are a private matter, just as yours are". Haha, no that last part I just put in there for fun.

[JoyNChrist]

Hahaha...I wish I would have thought to ask if she'd had something to compare it to. Now THAT would have been a priceless moment!

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

We also didn't have ds circed. Noones ever questioned us on it though, but I just thought I'd write that at the last well baby we went to for ds, the pedi told us that there was now no medical reason for circs to be performed at all.
As far as your family goes,all I can say is good luck. I've got 4 sisters and 2 brothers,luckily most of us have learned that in order to maintain family peace that there are some things we just don't challenge the other ones about.
I really liked what the pp said about genitals being private. Why is it that just because they're babies everyone seems to have an opinion on everything. They wouldn't dare say that about a 10 year old. What? Babies aren't People? give me a break. Good luck with your family.

[hez]

It isn't anyone's business.

One day I'm going to be full of it and just tell someone to "Bite me" when they ask a question on a topic I don't feel like debating. I wouldn't recommend that approach, but it's fun to think about }(

[marinkitty]

I guess I'm not too surprised about your family (well save your grandmother!) but the lady in Target really shocks me! Jack isn't circed and we have never heard a word about it from anyone. We did short circuit our family though by just informing them that we weren't doing it, so I suppose that could have prevented some questions/comments there.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.03), Jack (3.05) and another arrival expected this fall!

[saschalicks]

You know Stacy, it is just part of mommyhood you get to realize as part of the territory. People just don't know when to shut up.

Here's a good example: I was 9 months pregnant and I was planning our son's bris (the ceremony in Judaism where the boy's penis is circumcised), when my older brother, who was brought up Jewish asked me why I was doing it. He continued to tell me how he thought it was wrong and all of his opinions. My answer was "when you're a parent you get to decide what religious ceremonies you'll include in your children's lives. My chidlren are being raised Jewish and this is VERY important to me." Like in some way b/c he's chosen in his adult life not to be a practicing Jew, I should be non-practicing as well. It still perplexes me that he doesn't understand why I want to raise my children in a Jewish home.

My whole opinion of circ is my own, like you said. I don't blame those who don't do it. I know that everyone has their reasons, just like you had yours. The fact that my own brother couldn't understand my reasons just totally perplexes me. Didn't we grow up in the same house? :D So the fact that your family said that to you doesn't surprise me in the least. You should be proud of yourself for making a decision you felt was right. I still can't get over your grandmother's comment. That would've freaked me OUT! :D

[kijip]

So I guess your grandma can't claim grandpa was the only one, LOL.

My MIL freaked out about our decision not to circ and mailed us articles about it, including one that boiled down to "circ or your child will get AIDS". Snort.

[gatorsmom]

We've had the opposite problem. We decided we wanted to circumsize our 2 sons and now I have friends and family saying, "You know, you didn't have to do that?" I was like, " oh really? well, gosh, maybe I'll have the doctor sew it back on!!"

so annoying...

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[Melanie]

ITA, I think it's totally private. I think we may have told our parents (and it was NOT my choice to tell the ILs, I figured they would never need to know but Dh did anyhow). That's about it. Unless I'm having a circ discussion with someone it's not something we go around sharing with random friends & family members. Maybe you could express this to grandparents?

[Wife_and_mommy]

well, gosh, maybe I'll have the doctor sew it
>back on!!"

LOL. Thanks for the laugh! :)


http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url] http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
http://b4.lilypie.com/HSUwm4.png
http://b2.lilypie.com/UgAXm5.png

[hillview]

So the lady in the target bathroom is really REALLY creepy. I think that is peverted what is she doing looking at your DS and then COMMENTING?? I'd have thought about reporting her as a sexual predator. Seriously an adult looking at my son's private parts who is not his parent or doctor or caregiver ... has some issues.

HUGS!!
/hillary

[sdoyle]

Welcome to motherhood....you'll never know a day without guilt or judgement again :)

When we were going to our U/S to learn our baby's gender with my IL's we stopped for lunch. I'll always remember (with TOTAL embaressment) my FIL's loud discussion at a Mexican restaurant about how "if the baby is a boy, you can't circ him." "I'm not circ'd. It desensitizes the tip....." etc, etc, etc....(me sinking into booth, trying to disappear....) I mean REALLY!!

Stacy

[JoyNChrist]

Okay, you win.

That's officially worse than my grandma's comment. :P

[JoyNChrist]

Well, in her defense (not really, since I think it's still really weird that she would comment, but to put it in context)...

I was changing DS's diaper at the changing station, and she stopped to talk to me (she had a little girl about a month older than him). So we were talking about where we delivered and how our kids were sleeping, etc. All of a sudden, she just sort of glanced down, and you could tell she was shocked because she kind of did a mini double-take, and she asked it without really thinking about it.

I think she was a little embarassed that she said it out loud (as it was obviously the first time she'd seen an un-circ'ed male). And she was really nice when I explained, nicely but firmly, that there was nothing at all wrong with him, we had just chosen not to have him circumsized for personal reasons.

So, it's still really weird that she would make that comment, but it's not like she was all creepy about it or looking intentionally. I think she just caught a glimpse and was surprised. :-)

[denna]

Hah! That comment from your grandmother was just awesome! I have had similar conversations with my mother that included way TMI and were just icky.

People do have SO many opinions on everything from how you feed to the way you burp,etc. etc. You will hear a ton more comment Im sure.

I get it from my own mother that DS should be circ'd she is so in the old mind set of thinking and its hard to pry her into the millenium instead of back in the 70's where she currently resides.

I wish I had more come backs for these random strangers comments on my child...like everyone telling us not so nicely that DS looks like a girl and we need to cut his hair! Whatever....I can only brush them off..

[newnana]

That's exactly what I wondered when I read this. And I would have loved to have seen the look on HER face if you asked that!
Michelle

[hillview]

Ok thanks ... I feel better ... sounds more okay then I was imagining. STILL NOT OK but ... not peverted per se :)
/hillary

[Nooknookmom]

I have girls but this post has actually transformed my mood from horrible to almost normal. Due to my extreme laughing! Not at you, with you, lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't get rid of that mental Granpa pic!