Dear Mr. Boss

[ShanaMama]

If you start up with Mama bear, you will regret it. I undertand & appreciate that as manager of 5 employees I am a VIP. Apparently, your office cannot function without me for one week. I give you 110% all year, and my DD spends more of her waking hours away from me than with me. So, the one week that she gets sick, yes, I'll be taking off.
Don't ask me if I expended all other fallback plans. It's none of your business that I have zero friends or family in this city. And I didn't need you to remind me of that. It's really irrelevant that I get sick more than you do, or that you come to work when you're sick.
I made it clear when you hired me & again when you promoted me that if there is absolutely any conflict between DD & work, DD wins- hands down. Try to make me choose & I will. You will never be as important to me as my family. And stop suggesting that my DH take off to care for her. You don't take off to care for your children, do you? I really don't need your input into my personal decisions, & the more you push me the more I'll resist.
You are not a mother & you never will be, but I'd think you could realize that it's hard enough having a 2yo who has fever for a week. I don't need your garbage on top of that.
Thank you very much!

Seriously, this is what I told him tonight. Not in so many words... I am lucky & happy that I am so needed at my workplace. I enjoy work. I give it my all, far more than any of the other employees. But I am a mother first, and always will be. I think understood that from tonight's conversation. *Patting self on back*

[Lynnie]

I go through the same at my job, as do my coworkers who are moms, but with 2 under 5, mine get sick more often, so I get it the most. It is the WORST. I so emphasize with you on every single point, on every single level.

I am seriously giving you one giant pat on the back - you go, mamagirl !!

And hugs and kisses to DD to make her feel better soon. (and NOT so you can get back to work !)

[kozachka]

Good for you. I wish I had the guts to say the same... At my interview I was told to arrange backup for when my child gets sick. The one time I had to stay home for half a day, I said *I* had to go to a dentist with acute pain. That said in the 11 months that I've been with the company I took maybe 3 days off for health reasons. Of course, I am not in the States so don't have as much job security/recource.

And the other problem is that if I leave when we have a project that means other members of the team have to stay late to pick up the slack. They are already staying late, till 10-11PM, sometime 2-3AM. So I would rather pay the sitter (and DH after work) be with DS and DH. Boy do I feel guilty for it.

[bubbaray]

You go, Mama!

I'm dealing with a somewhat similar situation while I'm on maternity leave. I swear, if my office calls me one more time, my DH is going to have a freak out! I'm on maternity leave (paid), its a year, GET OVER IT. Don't make me chose, b/c we all know where my true allegiance lies.... I love my work, but the people, well, not so much.

Good for you for being so forthright!


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[dules]

Good for you! And FWIW, it sounds like some of his comments cross a line - do you have an HR rep you could speak to?

Hope DD feels better soon.

Mary, who feels lucky that her boss has 2 little girls and "gets it".

[elizabethkott]

You are SO my hero!
I wish I could channel some of your backbone for dealing with my department head!

[ShanaMama]

Thanks Lynnie. I think I made him out to be worse than he is, but this is an important issue IYKWIM. He's actually a great guy & nice to work with, but kinda brainy, so he doesn't necessarily realize how his words are going to come across. By the end of the conversation he was all busy backpeddaling (sp?) saying it was meant to be a motivational talk about how important I am to the office. Ok, whatever. That's not what it sounded like to me!

[ShanaMama]

Wow, that's pretty harsh. I know my company's sick day policy specifically includes a sick child. I don't know if it's this county's culture or my workplace, but I know I'm lucky & try to count my blessings.
I didn't think the American workforce was so family friendly. My sister lives in Israel- there the whole working world is structured around children. Maternity leave lasts several months as opposed to our puny 6 weeks. I could go on & on.

[ShanaMama]

You know, I had the same situation when I went out on maternity leave with DD. (in a previous workplace) They expected to get day by day accounts of whether I was in labor yet & thought the office should be the first phone call after baby was born.
Give them a piece of your mind!

[ShanaMama]

I know it sounds like that, but I don't take it that seriously. I'm lucky to have an open & very casual relationship with him, so this is just one of the drawbacks. He doesn't quite get that I am informing him of my decision, not asking for his input. He once offered to help me find a babysitter, lol. He means well just lacks some class. That much I can handle.
I've just learned to stop giving excuses because he'll always find me a solution. (Well, maybe my SIL can watch your DD. No thanks!) I just present him with a done deal.

[ShanaMama]

Omigosh I'm flattered. I have a real Jeckyl/Hyde thing going on here. At home I find it hard to be assertive & I'm not at all confident of my social skills with other moms. At work I am Superconfident Mrs. Tough- don't try to cross me. I joke with DH that my boss is probably more intimidated of me than I am of him!

[kozachka]

>At work I am Superconfident Mrs. Tough- don't try to cross me. I >joke with DH that my boss is probably more intimidated of me than I
>am of him!

Funny you'd say that because at work I am Superconfident Mrs. Tough as well. I am learning to channel it to protect my interests, not just clients'. Think I did pretty well with the merger transition and new position that I had to take on as result. I just don't think it's fair for me to leave my colleagues most with whom I am on a friendly basis with to pick up the slack if my child gets sick. And it his age (almost 3.5), I am not sure if me being with him vs. nanny would make that much of a difference.

Ukraine has pretty good laws, it that reality and law are not quite the same here. Also, I am very well compensated by the local standards and would not be able to find another job that would pay anywhere near what I currently make and be child-friendly.

[KBecks]

You GO! Way to conduct some workplace education. Not everyone understands or appreciates family and work-life balance, but they should.