Mom's visit / newborn = Aaaaaaahhhhh! Long

[Nooknookmom]

I really love my Mother. Now I'm going to bitch.

I'm supposed to have a planned C-sect. due to back issues. Dr. hasn't been able to give me exactly the date as his sched won't be out till I see him on 7th. It will be the week of 5/21-5/25. I may/may not make it that long b/c of all the contractions I currently keep having. But that's the plan.

So DM kept pushing & pushing for a date she could come. I'm West coast, she's East coast. Translation-LONG visit, very small house.

I pushed hard for the 1st week of June. To give us time to acclimate to the new arrival and get my house put back together (remodeling M bedr.). We only have 2 bedrooms, DD has one & we the other. Mom leaves msg last night that she is arriving 5/29. Didn't ASK if the date was ok, just booked it. I will most likely still be in the hospital if my C is late in the week. DD will be returning to school that day & DH has our business to run and will be at work.

I DID NOT want to come home from the hospital & have company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! I love her dearly but, you don't know my mother.

This is has completely dampered my spirits about the new arrival. All I can think about is not being able to get baby settled, get any sleep, etc.

She is 77 and very "old-school" when it comes to babies. I'm going to try to BF & I can hear her now, "oh just give her a bottle w/ some cereal in it-she'll sleep better." That kind of thing. I'm going to try CDing, this too will be an issue. She puts babies down on their tummys to sleep, def. a no-no. Argh.

I'm going to go nuts. It would have been better if my Dad could've come too-buffer zone.

I'm sure I could just say "change your ticket" but that would cause WW3. My nephew, who she practically raised - had a DD 16 years ago, the baby had jaundice and his wife politely asked us to wait until baby was better to visit. Mom hasn't spoken to them since. That's her personallity. Grrr...

[maestramommy]

oo, erm, wow that sounds like a tough situation. As if your recovery isn't going to be enough to deal with. Stand your ground on what you want to do! (((BIG HUGS))), hope it goes much better than you fear.

[Nooknookmom]

Just got off the phone w/ my Dr. office. Of course they sched. my C for that Saturday 5/26. I'll still be in hospital on the 29th. I'm going to have to have her chg. tix dates. At least I have an *out* now.

Thanks for the sympathy!! I'll take all I can get.

[Sillygirl]

Can your mom come to the first checkup? Give you ped advance notice that she needs to hear all the newer advice. That generation often has huge respect for doctors - oh, for the good old days.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

ITA with the checkup idea. GREAT idea. She'll probobly take what the pedi says as gospel and if she has any questions or thinks it's wrong your doc can field it and tell her she's wrong and it won't be you.
As far as the arrival date-glad you got a break. My sil and mil still aren't on speaking terms after mil bought plane ticket w/o checking w/ sil on the date. She just showed up. Not only did mil and sil not speak but sil wouldn't let her visit. She's never seen this grandson except in pictures that we've recieved. And that was almost 3 years ago. It's a bad bad situation. Glad you got an easy out.

[Nooknookmom]

Moved the arrival date up 1 week, yay.

Great idea about the Pedi appt. I wouldn't have thought of it! Now I just need to relax, deep breaths :)

[ShanaMama]

Glad things worked out. Hope the visit is not too stressful. I think the ped visit is a great idea.
Congrats on your upcoming arrival~ hope everything works out smoothly.

[carryingandstrollingabout]

I'm so sorry. I don't know why family does this. I had the same thing with my family. I just wanted to come home, flop down with the baby, and be sloppy and gross--but no, relatives have to show up to stay immediately.

And then they expect dinner and wine with dinner, like everything is set and organized. If they hadn't been here, we'd have been eating chicken nuggets out of the microwave and canned vegables over the sink. It's hard enough to deal with newborn and postpartum self, but being a hostess, too--bummer.

And I hear you. Any logical person would be able to explain why not a good idea and then others would respect it. I hear you about WW3. Same situation here. We couldn't say no. Simply endure it.

I don't understand why family that truly wants to help makes life so much harder.

Good luck.

[deborah_r]

>And then they expect dinner and wine with dinner, like
>everything is set and organized. If they hadn't been here,
>we'd have been eating chicken nuggets out of the microwave and
>canned vegables over the sink. It's hard enough to deal with
>newborn and postpartum self, but being a hostess,
>too--bummer.
>


I know you can't stop your guests from expecting all that, but is there any reason you have to do it? I wouldn't, no way, no how. I am baffled when I hear of people who felt pressured this way and actually gave in to the pressure. They obviously have no respect for what new moms and dads are going through. I would wait til they started looking hungry and suggest some local restaurants they could go get take-out from.

If anyone is in my house after I have a baby and am in pain and recovery and sleep-deprived, they should be making dinner for me - or at least fending for themselves as I fend for myself.

[Melanie]

I'm sorry. Definitely call her to change her dates. Maybe put it into terms for *her?* Like instead of the truth (which *I* totally understand) make it more like "I think we will REALLY NEED your help the second week...blah blah blah reasons."

[masha12]

I will just chime in on the BFing issue. I think you will find BFing your second to be much easier.

I really struggled with my first and had to supplement with formula the first six weeks until I got things under control. My mom believes that if a baby so much as looks at you the wrong way, it is hungry and must be fed. Preferably large quantities of formula. Which she did.

Feeding number 2 was never a problem and never once did my mom suggest formula. Of course, with number 2, if the baby so much as looked at me the wrong way, I put her on the breast to nurse. :)

Anyway, the breastfeeding will probably not be so much of an issue this time around.