My poor Best Friend...

[elizabethkott]

My BF just gave birth to her beautiful baby boy! Unfortunately, she has the Nazi Nursing Staff from hell.
Who on earth tells a new mother that they are doing something *WRONG*, ie. making the decision that she would like to use a paci? The nurse actually said to her, "Oh, you could do that, but it would be WRONG of you. We don't approve of the use of pacifiers here."
WTH?!?!?!?!
I told her(BF) that anyone who tells her that something she is doing as a mother is wrong is an a$$hole.
What would you do in this situation? I mean, it's bad enough that her IL's have been up her A$$ at the hospital since her labor started on Sunday and pretty much haven't let the poor girl get some rest. Her DH thinks it's wonderful they're being so "supportive", but come on! She just had a C-section! Give the girl a break! Her DH gets to go home and get some rest... give her the same courtesy!
I just got OT on my own bitch. Grr it made me so mad that someone told her she was doing something wrong! Who DOES that?!
And they were condescending and rude to me and DH as well tonight when we went to go visit.
People are stupid.
Especially the ones at this particular hospital on the North Shore of Long Island that is attached to a University.
:)

[Wife_and_mommy]

I feel for her. It sucks royally to feel so mistreated at such a special time in life. I hope she's recovering well and those inlaws go home.

As for the paci: Personally, I didn't use them with either dc until they were good nursers(2 and 4 weeks respectively). It wasn't worth the risk to me. If the baby is one who won't get nip confusion, it'll be fine. I'm sure the nurse could have been nicer about educating her.



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I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
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[Moneypenny]

Our hopsital was a no pacifier hospital. If you wanted to use one you had to bring your own. They weren't rude about it, though. They just explained that since they are a very pro-breastfeeding hospital and research shows that early pacifier use can lead to nipple confusion in newborns, they don't provide pacifiers and don't really recommend their use. We did end up giving one to DD and no one said boo about it. (And, for the record, she just self-weaned at 2.75 years old so it certainly didn't have a negative impact on nursing for her.)

I agree that the last thing a newly post-partum mom needs to hear is that she is doing something WRONG by giving her baby a pacifier!

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
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[gatorsmom]

My hospital was a Children's Hospital and they actually SUPPLIED a paci with the other new infant accessories!! With both babies they kept trying to give it to them but my boys never liked them. Weird how different hospitals are with their policies...

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[katydid1971]

I have a good friend who is a lactation consultant at a hospital (aka a nursing nazi). She told our other mutial friend that since she had decided to not nurse (she has many medical issues) that her son would grow up to be gay. I love my nursing nazi friend but I think that was over the line. I nursed my son for 19 months and encourage others to do so but people who tell a new mother (or an old mother for that case) what they are doing is wrong are wrong themselves. I would pull BF's DH aside and tell him to get MOL out of the room. Men are clueless and don't understand about these things. And smuggle in a few different styles of paci's 'cause you never know which the baby will like best. Tell her to keep her head up and give her new baby all the love it needs. She is the mother and mother knows best.

[mommy111]

Goodness, get her MIL OUT of there!!! The poor girl needs to rest, would it be OK for you to tell her DH to tell the ILs to give her some quiet alone time?
As for the nursing nazi, tell her she's WRONG.
I'll know what hospital to stay out of if I ever visit that neck of the woods :)

[gatorsmom]

I can't believe that someone would tell a friend their baby son would turn gay if he wasn't nursed!!!! That floors me. I think that is right up there with the old saying that if you eat your vegies you'll grow hair on your chest. Or, how about if you mast****** you'll grow hair on the palms of your hands!!! um, yeah right...

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[lizajane]

i SHOULD have given my DS1 a pacifier. i wish someone told me it was RIGHT to give him one!!! i had a horrible, horrible nursing relationship for the first 8 weeks and a pacifier would have really helped end my pain from the nursing marathons my super sucker insisted on. i happen to be very stubborn and never would have given up nursing. (went to 14 months, as which point i was pregnant with DS2.) but anyone else probably would have quit after one week of the horrific pain i endured for 2 months. i do not believe pacifiers cause confusion- i think some moms just don't understand that they should not subsitute necessary feedings with them. but those of us who have great resources like the BBB know the pacifier is only to be used when baby definitely does not need to eat.

[maestramommy]

One of my friend's baby was given some sort of test at birth which involved using a paci. Never heard of it before. My friend originally wasn't crazy about it, but she thought her dd looked so cute with the paci going up and down that she just left it. The dd went on to nurse for almost a year too.

I know about nipple confusion, but seriously, they could've been MUCH more diplomatic and explain their policy.

The DH needs to get a clue and the MIL needs to go home.

[SummerBaby]

I work in HR for an entity that has hosptials. I would definitely recommend that your friend contact the Director of Nursing and make a complaint about this nurse. She needs to, at a minimum, be spoken to about her behavior.

Val
DD 2.5 years old
another summer baby coming in 2007!

[HallsofVA]

I'm often amazed by behavior like this. Hope your BF made it through okay and that you, her other friends, and family gave her the support she needed.

When I had my DD the first PP nurse I had asked me if I planned to BF, and whether I'd BF my son or not. When I mentioned I'd nursed him for 18 months her immediate comment was "Wow. That's excessive!" I hadn't even been in the room more than 15 minutes when she made that comment. Needless to say she and I didn't hit it off. Luckily she was the only nurse I had a problem with over the 4 days I was there. I made sure the other nurses and the hospital LC all knew my thoughts on that comment, and they all agreed it was inappropriate for her to say.

If I'd been a first time mom, a comment like that would have been much more traumatic.

[denna]

I feel so bad for your BF. Being a first time mom is hard enough, you dont anyone esp a medical professional telling you, you are doing something wrong. We introduced a paci to DS while in the hospital but the 3rd day of care and nursing. He did fine w/ no nipple confusion. In fact our pro-bf'ing ped just told my good friend at her 2 day post partum wbv that she should give her dd a paci b/c she is nursing too much and gaining too much weight.

And for the IL's do you have a good relationship w/ her DH that you could talk to him? Maybe just mention that it would be good for his DW to have some alone time with the baby and just some time to relax and be w/o all the family.

Good luck to your friend. I hope she gets some alone time soon. And Congrats to her and her DH.

[dules]

So sorry your friend is going through that. I had the opposite experience, the staff gave DD a paci to "let me rest". I was ticked as I had already asked for no paci so I had a little sign put on her bassinet that said Please no paci. And the nurse said to me "Well, it's cruel of you, but you're her mother so....whatever you want."

Just think, soon she will be out of there and home with her new baby - and will need lots of visits and encouragement then! :)


Mary

[elizabethkott]

My dear friend is now home, and doing well, healing from her C-section and her MIL is (thankfully) letting her get some rest. Seems as though her DH finally put his foot down and got her to back off... for now. :)
The baby is doing well... WITH a paci happily in tow. :)
BF made the decision not to bf - her decision, it just wasn't working for her or the baby and she was frustrated and in tears and the poor babe was unhappy as well. She did what was necessary and right for her family, imo. I feel sad for her, though, not because of her decision - I am personally still bf-ing, but I respect her decision. I am sad that she felt she had to ask me not to tell one of her other friends that she "gave up so easily" because this particular friend is of the ilk where if you do something she didn't do (ie. bf until the babe was 14 mos) you are WRONG.
What is it with people giving this poor girl such a freakin' guilt trip?! She's hormonal and emotional enough right now!!! I feel like I'm crazy for being her maternal mama-bear friend... am I being overly sensitive? I just want her to enjoy her babymoon!

[gatorsmom]

I don't think you are being overly sensitive- I think you are being a very good, supportive and VERBAL bf. She needs that. I hate when people make manipulative, underhanded, disguised comments that do nothing but make someone feel bad. There is nothing constructive about comments like that- they are cowardly and negative. Like the pp who said the nurse told her she was being cruel by not allowing pacis- I imagine you would have spoken up for pp right then and there had you been in the room.

I respect that. People who make comments like that need to be put in their place right away. Let them know right then and there that their comments are harmful (so that hopefully they'll think twice the next time). I think what you are doing is kind and admirable.

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[denna]

I dont think you are being oversensitive at *all*. Your friend needs a good friend like you right now. You are being a great friend to her.

Im glad mom and babe are doing well. Congrats again to your friend and family.

[dules]

You sound like a wonderful friend. She must be so grateful for you being there to support her. I hope she enjoys every minute of her babymoon with no further unwanted interruptions. :)


Mary

[kijip]

The irony of it all is that the lactation staff, while advocating breastfeeding, were perhaps combative enough to alienate the mother. So she does not get the help she needs to get started with breastfeeding. Since they were combative on one issue, she certainly is not going to turn to one of them for guidance with the bf challenges she faced. They sort of shot themselves or rather their overall goal in the foot, eh?

I am happy your friend is home and doing better. Kudos to her and to you for standing up for her families' needs.


****Rocking out while parenting my smart little munchkin Toby. Just trying to do good in the world, a little at a time. Words to live by: it is *never* the wrong time to do the right thing :)