I know I shouldn't watch those cable baby shows (lack of bf'ing info vent)

[SnuggleBuggles]

It is normal for a newborn to lose weight! Especially a breastfed one! So many of these parents quit breastfeeding in the first 72 hours because they are paranoid about weight loss or that baby isn't getting enough to eat. Why is bf'ing so mysterious and made out to be so unnatural (aka the feeding system that has been around forever not trustworthy)?

I know that some moms really can't bf b/c of under-supply but isn't that rate very low? Do moms automatically think that they are in that 5%? I guess I am pretty optimistic.

The new mom on the show seriously just said "no one tells you breastfeeding is going to be difficult." Where did she get her information. I swear, more moms need to find good boards like these. It is true that some books and LCs will tell you things like it shouldn't hurt if you are doing it right. But, IRL that is not the normal case. Some pain/ discomfort is normal.

There is just such good information out there on what is normal.

It's just discouraging. I wish I could be there and tell them that it really will get better! Don't make snap decisions in the first days/ weeks! Don't make your choices solely out of exhaustion or frustration.

Sorry, these shows really get to me. But, they are hard not to watch sometimes. Usually I pause it love and come back a bit later so I can fast forward and see how it turns out.

Beth

[MelissaTC]

I understand how you feel. When my DS was born, I was intent of breastfeeding exclusively. I thought we were doing great until we got to the Ped. She sent me home with a can of formula and a stern warning that my baby was losing weight and I would have to continue to come in to get him weighed. Maybe my breast milk wasn't enough, she said. No harm in giving him a bottle.

I was SO MAD! I told her that I didn't think my milk came in completely and that I wasn't going to give it to him until I knew that I couldn't bf. Needless to say, my milk came in and he nursed for 13 months.

If I hadn't gone to LLL meetings, read about bf on boards like these and had a strong support system, I may have given up. The Ped made me feel like I was harming my baby, etc... She had me tired, hormonal and overwhelmed. I am so glad that I was prepared to handle her!

[brittone2]

Yeah, but we all know the LLL women are BFing "nazis" and are all horrible, right? Somehow that's the impression I get from most mainstream people I know. So sad.

We guilt moms for not BFing but the medical community does a horrible, horrible job at giving them helpful, accurate, up to date assistance, making it tough for moms to develop a lasting nursing relationship with their child. Since feeding affects all babies that come through their door, the fact that peds aren't handing out accurate information or directing women to LCs vs. a can of formula is positively inexcusable to me.

I can't watch any of those "Bringing Home Baby" or "Baby Story" shows for the same reasons.

[Gena]

As someone who DID stop breastfeeding a few days after birth, I’d like to relate my experience. I was planning to exclusively breastfeed. We didn’t buy any bottles. We gave away the free formula that somehow got sent to us. We even took breastfeeding classes (My hubby loved telling his boss “I have to leave early today for breastfeeding class�).

I breastfed while we were in the hospital. We had a hard time of it. Baby had a lot of problems latching. The lactation consultant and the nurses were all very encouraging and assured me it would come with time. The second day after we left the hospital, Baby nursed all day continuously. Or he tried to. It seemed like he just wasn’t getting anything. He would keep trying to latch, but as soon as he got the milk flowing he would pull off and start rooting again. This went on all day. The next day he gave up. He wouldn’t even try to nurse. He was in a miserable, fussy sleep all morning. His lips and skin were dry. We took him to the ped that afternoon. The doc confirmed that Baby was showing signs of dehydration (he had also lost half a pound, but doc wasn’t really concerned about the weight loss). So we were told to bottle feed, alternating between formula and pumped breastmilk. I was also to continue trying to get Baby to latch properly.

I had Hubby do the bottle feeds, so Baby wouldn’t associate me with the bottle. It was amazing to watch Baby drink the formula and see him be satisfied for the first time. I cried because I realized that Baby had never been full and happy before. My continued attempts at getting Baby to latch were complete failures. Hubby got to do all the happy, satisfying, bottle feeds while I had all the miserable, crying attempts to nurse. I wanted to get to hold my son while he was eating happily, and when he fell into that drunken, blissful slumber with a full belly. So I stopped trying to get him the latch. I gave him a bottle myself. And it was wonderful to hold that tiny little body and stare into those amazing eyes and watch him eat until he was full and happy. I still pumped for several weeks. But it took forever to pump enough milk and I spent more time pumping and cleaning the various parts than I spent holding Baby. After a few weeks I wasn’t pumping enough to make it worth the time and effort, so I let it go.

And that is how I ended up formula feeding. I know that there are people who tell me that I should have tried harder and longer, but I made the best decision I could at the time. I will always regret and feel somewhat guilty that breastfeeding did not work for us. I hope that if and when we have another child it will go differently.

As an aside: “Baby� is now 3 years old and was recently diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. I asked the developmental ped if my inability to breastfeed contributed to his autism , but she thought it was more likely that his autism contributed to his inability to latch properly. I’ll never really know the answer to that.

[Melanie]

I'm sorry things didn't go well for you; and I'm sure there are some details you've left out for brevity, plus your possibily complicating developmental factor - so really, I'm not trying to make you feel badly or guilty. I'm sure you did what was best for your family.

Having said that, however, I feel like the OP said, this is putting some misinformation out there that some moms-to-be are going to take as "normal" and stop BFing.

It IS normal for babies not to be satisfied in that first day or two (or in my first case FOUR) because there (very rarely) would be any milk flowing at that point. Collustrum, while very beneficial, is just droplets and not going to satisfy even their tiny tummies. That is why they must try to nurse and nurse and nurse (and exhaust mommy even more!) and cry and fuss and tell mommy's body to make some milk!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Thank you for posting this response. It is what I was getting at from watching the show. I'm sorry for the pp's experience. Even knowing that bf'ing was going to be hard I was unprepared for just demanding and difficult it was. I'm glad you found a solution that made you happy.

The shows just seem to support that breatfeeding is not adequate. A first timer watching it may be turned off completely by the idea of bf'ing by watching it b/c it looks so hard, the baby is starving and everyone is in tears. The comments often made about starving, dehydration and weight loss need to be tempered with a reality check that baby is designed to handle this initial weight loss and still be ok. If supplimenting were required for baby to live for the days before the milk was in then the species wouldn't have made it this long.

I just hate that on some those shows there is nothing to refute the mom's comments- especially when she is not correct.

Beth

[Gena]

> The
>comments often made about starving, dehydration and weight
>loss need to be tempered with a reality check that baby is
>designed to handle this initial weight loss and still be ok.
>

As I said, the doc was NOT concerned about the weight loss, even though it was half a pound. And while some dehydration is normal, severe dehydration and listlessness is not. A baby who completely stops trying to nurse is in trouble and needs supplimental help. By the way, I was already producing milk rather than colostrum. (We went to the doc six days after the birth.)

As for the cable shows, I have seen several that do show families that do a greqat job supporting breastfeeding. It all depends on which episode you catch.

[HIU8]

I had issues similar to the PP. Sadly, I ended up bottle feeding both my children.

DS could not latch on and was also under the lights for jaundice for about a week. He was severely dehydrated as well. We came very close to having to put him in the hospital instead of using the home health agency that the ped got for us. We went straight to formula after 3 days and I pumped as well. However, pumping wasn't getting me anywhere. Plus, DS could not use a regular nipple. We had to special order Haberman nipples so he could feed. Turns out he had an extremely tight frenulum that he had surgery to correct at 8 months old. Plus, he had gastroesophogeal reflux and a milk allergy. He is now 2.5 and has no issues any longer.

With DD, who is now 20 days old...I BF in the hospital and things went fine. She was also jaundice and we were told by the lactation consultant that we could feed her .5 ounces of formula through a syringe to get her better hydrated. BF and supplimenting was going really well. I was also pumping and my milk supply was really up there. Then, one day she started feeding every hour and screaming in between. Even with the supplimenting I could not get her satisfied. At that point my nipples were bleeding pretty bad and I was in severe pain. Add to that I was deflating rapidly and DD was having issues latching on (understandibly). I could not keep up with her demand and literally could not pump because she was eating so often.
About midway through the day she started spitting out the breastmilk and then flat out refusing it. I had no choice. I sterilized the 3 bottles I bought just in case and fed her formula. I hated to do this. I had even begun drinking mothers milk tea to try and help myself. I really wanted to BF. DD, however, had other ideas. Sadly, DD is now exclusively formula fed. She is already eating 4.5 ounces every 3 hours and has gained 1 lb and 1.25 inches in 10 days. Plus, DD will also have to have her frenulum clipped before she goes to school or she will end up with a pretty bad speech impediment. But, that is not affecting her ability to suck as it did my DS.

If I could have kept BF I would, but knowing that DD is gaining weight and growing I'm becoming more ok with not bf DS or DD. At this point, if there ever is a DC #3, I don't know if I will even attempt bf (sad, isn't it).

Heather
DS 11/27/04
DD 6/9/07