I'm not a bad mom because my DC doesn't sleep through the night

[torontomom]

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[nov04]

Argh, those people drive me nuts. something tells me though that you're much better at something that she's very jealous of.

[trentsmom]

How rude of her! Well, her DC is only 2 months old. I know that she has many wakeful nights ahead! Teething, cold & flu season, just plain orneriness, etc. Then you can just sit back, smile, and think to yourself, "Mmmm-hm. Bet you don't feel like bragging now!"

[tarabenet]

My thoughts exactly! She will get hers. Lucky for her, you're a much wiser woman, and she won't have to undergo what she's putting you through.

[thomma]

Ooh...want me to send "I hope your baby becomes colicky" vibes her way. Would serve her right. :P

I agree with pp, sounds a little bit like insecurity/jealousy on her part.

If it makes you feel any better, my sister's (annoying) friend had twins 6 weeks ago and was bragging about how easy it was. (direct quote: I don't know why people think having twins is so difficult. This is easy.) Mind you, I KNOW that people=me because when she first found out she was pregnant she wanted the inside scoop from a fellow twin mom. I told her the first year was difficult.

Well, last week she called my sister bawling. Apparently one twin is now colicky/has reflux and cries nonstop. (and, no, I didn't wish that upon her but call me horrible, it did make me smile)

Kim
ds&dd- 5/03

[elizabethkott]

Oh grr, those people irk me.
She'll get hers. Maybe not with the Terrible Twos, but perhaps with potty training, getting her dc to sleep in a big kid bed, eat solids, or roll over.
If you're lucky, the kid will be caught drunk, trying to sneak back in the house at 4am, and she'll be bawling to you about it.
:)
Karma is a wonderful thing. All you have to do is wait for it to come and bite some people in the a$$ for you.
:)

[Radosti]

Hey, don't feel bad. My DS didn't sleep through the night until he was 17 months old. He woke up 3 times every night to nurse until then. I knew he'd sleep through the night if I night weaned, but he was already daytime weaned by his choice and he was getting ear infections and runny noses at daycare and I wanted to continue to provide him with my milk. It was my choice. But yeah, I'd get lots of "you need to let him cry it out" or "you need to wean him NOW" comments. Not just from friends and family, but from the doctors as well. And you know what... none of it mattered to me. Because I weaned DS on a schedule that fit his needs and if that meant that we gradually went down to one session at 5:30am until 18 months old, then stopped when it was no longer necessary... then that was our choice. No one else lived with my DS, so they had no right to be telling me what to do. Huge hugs to you Mama!!! You keep doing what feels right and don't listen to anyone telling you different.

[californiagirl]

My DD slept through the night at 2 months, too. She stopped at about 5 months and didn't take it up again until she was nearly 2 YEARS.

You're probably a better mother than she is, and definitely a better friend...

[Kungjo]

Hugs!!! I can totally relate. SIL does the same thing to me. She never verbally said anything, but you can tell by the looks she gives me. My kids are just not good sleepers. Doesn't mean that I did anything wrong and you did something right. Different kids have different needs. Grrr.......

[DrSally]

That is so annoying, but I know we've all been there, feeling judgment from others wanting to play the who's first to do xyz game. I've heard that eventually you realize, a lot is out of your control and is due to the child's temperment or developmental timetable and when he/she is ready for something. I've rarely heard of a 2month old sleeping through the night, let alone a BFing one. DH thinks that people who make these claims are actually lying :)

[bubbaray]

Sing it, sista!

I could sooooo have written this post.

Yawn.


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[egfmba]

Gee. I didn't know that a sleeping child was the new hallmark of great motherhood. Call me old fashioned, but I thought raising a kid who doesn't steal, kill, or maim was the sign of a good mother. That lady'll have to wait many years before learning if she was truly a good mother (as will we all).

In the meantime, take solace in knowing that you're on the path to great motherhood by nursing your child and providing for his most basical needs (like love, security and nourishment) in the best way you are able. *This* is what will make a child grow confident, happy and productive, not sleeping through the night.

eva

P.S. I agree. She'll get hers. }(

[torontomom]

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[Melanie]

I hear you! Honestly, eventually I just stopped talking 'sleep issues,' with people like that whom I really didn't want any suggestions from.

Also, my Ds slept 7 hours at 2 months...until about 5 months. Then not again until TWO YEARS. My Dd slept like that until 5 months, and STILL not again.

Not that I'd wish poor sleep on any mother but, well, she may be in for it yet. Or she may have broken her kids' spirits and they know mommy won't come when they cry so they just sob quietly in the corner.

--feeling bitchy b/c I'm tired b/c my 1 1/2 woke up 3 times last night, and that was a GOOD night!

[lisams]

I understand how you feel. When DD was a baby there was a mom at storytime that was always asking about her sleep. She started really pushing sleep training/CIO. I tried to nicely say I wasn't interested and finally had to say "I've researched sleep training, and honestly it's not for us. We're happy with doing what we've been doing." What I wanted to say was "DD's sleep is not a problem, now you trying to convince me it is, now that's what I have a problem with."

When your friend gets that "I'm a better mommy" tone, perhaps you could tell her that waking often in the night is a sign of intelligence! Guess that means you have smarter kids, lol!! (kidding of course for all of you out there with great sleepers - we all have smart kiddos!)

[torontomom]

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[lisams]

Well there you go, just tell her "My ped. told me...", hee-hee!

DD was not that great of a sleeper (or should I say she slept like a typical baby!) but turned out to also be a great sleeper and I think she's a genius too! I have no regrets on how we parented her in the night.

[HannaAddict]

You are a great mom, you listen and respond to your child's cues and don't ignore them to sob themselves hoarse to "sleep through the night". Some children sleep longer at a stretch than others. I was still setting an alarm (that we didn't need!) to make sure my nursing baby was waking up and eating at two months. I wouldn't say sleeping for eight or more hours at a time is a badge of good motherhood, I would be afraid of something being wrong with baby for not stirring and needing to eat. Ignore the sleep training, anti-nursing people and rest assured you are following your instincts.

Kimberly

[lisams]

"I would be afraid of something being wrong with baby for not stirring and needing to eat."

That reminded me... interestingly, babies have shorter sleep cycles for survival. The longer a person is in a deep sleep, the less likely they will wake for food, adjusting body temp., etc. It's when a baby is in light sleep that they will wake up if they are hungry, too cold/too hot, etc. Since they go through the sleep cycle about every 45 minutes, the chances of them waking in an hour or two to have a need met is pretty good.

It really is amazing that these little people just starting out have these built in survival skills. There really is a reason behind the madness!

[maestramommy]

That's interesting! I thought ARwyn's clock was just off. During the day she sleeps for one long stretch. If I could stick that together with her one long stretch at night, she's be waking only once! Instead of three times in quick succession, sigh......

I know kids in my group that were sleeping through the night at 2 months, either because their parents did Babywise, or the kids were just great sleepers. When the teething started, the nightwaking resumed. Even with the Tylenol, Motrin, and Hylands, they still had to be rocked/nursed back to sleep. All this time Dora wasn't sleeping through the night yet, but I didn't feel there was anything really different between her and them. Although they cringed more because their kid was previously sleeping all night, and now they were waking again, so they were more afraid of starting a bad habit. Whatever. For months nobody was sleeping through the night, so we were all in it together. I say this because none of the moms bragged about it to begin with.

[JoyNChrist]

Haha, well I must have turned into a bad mommy overnight, because DS went from sleeping 10-12 hours at night from 8 weeks old, to going no longer than 3-4 hours at 14 weeks and counting.

Hugs, mama!

[elizabethkott]

I wouldn't say sleeping for eight or more
>hours at a time is a badge of good motherhood

Nope. The badge of good motherhood is the ability to proudly wear puke as an accessory to the grocery store, dry cleaner and liquor store, then come home and pour yourself a glass of good wine after the pumpkin is asleep - for whatever stretch of time, at whatever point during the day, and not giving a d@mn about it.
:)

[lisams]

I like you :-)

[babybunny]

I can totally relate. I have developed a tough skin in the past 2-1/2 years.

Ok - my 31 month old DS has only slept through the night when I gave him Zyrtec for his seasonal allergies for two weeks in mid May. He still wakes up twice each night on the average, generally a wake-up is preceeded by a nightmares/dreams (we hear him yelling in his sleep), and then wants his mommy and wants to nurse. My husband thinks this is insane and I should do the CIO, stop nursing cold turkey, etc.

I have my reasons for continuing this, and it really irks me when people you meet give you parenting advice regarding sleep issues.

At six months my DS was diagnosed with a condition called laryngomalacia. If he cried for an extended period of time (5 minutes?) he would develop a breathing problem. I found it counterproductive to have my husband go into "soothe him", only to have DS scream hysterically for Mommy, develop his breathing problem and then I would have to stay up for an hour and watch him to see if he turned blue or if he calmed down and his breathing returned to normal. (Not fun, especially since I work full-time, etc)

I really think that the Mommy knows best.

My son is extremely active from the time he gets up in the morning until he goes to sleep at night (with a 1-1/2 hour nap). He is growing well. His doctor thinks it is great that DS is still nursing. He feels that the brain is still developing until they are three, and that the nursing is beneficial in brain development.

I'm sure that by the time DS is in high school, I will have a hard time getting him up in the morning, etc.

This Mommy just wants the luxury of taking a nap on the weekend every once in a awhile.

Now I would be a bad Mommy if I drugged my son every night so that I could sleep. : )