Why does she ALWAYS sell me out?

[punkrockmama]

I love my mom, I really, really do. And I would consider us close. But I just wish that she would get behind me.

Nobody in my family likes me for various reasons (I am not being melodramatic, this is a fact). I think it's mostly because they think I'm a freak and I don't look/act like any of them. None of my aunts, uncles, cousins. When I used to go to family parties (I don't anymore and I sure as hell wouldn't take my kids to something like that) I was never acknowledged. It's weird to walk into a room full of people you are related to, sit down, and have no one even say hello for the couple of hours you've been guilted into to staying for, conversations going on all around you.

They talk major smack about me, and one of my cousins is all too happy to fill me in. It's juicy to her to do that and sit back and wait for me to react.

Anyway, my mom hangs out with them all the time. I understand that's her family. Her brothers and sisters. But how can you hang with people that trash your kid? How? How can you sit next to somebody that told your chld they were nothing but a stupid little girl and always would be? The only thing she has ever said when I said something to her was "Oh you know that's just how they are. What do you want me to do about it?"


This has been going on for YEARS. Sometimes it gets to me more than others. Right now is one of those times. *sigh*

[LarsMal]

So sorry to hear your family is a bunch of stuck-up schmucks! Sounds like they all have some poles that need to be removed from tricky places! Stinks that your mama won't stick up for you, either. I get the "that's just how they are" crap from my mom, too. I guess it's just easier for some people to find excuses rather than deal with a situation. Sometimes "how they are" isn't okay! Boo to you mom!

You can come to our family parties. We like unique people!!!

[elephantmeg]

you can be part of my family if you want! Sorry your family doesn't appreciate you. Their poor taste I'm sure!

[elliput]

"What do you want me to do about it?"

I'll tell you what you should do about it, Sheila's mom. You should get mad. Raving mad. And, you should tell your hypocrytical family that not only are they insulting YOUR daughter, but they also are insulting YOU. Get a freaking backbone, mom.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} to you, Sheila, for putting up with this crap.

[kozachka]

Hugs, Sheila. For me it's also tought dealing with family, especially my mom. Without going into further details I often feel like she is trying to arrange my brother's and to lesser extend her own life at my expense.

We like you here a LOT, just the way you are, if it helps just a tiny bit.

[punkrockmama]

>Sometimes "how they are" isn't okay! Boo to you mom!

Here, here. That's what I say.



>You can come to our family parties. We like unique people!!!

Thanks girlie. I do know how to par-tay. :)

[punkrockmama]

Thanks for the good word. :)

[punkrockmama]

Oh, Erica. Is it lame to say out loud that your post made me cry? That's basically what I've been thinking since I was about 12.

Thank you.

[punkrockmama]

>We like you here a LOT, just the way you are, if it helps just
>a tiny bit.

You know what, it does. It does. :)

I mean, I do have great IRL friends and all,lol. But I really love it here. I *heart* you guys. :)

[ilovetivo]

:hug: I'm sorry she hurts you so much! Are you able to limit your time with them? You don't need to put yourself in compromising toxic situations.

ETA: I reread your first post and realize you don't see them anymore. But maybe you can stop talking to your cousin. Or at least telling her that she's being hurtful and although you may be different than her, you still have the same feelings.

I've learned recently that I have to let go of my belief of what my mom and family should be or do. I believed in the fairy tale or hollywood version of mom/family. Basically I'm trying to see and accept them as they are, and not expect anything from them. Easier said than done. Even the best of them can hurt us pretty badly. So now I'm just trying to just be the mom I always wanted...and maybe even healing some of that hurt by mothering myself. I can't seem to find the words I want to use. Hopefully I'm communicating it well enough.

[StantonHyde]

My mom refused to go to a wedding that everybody else in the family was invited to BUT me. My Dad went--tells yas something about him. With him, I always go back to "Don't go looking for milk in the hardware store." (And I talk to my therapist weekly since Mom died and I just have Dad--ugh) Thank God for our own little families who LOVE LOVE LOVE us. I just do not know how I would have gotten through the last year without my kiddos.

Hugs to you, dear. I have always been the odd duck out. And somehow I ended up doing better than they did (hmmm, not that focusing on college and a career and waiting to have children until I was finally married makes me a bad person, but you would think...)

[ErinMC]

I totally agree, Erica.
Sheila, sorry your mom does this to you. No excuse.

Erin

Mom to Chase 2/2004 and Logan 5/2006

[inmypjs]

I'm jumping in a little late, but I just wanted to say that I read your post and I feel mad for you! I have no idea how your mom could allow others in your family to put you down. IMO one of the most important jobs a parent has is to take pride in their child and stand up for him/her, especially if the world isn't being kind. You deserve better, and your mom deserves a good telling off!

Sorry if this seems harsh... It's just how I feel. I'm a counselor and I don't like seeing people wounded like this. If it helps, I think it's GREAT you realize that the way they treat you isn't right. Most of the people I see blame themselves, which isn't true and makes things even more painful.

Katie

[punkrockmama]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate it so much. :)


And Katie, that so used to me. When I was like 10-15 (like I said it's been going on for years--weird). I did blame myself. Like, what did I do to make all these people not like me. Mostly, I can blow them off as jerks who live in their own little world and who cares. But you know, sometimes it's difficult to be such an awesome hard@ss. ;)

It's funny (well, not really funny, but you know). I alway say that all the people in my family that liked me are dead. I had an aunt that was so cool, such a sweetheart. She died from cancer six years ago. My grandpa LOVED me. I was the favorite,haha. He died when I was in the sixth grade. I had an uncle that was one of those crochety old men, but nice to me and so funny. He died when I was in middle school. Then my dad. He liked me (most of the time), but he's gone too. Maybe being on my side is bad for your health or something. That would explain a lot. ;)

[punkrockmama]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate it so much. :)


And Katie, that so used to me. When I was like 10-15 (like I said it's been going on for years--weird). I did blame myself. Like, what did I do to make all these people not like me. Mostly, I can blow them off as jerks who live in their own little world and who cares. But you know, sometimes it's difficult to be such an awesome hard@ss. ;)

It's funny (well, not really funny, but you know). I alway say that all the people in my family that liked me are dead. I had an aunt that was so cool, such a sweetheart. She died from cancer six years ago. My grandpa LOVED me. I was the favorite,haha. He died when I was in the sixth grade. I had an uncle that was one of those crochety old men, but nice to me and so funny. He died when I was in middle school. Then my dad. He liked me (most of the time), but he's gone too. Maybe being on my side is bad for your health or something. That would explain a lot. ;)

[punkrockmama]

>So now I'm just trying to just be the mom I always wanted...and maybe even healing some of that hurt by mothering myself. I can't seem to find the words I want to use. Hopefully I'm communicating it well enough.


Totally. I always tell my kids how much I love them. How proud of them I am. How I'll never let anybody hurt them and stuff.

I hear myself saying those things and I know why. They just look at me like, um okay whatever. lol

[punkrockmama]

>So now I'm just trying to just be the mom I always wanted...and maybe even healing some of that hurt by mothering myself. I can't seem to find the words I want to use. Hopefully I'm communicating it well enough.


Totally. I always tell my kids how much I love them. How proud of them I am. How I'll never let anybody hurt them and stuff.

I hear myself saying those things and I know why. They just look at me like, um okay whatever. lol

[DrSally]

That's not right. I'm sure she feels torn, but one strong word to one of them when they were talking about you may be just what it takes to shut it all down. It seems more upsetting that she doesn't stick up for you than than they are talking smack about you (since you seem to have distanced yourself from that now).

ETA: I agree, we really like you here. You are so good-hearted and supportive and funny. I can't imagine anyone talking smack about you. So you have a "different" look. Some of the most mild people I've know have tatoos up and down their arms, spiky hair, etc. You cannot judge a book by it's cover.

[DrSally]

That's not right. I'm sure she feels torn, but one strong word to one of them when they were talking about you may be just what it takes to shut it all down. It seems more upsetting that she doesn't stick up for you than than they are talking smack about you (since you seem to have distanced yourself from that now).

ETA: I agree, we really like you here. You are so good-hearted and supportive and funny. I can't imagine anyone talking smack about you. So you have a "different" look. Some of the most mild people I've know have tatoos up and down their arms, spiky hair, etc. You cannot judge a book by it's cover.