Why is it...

[MMEand1]

that women, even SAHM's, don't realize that a SAHD does the exact same thing that moms do? My neighbor is a SAHM with 7 kids. Her DH is deployed right now. She had some SAHM's from church (we all go to the same church) over to her house the other day and my kids were over at her house while my DH was running an errand (they swap kids with each other when one needs to get something done). The ladies from church asked my neighbor where my DH was. She said that he was out running an errand and that she had offered to watch them (what she actually said was "when you have 7, what's 2 more?"). So anyway, the ladies from church asked her what my DH does all day. She told them he was a SAHD. They said "yea, but what does he do all day?" She said "He does the same thing all SAHM's do, clean, wash, cook, take care of the kids, etc." They said they did not realize that he would do all those things as a SAHD. She said "Why not? You do it as a SAHM, so why should it be different if a man does it?"

I just don't understand why so many women don't think that men can do the job. My DH has been a SAHD since my DS was born and he is almost 5 yo. He does a great job and the kids are thriving. As a matter of fact, my DH told me that my DS paid him a compliment. He said that my DS said "Dad, I want to do something" and my DH said, "What do you want to do?" DS said "I want to take care of Zsa Zsa like you take care of us." I thought that was the sweetest thing. At least I know that my DS appreciates what my DH is doing and will grow up to be sensitive to the fact that not only can moms do the job, but dads can too!

MP

[Moneypenny]

As another woman with a DH who is a SAHD, I completely understand what you are saying! On top of that, many people think the only reason a guy would be a SAHD is because he is somehow not competent to hold down a paying job. DH constantly has to explain that he put his career on hold on purpose.

I have a similar story about my DD appreciating her dad. DD was at her first dance class for 3 year olds and one other little girl was crying because she didn't have a leotard like the others. DD went up to her and was patting her on the shoulder and encouraging her to join the class. When I was asking DD about that, she said, "Yes, I was being her daddy. I was making her feel better."

Susan
mama to my 3-year old cutie pie

[MelissaTC]

Well, my DH isn't a SAHD but my DS wants to be one when he grows up! He has told me his "life plan" and it includes leaving his career as a mail carrier/engineer/chef/dentist to stay at home and take care of his children. I think it is the sweetest thing ever.

Phooey on those ladies for not seeing that your DH does the most wonderful job ever!

[Moneypenny]

Aww! I love your DS's career! DD is going to be a princess/astronaut/pirate.

Susan
mama to my 3-year old cutie pie

[MMEand1]

>As another woman with a DH who is a SAHD, I completely
>understand what you are saying! On top of that, many people
>think the only reason a guy would be a SAHD is because he is
>somehow not competent to hold down a paying job. DH
>constantly has to explain that he put his career on hold on
>purpose.
>
>I have a similar story about my DD appreciating her dad. DD
>was at her first dance class for 3 year olds and one other
>little girl was crying because she didn't have a leotard like
>the others. DD went up to her and was patting her on the
>shoulder and encouraging her to join the class. When I was
>asking DD about that, she said, "Yes, I was being her daddy.
>I was making her feel better."
>
>Susan
>mama to my 3-year old cutie pie

That is so sweet that your DD said she was "being her daddy". Goes to show that dads can instill compassion in children as well!!
MP

[MamaMolly]

>I just don't understand why so many women don't think that men can do the job. >

This one got me thinking and while the other moms didn't put it very nicely, I don't think they intended the comment as an insult to your DH at all. I think they have a very difference experience with thier DHs than you do. Consider thier frame of reference.

Take my beloved DH for example. His idea of 'watching' DD all day (yeah, try 4 hours is the longest he's ever gone it alone!) is to play with her some, read his paper, watch tv, play with her some and maybe give her a bottle if he can't figure anything else out.

It doesn't cross his mind to pick up, to clean, to cook, to do laundry, to do any of the zillion and one little tasks SAHMs and SAHDs do.

What I'm saying is that they don't see it as something a SAHD would do because thier DHs probable don't do it when they are left alone with the children, not that it is because a man.

BTW, you are a lucky woman and your children are blessed! What a beautiful role model for parenting!

HTH,
Molly

[TracyBee]

Like a PP said, it's all from their reference point. They obviously don't have hubbys that help around the house.

My DH is also a SAHD and yes, he cooks, cleans and does all the things that a SAH parent does.

It's really not a matter of being a SAHM or a SAHD - its a matter of being a Stay at home parent. The role is the same whether it's Mom or Dad.