I know what causes post- partum depression...

[gatorsmom]

She is a Home Health nurse for my hospital system. It could also be anyone else who trained under her to make sure mothers felt very incompetent fresh out of the hospital. She came to my house today and I came close to smacking her.

The first paragraph out of her mouth was, "oh, my, twins, how wonderful! Do you have other children"? at which I told her yes, 2 older siblings. She looked horrified at which point she breathlessly said, "oh, my Lisa, do you know how busy you are going to be? That is going to be so hard." I started out nice, I SWEAR, by telling her that we were really excited to have that many children. She looked skeptical so I let the ugly green monster peek his head out a bit and say, in a nice way, "I don't think telling me how hard my life is going to be will help me in any way." At which point she backpedaled.

I mean SERIOUSLY, people, if I hear one more, I mean one more person say to me, "wow, are you going to be busy," or "that's going to be a lot of work," I'm going to let the green monster wearing the nursing bra have at them. I'm so tired of it!!!! I'm not an idiot! Yes, I know 4 children will be a lot of work, but what the he** do those annoying people want me to do about it? Give one away? And of course, the annoying souls who offer those words of wisdom are NEVER the ones who offer to help. Maybe they think that they are doing me a favor by offering their wise tidbits. Maybe they feel I need to "learn my lesson," or "see that they were right" by letting me try it on my own without any offers of help. Yeah, really smart, people. I promise as I'm jumping off a bridge I'll yell in their direction, "you were right, 4 IS TOO MUCH work!!!"

Just had to vent. I've found that the ante-partum hormones are really no comparison to the post-partum hormones. And frankly, I think they are kind of fun. Because I've been telling people exactly how I feel and blaming it on the strong meds I"m on (which are WONDERFUL, btw).

Now, if I could just get the terrible constipation under control and improve SiSi's latch-on, I"d be in wonderland.

ET change typos

Lisa
mom to Gator 03
mom to Cha Cha 05
mom to SiSi 07
mom to Greenbean 07

[LarsMal]

First of all- WELCOME HOME!!!!

I hear ya! I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, 16 months apart, you are going to have your hands full." No sh*t!!!!

People are just stupid and think that's what they are supposed to say. Don't let her get to you. You are going to be a GREAT mama to your 4 kiddos!

Let your Green Monster out- let her out and set her free!!! At least while you can blame it on hormones and meds. And come here to vent. You know we're here for ya!

-J

[KBecks]

There's nothing like a good b*tch to ward off PPD. I'm glad you're feeling good enough to come here and gripe about it, and it's good to see you!

[maestramommy]

he he! Lisa, if you're able to b*tch about it in such articulate terms, you are gonna be okay! That nurse they sent you is a mental case. You'd like she of all people should know what NOT to say to a new mom, esp. of twins! Why don't they send you an LC instead? Now that might be more helpful.

After all the posts I've seen from you this year, I think that if anyone can handle twins on top of two, you can. Chin up, and keep taking those wonderful meds :-)

[aliceinwonderland]

I am sorry :(

I just wanted to say that I love SiSi's name...like the empress :)

[egfmba]

Glory be, hallelujah, amen! Sing it loud, Lisa! I hope you keep venting and letting those hormones work their way out. You make more sense than anyone you're speaking with, apparently. What a wacko of a nurse to tell you something that is not only evident to anyone who has children (gee, more children = more work? I never knew...), but that is completely discouraging! She should be wacked over the nose with a newspaper!

I hope you get more IRL support, as well. You're doing great things by being such a wonderful mama!

eva

[elizabethkott]

IF you'd like, I'll come over, kick her @ss, vacuum your house, feed you chocolate and a martini and entertain the kids with my sad attempt at tap-dancing while singing "you are my sunshine".
Or I could just kick her @ss.
:)

[elliput]

What a complete maroon! Did it not occur to her that you have had 9 months to contemplate how busy you are going to be? Hopefully your admonishment will make her think twice before she says something similarly idiotic to the next new mom.

I am all for the deer in the headlights response next time someone comments in this manner followed by a big, sassy "no sh!t".

[bubbaray]

Kiwi fruit. Kiwi Fruit. It will help with the constipation (its what they use in Aus and NZ instead of prescription colace) AND it has the added benefit of being the perfect size and weight to pelt at people who pi$$ you off.

Congrats on being home!!!


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[Lovingliv]

I was just going to post to see if anyone had heard from you!!!

Congrats and welcome home.

Tell that nurse, that you DH is superman...so as a matter of fact you won't be busy. He might be a little busy, but you...nope. You will be sitting eating bonbons.....

Big hugs....and welcome to the world little ones!!!

[candybomiller]

Let me know her name and where she is. I'll beat her to a bloody pulp.

[kozachka]

Welcome home, Lisa. You sounds great :). Please keep taking advantage of being hormonal and on the meds ;). And don't hesitate to come over here to vent. That nurse is a moron, and good for you for letting her know that. And, not that you've asked, but I think that if anybody can handle twins with two older siblings, it is you!

[JoyNChrist]

Good to have you back, hon.

Just give us names and addresses, and I promise you'll have a bunch of outraged mamas at your beck and call, ready to kick some serious stupid-people @ss.

[Fairy]

I second Erica's "Yeah? No sh!t!" recommended response. Go for that. It will make you feel better. I'm telling you, it will.

WELCOME HOME!

Ya know, you're gonna be so ... in heaven enjoying your beautiful family. I'm completely thrilled for you. I give you huge credit for having the sense of wit and humor that this post had. And ya know, Gator and ChaCha are fully able to go fetch a diaper, so you're definitely good to go, dude.

-- Hils

[lizajane]

how 'bout, "guess what b***h, ONE is a lot of work. and i STILL did it again!"

love does conquer all, my dear. YOU CAN DO IT!!! whoo hoo!! go mommy, go!!!

but if you do give one away, can i have one of the girls? i could SO use a head that needs hairbows around here. we have a serious testosterone overload...

[Melanie]

I hear you! WHY OH WHY do women feel the need to do that to eachother? I had someone similiarly say something to me when I was feeling pretty darn good about how things were go at 4 weeks or so. Something like, "You know it's going to get HARDER." Bitch.

Welcome Home and may there be many easy & joyful moments in your future.

[alexsmommy]

Hugs.
She's lucky you didn't really go off on her. I tend to use sarcasm in these situations - "Oh, we know, but we love babies so much. If it doesn't work out we're selling the older ones on the black market." Tends to make the point quickly.
If you are nicer than me you can say, "We just wanted more love to go around."
Alaina
Alex Feb '03
Zachary July '07

[mommy_someday]

I really don't understand what prompts insensitive people to go into fields like nursing. I had a nurse who tried to help me BF my DS the day after he was born. The position required 3 arms and when I attempted it she said, "You're going to suffocate that baby if you hold him that way!" I kid you not. I burst into tears, so maybe she got the point. I'm sorry the hospital sent you an idiot of a woman to "help" you. She sounds like more trouble than she's worth. Can you request someone else? Having someone heap a bunch of negatives on your shoulders is certainly not going to help your recovery or help you figure out how to juggle 4 kids. And you *will* figure it out, I have no doubt.

So tell her to take a flying leap and then do your own thang, mama. (((hugs)))

[Nooknookmom]

Sorry you got a witchy-woman. I had Home Health Care too & got a new nurse like every other day.

Some sounded very much like yours. I was like in so much pain, bleeding, couldn't sit up, couldn't nurse well, etc, etc, etc. & the last thing I wanted to hear was how I was in over my head from some nurse. They also told me many times that my would wasn't BAD enough for them to waste their time coming out (whole 'nother post). Geesh.

I feel for you. I too will come over, help kick her butt, make dinner, vacuum, and pick up anything you need off the floor (I couldn't do that post partum & it drove me nuts!)

Congrats on the babies by the way!!!!!!!

[C99]

>I mean SERIOUSLY, people, if I hear one more, I mean one more
>person say to me, "wow, are you going to be busy," or "that's
>going to be a lot of work," I'm going to let the green monster
>wearing the nursing bra have at them. I'm so tired of it!!!!
>I'm not an idiot! Yes, I know 4 children will be a lot of
>work, but what the he** do those annoying people want me to do
>about it? Give one away? And of course, the annoying souls
>who offer those words of wisdom are NEVER the ones who offer
>to help.

This is SO true. All of it!

Although I have 3 kids and sometimes say, "Wow, that is busy! I am impressed that you can get out of the house!" to people w/ a lot of kids and/or twins.

[firsttimemommy]

go you!

Just look at it this way, every time we speak out, rear that green monster, or say "no duh!!" after the "wow, you have your hands full" comment, we are working to spare the grief for future mommies - because maybe after making those people feel like morons for saying it, they will never say it again to another mommy!

go you again!

Ronda
mommy to miss sassy 1/03 and mr grumpy 4/04

[JenaW]

Oh Lisa, big hugs to you, your sore belly, your swollen breasts, and your stopped-up colon....and sweet little kisses to your 4 kids. Although I did not have two at once, I did have 4 in 3 1/2 years. Yes, it is hard. I am sure you have seen at least one of MY "bitching" posts (there have been many!). Anyone who has more than one kid and maintains that it is NOT hard is delusional (unless their kids are 10 years apart). But WHY in the heck people feel the need to repeatedly point that out is beyond belief. Start stocking up on the come-backs now. I have several depending on my mood.

"Are those all yours?" "No. (Laughing) I picked up a few on the street." or - "Yup. We are single-handedly going to fix the social security problem." or if I am really grumpy, "yes, they are all mine. Yes I wanted them all. Yes I am busy. No I would not have it any other way."

"Boy, your hands are full." "Yup, better full than empty." (This one is reserved for when I am feeling really pi$$y because I am always afraid I am going to say it to someone who actually wanted more kids and couldn't have them).

Seriously though. You've had a rough couple of days....ok a rough 9 months. Being pregnant is hard enough, especially when you have older children at home. Being pregnant with TWINS is probably twice as hard (if not more so). Delivering vaginally is a workout. Having a c-section is major surgery. Most people actually get to RECOVER after major surgery, not stay up all night and be a dairy farm for two hungry mouths, deal with well-meaning but often annoying in-laws, still be a mommy to two older children, cope with IDIOT home health nurses (ok, they might have that one), AND suffer with postpartum hormones!

I agree with the others. The schedule will come. Maybe not until the in-laws leave and you are able to be in control. But it will happen. You DO need some personal time. Even a bubble bath?? Or a slow walk around the block (that might help the constipation a bit too). If you want to see some friends, let your in-laws know. Maybe one could bring you lunch and you could get an hour alone to reconnect??

Hang in there. It will get better, I promise!

J

Jera
Mom to Carter ~ 05.13.03
Madigan ~ 09.28.04
Natalie ~ 09.17.05 (born at 25 weeks!!)
Alexa ~ 11.03.06

[maylips]

...and that's to read Lisa's post! Girlfriend, you had me laughing out loud at your response AND your good attitude about it. Great mojo to tell her like it is and put her in her place.

Proof that, while you're going to be busy (great that you were reminded, in case you forgot), you're going to be an AWESOME mom to 4 kids!

Go get 'em! :)