Heavy drinkers & the bar tab

[cat_april]

My fiancé and I will essentially be hosting two events on the big day: the first a casual, early afternoon wedding and light supper reception at a botanical garden ending at 6, and the second a "party-till-dawn" affair at a restaurant/bar. We are providing limited wine and beer (1-3 drinks per person)at the early supper reception. We were planning to have free hors d'oeuvres with a cash bar at the second event because of our heavy-drinking guests (and limited budget), but everything I've read about having a cash bar makes me feel it is downright tacky. What do you think of our plans? Any suggestions if you feel this isn't the way for us to go?

[lettezilla]

i have to say i don't think it's tacky. first, because you're springing for the drinks at the 'wedding-y' part during the day. if you all went out clubbing after the wedding was finished, nobody would expect you to pay for drinks, would they?

i have a hard time disliking cash bars anyway. i've lived in england for 4 years, and most (if not all) weddings are cash bars here. it's just what people expect, and it's not an issue. people don't have to spend money-- there's no obligation to drink more than the dinner wine!

good luck, sounds like a fun event

[Lithofacies]

Yeah, it's kinda tacky... But if you have people with a history of heavy drinking and a limited budget you have 2 choices for the 2nd half of your night: go broke or don't offer alcohol. I'm thinking the heavy drinkers would rather have the option to drink than be unable.It's pretty nice on your part to offer people drinks in the "wedding" portion of the event. Anyone who was married ever who attends your wedding will understand sticking to a budget. Especially the people who failed to do so and were in debt for years later.

[JanineM]

I live in Massachusetts. I have never been to a wedding with an open bar. Maybe some rich people do it, but not the rest of us here. In fact most people here would consider someone having an open bar to be crazy. A cash bar is considered prudent here and not tacky in any way.

I know there seems to be much pressure from people in other regions in the internet to push for open bars. To many of us here we find it very rude for guests to EXPECT to have unlimited liquer on someone else's tab. We also find it very rude to call people tacky for not having an unlimited budget for all the extras.

I have even heard some people say that they should just have less guests and have a open bar. That seems like thre rudest idea of all. To not include some pople who one cares about just to provide an open bar to others. That is what I would call rude and tacky.

I do recomend at least having sodas offered to guests during the meal. I have been to a few that had open coke bars all evening or at least open coke bars just for the kids. If you are having a champaign toast that should be provided. It would also be nice to offer at least one glass of wine with dinner, but that is only an option.

I did go to one wedding here where they gave out drink tickets to guests. People who didn't want them gave them to others who did and unused oned were not charged for. People who wanted more could just pay for their own. They could use them anytime that night, not just during certian hours. It worked out great.

I have seen some very good package deals on the net that were all inclusive. It something like that is in the budget then you may want to go for it.

Never let someone make you feel tacky for not having an open bar. It is as silly as having someone call you tacky for not handing out your credit card for them to use!

[Soon_to_be_Mrs_Jen]

I'm also having the problem of being made to feel guilty about not hosting an open bar. Almost every thing that I have read has suggested that a cash bar is tacky. Which is unfortunate because I am in no position to offer my guests an open bar, but would like my guests to have the option to drink if they so desire! (and half of my guest list is people in their 20's so I'm thinking they will want to!)... One of the members of my wedding party even suggested pushing our wedding back another year so that we can afford it!

Ultimately, we have decided to provide wine with dinner then a cash bar afterwards... However, when choosing our reception site, one of our considerations was the cost that guests would be charged for drinks!

[elevator_lady]

I am squarely in the "cash bars are tacky" camp. Mind you, this is not the same thing as saying "not having an open bar is tacky." There is a difference between simply having less at your wedding, and asking your guests to pay up. It's the latter that lacks tact and grace.

If you cannot afford to pay for limitless alcohol for your guests, there are a number of options that don't make you look like a cheapskate. Of course, you could limit the number of guests, (which will also save you in most other areas, like catering, favors, invitations, etc) but if that's not desirable, you can always limit the amount and type of alcohol being offered.

My fiance and I are in the early stages of planning our wedding for May 2010, but we know for sure that we will not be offering hard liquor to our guests, nor will we be having a champagne toast. By limiting our alcohol selection to just a couple of beers and wines, we are cutting way down on the total tab. (Not having liquor also eliminates the need for mixers and juices.) Most caterers charge more for import beers than domestics, so stick to a couple of domestic varieties. (If you have a local micro-brewery in your area, even better: you can offer local brews instead of imports.)

Another trick we are employing is to close the bar down after three hours. Let's face it: it's in everyone's best interest to not serve alcohol all the way up to the last minute.

One idea that will work well if your reception is early in the day: you could limit yourself to just the champagne toast, or an alcoholic punchbowl. (All other beverages being non-alcoholic.) This would mean that a case or two of an affordable spirit would be your only (and fixed!) booze expense, and you don't have to worry about multitudes of beverages or paying for a bartender.

Finally, and I mean this sincerely, if you really, really cannot afford to buy everyone booze, simply don't serve alcohol. There are any number of reasons that folks would not want to buy or serve booze, and there is no reason you'd need to explain yourself if you choose not to have it at your wedding.

My objections to a cash bar are not complaints about "not having free booze for everyone," but instead are objections to asking your guests to pony up money. Hosting a party means footing the bill. This is not a BYOB Superbowl party. Don't ask your guests to pay...they're already showing up with gifts in tow, isn't that enough?