bedrest and intimacy

[spu]

I'm 26 wks pregnant with twins and have been on bedrest since wk 18. Our intimate life has been put on hold. Any suggestions for how to rekindle intimacy when certain things are off limits for a while? What kinds of things made you feel pampered and special?

thanks so much for any advice!

[KathyO]

It depends. To put it really directly, I assume that conventional intercourse is out... but are non-intercourse orgasms okay? Check with your doctor to make sure you're not depriving yourself unneccessarily!

If ALL kinds of nookie are out (phooey!), then there's always:

back rubs
foot rubs
belly rubs with oily stuff to prevent itching
picnics on the bed (with candles on the dresser and deacoholized fizzy in glasses)
really really good chocolate, in small doses
videos
reading aloud to one another (sounds corny, but I loved being read to)
having my hair brushed
having one's toenails painted (I didn't, but my friend did, and she found it very tender and sweet - and giggly too!)

Just a few thoughts. Hang in there!

Cheers,

KathyO

[Rachels]

I agree with everything Kathy said, and would add the kind of sustained kissing people tend to do early in relationships, before that kind of thing gets to be only a precursor to sex. Physical closeness, cuddling, kissing, etc. can go a long way to reminding you that you have a romantic and sexual relationship, even if orgasms are off-limits. Also, just be sure you and your partner are talking about this openly and spending time remembering what attracts you to each other. If physical intimacy has to be restricted for the time being, it's especially important to make sure that relational intimacy is in good shape.

As Kathy said, hang in there! Let your partner take good care of you while you're busy taking such good care of your growing babies.

-Rachel

[spu]

thanks Kathy and rachel! your suggestions are great. Now that we know the babies are developing nicely and are healthy, we're ready to spend a little bit of time thinking about ourselves during the last month or two of bedrest.

[KathyO]

Glad to hear it. You're doing the right thing, thinking about how to fuel your relationship under difficult circumstances. The first few months post-birth will be so hectic you'll forget to take care of yourselves, let alone each other, and it's good to start out the ride all "topped up" with intimacy and connection!!

Keep us posted,

Cheers,

KathyO