jojo2324
06-16-2002, 10:16 AM
Something not entirely pregnancy related...and bear with me because it is a long story, so here goes...
My DH's mother died three and half years ago. His father was devastated, as they had been married for nearly thirty years and all he did was dote on her. Shawn and I were there for him as much as possible, doing dinner, renting videos, etc, just so he wouldn't be alone. Cut to seven months later: Dad has a new girlfriend who is twenty years his junior, and only five years older than Shawn. We're happy that he has met someone, although a little too quickly for Shawn's comfort. She is a nice lady, very sweet, very much a homemaker, eager to take care of Dad. She also happens to be the step-daughter of Dad's brother, Shawn's uncle, so I guess she and Shawn are step-cousins, and Dad is her step-uncle? I know, a bit bizarre, but not necessarily illegal. We try not to think about it too much as it hurts the brain :) Anyway, they decide that she is going to move in with Dad and they are going to get married. This is seven months after Shawn's mother's passing. We are no longer thrilled. It seems to be very convenient a situation for her: she moves into a house, wants a child, all with a man who is not entirely out of mourning. Despite our protests (including her parents, which includes her step-father/Dad's brother) they go ahead and get hitched. Immediately the house is renovated; it is now nearly double the size it once was. Any trace of Shawn's mother is gone, and he is obviously resentful about the whole situation. They try to have a baby, another thing we voiced our concern about seeing as Dad is nearing 55, and the last thing Shawn wants is another child without a parent. They were unable to conceive, and are now in the process of adopting a baby from China.
Basically, our problem is this: What on earth do we call her? Shawn and I don't feel that she is our child's grandmother, in any sense. Things are definitely better between everyone now, we get along fine, although there are still some issues. The last thing I want is to put another rift in the family now that things have calmed down, but this is something we feel very strongly about. And the other night, Shawn's father mentioned how much she was looking forward to be a grandmother, so we know that it is going to be a point of conflict. I don't think that she would ever say anything to us about it, but Shawn's father would, without a doubt. We just plan on calling her Debbie in front of the baby, but I can just picture Dad calling her grandma and then there being a whole situation. Should we call her Aunt Debbie? Why not throw another family member title into the mix and confuse everyone a little more? :)
It's so funny. When I was growing up, I had four grandparents, all of whom lived halfway around the world. The only person I have any sort of relationsip with is my paternal grandmother. However, my father remarried and my step-mother's mother was in our lives frequently, so she was called granma b. (B was the first letter of her last name, not B as in alpha, beta.) I now have my father, my mother, my mother's second husband, my former stepmother whom I am very close to, her husband, Shawn's father and his second wife. So that's seven grandparents! The new American family, I guess.
Thanks for reading through all this...I know that it is long-winded, and any help would be appreciated. It is really weighing on my mind. Thanks! joanne
My DH's mother died three and half years ago. His father was devastated, as they had been married for nearly thirty years and all he did was dote on her. Shawn and I were there for him as much as possible, doing dinner, renting videos, etc, just so he wouldn't be alone. Cut to seven months later: Dad has a new girlfriend who is twenty years his junior, and only five years older than Shawn. We're happy that he has met someone, although a little too quickly for Shawn's comfort. She is a nice lady, very sweet, very much a homemaker, eager to take care of Dad. She also happens to be the step-daughter of Dad's brother, Shawn's uncle, so I guess she and Shawn are step-cousins, and Dad is her step-uncle? I know, a bit bizarre, but not necessarily illegal. We try not to think about it too much as it hurts the brain :) Anyway, they decide that she is going to move in with Dad and they are going to get married. This is seven months after Shawn's mother's passing. We are no longer thrilled. It seems to be very convenient a situation for her: she moves into a house, wants a child, all with a man who is not entirely out of mourning. Despite our protests (including her parents, which includes her step-father/Dad's brother) they go ahead and get hitched. Immediately the house is renovated; it is now nearly double the size it once was. Any trace of Shawn's mother is gone, and he is obviously resentful about the whole situation. They try to have a baby, another thing we voiced our concern about seeing as Dad is nearing 55, and the last thing Shawn wants is another child without a parent. They were unable to conceive, and are now in the process of adopting a baby from China.
Basically, our problem is this: What on earth do we call her? Shawn and I don't feel that she is our child's grandmother, in any sense. Things are definitely better between everyone now, we get along fine, although there are still some issues. The last thing I want is to put another rift in the family now that things have calmed down, but this is something we feel very strongly about. And the other night, Shawn's father mentioned how much she was looking forward to be a grandmother, so we know that it is going to be a point of conflict. I don't think that she would ever say anything to us about it, but Shawn's father would, without a doubt. We just plan on calling her Debbie in front of the baby, but I can just picture Dad calling her grandma and then there being a whole situation. Should we call her Aunt Debbie? Why not throw another family member title into the mix and confuse everyone a little more? :)
It's so funny. When I was growing up, I had four grandparents, all of whom lived halfway around the world. The only person I have any sort of relationsip with is my paternal grandmother. However, my father remarried and my step-mother's mother was in our lives frequently, so she was called granma b. (B was the first letter of her last name, not B as in alpha, beta.) I now have my father, my mother, my mother's second husband, my former stepmother whom I am very close to, her husband, Shawn's father and his second wife. So that's seven grandparents! The new American family, I guess.
Thanks for reading through all this...I know that it is long-winded, and any help would be appreciated. It is really weighing on my mind. Thanks! joanne