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View Full Version : co-sleeping and crib?



jojo2324
08-17-2002, 11:36 AM
Hi all...I know some are opposed to the idea of co-sleeping, so I apologize if this is upsetting to some people...

DS is nearly 7 weeks old and has pretty much taken up residence at my boob. He really seems to like it :) He falls asleep in the car and in his swing (sometimes) but at night the only way to get him to sleep is to feed him in bed, laying beside him. I have been trying for a while to get him to sleep in his crib, but he just refuses. Anytime I get him to sleep and put him down someplace other than 2 cm away from me, he wakes up and starts wailing. My mother suggested that the crib is too open and he just likes being snug and cuddled. She said to try his carseat, but now all this stuff is coming out about how too much time in the carseat is bad for their back. Also, he has nearly outgrown his infant seat, so it's not really an option. Now, I don't mind having him in our bed (DH does, but DH also likes to sleep, so what are you gonna do?), but I also don't want to wake up four years from now and find him there. We're also planning on moving him into his own room in the next month and I don't want it to be 2 changes: room AND crib. Any advice on how to ease the transition? Thanks!

ps...don't really have the resources for a co-sleeper or cradle either.

egoldber
08-17-2002, 02:49 PM
Sarah nursed to sleep until she was 5 months old. I tried following the Weissbluth recommendation of putting her down tired and it didn't work for her. Then around 5 1/2 - 6 months, she reached some kind of developmental milestone, and was able to stay awake after the last feeding of the day. I could then start to lay her down awake and she would fall asleep on her own. So I wouldn't worry about Gannon's ability to go to sleep only while nursing yet. It is many months before this will really be an issue.

As far as sleeping with you, again, I wouldn't worry yet and do what works for you. We actually had Sarah's crib in our bedroom until she was 4 months old. So she always slept in our room, but in her own crib. When she was 4 months (and had stopped nursing at night completely) we moved the crib to the nursery (which involved dis-assembly and re-assembly, but oh well). She was completely unphased by the move to the nursery.

One thing we did when she was tiny was put her in the crib parallel to the headboard rather than the side rails (turned 90 degrees from the "normal" way). This gave her a much cozier feel in the crib. It was also handy becasue if she leaked in the middle of the night, I could just move her to the other end of the crib and wait till the morning to change the sheet. I also swaddled her at night until she was 8 or 10 weeks old.

Maybe something in this will be useful to you. :)

If you are interested in continuing to co-sleep, then I would read up on it. There are steps to take to make sure it is done in a safe manner. You may want to check out the Dr. Sears books, The Baby Book and his Attachment Parenting book. Also, there is an active Attachment Parenting message board on ParentsPlace: http://boards2.parentsplace.com/messages/get/ppattachment120.html

HTH,

KathyO
08-17-2002, 08:54 PM
(This item edited because part of it got clipped off in the first submission...)

Mine also nursed to sleep until about 6 months. I felt horribly incompetent because everything I read talked about teaching them to fall asleep on their own, and nothing I tried was moving in that direction. Then, just like Beth says, she hit some kind of internal milestone and needed less and less "help" (cuddling, rocking, backrubbing) to make the transition. Now I just feed her, pop her into the crib, and she calmly takes it from there. Joy!

One way to go at the crib transition might be to work on daytime naps there, or just daytime quiet time there. Swaddling is a good idea. I found that slightly stretchy blankets gave better "hug" than non-stretchy ones. (Although may not be an option with the heat we've been having.) Also, once DS is taking a bottle (if he does), let other people (husband, grandparents) try establishing a go-down routine. Let them have a few tries, even if it's rocky at first. Leave the house if you can - not because of any heart-wrenching wailing or anything like that, but to squelch your own compulsion to barge in and take over because whoever it is isn't doing things the way YOU do!

I teach a night course, so once a week, DH and DD _HAD_ to manage together. After an awkward few nights, they had a workable routine. It was really hard at the time, but now I'm really grateful that we did it. There are several benefits - DD seems well-adjusted to the idea that the necessities of life can come from Daddy as well as Mom, she also seems more comfortable with the idea that Mommy goes away, but she will always come back, and my husband definitely says that these sessions greatly boosted his sense of competence with the baby.

The transition into the crib and her own room was also forced by circumstances; in-laws were visiting and we were going to give them our bedroom. So we did the transition to crib a few weeks before. I was a wreck and arranged to camp out on her floor the first few nights. I needn't have bothered. She couldn't have cared less. Yours might give you a harder time about this transition... but then again, he might not!!

Hope that at least some of this helps,

Cheers,

KathyO

jojo2324
08-18-2002, 09:15 AM
It is so hard not to take over! Poor DH...he does try, but he is also easily frustrated, and I can't stand the crying and know that it will probably go away if I intervene, so I do.

Well, we had been swaddling for awhile, but then it's just been sweltering. Also, he tends to kick out of the blanket within a matter of seconds. Last night I figured after an hour of him sleeping and me trying to put him down and then him waking up again I would give it a whirl and it worked! Of course DH and I are hitting ourselves for being so incompetent. But then at his 5am feeding, it didn't go over so well and there he was, back in bed. Honestly, it feels odd without him there, so I don't mind it so much. I'll keep trying with that. And I do try to put him there during the day...He just has a different opinion on the matter, I guess :) Thanks for your help!

laura_winckler
08-18-2002, 01:18 PM
You really should try to let your DH work out his own systems with the baby. It's good for him, good for your baby, and in the long run, good for you, too! If hubby can't handle the baby without your help, you are never going to be able to leave him in hubby's care. Trust me, eventually, you will want to! My husband does things differently with our son, but he's fabulous at it. And, of course, when we were nursing, he didn't have the breast pacifier at his disposal, so he and my son had to learn to be comforted with other things. But I had to really control myself to not rush in and "save the day" when DS was crying longer than my personal tolerance level could stand.

Just my two cents! I think it's a mistake if you don't squelch your urge to get in there and "do it right".

twins r fun
08-18-2002, 09:38 PM
I really found that getting my boys to learn how to fall asleep by themselves for daytime naps was much easier than doing it at bedtime. I think it was in part because I was fresher and less stressed during the day than at night. I could handle the crying better and I knew it wouldn't go on all night-it was only a nap. I would get them fed and lay them down. They would scream, but I would go take a shower (just for one nap). For the first few days they were still crying when I got out so I would get them up or pat them, rock them, whatever. After a few days, they were asleep by the time I got out of the shower. Then they stopped crying altogether. Once we had naps down, we started bedtime an it only took a few nights of crying. Of course all babies are different, but if you believe it's okay to let your baby cry, but just can't stand to hear it, the shower trick may work.

Melanie
08-24-2002, 02:07 PM
PLEASE don't apologize to ANYONE for co-sleeping. You must do what is best for your family.

I also don't think anyone should feel incompetent for helping their babies get to sleep. Human babies are extremely dependent by nature (think of them compared to other species' babies who just get up and walk away after birth). Human babies can't even pull-up or take-off coverings when they are uncomfortable. Try to imagine sleeping in the same position, on your back, being too hot/too cold/scared of the dark/etc. and have those you trust most expect you to stay just that way for 10 hours at night! I think if you try to put yourselves in your "baby's booties," you may find it easier to understand their actions (sometimes!).

My son, also, could only sleep "cuddled" like in the infant carrier or swing for the first few months. I believe he did not like that open feel of the crib or cradle. We heard comments like "you better put a stop to that before he outgrows it or you will never sleep!" Babies change so quickly, before he ever outgrew the swing he disliked it. I guess some people think they are well-meaning, but their comments tend to come off really rude & unnecessary. Try the "nod & smile" technique.

Also, you might want to read the sleep patterns section of The Baby Book, because you might just be trying to move your son, too soon before he's in a truly deep sleep.

Best of luck to you & remember, they are only small for just a little while.


Mommy to Jonah

joodyjr
08-29-2002, 10:14 PM
My family gets the biggest kick out of our sleeping arrangements... My son was also nursed to sleep. When he woke up in the middle of the night, I would go in and get in the twin bed that's in the nursery with him and ended up falling asleep. He did begin sleeping through the night (around 8 weeks or so)but somewhere around 9 months (weaned from BF) he began waking up at night and needing me to rock him back to sleep. It moved from that to me getting back in the twin bed with him to finally taking him back to my bed and DH moving over to the twin bed in nursery. My son is now almost 2 and he sleeps with me and DH sleeps in the other room. The key word you should note here is SLEEPS. I haven't missed a night's sleep since I started just putting my son in my bed from the get go. It also works for DH and me in that, he likes to sleep with the TV on all night long, and he likes it to be about 20 below zero in the room. I like being close to my (non-snoring LOL) son, and bottom line, it just works for us all. Plus, my son now tells me when it's time for bed and naps. I haven't had a problem getting him to bed in ages. I think co-sleeping is best for us right now. I tried getting him to sleep in his crib using that horrible Ferber method, and quite frankly, it didn't last an hour. It makes much more sense to me that we all sleep, where ever that may be, instead of up and down all night long with a crying baby who feels abandoned. With DD due in October, I've ordered a Co-Sleeper by Arm's reach. I just wish I had it for my son. Granted, this isn't the situation for everyone, but hey, we get a good night's sleep! I don't worry what other's think about it.

tmcgee99
10-05-2002, 10:23 PM
Hi! I plan to do a variation of co-sleeping when our dhild is born in Dec. I've read alot on the subject and have decided that the risks of having the baby actually in bed with us is just too great. (you can roll over on the baby, the baby can get stuck between the headboard and mattress, the baby can suffocate on the mattress, pillow, or blanket, etc.) But there are too many advantages to totally disregard co-sleeping, too. Babies who co-sleep are at a lower risk of SIDS, as they tend to regulate their breathing to their Mom's. They also cry less, as they learn that their needs are met w/o having to scream their heads off! (Mom's reponse time is less, 'cause she's right there!) And who can ignore the convenience of a nursinging Mom only not having to get out of bed in the middle of the night? (etc., etc. - too much to keep listing!) So we decide to get Graco's Triad bassinette, which is kinda like the Arm's Reach but cheaper. There is a product out there, can't remember the name, but I've seen it at Babies R Us, that is a type of insert that surrounds the baby in your bed, for baby's safety. It's cheaper than the Arm's Reach or the Triad. If that isn't in your budget, either, (new babies are SO expensive!) try checking out consignment shops for something to fit your needs. But keep in mind that the free standing sleepers have weight limits that your baby may soon reach. At least you might find some very good prices on like new, quality baby clothes! As for the crib issue, do what you can, when your baby seems ready to handle it. Eventually, your child will need his own space and Mommy and Daddy will want the intimacy and privacy back from their own bed. Food for thought: the older the child is, the harder the task will be! Have you asked your pediatrician his/her advice? You also might want to check out some books from the library on these issues, for some ideas/help. Good luck to you! tmcgee99

daisymommy
10-08-2002, 12:30 PM
Just wanted to say that the insert that you spoke of is called the "Snuggle Nest" and it runs about $60.00 at BRU or 47.99 at Baby Bungalow. http://www.thebabybungalow.com/babdelsnugne.html.
I'm thinking of buying it since DS is about ready to outgrow his Graco Triad Bassinet Cosleeper--which we all absolutely love! And it was half the price ($99.00?) of a Arms Reach co-sleeper, and smaller so it fit in our small bedroom. I was apposed to cosleeping before DS was born (and I had no idea about how bad sleep deprivation could be, LOL!) But now we all get our best sleep when Joshua is tummy down on my warm chest, his liitle hands on my cheeks, or nestled in my arms next to me. I know these are all bad habits I'm starting, and I may regret it later when he doesn't want to sleep in his own bed when he's older, but I tell you, right now, IT WORKS! and "sleep-happens":) The Traid co-sleeper is nice for when Josh is deeply asleep (and sometimes snoring away!) and I want to cozy up to DH, then I can just gently lift Josh into his bassinet without even sitting up. Sigh...I'll be sad when he outgrows it (he's 12 lbs. at two months, and the Triad weight limit is 15 lbs.)