Does not breastfeeding make me a monster?

[JMarie]

I just had my first tour of the hospital and met with some of the staff who will be assisting me in this wonderful journey of labor and delivery - blech blech blech! Everything was going fine until I was forced - LITERALLY - to meet with their on-staff lactation consultant. Now, mind you, I have already talked with my doctors and we have concluded that breastfeeding really isn't an option for me. I have IBS and during the episodes I can't even eat enough to sustain myself, much less milk production. I'm having a hard enough time eating now! I can't take the medication that keeps the episodes at bay because it hasn't been tested for pregnant and nursing women and I don't feel like making my child the guinea pig. This lactation consultant cornered me for twenty-five minutes until I finally agreed to consider other alternatives that may allow me to breastfeed. I left the hospital in tears, feeling like the worst mother to be!

I want to do what is in my child's best interest, and as far as I can tell, keeping myself healthy is just as important as my child's health. My GI doctor says there's really no better medication than the one I'm taking - the others that are available may be safer for the baby but are much less effective at treating my symptoms. I've tried a couple and they did nothing for me. Have any other formula using mothers gone through this ordeal and how did you handle these situations? I really hate to call people zealots, but this woman was completely obsessed! Someone please convince me I'm not a terrible mom! Thanks.

JMarie
EDD 2/28/03

[thorsmom]

I am a mom who breastfeeds and plans to do so at least thru the 1st year (we are in the sixth month now) as long as DS is willing to nurse (and doesn't bite). With that being said there are many factors that should be weighed in the decision of whether to breastfeed or not, the health of the mom is critical to the health of the baby and should be one of the most important factors. There is enough stress that goes along with being pregnant and a new mom to be without letting the nursing zealots out there make you feel bad about your decision. You and your doctor have obviously sat down and talked about the pros and cons of breastfeeding and decided that the best course of action is to go with formula feeding. This is obviously not a frivilous decision on your part. The first few months after the baby is born will be physically taxing enough without you endangering your health. There are tons of kids and adults out there who were raised on formula and they are doing just fine. If your current medication has not been tested I think you have made the best decision you can and would encourage you to not let this person make you feel bad about yourself.

I let the nursing zealots get to me when my baby was first born. I was induced when I had my son due to having pre-eclampsia and my milk did not come in for a week. The nursing zealots were against me feeding my son any formula and advised that the colostrum would be more than enough for the first several days. Well by the evening of day two he was starving and fussy all night long. When we took him in for his checkup on the morning of day three he had lost over 10% of his body weight. I regret not going with my gut feeling and just giving him some formula.

Just remember that as in everything that has to do with babies there is not a one size fits all answer. If I were in your shoes I would have made the same decision and phooey to anyone else.

Good Luck.

[dd_ani]

You will be a great mom! You are looking at the situation and deciding what is best for YOUR child. That is what is important.

Breastfeeding is great, but millions of us were raised on formula and turned out just fine, thank you very much. Personally, I breastfeed and feed formula. It works for us. I loved our lactation consultants, but they took dd's medical needs into account and were ok with the fact that she was on formula in NICU.

You might mention your experience to your OB and see if they can head off any more attempts at "intervention." (Someone might also discuss with that particular consultant the reasons, medically, why sometimes breastfeeding is not appropriate.)

You will do great and you are making a good choice for your child. Hang in there and good luck!

Michelle

[brubeck]

So the answer to your question is NO! You are not a monster. And from my own personal experience I can tell you that lactation consultants (at least the three at my hospital) tend to be rabid and insensitive to the problems of nursing.

However, that being said, if you could nurse your child for even a short time (say, 1 week so baby gets the colostrum) and hold off on your medication that long it might be very beneficial. I don't really know much about IBS, so I don't know the reality of the situation, but I do know the first week of colostrum and transitional milk gives many of the permanent immunity and anti-allergy benefits. Perhaps you could nurse for those few days (and this would include when you are in the hospital under the nose of the nuring zealots) and then go to formula.

The important thing though is that whatever you decide your baby will be fine! Many people in our generation (including my oh so wonderful husband!) never had a drop of breastmilk in their lives and turned out to be normal, healthy adults.

[KathyO]

No, go ahead and call these people zealots! Many of them are. Without naming names, my local La Leche League is a truly frightening bunch. (I speak as a mother who did breastfeed, and intended to from the beginning, and was still turned off by the stridency of the propaganda.)

My husband and I still laugh at the breastfeeding video they showed us in the early prenatal classes. In one scene, a tearful mother in a hospital bed is struggling with a crying infant. "I fed him and he's still crying!" she wails.

Her husband steps forward with (heaven knows where he got it) a full bottle of formula. He looms over her almost threateningly. "Maybe you don't have ENOUGH," he sneers. "You should give him THIS." The camera zooms in on the bottle in his hand, as if it were a vial of crack or something. You can almost hear the peer-pressure subtext: "whatsa matter, you chicken? All the other kids are doing it. It's COOL..." The young mother cowers as the scene ends. (Later, in the summary, the Bottle Bully reappears with a big red X through him...!)

We nearly cracked up right in the class, and by the expressions on the teachers, it wouldn't have been a Good Thing!

You are an intelligent woman who's done her homework and weighed the facts. You care about your baby more than anybody else in the world does. Don't let 'em guilt-hammer you over a rational and considered decision.

Cheers,

KathyO

[mama2be]

I worked in Hospital ADministration for a long time...and I'll tell you I would call that administrator of that hospital and tell him/her that you are recosnidering NOT having your baby there due to this insensitive consultant.

Hospitals do everything they can to attract "moms", and usually "hook em" when the mom chooses where she will deliver. they want to keep you happy be assured. But the day I am treated like a child by one of these of consultants is the day they will be nipped in the bud and I will tell them directly that I am calling the administration on them.

I too have worried about this and that was my plan in dealing with this...and even a call to the PR person the day you go into deliver would not hurt...

I have noticed soooo much guilt being placed on women (moms) that it is sickening...no you are not a monster...but nip these folks in the bud for the rest of us :)

Wish I oculd see what colleges etc... their children are attending since they did everything "so right"...

Sorry this sort of thing gets me heated...

[ScrapNancy]

You have obviously put a lot of thought and collected a lot of medical advice on this subject to come to the decision that is right for you and your child. Absolutely you have to take care of yourself so that you can be physically able to take care of your child.

I may also be faced with this decision as I have hormonally triggered migraines. If they act up post-partum I may not be able to breastfeed depending on what med I have to take to control them. But the last time I let my headaches go untreated I ended up in the hospital dehydrated and you can't breastfeed like that...Hopefully my current med will continue to work and I won't have to make that choice.

All that any of us can do is call on our medical advisors and our own common sense and do what we think is best for us and our child...

I would definitely complain to the hospital administration about the lactation consultant. The hospital staff is there to assist and support you, not hound you when you've already made a decision based on sound medical advice....

Nancy, due 5/16/03

[sntm]

LOL! Did he pull the bottle out of a trench coat lined with gold watches and plastic baggies????

And thorsmom, don't feel too bad about baby's weight loss that first week. Some weight loss is normal and expected.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)

[Melanie]

Zealot meants: supporter, believer, advocate, devotee, etc. I don't take this word to be negative and therefore consider myself a Nursing Zealot. At risk of being flamed, I feel very negatively about those who do not make informed decisions about breastfeeding. (I know being so judgemental is going to come back to bite me sometime) Anyway, I think you are making an informed decision AND you have considered other alternatives. From what you said, it does not seem to be an issue you have taken lightly, you have legitimate health concerns. I'm sorry someone made you feel so badly for your decision, and that there is not medication available so you can nurse.


Mommy to Jonah

[jojo2324]

After my many outbursts here about nursing and formula, one thing sticks in my head. I think Beth said that the most important thing a baby needs is a healthy and happy mother. And it's so true! I am sure that I was being no help to my son while I sat there, sobbing, holding a bottle of formula in front of him while he was just anxiously opening his mouth, looking for something to suck on. But he needed to eat, so in the bottle went. And I got some much needed rest; life went on.

You are making an informed decision, and the right one for you and your baby. If possible, I would try to nurse a little bit for the colostrum, and also to ease engorgement. But you and your doctor know what is best. Good luck to you!

ps...KathyO is too funny. I was made to watch a similar video. It was my hospital's baby care class, essentially. Ugh.

[egoldber]

It was my ped who told me that in his office, when at 1 week after her birth, Sarah had gained NO weight since losing 10% of her birthweight in the hospital and I was practically in hysterics at the thought of having to supplement with formula. He told me that, and I felt so much better. And I really believe it.

Fortunately I hooked up after that with a WONDERFUL lactation consultant. When I called her to set up the home visit, she asked what I was feeding Sarah. I said I was pumping and giving her that. She said great, but feel free to give her formula if she needed it until her visit. I was floored! An LC suggesting formula! When she came on the visit, she helped resolve most of our problems, but told me to continue to feel free to supplement with formula if I needed to (and I always did have to supplement a little). It will be fine, she said, and most babies have no trouble going back and forth between breast and bottle, so not to worry! I could just feel the guilt flowing away. I said why did she give this kind of advice, and she said that her goal was to nourish our baby and also to build a healthy relationship with the baby. If it took a few ounces of formula to do that, so what?

My mother-in-law, who was with me during the LC's visit asked what happened 100 years ago before there were lactation consultants and formula when women had trouble breastfeeding. The LC gently reminded us that 100 years ago, a lot of babies died or were malnourished. For me, that REALLY put the issue of supplementation to rest for me.

So to the original poster, I wouldn't feel bad at all. You are giving your baby the gift of a healthy mommy. My sister-in-law has IBS and Crohn's disease. She and her husband want to start trying for a baby next year and she is DREADING going off her meds. Without them she can hardly eat and is often completely laid up in bed, so I understand your pain.

Best of luck!

[candybomiller]

JMarie,

You are not a monster! It sounds to me like you care very much about your child and have made a choice based on YOUR situation. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. That's a fact of life.

I tried to breastfeed my son after he was born. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. I'm not exaggerating. I had two different lactation consultants and a registered nurse try to help me. Finally we all agreed that I would pump and Matt would get the breastmilk from a bottle. After three weeks I was diagnosed with severe post partum depression and had to stop pumping because of the medication I was taking. Believe me when I tell you that I was relieved. The choice was taken out of my hands. Both my ob and Matt's pediatrician told me to stop giving him breastmilk. I do think that the constant pumping did add to the postpartum depression.

I don't think that feeding a child formula makes someone a bad parent. That's ridiculous. What makes someone a bad parent is just not caring what's best for the child, which, as has been said before, is a happy and healthy mom. Yes, being a mom means that your baby must come first, but YOU are the most important person to that baby right now.

It sounds like you've made the right decision. Don't second guess yourself. Don't play the what-if game. Trust yourself and your doctor, after all, that's why they get paid the big bucks! :)

Hope that helps, and best of luck to you.

Candy
-SAHM to Matthew Nicholas, born 5/22/02

P.S. I also agree with the advice about contacting the hospital administration. It is just wrong that you were ambushed like that. If that doesn't accomplish anything, write a letter to the editor of your local paper. It's NOT ok that you were treated like that.

[Shirale]

I see form reading the other posts that everything important and reassuring has already been said, but I just wanted to tell you that it is your body and your decision and it does not at ALL reflect on how much you love your child, or what kind of a mother you are. You obviously want what is best for your baby and one of the MOST important things for a baby is a happy, healthy mother. No one has the right to tell you what you should be doing, especially to force you to the point of tears. That said, I had quite a hard time nursing in the beginning, my milk didn't come in for 9 days (after Pre-eclampsia and a c-section)and I had no colostrum and flat nipples and every time my DD latched on I cried. I despretely wanted to nurse and after about 3 months I really finally got the hang of it, but I always supplemented. She would have lost way too much weight in the beginning (she was 6 pounds when born, 5 11 or 12 when we went home and that was on formula...) so I still give 8 oz a day of formula and I feel fine about thatanyhow- you do what you can to be a happy healthy mother. That is your job!!!

[JMarie]

Okay, you've all made me feel better. That woman must be off HER medication! I understand how nursing mothers feel - most of the women I work with nursed their children at the very least the six weeks of maternity leave and they have all helped with my research. My GI (gastrointerologist) has given me packs of 'safe' med samples to try during episodes. As I said before, they don't really work. I know that formula-fed babies will turn out to be well-adjusted individuals - both DH and I are in that category - but I guess I had always assumed I would breastfeed my children. I guess my body has other plans.

I will be sending a letter to the administration of my hospital, and my OBs have agreed to talk to the nursing and support staff to make sure there's not another issue, especially in our post-delivery delirium. I can't change hospitals - it's the only one where my OBs deliver, and I just LOVE my OB's. They are unbelievably supportive! My GI thinks I'll have a relapse right after delivery - hormone changes can trigger IBS, as I so nicely found out with that first pregnancy rush of hormones! - so it's really unlikely I'll even be able to get that first week in. It's just nice to know that even if the hospital staff will be glaring at me, I really am doing what is best for my baby. Thank you for all your insight and support!

JMarie
EDD 2/28/03

[mama2be]

I would just threaten (if necessary to make a point) to change hospitals...but didn't mean to actually do that...(yikes!!!!)...

But if no other hospital is around that threat probably won't get you too far. I would call and write a letter. I have found (which is different than most industries) that if the "business person (admin)" gets the call then they have to deal with it...a letter can be routed to someone else "to deal with"...

Not saying don't write a letter, but you might want to make that call too...

Also I am certain they have a PR dept...they are true patient advocates, they go straight to the source-I think I would notify them as well.

Good luck you will do great!!!

[ecarley]

No, of course you're not a monster! The others have covered that pretty well.

The lactation consultant is there because promoting breastfeeding is her job. (Not that she should have treated you that way, you might actually want to write a formal letter to the hospital administration.) She probably runs into people who are waffling about breastfeeding or just think it's icky, and it's her obligation to do what she can to get them to nurse.

I'll bet that once you get into L&D and settled into your room, you'll find the other hospital staff to be much more understanding and helpful. If and when a lactation nurse comes to your room after delivery, tell her politely that you don't need her. If necessary, tell your husband to tell her impolitely. And then ring the nurses station and tell them there's an unwelcome intruder in your room. That could be interesting }>

[JMarie]

Actually, I'd probably be the one to be impolite! My husband is such a nice, sweet guy and not at ALL agressive like that. I am definitely the assertive one in our little family. I guess I was so stunned by that woman that I just couldn't stand up for myself, but when I'm cranky - which, if labor lasts as long as my MIL (three days), I will be - I won't have a problem telling that woman to get out! Right now, though, that's honestly my biggest worry for the entire hospital stay. Not a c-section, not epidurals or episiotomies - it's dealing with the lactation nurses! I'm sure that will change as the day gets closer... Thanks!

JMarie
EDD 2/28/03