Question about breastfeeding...

[KimberleyDawn]

I know that they say that bf your baby is the best choice you can make but for some reason I can't imagine doing it!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?! Has anyone else gone through this or known anyone who for no known reason seems to dread the thought of bf. Please help me because I can't figure out why I have these feelings.
Kim

[twins r fun]

I wasn't looking forward to breastfeeding at all. I couldn't understand why people were so into it. I debated about not doing it, but in the end felt like the health benefits were worth it. However I was having twins who were almost sure to be premature, so secretly (and not so secretly with my family) I hoped they wouldn't be able to breastfeed and I could just pump. This is how things worked out. I "tried" to breastfeed while the babies were at the hospital (2-5 weeks) under the supervision of nurses and lactation consultants but once home, I never tried again. I pumped for 4 months and was happy. I felt very close/bonded to my babies. As to why you or I have these feelings, I have no idea-but I'm sure we're not alone, maybe we're just better able to admit it! I guess I don't have any advice for you, just wanted you to know you're not the only one.

Nicole

[KimberleyDawn]

Are you saying that you can pump your milk right from the very beginning? I wouldn't ever have to put the baby to my breast? Maybe this is an option for me until I can figure out what my problem is. Does pumping hurt and approx. how many oz. do you get per breast at 1st?
Kim

[twins r fun]

Yep you can pump from the beginning-there are a few issues though. With the colostrum it is in such small amounts that the baby wouldn't be able to get much by the time you get it through the pump, bottle, etc. And you know the colostrum is important. One solution is to add formula to the bottle you have pumped into and then the baby gets the colostrum along with the formula. You lose a little in the pumping apparatus, but I was told to scrape as much out with a spoon as I could. This was only an issue the first day or two, after that it was liquidy enough to get into the bottle. The other thing is that you probably would need to rent a hospital pump in order to establish a good supply (that's what I was told). A hospital pump can be pricey. I never found that pumping hurt, but it is kind of a pain in the butt. I have a friend with a baby of similar age and it seemed to me that breastfeeding was a pain in the butt, too! I will say I was glad to stop pumping when I did. They say you don't produce milk as effectively with pumping as with actual breastfeeding. I think you can if you pump dilligently ie, pump every time you feed your baby as you would be doing with breastfeeding. I have twins and I pumped frequently while they were in the hospital-had plenty of milk for the two of them. Once I got them both home, the number of times I pumped dropped and I gradually went from all breastmilk to half breastmilk, half formula by 4 months. In the very beginning I pumped 5-6 times a day, then 4-5, 3-4, by the end I pumped twice a day and was able to get half their feedings. Keep in mind this was for twins. Pumping is definitely not for everyone, but it worked out fine for me because it was what I wanted. One issue I did not have to deal with was explaining my decision to the Lactation consultants-my babies were hospitalized, I had to pump. You may have a hard time with them if you decide to do this. Anyway, post again or private email me through the profile section of this board if you've got more questions.

Nicole

[cara1]

I thought it was weird, too, long before I was pregnant. But your feelings may change after you deliver. Try to keep an open mind. If you don't at least try it, you'll never know. I'm still nursing at 7mos and loving it.

[KathyO]

Is it the thought of having some little critter chomping away on what are/were two of your favourite and highly sensitive erogenous zones? I have to admit, I wondered what THAT would be like. But for the duration of breastfeeding, my breasts went into a "feed" mode, and it was totally different from other stimuli. I felt happy, almost dopey, when feeding. Must be the hormones. When I weaned, the boobs returned to (I love this phrase, can't remember right now who coined it) their former fun-loving selves.

That being said, you don't necessarily have to have a reason for the way you feel. Sometimes you just do. Hey, some people can stick contacts in their eyes no problem, others get barfy just thinking about it. It's all relative.

KathyO

[twins r fun]

Good point. Although I dreaded it with these two (my first) and wouldn't really try, I think if I have another I would give it more consideration-something has changed.

Nicole

[mamahill]

LOL - I was excited about sticking contacts in my eyes. I was also looking forward to breastfeeding, though I had the hardest time imagining what it would be like. But then, I was having a hard time imagining childbirth. Funny, they both seemed to work out ok. Initially I had to pump because dd was 3 weeks early and just wanted to sleep after the birth ordeal and would not suck. Scraping the colostrum out of the pump for those first two days was hard, but doable. That was enough to convince me that from breast to mouth would work better. Right about that time, dd decided to wake up, so we were fine.

I guess my point is that I understand your hesitancy. Totally agree with KathyO about transforming your erogenous zone to a feed bag. But also totally agree with the happy/dopey feeling when it's just dd and me, sharing something she can't get from anybody else.

[egoldber]

I was on the opposite end of this. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed for a year, no formula, etc. And then it was so hard and I never really enjoyed it. I stopped at 6 months because I just felt like I couldn't any more.

One of my mommy friends (a real go-getting, take charge kind of gal) marched into her peds office at the first visit and said "Tell me, maximum benefit vs minimum time for breastfeeding!" She was told 3 weeks. So she breastfed for 3 weeks, stopped and never looked back.

You may want to take this kind of approach. If you try it, you may like it and want to continue. Or, if it doesn't work out, you can stop and then bottle feed from then on. But if you don't try, then you won't be able to easily undo that decision, and you may wonder and second guess yourself later. You can always stop whenever you like if it isn't for you. I still feel guilty that maybe I never really tried hard enough.

Just a perspective,

[KimberleyDawn]

Thanks again for all your responses. I will think hard about what I will do and maybe everyone is right and I will feel different after the baby is born.
Kim

[Rachels]

You might also talk to an LC. I was VERY apprehensive about breastfeeding, thought I would hate it. I had the help of a very warm and nonjudgmental LC, and it made an enormous difference. It also really helped with that hard beginning stretch. Now I really treasure my bf relatiionship with my baby and am SO glad I got some support for learning to do it. I love that my body makes exactly the food she needs exactly when she gets hungry. What used to strike me as unpleasant now seems remarkable and exciting. I never would have thought I could feel this way. You aren't alone in your feelings, but you really might need some support.

[bnme]

Just another point of view.....

I don't plan on BF at all (due w/ first in Dec!). Main reason is because I will be returning to work in 12 weeks or less and am NOT into pumpming. I also want my short time how to be as positive an experience as possible and I don't want to have to wean during that time (we will have just established a pattern and then I will have to disrupt it with the bottle, then another change of we working...too much).

I realize there are some benefits my baby won't get from formula (immunity, etc) but believe this an OK trade-off for our sanity and bonding. He will get the nutrients he needs. There are PLENTY of people who are not BF and they are fine, me included.

I also relate to the fact of not being able to imagine myself doing it. That combined with the practicallity bottle feeding helped me make my decision. It can be hard, as it seems to differ from the mainstream. But you have to research the subject and make your decision based on the facts AND your feelings.

I know this is not supported by everyone, just my thoughts.

Good luck!!!

[candybomiller]

Kim

Just thought I would add my two cents. When I was pregnant, I was convinced that I would breastfeed, but was apprehensive about it. We tried it right after Matt was born, when I still had some of the epidural in my system and it went all right. After that, it hurt like hell. For those people who say that it's just a little uncomfortable at the beginning, well, let me tell you, for some people out there, it hurts like a *mother*. And, yes, I had two different lactation consultants and a ton of different registered nurses try to help. IT HURT.

So, we tried pumping. I pumped exclusively for three weeks, almost had a mental breakdown, went on anti-depressants, stopped pumping and now we're happy. I'm positive that my situation is not the norm, but I'm positive that the demands of pumping added to the post partum depression.

All in all, I'm glad that we tried, but I'm incredibly happy that it didn't work out. I hated pumping, I hated breastfeeding, and I hated how doing it made me feel about my son. We're both happier now, and I don't think that there's less of a bond because his food isn't coming from my body. In fact, I think we're closer because I no longer resent being the "bar" and don't want to rip him off the breast and throw him across the room. (I told you, it HURT for me).

All in all, we're a happy formula family. I love that Daddy could get up in the middle of the night to feed Matt while I could sleep (doctor's orders! :) )

I'm not sure this answered your question, but I hope it helped.

Candy
-SAHM to Matthew Nicholas, born 5/22/02

[nina]

I think give it a try, and then decide. I thought I would for SURE breastfeed....and I tried, and hated it. Somehow, something made me stick it out longer. I thought, "ok, just until 6 weeks old", "just until 8 weeks old". I never learned to "LOVE" it like some moms do (God bless them), but I learned not to HATE it (although I did not have pain or bleeding, which might have changed my mind). Finally, around 10 weeks, I decided that it was driving me nuts trying to figure out if DS cried b/c he was hungry or sleepy, I started to pump. Plus, I was going back to work.

DS is now 4 months, and is still getting breastmilk. By the time I started pumping regularly, I think my milk was well established. So now I nurse in the morning and right before he goes to bed. The rest of the day, he gets bottles of EBM whether it's my babysitter or myself at home. But I have to say, the hormones are still out of whack and I don't feel quite myself. Nor can I diet since I have to maintain fat to breastfeed. SO...that's another option. But honestly, I don't think you should feel any sort of guilt either way. Breastfeeding is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. Is it going to be worth it? Who knows? (as DH says, someday, DS may decide to eat really unhealthy, not exercise, smoke, drink, etc and will that all not add to his future health just because I breastfed vs formula?? Probably not). *Just a perspective*

A friend of mine's baby never learned to latch on, so she pumped religiously for 12 weeks. Her baby got EBM for 12 weeks and then she switched to formula. This would require a good electic pump though. But this is also possible.

Best of luck with your decision!!

[mary b]

I know alot of people have posted but I wanted to share my story as well. I felt exactly like you did. I didn't want to have anything to do with breastfeeding mainly because I had heard so many horror stories about it (it's worse than labor) etc.. I was being quite the martyr about it, "I guess I will try since it is better, but I don't really want to" ...
My DH finally said, "if you are going to do this, you are going to try it 100% or don't do it and get over it and stop playing the martyr!"
He was right, I found a couple VERY nice lacation consultants in the hospital (they do exist!) and did it successfully for 4 months until it became too much with working FT. I will definitely do it again next time and probably try to go a lot longer since I probably won't be going back to work. I liked it SO much better than I would have thought.
I say, if you decide to try, then give it 100% and see how it goes. You can always quit if it isn't working for you. Everyone is different, I agree with everyone else that it is one of those things you can't imagine what it's like until you try!!

Good luck and you know you have support here if you need it!
Mary