For mommies of twins...Or any mommy for that matter...

[jojo2324]

This is something I've been wondering for awhile. I hope not to sound crass, but do you consider it rude when people ask you if twins run in the family? I guess the implication is that if they don't, fertility treatments may have been used? I thought I read somewhere that it really wasn't in good taste to ask such a question, but it's always the first that pops into my mind. Just want a bit of perspective...BTW, I don't ask because I don't want to offend.

[mama2be]

I wrote up a long response to this and it just disappeared from my screen...darn it...

Anyway I am only responding to this because you opened it up to non twin mommies as well...and lately I have done a lot of thinking about similiar subjects since I tired so much to "enjoy" the february EDD boards on Parents Place. I just couldn't get into reading about all of these folks who should be happy venting and complaining about people's interest in THEIR pregnancy. One month folks were complaining about people saying, "you don't look pregnant"...the next months they were complaining about people saying "are you sure you are not having twins"...

This made me wonder when I worked at the hospital and was surrounded by pregnat women I certaintly made many of these comments...hate to admit it but that was pre marriage pre pregnancy and at a time in my life when I really didn't care one bit how, if, gender etc...about these strangers babies...but I asked what seemed to be the politically correct thing to ask. I worry that if folks act like a victim/offended everything can get misconstured...it really can. I mean if you ask me my due date you are making me have to admit that I might have actually had ....SEX....and then you pretty much can sum up when I had it...next folks will be offended about that...

If someone inquires about our pregnacies they really are celebrating us...showing an interest in us...My feelings would be hurt if I told someone I was having twins and the conversation stopped there...with a "how nice"...."oh"....that is what the world is ocming to if folks have their "stinger out" all of the time. Someone might not want to divulge infertility treatments and if so should have a nice polite response like, "no, twins don't run in our family, we feel blessed". It doesn't take a political speech writer to come up with a quick appropriate response to dodge questions nicely.

AS much as I hate to admit this here goes... if I ran into someone on the subway and their pregnacy comes up I really am asking them questions to show an interest in them for their sake...I'm not really walking away from that stranger that curious to know that much about their pregnancy. that is hard to say but it is true...so if someone ask you about your prenancy or makes a "routine...over used statement" about your pregnancy I hope we as women can enjoy the interest in us...and enjoy the interest in others...

Just my 2 cents...sorry this is so long...but I have just recently really given a lot of this some thought and am tired of folks "playing victim" all of the time...

Sorry so long...:)

[gour0]

Guess it would depend on how well you know this person. You might want to start with something like, "Wow, I think twins are great!" Or even, "I wish I could have twins!" Or simply, "I'm fascinated, can you tell me more?" I suppose it could be a touchy subject, but isn't every subject touchy when the hormones are surging? :D

[etwahl]

Neve, I wish we lived closer. We seem to have a lot in common (along with similar due dates)! I must admit, I feel the same way as you about this subject. I'm thrilled when people ask me questions. Since I got pregnant, I LOVE talking about the baby, the pregnancy, etc. Additionally, I would consider myself a very considerate, compassionate person, and I feel that I really try to make sure that something I say isn't going to offend someone in some way. So it is frustrating when a seemingly innocent question or comment gets treated as something malicious.

But that's also not to discount someone who feels uncomfortable with certain subjects. That's okay too. I know I can be pretty open about details (e.g. I don't mind at all telling someone we got pregnant four days after my husband returned from a six plus month deployment -- some people may consider that sharing too much!)

With that said, I must also admit that I'm a pretty thin-skinned person myself, so I should probably take some of my own advice in certain instances :)

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[mama2be]

I wish you lived closer too :):):)

[twins r fun]

I think that some families do find the question offensive but I guess it depends on how sensitive they are about their fertility treatment. I think it is widely understood that the assumption when you answer no is that you used fertility treatment. My twins were conceived spontaneously (no fertility treatment) but twins don't run in my family so I say no. Honestly I don't care what the person assumes about how they were conceived because in reality I'll probably never see them again! When you have twins you get lots of questions and you either enjoy it, hate it, or don't care. I like to talk about my babies so I don't mind the questions! I have been offended by two: "Which one is the sickly one?" and "Which one is the good one/bad one." The most common one you get is "Are they twins?" so I think any question or comment other than that one is a relief! Oh the other one that irks me is when they point to my baby that is 3 pounds larger than his brother and say "He must be the older one." Well he does happen to be, but I don't think he put on 3 pounds in the 30 seconds he had in the world before his brother was born! I think a nice, understanding comment is "Wow, that must be a lot of work, but I bet you really enjoy your twins."-open ended, allows the person to comment on either the joys or difficulties of having twins.

Nicole

[spu]

We have twins too and I get all kinds of questions. But now that the babies are 4 months old, most people focus on how cute they are and enjoy making them smile.

The worst was before we decided to start a family. Alot of my friends or coworkers asked when we were going to have kids, or they would say, " you better catch up." (meanwhile, I was barely 30...) I don't even ask my friends when they want to start a family. Maybe they've been trying for a while. It's such a personal decision and many people choose to wait. We did and we're glad we did. It gives me the opportunity now to stay at home with the babies and help nourish them and enjoy them.

The funniest moment I encountered with a stranger was when I was about 36 weeks pg with the twins. My DH and I went to the food store and I sat on a bench up front next to a woman who must have been in her 70s. She looked at me, and the first thing she said is "are you having twins or triplets?" For some reason, I wasn't offended. I felt as though this woman had some sort of wisdom. We ended up having a great conversation until our DHs finished shopping.

Most people who come up to us now are either a twin themselves or have twins too. Everyone loves to talk about babies, esp. the older folks that I meet during the day at the stores. Everyone thinks they're 2 boys.

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else