Doulas

[gour0]

Hi everybody! It sounds like everyone had a good Thanksgiving. :) I cooked my first turkey this year, and it turned out great! I was so relieved. Now, what I've been up to... I wrote to DONA and asked for a list of uncertified doulas who might be interested in volunteering to assist my birth for certification experience and I emailed all of them yesterday. I already got a response back from one woman who said she would be glad to help me! I'm so excited. I knew that dh would never agree to spend $400 plus for a labor assistant since we bought a new station wagon when we found out that we were pregnant and still haven't sold his old car. (oops!) Add to that wedding and honeymoon debt, plus me quitting my job to move to Michigan and you have a lot of money stress. So, now I want to know, would it be ungrateful to interview this woman? I'm hoping that several of the women will respond positively and that I can speak to all of them to find the one who would 'click' with me and dh. I know you interview doulas when you're paying them, but it seems a little rude when I'm asking them to do it for free.... Any advice? Rachel?

[mama2be]

I can see your concern...however I would interview her. I would much rather not have a doula than have one present who is differ than the "atmosphere" I want. Rachel will probably be great to answer this one, but I know I have interviewed one over the phone who wasn't warm and fuzzy enough for me, though a gal in my birthing class is using her and she is perfect for her!!! By birth instructor is a doula, and a great gal but I know I don't want her there just from the way she is too...so I would interview. This is an important decision. I am fortunate I will have two midwives (no doctor) so I feel like I am automatically getting a doula...

Good luck!!! Keep us posted please I would love to hear about her and your experience. Good thinking to look for a volunteer, I suspect they would be "bright eyed and bushy tailed" and real excited abut the experience.

Also by interviewing her you are able to tell her what you expect from her, even though she is free she really will still be "working for you"...

[nohomama]

Don't think that you're the only one benefiting here. You might be getting this person's assistance for free but she is getting the practicle experience she needs to become certified. Definitely interview anyone who could potentially be present during your labor and delivery!!!

[Rachels]

Definitely interview! Anybody trained as a doula should be VERY sensitive to the importance of comfort and a good match, and should be more than willing to spend some time with you. This person is going to see you and touch you and listen to you cry and celebrate with you in a very intimate time in your life. It's perfectly acceptable to be sure that ANYONE who is invited to your birth is someone you can feel at ease with. How much money is or is not exchanged is really secondary to that. You can easily make clear to her that you appreciate her generosity while still honoring the fact that a good match is essential. If you find someone you like, having a doula will probably be one of the most important things you remember about the day of your baby's birth.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Annette_C]

I agree with everyone else here that you should definitely interview.
I had a doula when Sabrina was born and I loved it! She was a sweet, middle-aged lady who was helpful but not pushy. I felt very comfortable with her from the beginning and that is extremely important.
DH and I even attended a doula info class at our hospital to help us with the decision of having a doula present at such an intimate time as that of having our baby. I'm glad we decided in favor of it.
I'm sure you'll find the right doula for you and I hope it will be just as positive an experience for you that it was for us.
Annette :)
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[ddmarsh]

I concur with all of the above. I had a doula with my 3rd child, trying for a VBAC (after 2 sections) and read about the success of using one, hired the only one in our area and she was not helpful in the least. She was pregnant by the time I delivered and was more worried about eating thru my labor than my labor, I can still smell the NutriGrain bars on her breath while I was laboring - yuck :). She then became kind of pushy about wanting to go into the ER room when I ended up with another section, I thought she was more concerned about observing for her own licensure than my experience. Point being, the concept of a doula is great but individuals vary as with any profession so be sure and check one out ahead of time.

Good luck-
Debbie
waiting for #4

[KathyO]

Ditto everyone else. Definitely interview, although I can see why you wouldn't want to present it as a conventional "interviewing prospective applicants" type of thing. Why not just call it a "getting to know each other" session, and sound each other out over tea and cookies, or even in a "neutral area" like a nice coffee shop somewhere or something. Because you are mutually obsessed with the subject of childbirth, you'll have no problem getting a feel for her approach, and whether her personality is one you can work with. (Remember that if she's a student, she's probably as nervous as hell, and will relax some after she knows you better...)

If you come away from this session with a really bad feeling, you can call her back later, and explain that you've changed your mind, and are calling it off because you only want to go ahead if it's going to be a positive experience for both of you. Hey, you're the preggo - fall back on your right to have hormone surges and idiosyncracies.

Good luck!

KathyO

P.S. - My O.B. is entirely comfortable working with doulas, but cautioned that some have a tendency to crowd the husband out of the experience, and leave him on the sidelines sitting on his hands during one of the most important moments of his life. Be sure to touch on her feelings re. husband's involvement.

[gour0]

Thanks so much everybody for the support! So far I have gotten three women who are interested in meeting me to discuss this. I just got off the phone with one who sounds wonderful! We talked for forty minutes. :) She was so easy to talk to and she was very helpful. She told me to interview everyone, too. And, she said that even if I didn't ask her to attend my birth, that she is here for me if I need something explained or want a second opinion. I think DH and I will meet with her in person on Saturday after our orientation at the birthing center (busy day!). I'm excited. I'll be sure to let you guys know how it goes!

[Rachels]

That's great! Can't wait to hear...

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[gour0]

Okay! We had our orientation at the birthing center today and it sounds great! The only downer is that they currently don't allow water births, but they have a new midwife with waterbirth experience so...maybe by march? Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)
We also met with Laura (the doula I was telling you about) today and she is also wonderful! So, I emailed the other three women and thanked them for their generous offer, but told them that we made a strong connection with the first doula we met. I'm so happy that this has come together so well. She is just what I was looking for. She even has the name of a great family doctor in the area. I hope he takes our insurance! Thank you all so much for your advice and support. I can't believe how nice you all are. I'll keep you posted as we progress. (26 weeks already!) We have another midwife appointment in two weeks and Laura said she's interested in coming with. Yeah! I can't think of anything I would like more.

[Rachels]

That's excellent! Congratulations. Will the birth center let you labor in water even if you can't birth there? I found that it made a HUGE difference. I wasn't in the tub for the birth, just because that's not where I was when I started pushing, but honestly I did just fine delivering my baby out of the water. You might ask if they can use warm-water compresses as the baby is crowning. My midwife had a crockpot full of hot water and cloths, and she kept holding them on me as my baby was coming down. It was about the best thing I've ever felt. I think the tub does this for you if you're having a waterbirth, but in the absence of that, it was an enormous relief. She also used olive oil. I delivered with no perineal damage at all-- no tears, no episiotomy. (Being upright and pushing when my body said to push rather than according to someone else's counting and coaching were also really helpful.)

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[gour0]

Yes, you can be in the tub until your water breaks. They also have a shower and they do the crock pot thing as well! Thank God for 'alternative' birthing units!

[mama2be]

This is awesome news!!! I am so glad that things are coming together for you. If they know that you might really want to try a water birth maybe that will kick them into overdrive to get everyone up to snuff with it there. I can tell you I hear often that many folks plan a water birth and then end up not actually having the baby in the water if that helps at all. My fear is the water won't be warm enough to keep me comfortable, I take hot showers and baths so I am not comfortable in water that is not warm enough...

I suspect everything will be perfect for you, your doula sounds great!!! Congrats and keep us posted!!!

[Rachels]

Neve, don't worry about the water temp. You'll be able to readjust it, and you'll do that pretty often. I found that I was a furnace during labor, anyway, so I actually got in and out of the tub because I needed to cool off.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02