Random thoughts...no place else to post this

[flagger]

I have been in the planning stages for this baby for all of my married life. Going to the OB in May after she had been spotting and being told, “I’m sorry her uterus is empty” and the miscarriage starting later that day hit me in ways I haven’t been able to verbalize.

The excitement in late September when we saw that positive pregnancy test and the anticipation for the first OB visit was just agonizing. It was worry for naught. We could see that 10-week old heartbeat. It is a moment I will never forget. I look at my wife differently now. She is just glowing and radiant. I have a picture I took over thanksgiving and she hasn’t looked that peaceful since our wedding day. She just glows.

However, it hit me this weekend, in between the crib fiasco and the three hours spent at BRU registering for overpriced stuff that they hope others or I will buy. There comes a time when you have to learn to trust your intuition about raising a baby. You can read all the books and all of the websites, but IMHO one day it will hit you. You have become over stimulated. It is exactly what they warned you NOT to do to your child. Message boards like this are wonderful in the fact they provide just a sounding board to find that others are going through the same sort of emotions you are.

It doesn’t take long however before one is overloaded. You can find opinions on vaccinations, natural childbirth, attachment parenting, co-sleeping, crib sleeping, bassinette sleeping, sleeping in the doghouse (oh wait that is for the husbands for daring to ask for sex during the pregnancy). I see on this board and on others, “don’t sweat the small stuff.” Easy for them to say when they are not going through the HUGE stuff, that is actually really small in perspective.

For me, information is key and advanced planning is important, but there comes a point where you have to do what is best for your own sanity. No one opinion, no one post, no one book (sorry Alan and Denise ;)) is the gospel. The camps on all fronts are pretty strong and persuasive, but somehow our parents did it and their parents did it too. And they did it without baby monitors, and video monitors, electrical outlet covers, bumper guards for the fireplace, etc.

I won’t defend my wife for wanting to breastfeed or wanting to have the baby in the hospital with an epidural. Nor will I let anyone else fondle my wife to feel the baby. “But it’s just for luck.” When did I become a carnival barker? “Feel the woman’s stomach for a buck, five if you want to look…” Now that’s an idea. Everything we registered for is pretty expensive…

[C99]

I think Alan & Denise preface their book by saying that their book isn't intended to be gospel and they expect you to do research, too.

Also, I think there's a reason that our grandparents and parents didn't have monitors, etc.: when they were having babies, there was much more of a supportive culture for having and raising babies. Our generation has an intellectual approach and the Internet.

[egoldber]

You do find your own way. We actually registered for very little (in fact we got COMPLAINTS about how little there was to choose from on our registry), but that is our way. We had just moved cross country when we had a baby. Our complete list of baby products in the house for Sarah when we brought her home was: a carseat (well, that was in the car), a stroller, a PackNPlay, a couple packages of diapers and wipes, a couple bottles, a package of receiving blankets and about 5 outfits. (Plus what we got from the hospital.)

That's all.

We added to that as we went along (obviously) and saw what we needed or wanted. You will do the same. It is easy to get caught up in all the hype, but in the end only you will know what works best for your baby.

But these boards are great for getting different perspectives. If EVERYONE says that an item is a must have, then odds are you'll find it useful. If it gets mixed reviews, then your mileage may vary. And it varies depending on your baby, you and your wife's style and beliefs, personality and particular circumstances. And you will find that your views on things will change once you bring your baby home as well. And they will change as your baby gets older. And as you get older....

Enjoy the process!

[mamahill]

The good, and not so good, thing about all those books and products is that no two babies are alike. My mom had 6 kids and said that she thought by the last, she would no EXACTLY what she was doing. Not so. Learn what you can from others and you may use their advice along the way, but you'll also make up your own stuff as you go. Some things work, others don't, and still others will work for two days, and then your baby will decide that is NOT they way they want to go to sleep. Ah well, trial and error. If there was a surefire way to raise kids, wouldn't we all end up the same? Enjoy the road. It's fun and hard and frustrating and humorous and maddening and so emotional, you'll wonder what you did to deserve such an adorable baby.

Oh, and we didn't register for anything. We went on the "less is more" approach. One look at the One Step Ahead catalog and all of the baby safety musts and it's pretty overwhelming. God bless America and Captialism. ;)

[newbelly2002]

One of the hardest things for me about parenting has been the fervor with which each "camp" goes about proliferating their opinion. There are so few "right" answers, because someone always has a study for the opposite side.

A healthy amount of research, followed by a whole lot of trust in one's and one's partners best judgement and common sense has worked best for us. We try and collect our information and then we do what seems best at that moment based on what we know. Sometimes we will stay with that decision, sometimes we will later change our mind. Does that mean we made a mistake? Maybe. Does it mean we made a right decision? Maybe. But as long as you are doing what you believe in your heart of (well-informed and researched) hearts is right, then it is right. For you. And for your baby. And that, I think, is what every generation before us, Internet or no, has done and will continue to do.

So, yes, occasionally we have been known to turn off the baby monitor, allow Dante to roll on his stomach at night, and to bathe him directly after feeding him. And the only parenting absolute I have discovered so far is that I NEVER go to bed without kissing my sweet prince goodnight.

You and Ms. Flagger will navigate yourselves through the labrinyth as well as any of the rest of us--just be sure to have fun doing it! HTH.

Paula

[KathyO]

And back then there weren't anything like this many choices to make (both in terms of consumer items, medical care and childrearing methods)... and with people having their babies, on average, at a younger age, there just wasn't money for many of the things we consider now. If you didn't have a bassinette, you lined a dresser drawer with a couple of blankets and used that.

In some ways, I am trying to hang onto the older approach. We buy a lot of stuff used, or use hand-me-downs. But in other areas, we spend the money and don't feel bad. My parents are amazed and happy that there are things like car seats available for the protection of their granddaughter (who gets away with tons more than _I_ ever did!!!) And Mom wishes that she'd had more sense of what options were open to her in the line of circumcision, medical treatment, vaccination, birth options, and so on. "I just went along with what was expected. We all did."

In the arena of childrearing, you have an explosive combination of uncertainty, desire to do the best thing, guilt, and the blizzard of other people's opinions. It's not going to change - you just find what's important to you as you go along, and yes, some of those important things will be "luxuries". But if a cute set of bedding lifts your heart every time you go into the nursery, nobody here is going to judge you. This is actually an extraordinarily supportive forum for all kinds of discussion. And you have only to read the threads relating to some of our recent medical/family crises to know that this gang knows what's REALLY important - even if we do also like to debate the ins and outs of high-end strollers!

Cheers,

KathyO

[flagger]

My best man's daughter after a week was sleeping on her stomach and that is the only way she would fall asleep. Perish that thought.

Well it worked for their sanity. Plus his wife as an L&D nurse helped them through the crunch.

[flagger]

even if we do also like to debate the ins and outs of high-end strollers!

>Cheers,
>
>KathyO

Just please please promise me you won't be the parent with the SUV JEEP stroller trying to navigate through Bombay Company in the mall at Christmastime. ;)

[flagger]

I have only one regret that my father didn't live long enough to see his sixth grandchild. :( Other than that I am very excited.

Thanks for letting me vent. Being the youngest of four, I say I was lucky they wiped off the dog hair from the bottle.

I also realised that none of this has to be bought NOW all at once. (Though the next time my mother asks Ms. Flagger what she can do for the baby...I am going to tell my wife to tell her to grab pen and paper ;) )

[Melanie]

The best thing I could have had someone do for our baby was to bring us food and clean!

Mommy to Jonah