SAHMs - What do you do with your babies all day???

[ctsiouts]

Ok - somebody please tell me I'm nuts for thinking at times that my 6 month old daughter would be better off in daycare. There are days that I feel like such a delinquent mother because I am not spending every waking moment doing constructive things with DD, sometimes I have no idea what to do at all! She has just started sitting up so she plays on her own a little bit, then we play with toys together. I read to her ocassionally but not every day ( I know I should though ). She spends about 20 minutes per day in her exersaucer and her doorway jumper. I usually go out to some stores during the day so that I can carry her around in the sling and get some exercise, she also seems to like seeing the outside world and new people. But we don't get much time around other babies the way she would in day care. Don't get me wrong, there is no way we could afford daycare even if we DID want to send her there (which we don't) but I sometimes feel like she would get more exposure to different things, activities, and people at a daycare center. And I usually feel guilty for letting her play too long on her own or letting her fuss for a little while when I"m trying to get something done for myself.
Any input here? Agh, I feel like such a bad mother!

Christy

[blnony]

Don't feel bad. You are not a bad mother. Repeat that and keep saying it to yourself.:)
All babies need some alone time, just like adults. They can get overstimulated and they need the time and space to explore and learn on their own. It's important that your baby learn to entertain herself, especially as she gets older. Your baby would get alone time even if she were in a daycare. One idea you might want to think of is joining a playgroup. Your baby could learn to play with others, and it would be a great way for you to meet some other moms or dads and get out for a little bit.

[Rachels]

I agree! It's tough with an infant. Go easy on yourself, and find a mom's group!!! It makes a huge difference.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[twins r fun]

I asked a similar question some time ago. Here's the link:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dcforum/DCForumID30/146.html

Your daughter may be a little young for some of the suggestions (mine were 10 months old when I asked), but there might be something useful in there. Playgroups were highly reccomended and now that I've found a good weekly one, I agree. When you have a scheduled get together just once a week, it makes the days that you're home much more bearable. Also, I may be a little obsessive, but it has helped me to try to schedule our days at home. So you can try to schedule different times of the day for different "activities." Your daughter could have independent play time after breakfast, lunch, and dinner (if you're doing solids). Then after she plays independently you guys could play together, then you could take her upstairs and she can play/interact with you while you fold laundry. You can have a set time of day (not necessarily by the clock) for her exersaucer, outings, stories, a video, particular types of play, etc. Anyway, maybe I'm weird, but that's what we do! And I think as long as you have a good balance of letting her play independently, interacting with her, and taking her out places, she is getting plenty of stimulation and exposure. A playgroup is nice more for you than her as babies don't interact much anyway!

Nicole

[atlbaby]

I used to (well, still do) feel guilty when I am not interacting with Arielle every second of the day! It can be hard to take a mommy-break, or do things in a different room while she is completely happy and engaged in some activity, bc the 'why am I not trying to teach her/read to her/insert whatever' creeps into my brain--but it is really necessary to give her some time to explore things independently (supervised of course, while she's younger).

Like Nicole, I too find it essensial to break up the day into blocks for activities. They can even be 10-15 minute increments, like 'have bath' or 'put on pjs' 'go for a short walk' and 'play in DD's room' but I think it helps get through the day to not see it as 'wow it's only 9AM, I have 11.5 hours left till she goes to sleep!'

When Arielle was 8 months old I started taking her to a playgroup too, just once a week to start out, and then last month I began doing 2 playgroup type things with her. It really is a nice outlet, and a great way to meet other moms/dads too! If you have a community center in your town you might want to check it out and see what they have going on there. The class I did in the Fall which was Music Together, which was nice (and not too expensive either).

HTH!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[Annette_C]

Christy, please don't be so hard on yourself. Like everyone said, you are not a bad mother. It's ok for babies to have some time to play by themselves and you wouldn't want to spend every minute doing things with her because she (and you) would get way too tired. I know that Sabrina gets very cranky when she's overstimulated.
There are great programs for babies at the local libraries. My SIL is the head of a children's library here in CT and they have wonderful programs for babies....from infants to older children. They read Baby Einstein books; play music; do muscle strengthening excercises and the best part (besides being free) is that moms and babies get to interact after the program is ended.
I hope this helps.
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[Karenn]

I go to MOPS, and another group sponsored by the hospital. MOPS is great because I get time to myself, and Colin gets time with other babies and grown ups. The hospital group is more like a traditional play group where moms and babies all stay together and talk about what's going on. The hospital group has been the best support group! I always leave feeling like "Thank God, I'm not the only one! Colin and I are normal after all!" I love both groups.

We go out to stores a lot too. (I love Target and get an ICEE there at least once a week. :) )

Also, I don't know if your baby is crawling or not, but Colin has learned to crawl over the last week or so, and that has made a huge, positive difference. This might just be unique to us, but his ability to get around on his own has dramatically increased his ability to play on his own for longer periods of time. He and I are both much happier. Even though he is more mobile and able to get into more things, I'm able to get more done because he is also more easily entertained.


Karen
Colin 6/18/02

[spu]

Hi Christy!

My babies are 6 mos old and I stay home with them too. It's amazing how fast the day goes by! and even though I'm with them all day, I still feel like I miss them and should spend more time with them!

I know what you mean about interaction, new stuff, etc. We do a couple of playgroups a month - new mom's club, and LLL - both for multiples. They don't play with the other babies yet - it's more for us moms. But it gets them out. We also go shopping - alot. They seem to really like it and it makes them less cranky. They love looking and smiling at everyone's faces.

On days we're home, I either spend all day on the floor with them, or only a little time if I'm busy. I just started freelancing again, so now that i have projects on the computer, I bring my laptop downstairs so they can see me. We use the Baby Einstein videos about 3-4 times / week to settle during fussy hours.

The other think I worry about which is probably kind of silly - is the babies picking up colds, etc. from being in playgroups. Our library, and the elementary school both have new moms and babies playgroups, but I can't control the cleanliness of the toys that end up in their mouths...

I thought I would have a schedule by now, but we don't. Not even a nap schedule (Charlotte naps from time to time. to Else? what nap?)

Once the nice weather arrives and the babies are a little bigger, I want to go to playgrounds and other outdoor places. I hear fresh air makes for a sleepy baby at night. :)

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[mamahill]

I can only echo what the others have said here. I've found a few other mothers with babies around Ainsleigh's age and it's nice to interact with them every now and then. That being said, I also think that allowing her to play by herself is important and helps her establish individuality and independence. Don't be so hard on yourself!

And as far as day care goes, do you really think your baby would get MORE attention there? There would definitely be more babies, but that also means the ratio of caregiver:child is decreased. Anyway, my point is that nobody can do a better job of mothering your child than you. And when you take mommy-breaks, don't stress. It is what gives your the energy to continue being the good mother you are.

I have also found that Ainsleigh actually plays better if I leave her to herself. If I'm there, she seems to get impatient faster. Right now her favorite thing is for me to put her huge Rubbermaid tote filled with toys next to her and let her rummage (sp?) through it, pulling her toys out and playing with them one by one. It sometimes takes her an hour to go through it all. Do I feel bad I've let her sit there that long? Well, I usually talk to her or check-in with her, but on the other hand, my house is cleaner, the laundry is done, and perhaps dinner is on the stove!

You are an excellent mother. As so many have reassured me here, if you WERE a bad mother, you wouldn't be worried about this stuff!

[ctsiouts]

I want to thank everyone for your responses, you have all made me feel better and have given me some good suggestions. The worst thing is that I am very new to this area, I live in Houston and it is a HUGE city. I don't even know where my local library is yet, isn't that sad!?!
I am definitely going to look into weekly playgroups or something like that - something cheap though. The shopping does keep us entertained but we run out of places to go, the people at my Costco know my daughter by name! LOL.
The one thing I can say about DD is that she is an extremely happy baby, smiles and laughs all the time, and loves 'conversing' with new people. I'd like to think that that has a lot to do with DH's and my parenting and the fact that she is so loved. I know that I am not a bad mom but some days it does feel that way, especially on those really looooong days, you all know what I mean!
I am so grateful to everyone for responding, and glad I have this board to come to.
Christy

[Melanie]

Check local churches, Adult Schools, Community Collegs and the like for Parenting classes. They are not that expensive if sponsored by public schools. I highly recommend them!


Mommy to Jonah

[gour0]

Christy, I've worried about this too! I think of all the activities and songs they do and wonder if I'm going to bore my child to death! I would say that finding the library would be a good place to start. And, then a community center or community college that has Mommy and infant classes. I think about infant massage or infant sign language as a fun interactive thing for the two of you to enjoy.... This is all theory at this point, of course! My friend has a book, I'll have to find out the name, of Mommy and baby activities that she used to do each day. You might want to do a yahoo yellow pages search in your area for things like "mom" "infant" etc. Call a few places and ask questions. I did this for Tammy and found tons of info for her area. I called churches and YWCA's and asked if they knew of any Mom support groups. I got a lot of leads that way. Good luck! A lot of support groups are affiliated with breastfeeding supply centers, too.
Here's an example of what you can find:

Footsteps Mothers Day Out
3407 Bissonnet St, Houston, TX 77005
Phone: (713) 666-9403

Woman's Work
2401 Rice Blvd, Houston, TX 77005
Phone: (713) 664-8155


Beehive Parent Child Ctr
3756 University Blvd, Houston, TX 77005
Phone: (713) 660-7642

Harris County Library
6108 Auden St, Houston, TX 77005
Phone: (713) 668-8273

Ywca Of Houston
11035 Bob White Dr, Houston, TX 77096
Phone: (713) 779-9555

http://www.momsclubswh.airweb.net/

http://mchoustonwest.caviesrule.com/

http://www.geocities.com/mmhou2001/index.html

http://members.tripod.com/nwhmothersandmore/NWHMMResrc.htm

[MichelleL]

Hi Christy,

Besides what everyone else mentioned, you could find out the name of your local Parks & Recreation dept. by calling your pediatrician's office. Then, do a search on the internet or just call them directly. My DS (5months) & I just started a weekly play class. It was only $60 for 10 weeks. Much cheaper than Gymboree! So far we both love it. Me, probably more than him. Also, I found out about some Mom's groups from flyers in my Peds office. You could ask them about that as well.

Good Luck! It sounds like your daughter is happy & loved and that is all that matters! We all do whatever we have to, to be good mommies. A happy mommy is a better mommy for baby. I tell myself that all the time.

Take care! ;)
Michelle L

[simplemama]

first, in my opinion, it is not only just okay for a baby to spend some time alone; it is almost necessary that she learns how to entertain herself at some point. don't feel bad leaving her alone from time to time. babies need quiet time, too.

secondly -- i joined a support group for SAHM, called MOMS (acronym for Mothers Offering Mothers Support) Club. it's an international organization with local chapters everywhere. look for a chapter near you -- here's the link.

http://www.momsclub.org/

note: even if you don't see a chapter close to you in the web site, e-mail to the main inquiry address and they will find a chapter near you. mine wasn't listed, either, and all the chapters i saw were kind of far, but they found one very close to where i live.

i suppose each chapter operates differently, but my group organizes playgroups every weeek. we meet once a month, exchange information and offer each other support. it has been a great source of help/support/inspiration for me.

HTH.