Sharing a room question

[atlbaby]

Hi everyone,
I have a question, and although I don't want to make an 'official' announcement yet (promised DH I'd wait, plus none of our family knows) BUT, let's just say hypothetically :) that there were going to be a baby on the way...
Here's one of my many many questions. This may be best posted on a different forum but since it's a bit behavioral too, here goes: We live in a 2 bedroom apartment right now and won't be moving for some time, so a baby would have to share a room with Arielle. I would think it would be better to keep the bassinet in our room so as not to wake Arielle for night nursing (although trying to sleep with Arielle's noises drove me nuts!). But once it outgrew the bassinet it could stay in her room. My question is, would I be better to move Arielle to a regular bed (we have lots of spare twin beds) or keep her in the crib and baby in the pack-n-play?

I guess I am worried about Arielle being alone with a new baby in the same room. Since she wouldn't be old enough to understand what not to do to a baby... Would I have the same fear whether she is in a crib or twin bed, since by the time she's 2 she could climb out of a crib?

I'm sure it's not uncommon for a baby and 2 yr old to have to share a room, so maybe someone can allay my fears and give me some (hypothetical :) ) advice?

Thanks!
And if for some reason someone out there reading this knows who I am, please don't tell my mil or mom!! :)

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

edited for clarity :)

[bluej]

I don't have any experience with this, as my kids are all five years apart. However, I think you need to give thought to how Arielle is going to feel about giving up "her" crib for a new baby to sleep in. There will be a lot of adjustment to just switching to a bed and then adding the adjustment of having a new baby in the family, it might just be too much for her. So you might want to switch her to a bed as soon as possible (we moved my DD to a twin bed at 19 months with no problems) or if you don't think she'll like a bed then let her keep her crib for awhile longer and put the baby in the pack-n-play as you mentioned. As for her leaving the baby alone when they are in the room together, each child is different. Some kids like to pretend that their new siblings don't even exist so therefore they never bother them, other kids love their new siblings so much they just can't leave them alone. I know I haven't been much help, I just wanted to point out they she may have a really hard time letting go of her crib and trying to get her out of it before she's ready may lead to some behaviors you're not fond of.

Jen

[COElizabeth]

Hypothetically, congratulations would certainly be in order! I don't have experience but will ask a friend of mine - her two girls are only about 17 months apart and share a room.

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[Shirale]

Hypothetically, that is such exciting news!! ;-)
I have a lot of friends who have kids with a similar age difference, and most of them have the baby in their room for the first couple of month (between 3 and 5)and then switch the big girl to a bed (one friend just put her dd's mattress on the floor, some use rails) and the new baby in the crib. It seems to work out ok, the only time it is annoying is if the babywakes up often in the middle of the night and the big girl is a light sleeper...
I even have a friend who was looking for a 2 bedroom but wasn't having much luck and ended up with 2 kids in the one bedroom, if you can imagine...(it was a such a relief when she found a big apt!!)
How old would Arielle hypothetically be at the time?? :-)

[mama2be]

Hypothetically this is AWESOME!!!!! -Hypothetically Congrats!!!!

My friend changed her daughter over to a bed BEFORE the baby arrived...and of course generated the grand hoop-la of "big girl bed"...."big girl bed" ..."big girl bed"...Emma took to it so well!!!

Then Evan came a few weeks later and he got the crib...she had the room to not put them in the same room but they are across the hall form eachother. I think in her case they would have been fine though...:)

[sweetbasil]

Rachel,
I'll certainly echo any hypothetical congrats....
Our second is due in June, and we've recently transitioned Kellen to the big boy bed. Like Neve's example, we made the big boy bed a really big deal (but for our friends who never used the "big boy/girl" terminology with their kids, it didn't work, because it didn't MEAN anything). We're now trying to get Kellen used to calling the crib "the crib" instead of "my crib." We remind him, "no, the crib is for babies and little guys, but you're a big boy." To which he always replies, "Yeah, I AM!"

We just thought it'd be better to make a clean break from the crib, so that he doesn't have the association of the baby taking it away from him, you know? Can't offer much help on the sharing a room part- sorry- but the transition to a big kids' bed has been great here.

Good luck- hypothetically speaking! :)

[atlbaby]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice! I would love to shout this wonderful news from the rooftops I'm so excited--I just feel a little weird telling you all 'offically' before our families know, but
I've also got thousands of questions...I hope you all understand why I am torn!

This sleeping arrangement issue is what I seem to be obsessing about right now, so please bear with me!

Arielle would be just under 2 when the baby would arrive (we're probably looking at mid-Oct and she's Oct 30, but not sure yet).
Shira, I'm glad to hear you've got some friends who have done the sharing room bit--I'll have to chat with you about that!

Jen and Julie, since you both have done the switch to a big-girl/boy bed already, I'm wondering how long before you would try and do this? I just wouldn't want to kick Arielle out of her crib if she wasn't ready--and how do you know when they are ready too? I'm thinking it would probably not be a good idea to keep her in her crib until she's 2 and then switch her while the baby is in the bassinet in our room? She would get more time in the crib, but changing her while she's adjusting to being a big sister might not go so well, right?

Elizabeth, I would love to hear how your friend with 2 girls 17 months apart are doing!

And Neve, thanks for telling me about Emma and Evan. (Love the name Emma btw!) I will have to give some thought to how I think Arielle will do behaviorly--not sure if she'll be the smothering-the-baby or ignore-it type!

This should be an interesting next couple of months!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[mary b]

Rachel, I echo the hypothetical congrats!!! I am in the same boat, won't find out officially until Feb 20 so the world doesn't know yet but the new baby would be born in September and Noe will be 2 in late September. We have 2 bedrooms upstairs and 2 downstairs (the things you didn't think about before you bought a house!)Ha, so I am in the exact same boat and anxious to hear everyone's ideas on how to make the transition the best!

Congrats again and thanks for posting the question I was going to post this week! We seem to be going through the same stuff at the same time.

Is Arielle doing better at nite b-t-w? Noe is not back to normal yet, but much better!

Mary

[sweetbasil]

Rachel,
It's so hard to keep it to yourself--- we've tried to keep our pregnancies quiet for the first 8 weeks (both times), but I always end up telling my HAIRSTYLIST! I figure, we probably don't have too many acquaintances in common- plus, she needs to know if she's doing chemicals in my hair, right? (listen to me justify!) ha.

Anyway, Kellen was just over 2 when we moved him. Actually (you may have read the post), he moved himself. I put the mattress on the floor and we talked about it every day for about a week, and then one night as we started to put him in his crib, he said he wanted to sleep in the big boy bed, not the crib. Since then, he'll occasionally cry and ask for the crib, but we remind him that it's for babies, and he's in a big boy bed because he's big now, and that seems to work for him. I had figured we'd keep him in the crib until a month or two before the baby comes, then let the baby sleep for a month or two in a bassinett, giving Kellen 2+ mo. adjustment to his twin sized mattress, and still don't know why that wouldn't have worked, except that our little boy is as stubborn as his mom & his dad put together. Doesn't bode well for the future :)

Let me know if you have any questions, etc., and good luck!

[atlbaby]

Hi Mary!

Thanks! That's wonderful news for you too!! Can you take a home test yet :)?? It sounds like our dates and daughters' 2nd birthdays would be nearly identical--it would be fun to go through this together and help eachother with the transitions! Would you have a bedroom for the new baby then? Where does Noelle sleep now/are you on the same floor as she is?

Arielle is doing marginally better at night this weekend (after she (I!) hit rock bottom during the week. I also think she may (please!) have a corner of a molar popping through on top, (though she's only got 6 teeth so far which confuses me...) so I would love to blame some of her sleep behavior on that.

Have you tried transitioning Noelle to one nap/day? I keep thinking Arielle's done with 2 naps/day, but she really needs to sleep a bit between her morning wake-up and afternoon nap, so I still try to put her in her crib in the mid morning and call it a 'rest.' :)
If she naps fine, if not then I'm not distraught bc I can't say I haven't tried!!

Good luck on the 20th!!! I'm sure between the both of us we'll come up with good questions!


-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[atlbaby]

Hi Julie!

Yeah it's funny how we justify these things to ourselves! I'm thinking, but I don't want to be (more!) anxious because that wouldn't be good for a baby, so I *should* tell them on the boards! And, well, if there's someone lurking out there that does know who I am I just hope and pray they don't spoil our news!

I remember now reading how Kellen moved himself to his Big Boy bed--that's so wonderful! I'll definitely take your advice and get Arielle used to Big Girl terminology! I've heard/read that since toddlers don't really understand the concept of time, telling them things way beforehand doesn't really make much sense. In regards to beginning to call her a Big Girl etc ,when would you think I should begin--I call her baby all the time...I just don't want to be cutting short her baby-hood! I worry incessantly, I know!

I do think that I will try to move her beforehand though, maybe in August (she'll turn 22 months Aug. 30). That would be almost 2 months before a baby would come (by my early calculations). She'd still have till the baby was 4ish months old to get rid of all her crib-associations, which would be nearly 6 months I suppose.

Thanks again for all your advice--I'm sure I'll be asking again!
Does Kellen notice anything is going on with his mommy's tummy-appearance? :)

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[Annette_C]

Rachel,
I don't have any advice for you at this time but I just wanted to express my hypothetical ( ;) )congratulations!!
Good luck with everything,
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[mary b]

Hi Rachel. I agree, it will be so much fun going through this with others on exactly our schedule. Our situation is identical. We have 2 bedrooms upstairs where we all sleep now so the new baby will eventually have to share a room with Noe. I was thinking all the questions you were asking. We did do a bassinet for the first 3 months in our room, so I assumed we would do that again but then I would like them to go to their own room. I am definitely leaning towards moving Noe to a big bed. (Sheclimbed out once already when we didn't have the mattress as far down as we thought we did--DH's fault of course!Ha) but I was worried that we will have jealously issues and more sleep issues.

Yes, I have taken a home test and one at the Dr's office, but my OB/GYN doesn't schedule first appts until 12-13 weeks so I am SSOO ready to hear the heatbeat!!

We are attempting to transition to one nap but she still needs at least a 20-30 minute "power nap". She'll be so tired, this morning, she fell asleep at a restuarant! Her ped said all 4 1st year molars are coming in so we are giving her baby Ibuprofen about a 1/2 before she goes to bed and we are down to probably having to get her 2 times a week once a nite. I am just turning on her music, picking her up, telling her I love her and putting her back down. I agree, it is truly frustrating and especially being so tired from being pregnant we have struggled alot but do feel like we are turning the corner also! (*I HOPE!!!)
Take care and keep us informed (I assume you've taken a test)..
Mary

[mamahill]

Haha! I don't have any advice, just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS! I mean, hypothetically, of course. ;)

[bluej]

Moving Alex to a big girl bed at 19 months certainly wasn't what we planned. We moved when she was 18 months and had to spend three weeks in a hotel waiting for our house to be ready. After three weeks in a hotel bed to herself, she had no interest in her crib. Lucky for us, we moved with us my bedroom furniture from when I was a child. So with her, it was something she decided all on her own that was what she wanted. I really had no idea of what signs to look for when it came to switching our son to a bed. As it turns out, we move a lot, so I just go with that for making the switch. We moved back to the States after being over seas for 2 1/2 years and there were lots of family that we hadn't seen during that time, so we spent a month going back and forth b/w our parents homes. By the time we moved into our house, Caden had been w/o his crib for five weeks. He was also 33 months old at that time. So we just set up a bed for him, giving no thought to the crib and put it in storage. He hated it. He doesn't do well with change however, so there are lots of things he hates. I guess that would be something for you to watch for...how does Arielle handle new situations or changes in her routine? I would try Julie's approach of putting the bed in her room and let her get familiar with just seeing it and with time she may start to want to nap in it and then switch over to it all together. At some point I'm guessing you'll want to shop for coordinating bedding for the bed and the crib, maybe she can have some say in what bedding goes on her big girl bed. Or if you are like me and a control freak in that area, she can pick out some Disney sheets or colorful sheets. It didn't look pretty, but for the first several months Alex slept with just a fitted sheet and her favorite blankie. She was in the bed for a good four months before she would let me put the bedding I had picked out on. You do have some time, but I think having her make the move before the baby arrives will be easier on her if she is attached to her crib. And also maybe take the crib down as soon as she starts to sleep in the bed on a consistent basis so she doesn't think she has the option of going back and forth b/w the two? Oh! One last thing (sorry this is so long) once Alex had her own bed in her own room, it was hard to get her to stay in bed. She had an antique dresser with a huge tall mirror on it so we situated that so when she was in bed she could see herself in her big girl bed. Maybe she's just incredibly vain, but that's what seemed to do the trick to getting her to stay in bed! Good luck and congratulations!

[atlbaby]

Thanks so much Annette and Sarah!! I am so terrible at keeping good news to myself!

And Jen, thanks for explaining about how Alex transitioned to a twin. It hadn't even crossed my mind about bedding yet!! Oh my the lists of things to do I must make :) Both DH and I have spare twin beds, but mine has a beautiful frame along three sides, perfect for a girl, so I would love to use that if it'll fit in the room with the crib too.



-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[sweetbasil]

Rachel,
Hey again....
Let's see- I started using the terminology a while back with Kellen- when he started walking, "You're so big!", using a fork, eating with us, etc. I didn't want to rush getting him out of babyhood, but did make it a point to recognize things he started doing that were "BIG BOY" things, you know what I mean? Plus, having a "big girl helper" around to get diapers for a little brother/sister, etc. can be helpful, and if she knows that's a good thing to be big, she'll probably be more motivated to be helpful (that seems to be working for us PRIOR to little brother's arrival).

And Kellen does notice my tummy getting bigger. Now after dinner, he says "Kellen has a BIG 'ole tummy. There's a baby in there!" We try to explain that it's just a burger and broccoli, no baby....ha.

But he talks to his little brother every day, asks when he's gonna come out and play trucks, etc. I don't (and probably won't ever) know how much of this he really understands, but I like to pretend like he's getting it, already loving his baby brother, and working on some pre-arrival bonding. We'll see....

Take care of yourself, and your second sweet little (I hate to keep saying this, but hypothetical) blessing!

[twins r fun]

Just wanted to add my "hypothetical" congratulations also-very cute! I'm sure your DH would love the way you kept your promise not to tell anyone!

As for sharing a room, I know this situation is a little different, but one thing I've found with my boys is that they sleep through each other really well at night and not very well during the day. I know they've been together since birth so it might be different with Arielle and the hypothetial baby but in our situation one baby can be screaming at the top of their lungs for several minutes and the other one just snoozes away. For a nap, a few little peeps and they're both up.

Nicole

[sntm]

Rachel,
Congrats from me too! I look forward to hearing how you and Arielle adjust. We hope to have another fairly soon after the first (trying to fit them both into my 2-year stint in the lab) and they will share a (fairly) small room in our little house. We've already been planning ahead with gender-neutral decorating and bought a cradle so that we have something for the next baby to use while Jack will be transitioning from crib to bed.

And I know how you feel about telling the boards! It killed me keeping it from everyone here for a few weeks.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03

[atlbaby]

Hi Shannon,
Thanks! I'll definitely be sharing Arielle's adjustment period here--it should be interesting!

Is your research part of residency significantly less grueling than the clincal years? My DH is also in residency (Emergency Med.) and I know 2 residents(one internal med and one EM) who were pregnant during parts of their clinical training--very impressive!! I couldn't do that! Hope you are feeling well!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[sntm]

I remember now that your husband was in EM. It is tough be pregnant, partially just because I am more tired than I would be otherwise and the schedule is pretty busy. I'm in another city for 3 months so there's nothing much to do when I go home and nobody waiting for me :( so I usually go to bed at 8:30 or so except when I'm on call.

Research is MUCH less grueling -- no call except during one holiday shift over X-mas or New Year's, and I am doing clinical research which means no hanging around the lab late at night to finish up an experiment. I can't even imagine what it will be like to not work weekends! To go to work later than 6:30 am! To be home occasionally before sunset! To go to conferences in nice hotels! Of course, I will be doing full time research while getting a master's degree and taking care of a new baby (and trying to moonlight once in a while for some extra $$$) Talk to me next year and see if I've made my life as crazy as it usually is.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03

[COElizabeth]

Rachel,

Last night I saw my friend with the 2 girls 17 months apart. She said she kept the new baby in her room in a bassinet for 8 months (the baby was really at the bassinet limits by then!). She then moved the baby to the older girl's room. She said she actually borrowed a second crib for a time, but I don't think she used it very long. She said she had heard all the advice about taking down the crib and having it out of sight for a while before moving a new baby into it, and she said, "We didn't do any of that." She's a child psychologist, so I think she is as sensitive about these things as anyone, and she said she honestly didn't think it was a big deal for her older daughter to see the baby in the crib. She said she thought it was as big a deal as you made it. She now puts the younger daughter to bed an hour before the older so the baby is sound asleep by the time the older one goes in. I assume they read stories, etc. in another room.

As for Arielle bothering the new baby, I would think that a just-turned 2 year old would have trouble getting up into a crib to reach a newborn on the highest setting, but maybe I am wrong. Finally, if you haven't already thought of this, you might check out Pottery Barn Kids for lots of choices in bedding with crib and twin (and full, even) sizes. HTH!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02