I feel like my daughter is rejecting me

[mamahill]

I'm crying as I type this, so please excuse any typos, since I don't have the heart to go back and edit. Yesterday before Ainsleigh's afternoon nap she bit my nipple. Hard. I pulled her off and said no. I offered her the boob again and she looked all interested and then CHOMP. I pulled her off, put my finger to her lips and said, "NO!" Oh my gosh - the shock and hurt of her face did me in. We sat there crying together. It was awful. Then before bedtime at night, she ate on one side, sort of. I switched her to the other and CHOMP. "NO!" I said. More crying (both of us). So I put her in her crib and she cried bloody murder for about 20 minutes. I took a sippy cup of water in to her and she downed almost 4 oz. Then I rocked her and put her in her crib and that was that. She woke up at 1:30, ate on both side like the old days, and then went right back to sleep. This morning she woke up at 7:30 and talked in her crib until about 8. I fed her breakfast and let her play. Then I tried to give her my boob before her nap and she pushed it away. Pushed it away?!?! So I let her play for another half hour and when I could tell she was tired, I took her into her room and offered her my boob. By this time I must say I'm pretty apprehensive about the chomping, but I offered it nonetheless. She just took the nipple in her mouth and bit. Not real hard, but definitely no sucking. So, in tears, I handed her to DH and asked him to put her down for her nap. I came up and pumped and only got 1 oz out of both sides. She fell asleep after crying for about 20 minutes. I feel so totally rejected right now. It's all I can do to NOT cry.

DH is trying to reassure me that she doesn't NOT like me, just that maybe I don't have much milk left (as evidenced by the pumping), and that she IS getting most of her nutrition from her meals. I wish she'd take a bottle, because then at least I'd feel better knowing that she was also getting liquid nutrition. She did drink most of the 1 oz of EBM in the sippy (a first). I'm thinking about buying some whole milk today and seeing if she'll take that from the sippy cup. Even though she isn't a year yet, I don't know what else to do. I still can't believe she pushed me away! I'm in shock.

I know a couple weeks ago I was all gung-ho to wean. Part of that was hormones, part because I knew she's coming up on a year and will need to be weaned. I guess the depressing thing is that *I* wanted to make the decision to wean. Not her. I guess the good thing about it being this way is that it is less traumatic for her. I hadn't thought about that before. It just occurred to me while I was typing. I suppose that's better since I AM the adult so I SHOULD be able to deal with stuff like this.

I just feel so rejected right now. DH has been really nice and reassured me that everything will be fine and she will still like me, but I can't help but feel like now I'm on even playing ground with everyone else. I felt like nursing made me "better" than everyone else and now I've got nuthin. I know I spend all day with her, and I suppose that's good because I can brainwash her into thinking I am still better than anyone else.

I just feel so depressed. And Joel and I are supposed to go to a movie and dinner (FINALLY - I don't remember the last time we did that!) and all I feel like doing is crying. We're not going to see a sad movie, that's for sure.

Ugh. Sorry to be such a downer. I'm sure this will pass before too long. Just wanted to know if others had their babies decide to wean and how they felt. Or if anyone else is going through this who I can commiserate with. Should I continue to pump what little I have, or just to relieve engorgement (it's hard to believe I can be engorged with so little - but after a while I do start to leak)? I guess I'll comfort myself with knowing I have a bunch of pretty bras I'll be able to wear again soon... ah well. Thanks for listening. :'(

[Rachels]

Sarah! I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. You know, it sounds more like a nursing strike than a decision to wean. If she's biting you, she's probably teething, and sucking might be uncomfortable for her gums. You can try letting her chew on something cold or dosing her up with some Advil or Tylenol a while before you plan to feed her. Take her to bed, lie there topless, snuggle while she's sleepy, and keep offering your breast!!! She'll almost certainly take it eventually. I'm also not surprised that you weren't able to pump much. Stress and anxiety can have that effect. If Ainsleigh gets back into nursing, your body will increase its supply again. In the meantime, pump often to keep things going, take Fenugreek, and eat lots of oatmeal. Try nursing again and again, especially in a quiet place when she's a little tired. If you can, let her fall asleep in your bed and then offer your breast the second she begins to stir.

As for the biting, I've been reading about that a lot in the past few days. There's a post about it in the Feeding Baby section, too. What seems to really work for people is to pull the baby's face firmly into your breast or to hold her nose when she bites. She will let go and open her mouth, and it will form an unpleasant association to biting.

The Sears Breastfeeding Book is a great, great resource for some of the problems you're dealing with right now. You can also look on the La Leche League website for tons of information. The boards at www.mothering.com/discussions also have a forum for dealing with breastfeeding problems, and the women there usually have really helpful advice.

Keep at it! And remember, no matter what the outcome of this particular struggle, she will always need and love you. You can provide a kind of love and care for her that is irreplaceable and it does NOT depend on your breasts alone! You're her mom. There's no one better.

Hang in there!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[egoldber]

Oh, Sarah, of course Ainsleigh is NOT rejecting you! No one else could be as perfect a mommy to her as you are. I have actually heard of this before and babies usually get over it in a few days. But it does sound like you really got her attention.

FYI, pumping is NOT an accurate reflection of your supply. There is no way you can compare the sucking power of a pump to that of an experienced 11 month old champion nurser! I think Ainsleigh is still getting quite a bit of breastmilk based on your engorgement. The longer you can nurse her, the better for both her and you. There is no need to stop nursing at one year unless you want to.

But I have to say, welcome to the toddler days! It sounds like you and Ainsleigh just had your first real battle of wills. Honey, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Life has a way of doing this. Just when you start proudly thinking to yourself, "I've really got this whole baby thing down!", BOOM they turn into toddlers and it is a whole new ballgame!

Having a child has been the most ennobling and yet humbling experience of my life. Back in the day, I used to admire corporate CEOs and Nobel prize winners. Now I see a mom in the mall with three kids under 4 and they are all dressed in cute, matching outfits, they are all polite and well-behaved, HER hair looks great and she's all dressed and pulled together and I think WOW! What a goddess! How does she do it? I want to be like her! LOL :)

I am sorry you and Ainsleigh are going through this right now, but this too shall pass. And I don't think you really want your nursing relationship to end on this note. I would suggest that when she seems done, pull her off before she gets a chance to bite. If she bites again, say "We don't bite!" And take her off your breast and move on. Do NOT give her another chance until the next nursing session. Do this consistently and it should work. If there is a session where she seems to always do this, then maybe she is ready to give that one up. Replace that session with a sippy if is what makes the two of yuo feel good.

Good luck! And enjoy that movie!

[mama2be]

WEll sweetie, we know I'm sans baby and sans breast feeding experience...BUT I do know there is no way that adorble baby is rejecting her mommy. You will always supply her with experiences and love that no one on this earth can duplicate. I'll defer to the mommies with experience to help you thru the bf and weaning part, but can assure you that the love you gals share will never be altered...

We have some great resources on this board, so you'll get your answers...Please go out tonight and enjoy your date!!! Ainsleigh wants a mommy and daddy that love eachother and spend time together too...It might be her Aries coming out in her :)...she'll keep you on your toes, I know I am an Aries!!!! :)I think Beth's post sums it up...just when you think you got it down another phase of life greets you...

Hugs to you...you have always stood out on these boards as a very special and caring mommy, as does everyone...so please don't ever question that for a second!!!!

[COElizabeth]

I'm really sorry you guys are having such a rough time right now. I don't have any new suggestions to add to those of the more experienced, but I will just echo the pumping comments in case you need more reassurance about your supply. There are plenty of times I try to pump for about 3 times as long as James eats and I get only an ounce or two. Now, I know he must get much more than that because he just couldn't survive and be growing normally if that were how much he was getting when he nurses! Best wishes. I hope things improve soon!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[nigele]

Sarah,

You poor thing! I know exactly what you are going through. Thomas has been doing the same thing. He does not seem interested in nursing much during the day and he bites me so hard I cry. He doesn't cry back, though - he laughs. I don't know which is better. I feel like he is getting really aggressive and it's driving me crazy. I won't get into the details but wanted to let you know you're not alone!

You are a super-dooper Mommy and you ARE #1 to Ainsleigh no matter what!!

[Annette_C]

Sarah,
I'm sorry you feel so sad. Please don't ever think that all you are to Ainsleigh is a milk supply! If that were the case, we mothers that formula feed would be totally ignored! You're her mom, her idol! NO ONE can ever replace you in her eyes! Just like I know that no one can take my place in Sabrina's eyes.
Like Rachel and Beth already said, I'm sure Ainsleigh is only going through a phase. Unfortunately, I can't advise on BF but I can definitely say that you're a WONDERFUL, SWEET and CARING mother and don't you ever doubt that!
Go out and enjoy your evening with your DH....he needs you too (see how loved and wanted you are?!?:) )
Hugs,
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[KathyO]

Don't know if this will help at all, but I find that my daughter will do this kind of thing (and it all started with biting my boob) with me, and not with others, including her Daddy and Grandma.

Mom suggested to me that babies challenge boundaries and experiment where they feel safe. And you are the one person she KNOWS will always love her - HAS to always love her. So it's safe to resist having you change her diaper, or throw food when you're feeding her, or try pulling your hair... 'cause you're Mom. And breastfeeding or not, you always will be Mom.

And don't think of it as rejecting you. You let her breastfeed until SHE was ready to move onto other things, and that's a gift.

Go have that dinner - and a couple of glasses of wine with it! You done good!

Best,

KathyO

[flagger]

Sarah,

I know as a guy I probably shouldn't respond to a thread like this, but this probably won't be the first time you feel rejected. Wait until the teenage years. ;)

I had read the pushing into the breast and pinching the nose is a good trick worth trying. I think she is part learning how to push your buttons, part teething and part just wants to play.

From your posts, I know you certainly aren't neglecting your daughter and please don't ever feel you are. I can only go by my experience raising litters of puppies. When they start to bite down, Fireball would let out a pretty big Yelp "a NO" if you will. Pups learned pretty quick not to mess with momma. Ansleigh will get the message that your reaction to her biting is not a pleasant experience and soon will be on to new things like only eating things that have been pre-cut to exacting NASA standards.

I am sorry you are going through this and know I have yet to look forward to this test of wills.

Best,

Flagger

[atlbaby]

Hi Sarah,
Well, I hope you and DH did end up going to a movie and dinner, because it sounds like you had a rough day!! I really don't have any experience with biting since Arielle was weaned pre-teeth. I do want to echo what others have said in that you really don't want this to be the end of your nursing relationship with Ainsleigh, so just keep pumping and trying! And I have experienced that stress can really affect one's milk supply so definitely don't judge your supply by today's showing!

I hope you are able to (somewhat) enjoy a nice night out!!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[sweetbasil]

Sarah,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. When Kellen was about this age (maybe a little younger), he acted all eager about latching on one day, so I thrust it in there, thrilled that he was going to be gung-ho about eating, and he majorly bit. I think I yelled "OW!" and we both cried. He got a chunk- I bled every time he nursed for a week--- my LC said to try to nurse only on the other side and pump the hurt side until supply got back up, but pumping made me bleed just the same. We got through it- I was determined I didn't want that to be our last nursing experience, you know- wanted to end on a high note. I don't know if you've seen many posts about Kellen being strong willed (transitioning out of his baby chair at the table, into his "big-boy bed" at bedtime, etc.), but it seems like just when I get a plan of how things should progress, he gets his own ideas. I'm learning to keep my mind open, because there might be other ways to get things done, and I know that these tests of wills are not him trying to get rid of me, but to learn how to make his own way and become his own little person.

The same for sweet little Ainsleigh...she's just getting to be a big girl with her own ideas, etc., but she still loves you. Sometimes it feels like they know all the buttons to push, and I'm really sorry that this has hurt so much (both physically and emotionally!), but you're doing a great job. Enjoy your movie, and I hope things get better for you soon!

Hugs,

[mamahill]

Now I'm crying all over again because you all or so nice! Today was definitely difficult, but it was wonderful to get away. We ended up going to a movie and then an early dinner so we could get back and I could try putting Ainsleigh down for bed. I just pumped because I was so tight and got 3 oz this time, so I feel a little better about that.

You don't know how much all of your words mean to me. We dropped Ainsleigh off at my parents' and I quickly said, "I don't want to get into it because I'm too emotional right now, but Ainsleigh is refusing to breastfeed and I feel rejected, so have fun." My dad just kind of chuckled and said, "Welcome to parenthood. This the the first in a long line." I know he meant it as comfort, but I just burst into tears (then he felt really bad).

You're right. I do NOT want it to end this way. I will continue to pump, eat oatmeal, drink fluids etc. Where would I get fenugreek (sp?). Is it a supplement? I'm definitely going to hang in there, I just feel really emotional - my gosh, all YOUR posts made me cry. Thanks for all your support. It means more than you know.

ps - We went to see "Chicago" and it was FABULOUS. It was all I could do to keep from clapping wildly at several parts. I almost burst into tears of joy at the end, that's how emotional I've been. ;) Makes me want to dance again... or at least get into shape!

[newbelly2002]

Chiming in a little late with nothing terribly wise to add, other than I'm so sorry. You expressed what I feel so perfectly but have been a little hesitant to say. I really sometimes do wonder if "it's all about the boobs" and what will happen when they go away. The rational part of me knows that there's got to be more, but then the hormones kick in and I'm a mess.

THat said, you're an amazing mama to Ainsleigh. She loves you; she's testing you. As someone else said, what better place to push the limits than the one place where you KNOW you are safe: mama's arms. Be strong and firm.

I really feel for you and am super glad you went to the movie anyway. Mommy and daddy time is crucial and a wonderful example for her to see (30 years later my parents continue--as they have always done--to have "date night" on Friday night where they go out for Irish coffees and nachos).

Take care and tomorrow is a new day.

Paula

[Rachels]

You can get Fenugreek capsules at a health food store or vitamin store. I've used them, and they REALLY work. Blessed Thistle is another option. Here's a link to my favorite resource for increasing supply:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/bf/galact.htm

Let us know how it's going.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[parkersmama]

Let me add to everyone else's sympathies and reassure you that she's not rejecting you!!! When I first started reading this message and got to Rachel's reply I was just nodding along because everything she advised is what I was going to say. Try them one by one and see what helps. With one of my children we ran into this problem and I had to keep applying an ice-cold wet washcloth to his gums for a few minutes and then nurse for a few minutes until he could get his entire feeding in. Awful! Thankfully it only lasted for a few days. I totally agree that it's not surprising that you weren't able to really pump. Stress does terrible things! I think trying to offer your breast in the most soothing environment possible when she's sort of sleepy will help. You can almost trick them into it and then the next time it'll be a little easier and so on. She may just need to be reminded that "hey! This nursing thing is good!". If you do try the fenugreek, just be forewarned that it makes your pee and sweat smell like maple syrup! LOL! I've tried fenugreek and blessed thistle and both of them worked fairly well for me. Mother's milk tea (if you can tolerate the taste...add honey & milk to help) is good too. As for biting, I'm definitely a proponent of the "pull the baby in" method. It worked for me both times around.

Lastly, just know that you're not alone. BOTH of my children did this at one point or another for whatever (known only to them!) reasons. You're a terrific mommy and don't let this convince yourself that you're doing anything wrong!! Good luck and keep us posted on how it's going!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[sweetbasil]

I second Rachel's fenugreek testimonial...my milk almost dried up early on in Kellen's life because I followed one of those parent-directed feeding books (my biggest mistake as a new mom!). ANYWAY, my LC told me about fenugreek at church one Sunday morning, and we RAN to GNC right afterwards to pick it up. When I walked in, the guy said, "Hi, are you looking for fenugreek? We've just got 2 bottles left." The worse side effect for me was it made my milk smell like syrup. One Sat. morning, DH rolled over and said, "waffles just sound REALLY good this morning- could we have some?" I laughed and told him it was my milk that put the thought in his head.

When Kellen was 6mo. old, we flew to CA to visit the in-laws, and I brought a bottle of fenugreek along. I took a pill 20 min. before take-off from Houston, then 20 min. before our connection departed from Dallas/Ft. Worth, then 20 min. before we began the descent into Burbank, and NEVER had a supply problem. I nursed him 6 times in 4 hours (to keep his little ears feeling okay- he was teething, too :( ) and the whole experience was great for both of us. I always followed the recommended doses and never exceeded the max. amt.- I can't really imagine how I could TAKE the max. amt. of pills in a day anyway....

You're doing a great job--- keep it up :)

[spu]

Hi Sarah,

I hope you're doing a little better today. I'm glad you went out and had a good time! Sounds like you have a great DH too!

It's funny how babies react, esp. when nursing which is such a familiar thing to them. This sounds like the first time Ainsleigh got some 'direction' from her mama... so she might not be too sure what to make of it. But as everyone else said, you're a wonderful mommy and you're doing everything just great!!

Let us know if you end up trying the fenugreek. I might try it too. Let us know too how Ainsleigh is doing with the nursing. and how YOU are doing!

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[cara1]

Sarah, of course Ainsleigh isn't rejecting you. It doesn't even sound like she's trying to wean. She's just responding to the "no" you gave her after biting.. Keep offering the breast, and this should pass. But this may give you some insight into your decision to wean. Maybe you're really not ready.

[mamahill]

Thank you for all your advice and words of comfort. As it stands, since my first post Ainsleigh has refused to even latch on, so biting isn't even an issue right now. I've tried offering it to her at all times of the day and in all environments. Even when she woke up in the middle of the night and generally just eats and goes right back to sleep, she just pushed away from "it." Either that or she tries to play with it. I've tried and tried and she just looks at me like, "What am I supposed to do with that?" I feel like I'm constantly being told the old, "Let's just be friends."

But I have continued to pump. She has taken a little bit in the sippy cup, but obviously still prefers just water. Last night she was awake from 12:15 to just after 1 am crying almost the whole time. I finally offered her Infant Motrin to see if that would help. I don't know if it was that, or that coupled with her exhaustion, but she finally drifted off to sleep.

How long do this nursing fasts usually last? I'll pump as long as I have to, but with just the Isis, and feeling like she really isn't interested, I don't know how much longer (emotionally) I can take this. If I knew an end was in sight, that would be easier (but then I suppose parenting in general would be tons easier if we had diffinitive answers).

If I were to wean right now, although I think I'd feel sad because she's growing up, I think it would make me feel better mentally. But because she is mostly refusing anything besides water in the sippy, I am really worried about her nutritional intake, especially because she is small for her age (16 lbs 14 oz, 28" at 10.5 months). Should I call the ped about this? Ugh, I hate the confusion. Thank you for continuing to listen. Any and all advice is much appreciated and comforting.

[COElizabeth]

Have you considered renting a hospital-grade pump for a couple of weeks? I would think it might make it much easier and quicker to pump enough to keep your supply going until you resolve the issue (whether by weaning or not).

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[egoldber]

Sarah, I found this info about nursing strikes on the La Leche League website: http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/strike.html

I would continue to pump and offer her liquids in the sippy cup. But at her age, even a week really isn't going to make a huge difference to her nutritionally. If she is eating lots of solids, make sure to include lots of high fat foods like whole milk yogurt and cheeses.

If your ped is supportive of breastfeeding, calling may help (especially if it will make you feel better). You may get better nursing advice from a lactation consultant though.

Hope things get back to normal for you guys soon!

[Shirale]

Just wanted to add my sympathy...I actually went through exactly the same thing with Amira...and that ended up being the beginning of her weaning...she bit, and I reacted by saying a loud 'no' and pulling her off, and she went on strike for 2 days, and then went back, but I had little milk, and didn't know about fenugreek (sp?) so I ended up nursing for about 3 more weeks twice a day and then weaning her...and I was extremely depressed and felt physically sick...it was very sad for me, it felt like she was growing up too fast, I I also felt somewhat rejected...but, just as a reasurance, even if and when you do end up weaning her, it will be ok!!! I felt so rejected, and now she actually cuddles more then when we nursed! She understadns the word hug- and comes over and hugs and kisses me, just randomly, which is wonderful, and I still cuddle her before bed, and sometimes when she drinks during the day. It is a very emotional thing...I hope that the supplement works and that you able to do what you really want! No matter what happens, though, you are a fantastic mommy and she loves you!!!

[megsmom]

I'm so sorry you guys are going through a rough time. I have no experience myself in the nursing strike front, but I just wanted to offer my words of support and caring. I think no matter how weaning comes (if this is what it is, I don't know) it's a sad, wistful kind of thing. My younger sister I guess was weaned at 11 months to a cup (she never took a bottle either) and even though my mom was in many ways relieved she could have some freedom (public nursing in the 70's was very discouraged) she remembers being very sad about it ending. In terms of other's stories that may be more helpful, I think the founder of Knox breastfeeding supplies has her story about her daughter's nursing strike at about the same age on her site.

In terms of Ainsleigh's nutrition, I don't think a call to the ped would hurt to help reassure you and give you ideas. In agreeance with Beth, keep offering lots whole milk/high fat types of products since babies need that and mix in ebm where you can (oatmeal is a good place). I wish I had more to say, but be reassured that she will not starve herself and could really be entering the toddler phase where she will get very opinionated about things. It is very normal for babies to become somewhat disinterested in nursing and bottles at this age as they are learning so much more about food and sippy cups. They also aren't very good at sippies at this point and their drinking really drops off and we all slightly panic. My dd went totally to a cup at one year and I was reassured when the doctor told me she only needed 12 -18 ounces of milk per day. This isn't a lot. We also become alarmed because they don't seem to be eating as much or as balanced anymore (case in point: Meghan had a few peas, milk, and cranberry sauce for dinner tonight.) It's a tough time for parents but babies and parents alike get through this just fine.

Keep your chin up, dear. It will get better. The toddler years hold lots of fun things ahead (in addition to their trials). Don't think about it so much as losing your baby, but getting to really know your little girl.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01

[mamahill]

"Don't think about it so much as losing your baby, but getting to really know your little girl."

Thanks for making me cry again! LOL - that line really touched me. As does all of your advice. Thanks for the link, Beth, I'm definitely going to call a lactaction consultant or LLL leader today. The only thing I can think of is that it might be teething related, but she still sucks on the sippy cup.

Yesterday was tolerable only because Joel had the day off. At 3 this am Ainsleigh woke up and I tried offering to nurse her since in the middle of the night she is usually a good eater. She was flailing against me as soon as she saw the breast, but then did act like she would latch on. She bit, and I pressed her into my breast (being VERY aware to not react too harshly or quickly). We repeated this seven times. The last time she bit really hard and I inhaled sharply through my nose. I don't know if it was loud, but she pulled off at that time and began crying. So I just walked and rocked her, and she fell asleep and slept until 7:45. And she's just as chipper this morning, as if this is what we always do.

I think I'll offer her more cereal throughout the day (that is the food I can best disguise formula and EBM in), like maybe 4-5 meals. And I'm only going to offer milk or formula in the sippy. At breakfast she only took 1 oz, as opposed to her usual 3 oz of water. But I want to make sure she's getting the fat/nutrition she needs.

Thank you for all your support. Usually I love being on the Internet and reading/responding to all the posts. But over the past couple days I have only had the desire to log on to beg for help and read your advice. I promise to be in better spirits soon. Thanks for all your help. It has really helped, and Joel doesn't worry about my state of mind as much, knowing I have all of you.

[Rachels]

I don't think anyone blames you a bit for feeling down right now. You don't have to try to feel better than you feel. Motherhood is hard. We take turns offering support, and we take turns needing it. I hope you get some help from LLL or an LC and that things improve soon! But until they do, we're here for you, no matter what state your spirits are in.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[egoldber]

Just a tip on getting even more formula mixed into the cereal. Cereal will absorb a LOT of milk/formula. After you mix the cereal up, let it sit for a little while (in the refrigerator). Then try mixing in even more formula. I am shocked at the amount of liquid the cereal will hold and still not be runny. To get it to absorb the most, mix the cereal up the night before and let it sit overnight. Sarah eats her cereal cold, but if Ainsleigh likes it warm, you can always heat it up briefly in the microwave.

I use the Earths Best cereals and I can get as much as 6 ounces of liquid into a 1/4 cup (dry) of cereal without it being runny. I have used this trick with Sarah before when she has smaller and was too congested to suck liquid from a bottle or sippy.

It is very exciting to watch them turn into little people and see their personalities emerge. DH and Sarah and I had dinner at a restaurant on Saturday night. We were pretty much the only ones there due to the impending snowstorm, so we lingered much longer than we usually do. Sarah was finished eating and I was trying to occupy her, so we were making games of everything. I gave her a napkin and told her to "wipe her face", and she started wiping her face and was so tickled by that she was giggling. The she started wiping her stuffed bear's face and she thought that was hysterical. Then she was wiping my face and DH's face and we were all laughing. Then she started "cleaning" the table in front of her where she had been eating and she was just delighted at doing things like a "big girl". And it struck me that we now really had a third "person" at the table and that Sarah really wasn't a baby anymore and I really almost cried right then and there.

HTH,

[nohomama]

The transformation from baby to small person is both fun and amazing to watch. I was a little sad last October when Lola's cousin was born and Lola was no longer the baby in the family. But, I've also found myself thinking while watching her recently, "What was so fun about you when you were younger? 'Cause now your absolutely fabulous!"

Sarah, I'm sorry I haven't responded to your post sooner. Everyone else has given you excellent advise and I don't have anything meaningful to add. These troubles will eventually resolve themselves and regardless of how things iron out in the end, you've been a devoted and loving parent throughout.

[sntm]

Sarah,
No advice (sounds like everyone here has been wonderfully helpful) but just wanted you to know that I'll be thinking about you and Ainsleigh. I know you were dreading this transition anyway and how mean that it has to be difficult. You are doing a fabulous job, though, and don't forget it. I've read your posts for months now and nobody could better mother that sweet little girl better than you do. Glad you got some R&R time for yourself this weekend (I am dying to see Chicago, by the way). Keep treating yourself and remember that you will both make it through this!

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03

[Melanie]

I don't have time to read through the other posts...so I'm sorry if this is repetitive...but...she could just be going through a nursing strike, not necessarily weaning. Sometimes babies do that, OR she could be weaning on her own, which IMHO is the way it should be, and not the other way around. Also, is there a chance that she's teething and maybe nursing is uncomfortable to her?

Also, you can never pump as much as your baby gets sucking on their own, because they are the most efficient pump. =)

Mommy to Jonah

[mamahill]

Ok, so since I've gone down to pumping only, and just once a day at that, I decided I could wear a regular bra today. I just say I feel similar to how I felt the first time I left the house after having Ainsleigh. Like I'm doing something new and nobody else knows it.

Thanks for all your support on the boards. I decided last night as I was pumping that I'm just going to let Ainsleigh wean herself. It was proving more stressful and emotionally taxing to try to keep forcing her to nurse and then the continual rejection. Since making that decision I feel like I've had a HUGE burden lifted from my shoulders. Yes, I get a little sad to think we won't nurse any more, but then I look at her and remember all your kind words, and I know she'll have to grow up sooner or later.

Yesterday I went to 3 health food stores looking for Earth's Best cereal but have yet to find it. Maybe I'll order online. And I fed her the 3 regular meals, and then a little more cereal before bed time. I also made her drink milk from the sippy and while she didn't like it, over the course of the day she drank 5 oz. Already today she's drinking even better. And to top it off, she slept through the night last night (something she has not been doing lately) and woke up just as happy as could be.

I guess I forgot how mental motherhood is. I am sad that we didn't nurse for the full year, but I'm glad that we did it this long without any real problems - no plugged ducts, mastitis, etc. I'll continue to pump as much as I can (hopefully a couple times a day - yesterday I forgot until night :( ) and stir it into formula. And like I said, making this decision has made me feel a lot better. I guess it's the unknown and the questions that really get to me.

I am still a little worried about her growth and nutritional intake, but I suppose this is a challenge I will better handle if I am mentally/emotionally well.

Thank you for all your advice and support. I look forward to getting to know the little girl my baby is growing into. I've printed off the entire thread and keep it handy to read and reread. You will never know how much each of your posts mean. Thank you thank you thank you. I wish I could hug each of you.

[egoldber]

Sarah I am glad that you feel relieved. Once I make a decision, I know that I always feel much better just to have it past me!

Did you try Whole Foods Market when looking for Earth's Best cereals? That is where I get mine. I can't remember if there is one in the Fremont/Hayward/Newark area. But in my in-laws area, regular grocery stores carry it, so go figure! And according to the Earths Best website, most Safeway stores in Northern Califronia seem to carry it.

HTH,

[mamahill]

I forgot about Whole Foods! I went to Trader Joe's, Safeway and PW Market (everything there is more expensive, so I figured they would have it;) ). I'll check out Whole Foods - thanks!

[brubeck]

Sarah,

The Safeway at Newark Blvd. and Hwy 84 carries Earth's Best cereal.

[egoldber]

My SIL lives on Cedar Blvd near Newark Blvd. :)

[atlbaby]

Hi Sarah,

I was wondering how things were going for you both. I felt exactly as you did when I first wore a REAL :) bra again--I was grining (no, beaming!) all day long, I wanted to tell the world!! (I settled for my mom though, thank G-d!) Plus it was the summer, so you could *see* the difference once I gave up those cumbersome nursing bras!

I'm glad you feel better now, having made the decision--it is so tough, I know, but you are doing wonderfully! And one day Ainsleigh will appreciate how caring and special her mommy is to have given this decision so much thought and time!

Oh, and I always buy the Earth's Best cereal at Whole Foods, but of course I am in cold NJ :(

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01

[mamahill]

And Joel works within walking distance of there. He has been assigned to pick up some boxes on the way home. Thanks ladies!