Potty Thoughts Anyone?

[brubeck]

I know this belongs on the Toddler board but I've posted there tons and no one ever seems to answer!

Basically I am trying to potty-train my 27 month old daughter. She knows just about everything she needs to. She can physically do the entire potty ritual all by herself (including pulling her underwear/training pants up and down by herself) and wash her hands. The ONLY thing she won't do is go voluntarily to the potty by herself. I have to bring her, then she will sit on it and pee (if she has any inside to pee out!).

Of course the obvious thought is that she is not physically ready, but she does show signs when she is peeing/pooping (stops what she is doing, looks serious, quiets down) and I know she can hold pee in because sometimes she will do so if she's in a bad mood, then pee all over the bathroom floor as soon as she gets off the potty. Fortunately this doesn't happen too often! As I said before, she can also voluntarily push it out, so she knows what muscles to engage.

I tried the Azrin & Foxx method and it did not work with her. She also does not seem to be overly bothered by a wet/soiled diaper, although if she's in a full one for awhile she will eventually ask for a diaper change.

So from anyone who has successfully potty-trained before, how do I get her to voluntarily go to the potty herself? Or do I just have to (sigh) wait a little longer and then try again?

[ddmarsh]

As a mom who has potty trained 3 children I can say that in my experience you sometimes do have to let it go for a time. I can also say that I have seen and have heard from friends that not long after letting go of the struggle the child soon comes around on his/her own. It can be so frustrating I know, but the best approach I have found is to offer the potty, underwear, etc. and let them determine when they are ready. Often they do give some signs that they are ready and some willingness, but it may take more time for them to completely come around.

Good luck -

Debbie

[Rachels]

Weighing in as someone with a lot of developmental psychology in her background, I really think that pushing the issue isn't likely to speed things up-- and may do the reverse. She's just over two, and MANY children are not quite ready to potty train at that point. You can keep the potty in sight, talk about it, read potty books, etc., and one day she'll surprise you by asking to use it. But you can't trick her into learning something she's not ready to learn. I'd give it time.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[brubeck]

Actually keeping it in sight is not the issue: she sits on a seat insert on the regular toilet. She can climb up and down it all by herself because I put a step stool (oooh, bad pun!) there.

She's reasonably comfortable with the potty itself, just never asks to go on her own. It is sounding as if I should just wait and let her ask on her own. But what if she doesn't ask until she's 4????? :-)

PLUS, I thought all kids used to be potty-trained by age 2 (back in the good old days), and we're just waiting longer in this day and age. I guess in the 'terrible twos' a lot of kids resist and then it ends up taking longer. I'm afraid of this too.

[egoldber]

I would go with the advice of a mom who has potty trained three kids!

What I have read is similar to what Rachel advised. The longer you wait to potty train them, the easier and faster it is when it happens. A neighbor of mine has three kids and she says her oldest (a boy) was three when he trained, but when he finaly decided he was ready, it only took one weekend. Two other neighbors of mine, with similarly aged kids, agree that it happens VERY quickly once the kids were ready.

I have also read that kids take longer to potty train now. But remember that in our moms day, it was really mom that was trained, not the baby. And kids also wore cloth diapers then. With today's disposables kids have a hard time telling when they are wet. As someone who switched from disposable to cloth, that is absolutely true. I now find it annoying the times when I occasionally use disposables that I can't tell when DD is wet.

HTH,

[megsmom]

Any recent changes in the house? (I seem to recall that you had a new baby but perhaps I am confusing you with someone else?) If that be the case, it's probably gonna be pretty hard to convince a little one to give up diapers when someone else using diapers in the house is getting a lot of attention.

I would say if things aren't going well, put stuff aside for a few weeks and then return if your dd seems like she wants to do it and it is a good time for you. My mom always stressed it needs to be a very positive approach but it can be one of your most trying times as a parent.

I saw an interesting potty training approach on Dr. Phil a couple of months ago. His theory was the best way to learn something is to teach it. There also has to be some big deal/reward at the end of this process to give the little person a reason to quit taking the lazy way out of going whenever you want in your pants. Basically, if you didn't see the show, it involved a little doll that wets saying it had to go to the potty to a little boy. Dr. Phil then asked the little boy to show the doll how to to go on the potty because it didn't know. When it went in the potty, there was a big whoop-ti-doo with streamers, confetti, music, and the little doll was praised to bits. Then of course, Dr. Phil said he had an in with Thomas the Train (who the little boy idolized) and when he went to the potty he could call up Thomas (who was played on the phone by Dr. Phil's producer). There was a huge party when the little boy finally went in the potty and he got to speak to Thomas. Well, according to this kid's mom who had been working on it for something like 8 months, it worked that day and he only had one other accident in a few weeks. When doing this approach another couple of keys were loading your kid up on fluids to speed along the process and no use of diapers or pull ups.

My sitter didn't start training her son until he was 3 and I think he potty trained in a week or so. I think the key is waiting until your little one is ready. Basically the little boy in the Dr. Phil segment was ready in every other way except he was just didn't want to go in the potty. I have absolutely no experience in potty training myself so I just try to listen to other's stories and take notes.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01

[Rachels]

Errrr. Yikes. The part of this that I have trouble with is the suggestion that kids use diapers out of laziness. That really bothers me. The average age is closer to three. It just takes some little people a while to be ready. The diaper days WILL end. It will be easier on everybody if you're not fighting against a child's development, but rather working with it.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[sweetbasil]

We're not completely potty trained around here yet, but just started trying, but here's how things are going at our house. It's a lot like how Kellen decided it was time to quit sleeping in the crib- I swear, this kid is a 6 year old in a 2 year old body....

We've been talking with him about how big boys and girls go potty on the toilet, and in conversation, he applies it to specific individuals, and is really seeming to get it. But he's still in diapers. I figure with the luck we've had in using *his* timing for milestone events in the past, we'd let him do it when he was ready (preferable to junior high, though!)

So the other day, he filled his diaper (for the third time that morning), and it was another smelly one. While changing his diaper, I said, "Honey, big boys go poop in the toilet, but you went in your diaper." He said, "Yeah." So I asked, "Why?" "He said, cause it's my *diaper*, momma." Kind of a (as Dr. Phil would say) "lightbulb" moment for me. How can I suddenly change the rules after he's been going in his diaper for over 2 years now? We went out that day and bought big boy underwear, and when he asks about it, we let him wear it. But until he's really excited about it and just doesn't want the diapers anymore, I'm not going to stress about it too much. I'm betting it happens pretty quick here, and if it's something *he* decides he's ready for, it'll be so much easier a transition for us all! :)

[brubeck]

You are all right, I should just wait for her (al least a little while longer!) to see if she is ready soon. It's just hard to wait!

I tried food rewards and that didn't work out because all that would happen is that she'd ask for more treats and then tantrum when I would say she had to wait until she peed in the potty again. I haven't tried for a big reward, but she's not very forward looking ('we're coming back to the playground tomorrow' is still a tough concept) so I'm not sure that would work. I did have an idea last night though. She started to poop just before I put her down for her nap so I rushed her to the potty and tried to encourage her to finish it in there (a little had gotten in the diaper). She sat there 10 minutes and didn't, so we went for a nap. After her nap (3 hours later) I go to check on her and she has poop in her diaper that she obviously put there right before the nap, and a big diaper rash. I did what I could for it, but it was still there when she went to bed for the night. She was complaining about how it hurt and I told her, "When you poop in your diaper it hurts. It doesn't hurt when you poop in the potty!". I don't know if this will get through to her, but hey, I'll admit it, I'm shameless in what I will use. :-) I will admit to also telling her in the past that Elmo doesn't wear diapers because he is a big boy (uh, monster) and uses the potty.

Good memory, yes I did have a baby 2 months ago. That's one reason I delayed this long. So many people have told me that you should start training when your child shows interest and my duaghter did that at 18 months, which is when we taught her the process (sitting, wiping, flushing, etc.). I wanted to train her in the Fall but held off knowing that the new baby was coming. Now he's here, she seems to have forgotten that there was a time when she was an only child, and we're all in a daily routine she seems to take to, which is why I thought to start now. Of course now she is just more stubborn than 5 months ago. Sigh.

The thing is, this past weekend I sent the baby (and a good supply of EBM) off with my husband and outside of the training my daughter and I had a fabulous time just bonding together. Oh and during that entire weekend she wore the cotton Gerber training pants. I did a LOT of laundry and carpet cleaning.

I didn't see that Dr. Phil but the Azrin & Foxx method I tried has many of the same ideas in it (using the doll, praising your child, etc.). It sounds interesting though!

[sweetbasil]

"She was complaining about how it hurt and I told her, 'When you poop in your diaper it hurts. It doesn't hurt when you poop in the potty!'. I don't know if this will get through to her, but hey, I'll admit it, I'm shameless in what I will use. "

Okay, well add me to the bandwagon of shameless mommies who have said the SAME thing....I'm not being mean or anything, just trying to explain the benefits. He's brought it up since then on his own, so he at least *heard* me :) So nice to know we've got some peers in the same place we are! Take care....