Thoughts on child spacing?

[egoldber]

I have been thinking a lot about baby #2 these days. Probably half the moms in my playgroup are already pregnant with #2 and the other half is trying! DH and I (well, mainly I) have decided that we would rather wait until Sarah is closer to three than two to have another baby, which puts us trying later this year. But there are days (and lately more and more) when I am just aching to be pregnant again and to have another little one.

I am really conflicted. I'm not getting any younger, and the big 3-5 is next birthday... If I want three kids (and maybe I do) there are good reasons not to wait. But in the grand scheme of things, I figure a few months one way or the other won't really make that much difference in my fertility. But then sometimes I don't want to wait...

Such is the angst of my random thoughts.

So I'm just wondering what other folks thoughts are about how they are spacing their children. I am especially curious to hear from moms with more than one and to hear what you think about the spacing you actually have!

[sweetbasil]

Beth~
First of all, on a selfish note, I will be thrilled when you add another little one to your life, so we can compare notes on the boards! :)

But really- I was hoping to have Kellen and baby #2 spaced about 3 yrs. apart (my sister and I are 2 yr. 10 mo. apart), and we just got pg. a little sooner than planned....oops. As the big day draws nearer, I look more forward to having a little baby around. Kellen is really starting to take notice of babies, and when friends are over, he'll stop playing with his peers to "visit" with the babies. Plus, he's gotten really helpful lately- bringing me his diapers, cup, something I need from the other room/upstairs, etc., and seems really willing to contribute around here. Not to say we're expecting him to "earn his keep" or anything, but he loves to help out. Finally, he was honestly getting quite spoiled up until we got pg., and I'm expecting that a little less attention will help that. Will update you when baby two is here--- they'll be 2yrs. 8 mo. apart. HTH!

[Annette_C]

Beth,
I understand how you feel. Sometimes, it's better when a pregnancy happens "by accident" because, otherwise, there never seems to be a right time.
That said, I'll tell you about my experience with my first two. They are only 22 months apart and, although at the time I thought I'd go crazy, it was the best thing! I felt I was still in "baby routine mode" so having another baby was no big deal. The kids played together a lot so I didn't feel the guilt or pressure to having to entertain them constantly.
There's another pro to being closer in age. It's the fact that they'll be going to school one after the other so that you can eventually go back to work, even if part-time, or do volunteer work or whatever you choose to do with your free time. That would defenitely be a personal choice. Some women like having a baby in the house all the times. If that's you, then you'd want to space the children a little longer.
Please don't worry about your age (look at me! LOL). As my OBGYN said to me when I showed concern about my age, it's very common these days to have children at a more mature age (she told me most of her patients were in their 30's+).
This is just my HO and I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you and your family.
Just one word of caution, though, don't wait 23 years between kids like I did with my 3rd!LOL:)

Annette :)
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[kathsmom]

Hi, Beth!

When DD was about 18 months old, I asked DH if he wanted to start trying for #2. At that time he wasn't ready, but I was. When DD was about 3, he was ready to start trying, and I thought I was too - until I thought I was pregnant and for some reason I got scared. It was a false alarm. We decided when she was 3 1/2 - 4 that we were going to try for #2. We didn't do all the timing and temperature stuff. It took me 1 1/2 years to get pregnant, but remember that was just me and we weren't always planning it out every month. I had just turned 37 when I got pregnant.

Our children are almost 6 1/2 years apart. I wish sometimes that they were closer in age. Usually I am happy with the age difference. DD has been a huge help to me. She understands when I tell her that I have to take care of her little brother. I think it would be a lot harder for a toddler to understand that. She is so independent that it is a blessing. She can pretty much bathe herself (other than rinsing her long hair), get dressed, brush her teeth, etc.
She started kindergarten this year, so that has been a big help too. She is away all day with her friends having a good time and I can take care of DS without feeling like I am neglecting her. Of course there is SOME jealousy, especially when baby shower time rolls around and everything is for the baby!! My mom and a couple of friends got her some presents. We let her pick out a stuffed animal for the baby to bring to the hospital as a gift. The baby's gift to his big sister was a sterling silver charm bracelet just like mine that had a "Big Sister" charm on it. Sorry about going off on a tangent there!

So to sum it all up, I am pretty happy with the age difference, but I do realize that there are advantages to having them closer in age. But, DS LOVES his "sissy" - he lights up and just starts chuckling whenever he sees her, and it makes DD feel special that she is pretty much the only one who can get him to laugh! (He does smile at DH and me, and will sometimes laugh at us).

This is probably more than you want to know - sorry!

Good luck with TTC, whenever you decide it's the right time for you.

Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23/02)

[nohomama]

Obviously, I only have Lola but here's my thinking. I wan't Lola to be potty trained or well on the way when #2 arrives. My brother and I are just three months shy of being 3 years apart. When I was born my grandmother potty trained my brother during the two weeks she came to stay (she used candy but hey, it worked AND spared my Mom two kids in cloth dipes and a whole lotta laundry). We'll start thinking about trying around Lola's second birthday (which seems like it's coming fast).

[ddmarsh]

I have had my children both close in age and a bit further apart, and I can see dis/advantages of each. My first two boys are 24 months almost to the day apart and they are the best of friends, they really like most of the same things, etc. and for the most part have a great relationship. Of course that intense type of relationship works the other way as well - when they fight they *really* fight! My third child came 4 years after the second, there really wasn't any deliberate planning, I guess I just wasn't ready for another until that point. My 4th came another 4 years later. With the fourth I was honestly hoping it would be much closer in age to the 3rd but DH was suffering from a life threatening illness which turned out to affect fertility and it just didn't happen on my time schedule. I have been amazed however at how close all 3 of my boys are, despite the longer space between the younger two.

As far as age goes, try not to sweat that too much. I was determined that I wouldn't have a child past 35, but with my husband's illness it just didn't turn out that way and it's been just fine - it just turns out I've been having babies for 10 year :).

Sorry I've rambled, I guess my point is that I think you really adapt to however things work out for you and there is no *ideal* plan.

Good luck with your decision -

Debbie

[COElizabeth]

Beth,

I'm the same age as you and have very similar thoughts - except that we got a later start, so I'm not ready even to decide on spacing yet - too sleep deprived! I have seen lots of pros and cons of close and wide spacing of children and am pretty firmly convinced that there isn't an ideal spacing. Any age difference from 30 seconds to more than a decade can work out great. But I did just want to share one observation from my family. I hear a lot that people want their kids to be close in age because they want them to be close emotionally. I think that has some relevance, but it's not the primary factor in how close kids are. I have a cousin with twin sisters 6 years younger, and you could not ask for a brother to be closer to his sisters. In fact, his best friend is marrying one of the girls this summer. I have another cousin who has 3 siblings, and she is closest to the one who is 10 years younger, because she truly did a big part of raising her. On a lighter note, my sister always wanted to have kids 2 years apart but ended up not feeling ready, and her two are 3.5 years apart. She never has to push the stroller because her son is an excellent "driver" and considers that his job. I honestly think you should just go with your gut feeling - and also be flexible, because we all know that babies don't always come on our schedule!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[trumansmom]

I know this sounds nuts, but this morning as I was logging on I was thinking, "I wish Beth would hurry up and get pregnant again. I would love to hear what she thinks about adding another!" NO pressure though!

I'm a couple of years older than you, and that probably was a driving force in getting pregnant again so quickly. I was afraid that it would take longer than it did (2 months), so basically started trying at the earliest month I felt maybe ready.

I'm nervous about having 2 so close (Truman will be not quite 22 months when the new baby is born), but was more nervous about waiting too long.

Good luck with your decision!

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and EDD 10/10/03

[parkersmama]

I think child spacing is one of the hardest decisions we have to make as parents. It took quite a while for me to get pregnant with Parker (a couple of years and I was young at the time). With him I just wanted to be pregnant so bad that I didn't care about time of year, etc. Well, we live in Georgia and let me tell you being hugely pregnant in a Georgia summer is nothing to laugh at. He was born on 9/1 which also brought up the angst-ridden question about whether he'd go to Kindergarten early or late. Because of these two things, I was determined to have our second child in the springtime. That meant we had options like when Parker was 1 1/2, 2 1/2, or 3 1/2. I had a friend who said that 2 1/2 years was really good spacing for her and it seemed to fit in my overall scheme of things so that's what we went for. I remember when I first got pregnant with Wesley I felt like Parker was still so young (not quite 2 yo) and still our "baby". They are almost exactly 2 1/2 years apart. Parker was still in diapers although working on potty training and that wasn't really that bad. Of course, I used disposables with both of them. I was working part-time and daycare/childcare headaches for two kids were rough. But looking back I think the spacing was very good. Parker was in love with his little brother until he started crawling around 7 months and getting into his toys! LOL! At that point we went through a rough spot with them fighting (I never thought it would start so early!!!) and with Wesley having what our pediatrician called "big-brother-itis"...the desire to do everything big bro does but he wasn't able to do yet which made him miserable. At the point where we are now, they are really the best of friends. They call each other "buddy" and play together constantly. They do fight often but they make up easily and I can't seem to separate them for long even when they are mad at each other. When one of them is in trouble, the other comforts him. This morning Wesley was dressing himself (a feat for an almost 3 yo!) and Parker was cheering him on. When I dropped Parker off at Kindergarten this morning he came back to the car because he forgot to hug & kiss Wesley!

Now, with this baby things have been pretty different so far. I knew I wanted another spring baby so that meant Wesley would be 2 or 3 or 4 years old. Before I got pregnant we were even talking about the possibility of a 4th so my age was a consideration in not waiting too long. At the time when I would have needed to get pregnant for a baby to be born the spring that Wesley turned 2, he was still an all-consuming handfull and I couldn't imagine adding another yet. So we waited. Luckily I got pregnant again fairly easily and Wesley will turn three in March before the baby arrives in April. I've been amazed at how different those 6 months seeem to make things. Although Wesley isn't potty trained yet, he is very self-sufficient otherwise. He has grown up a lot faster because he's always tagging along at Parker's heels. I feel like I've forgotten a lot of things about having a newborn that I didn't feel like I'd forgotten when Wesley came along. That's one reason it's been so good for me to find these boards...they've brought back a lot of the newborn stuff for me. Another aspect that will change things a lot is that this baby is a girl. The boys are really excited about having a sister but it's going to be interesting to see how she changes our family dynamic.

All that being said, I have felt blessed to have closely spaced children. For me & dh, it's the best way to raise our family. I can see the advantages of further spacing (only one in diapers, older one at school, etc.) but we felt like our kids would be closer and rely on each other more if they were close in age. Our neice and nephew are 6 years apart and they just get on each others' nerves.

Since you're wondering about the possibility of a 3rd, I'll tell you that I wondered how I'd know when we were "complete"-done having children-and worried that I wouldn't know. Several of my friends explained to me that somehow you just know. I didn't think that could be true but I swear to you, before we even found out that this baby is a girl I had already told dh that I just felt like this baby makes our family complete and that boy or girl this was it for us. It's a strange feeling but I did "just know". After Wesley was born, I felt the urge to have another baby practically right away. I knew that we'd have at least one more. This time around, I'm actually looking forward to never being pregnant again! LOL! I guess it's time for me to reclaim my body.

Sorry that this got so long but you did ask. :-) Guess I'm feeling long-winded this morning!!


Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[juliasdad]

Beth,

I agree with the "go with your gut" sentiment. But I'd also say that you should really try to figure out the "aching to be pregnant again" feeling. Feel free to tell me to butt out with this! But my immediate thoughts are as follows. I think it's understandable to have an itch to get back to pregnancy state. Pregnancy is a wonderful time when miraculous things are happening, and the pregnant woman is just the most special thing for miles around. What she accomplishes through pregnancy and birth is just the most amazing feat ever. As a guy, I can't begin to imagine; but I can certainly say that I'd be itching to get back to the state where I can accomplish the most significant thing that I'll ever do. I think, though, that the drive to be back in that state is strong enough to overpower whatever "rational" planning decisions you may make. On top of that, it's easy to use the big-3-5 as a front-man for this drive.

Ack, do I ramble! In short, I guess I'm just suggesting that you seriously think about that big 3-5 issue and figure out if it's truly a real issue for you, or if it's just a way of rationalizing that intense and natural desire to be pregnant again. If it's the latter, then you need to go back and find some strength in your original idea of 3-yr spacing.

Remember, these are just the ramblings of a guy, and what's more, a guy with no experience in child spacing! But I've at least had some thoughts on this issue, too. Our situation: Julia, our first, is almost 6 months. DW will hit the big-3-5 in just a few weeks. Me? Well, let's just say that I just barely met my goal of having a child while still in my thirties. So the question of when, and even if, is something that's also weighing heavily on me.

-dan

[bluej]

My older sister is six years older than me. My younger sister is 5 years younger. Obviously we weren't close growing up, but apparently we loved being spaced out so much b/c all of our kids are 4.5 - 5 years apart! Speaking as a child with several years b/w siblings I can say it was great growing up. Never had to deal with hand me downs. Never had to deal with going to high school with a sibling. Never had to deal with being compared to one another. We are all adults now and couldn't be closer. My sisters are honestly my best friends. My DD is 4.5 years older than DS. DS will be 5 years older than baby #3. I love having them spaced out. Never had to deal with two in diapers at the same time! Don't have to deal with double strollers. I have a couple of years of getting plenty of sleep before becoming sleep deprived again! What I love most though is that I can really focus on the baby's entire babyhood and toddlerhood. I can totally focus on the baby while the older child/children are at school and then when they get home from school the baby has had plenty of 'mommy time' and can wait a bit while I spend quality time with the other kids. I know my DS was content to just sit and watch DD and I play when she got home from school. Plus he loved her so much that she could entertain him while I was making supper or doing other chores that took my full attention. For myself, it's just easier having them spaced out several years. However (there's always a downside to everything isn't there?), I forget how much work a baby is. I forget what it's like to feed a baby every two hours around the clock for the first several weeks. Or how icky their diapers are. Or what it's like to pack a diaper bag and to cart a baby everywhere! We have so much independance now with our kids that I know it's going to be a hard adjustment when the baby arrives b/c we just aren't use to working around a baby's schedule. I think that you adjust to whatever you have though. I can't imagine having kids 2-3 years apart, but I'm quite certain if I did, we would manage and we would all be healthy and alive (I hope so anyway!). I don't think there's 'perfect' spacing, you just go with what happens. Good luck!

Jen
Alex 10/8/93
Caden 3/30/98
Baby #3 EDD 5/28/03

[parkersmama]

Nicely said, Dan! You seem like a great father...I hope you'll decide to have another child at some point!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[JMarie]

I completely agree - I come from a family of five children. My brother is 20 months older than me, and my three sisters are two years, six years, and twelve years younger than me, respectively. I am not that close to my brother or the sister who is closest in age to me, but I have a wonderful relationship with my youngest sister, and it has been that way since she was born. I had a rough relationship with the sister six years younger than me, but then she got pregnant. She was petrified to tell me - she was 20 and no longer with the father of her baby - but I was honestly so happy for her. Now we talk almost weekly and have a really good relationship - not as close as I am with the youngest, but we're working on it. I think part of the reason I'm not as close with my brother and other sister has to do with the intense competition from our childhood - we were all compared to each other in school, usually by our teachers, and they all expected us to be the same as the others. I think a few years - three or more - between children is best once they get older.

JMarie
Mom to Aidan Christopher 01/28/03

[twins r fun]

I always thought 2 or 2 1/2 years would be ideal spacing. But then I had twins and there is no way I want to deal with two 2 year olds and a newborn, especially the 2 I've got! Plus I don't think I realised how long a baby is a baby. I was kind of thinking at 18 months-2 years they would be doing a lot more "kid" stuff and be less baby-like and I have way overestimated things! Now (as someone else said) I just want to make sure I get to enjoy all of their babyhood and then get to enjoy the babyhood of the next one (or two) also. And even though I'm not too worried about my age, I am somewhat worried about when I will ever get back to work. I love staying home and definitely want to stay home until the youngest goes to school, but it would be nice to be out of the poorhouse at some point before I'm retirement age! So now I'm thinking 3- 3 1/2 years and timing the birthdate so they are 3 years apart in school, not 4. I totally understand the itch to have the next one-I unexpectedly felt that a little while ago and it lasted for few months so I started planning. Luckily my rational side won out and the baby fever has subsided-especially when I look at my boys and see how needy they still are.

As for 2 in diapers, that's no big deal (at least not in disposables)and I personally wouldn't use that as a spacing justification. I'd put up with 3 in diapers if it wasn't for all these other reasons.

Nicole

[kathsmom]

Denise,

I live in Georgia too, and we had DS on 9/23/02 and I totally agree that being pregnant in GA in the summer is the pits!! Obviously my DS was born about 3 weeks past the deadline for the school cut-off. We have a DD who was born on May 19, and she was always one of the youngest in her preschool classes. At the recommendation of her preschool teacher, we held her back. She is now thriving in kindergarten!

Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23//02)

[egoldber]

Thanks all for your thoughts. Interestingly, I am distantly spaced from my siblings and they are all spaced close to each other. My closest sister is 7 years older than me, I have a brother 8 years older than me and another sister 10 years older than me. (Yes, I was an oops baby!) None of us are very close emotionally, not even the ones who are closely spaced. I think that has more to do with our family dynamic (think highly dysfunctional) than anything else.

When I said I was aching to be pregnant, I really meant that I wanted a baby. While I didn't mind being pregnant, I was plenty uncomfortable enough that I was glad it was over. Maybe because Sarah is getting bigger now. I had a similar urge, though not as strong, when she was about 9 months old, and I am REALLY glad I didn't get pregnant then!

I was also pregnant in the Washington DC area in August. Ugh. Never again! When we got pregnant we were living in northern CA and then ended up moving. I definitely do NOT want to be in my third trimester in summer ever again! I do really want Sarah to be close to potty training when baby #2 comes. I would also like her to be close to pre-school age so that I would have some one on one time with the new baby while Sarah is having some fun activties of her own.

I think I am feeling especially weak these days with all the new babies we have coming on the horizon here. And it seems like every week another mom in my playgroup announces her pregnancy! Most moms there are doing 18 month - 2 year spacing. Interestingly, it is mainly the moms that work full time that are doing the closest spacing. All the SAHM moms in my playgroup are doing closer to 3 year spacing.

Thanks again!

[parkersmama]

I think it's often easier to space them close together when you work because someone else is taking care of them a lot while you're working. If you're a SAHM, you realize how much work another baby would add! Sarah will be 2 in August, right? If you got pregnant right before or around her b'day, that would give you an April/May baby and you could have a mostly coooool winter pregnancy! Also, that would give you the 2 1/2 to 3 year spacing which works for a lot of people. Listen to me...I've got your whole life planned out! LOL! Seriously, I think having the baby urge is the first step in going the distance but there are a lot of things to consider and it sounds like you're getting it figured out. Having the older one in preschool does help. Wesley goes to a 2yo class at our church 3 mornings a week and will be in the 3yo class in the fall. That's a really nice break. Of course, this baby is going to arrive just in time for me to have all 3 kids home by myself for the summer! Yikes! I guess planning is never completely perfect! LOL!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[bluej]

Denise I am right there with you on having three at home during the summer! What was I thinking? Clearly I wasn't thinking when this baby was going to come, I was just thinking I wanted another baby! I'm due the end of May and this will be my first summer baby (I consider end of May to be summer. If it's in the 80's it's summer!) I can't imagine having a newborn and two kids who want to go to the lake and the amusement park! Even though I'll be done being pregnant, I imagine I will just want to sit inside where it's air conditioned. Yep, if I could do it over again I would give less consideration to the age difference and more consideration to the time of year this baby will be born. I'm selfish, I'm praying for a cool wet summer!

Jen
Alex 10/9/93
Caden 3/30/98
Baby #3 EDD 5/28/03

[KathyO]

Yet again, chiming in late...

I am in exactly the same what-do-I-do? position as you, give or take a few variables. DD will be 2 in April; I will be 37 in May. Egads.

I got pregnant the very first month we tried with our first baby... in August of 2002 we decided to go off the birth control... and nothing yet! So... something to consider is, what is your MINIMUM acceptable spacing, rather than your ideal? It's actually now too late for what we figured was our "ideal".

Like you, I've canvassed tons of people about what spacing they had, and how they would change it if they could. Some of the people with widely (4+ years) spaced kids wished that the interval was smaller, but none of the ones with closer-together kids said that they wished they were further apart. It's ABSOLUTELY a personal decision, of course, and there are definitely pluses and minuses both ways, but I took that to mean that as scary as the idea of a toddler and infant seem to me now, it could be a good thing! Certainly lots of folks have mentioned about how they can play together when they're closer together, and enjoy the same movies/games/vacations etc. and the older one entertains the younger one lots.

Hope that helps! This board certainly is a great place for hashing out an amazing range of stuff!

Cheers,

KathyO

[parkersmama]

Where in Georgia are you? It seems like I saw something saying near Atlanta? I can't remember if I mentioned it in my earlier post but my ds is the absolute youngest in his class (with his b'day being the cutoff day!) but we sent him on the advice of his preschool teacher as well. He has really thrived and has just starting attending the county gifted program one day a week. I feel really good that we made the right decision but it sure was agonizing. I felt a lot of pressure to hold him back but really wanted to do what was right for him. I guess I won't know for sure that it was the right decision for years but it feels right for now. Parker seems to have kids in a wide age range in his class. Is that how your dd's class is too?

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[parkersmama]

Yep, I think I'm gonna have to vote for a cool, wet summer too!! I consider May to be summer also. We have a neighborhood pool so if I'm feeling brave (read: lost some of this baby fat by then!) enough we'll head for there. Otherwise, it's going to be air conditioning for us!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[kathsmom]

Hi, Denise!

Yes, I am in the Metro Atlanta area. I love it here! We have made so many friends since we moved here 6 1/2 years ago. Are you in the Atlanta area?

I know what you mean about holding back or sending them on ahead. DD is great with math, science, art, creativity, dancing, etc., but she was having A LOT of trouble with reading and writing. I tried homeschooling her last year for kindergarten, and would have continued this year if it had not been for DS coming along. She had such a difficult time in her 4 year old preschool class and she would cry to me everyday before school and tell me that she didn't want to go. She was excited about homeschooling. She didn't want to go to school this year, but when the first day of school came, she was "rarin' to go." I occasionally ask her if she would like me to homeschool her again and she flat out tells me "NO". She loves being with her friends. She can now write her name (unfortunately, she has one of the longest names in the class) and is reading now. She is having trouble with cursive writing - still looks like chicken scratch. Her teacher told me the other day at the parent conference that we made the right decision to hold her back. DD loves being the oldest in the class. We have several friends who have held their children back because they have spring or summer birthdays. I have a family member who is still upset we held her back, but I could see what it did to her in 4 year old preschool, and it would only get worse the older she got. There is a wide age range in DD's class, just like Parker's class.

Sorry I got so long-winded!!

Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23/02)

[gravymommy3]

My first two are 18 1/2 months apart and the second and third are 25 months apart. If I had not gotten my tubes tied, I probably would already be pregnant again (yea, I'm nuts). I love having them close together. Having more than one in diapers does not even faze me - I was almost faced with three in diapers cause my DD decided to train very late. I figure, I'm changing one, what is one more? One of the benefits for us is that we like to go to Disney several times a year (we really are not beach people). With them being close, they all like similar things at the parks so we don't have to split up and go in different directions. They also play well togther.

Good luck on your decision. It will end up being just right for you!

Amy

[jubilee]

Beth, just a few thoughts on child spacing. As you know my first and second will be 11 years apart, and I really don't recommend that. My sister and I are 15 years apart, so I know what this is like. (I too was an ooops baby) I don't think you are planning that extreme, but quite honestly I wasn't planning to have an 11 year gap either. I just kept saying it would be a better time next year, then either my husband and I couldn't both be "ready" at the same time, etc. Until finally I became pregnant again. Don't wait for that ideal time, because as you already know, it will never come. After Logan is born this April, I want to start trying to get pregnant again the following January. That will probably be our last, and I don't want to have that big gap between children again. Best to you on your decision,

[suribear]

Mine will be 3.5 years apart. i think it's easier on the parents to have at least a 3 year gap, but closer spaced kids can play together more, and maybe have the same friends later on. so from the kid's viewpoint, maybe that's better. i don't know...

i think 3.5 years should work for us b/c dd is in preschool a few half days a week, is potty trained, dresses herself, understands that the baby is growing in my womb, etc. etc... (not to say that she won't be jealous when he arrives!!) This way i got to spend a lot of one on one time with my first. the second will never get as much attention, but i'm hoping to do one on one stuff with the baby during dd's preschool time.

personally i couldn't handle two totally dependent kids - that's a lot of work!! our friends who spaced closely really struggled the first few years, but as the kids grow up it's easier for them as their kids have similar interests, and so on. same thing with friends who have twins ;)

in my playgroups, 3-3.5 year spacing seems to be the norm, as half of us are/have been pregnant in the past year :)

Kris