Help me please! I think I am going to strangle this woman!

[todzwife]

Sorry this probably should be in the bitching post, but I thought I might get more imput here. I am a nanny for twin boys 9 months today. Their mother is an advertising exec for a huge company. I have been watching them full time since they came home from the hospital. She has NEVER spent more than 2 hours alone with them. They are HUGE boys. 20 pounds at their 6 mo. check up. We started them on solids at 4 months (of course they were/are formula fed)they both have teeth. I have been feeding them cheerios for a while now and their hasn't been a problem. Of course there is the normal gagging that goes along with eating solids, but they have never shown any signs of choking. Well, their mother called and left a voice mail saying that one of them almost choked to death on a cheerio that he found on the floor and that I can no longer feed him or his brother cheerios. Now, here's my thing. I am sure that what she thought was choking was really him gagging because he swollowed it before he chewed/gummed it completely, and she just freaked out. But how the heck does she get away with blaming ME???? I wasn't even there! Where was she? Where was the other nanny??? (Yes there is another nanny that takes over for me when I leave so this mother actually NEVER has the kids on her own.)I am so mad! What do I do? Just suck it up and let her get away with making me feel like everything is my fault. (unfortunately this isn't the first time something retarded like this has happened, but I can't quit yet.)I am so tired of feeling like she thinks I am incapable of doing anything right! GRRRR!!!!! I just want to smack her upside the head and tell her to get a clue. (and maybe spend more time with her children so she figures out that babies GAG! That is all there is to it!) Please someone tell me it will be ok!
Shandelle ;)

[Melanie]

Are you sure that she was blaming you and not just saying that she didn't want them eating them anymore because she "saw" them choke and thinks it could happen again?

I'm sorry, I have no experience in parent-nanny relations, so that's all I've got for you. It sounds like you're in tough position though...


Mommy to Jonah

[gour0]

Shandelle, I'm sorry this is so frustrating for you. All I can suggest is to try not to take it too personally. If she doesn't want them to have cheerios, then OK... whatever. They'll be ok. She may not know squat, but you can't help that. Just keep doing the best you can for them and yourself. When you are ready to quit, maybe you can give her some articles supporting all of the things you did that she didn't understand! ;) Like when the appropriate time is for introducing cheerios.

[egoldber]

Hmm. Being in a large playgroup, I see a lot of babies and moms. There is a wide range among babies in terms of their gag reflex and also a wide range among mom responses to their baby's gag reflex. Some moms are REALLY freaked out by it (even many SAHMs) and some moms are more relaxed. Personally, I think it is her right to respond as she feels comfortable with her babies gagging. (And I am personally on the more relaxed side, but Sarah also has a very minimal gag reflex.) From your message, you didn't say her voice mail said that she blamed you, just not to feed them Cheerios anymore. Again, personally, I think that is her right.

It sounds like you and she have very different styles when it comes to "parenting". When it comes down to it though, she is the parent and has the right to request that you follow her style. In reality, she KNOWS that you know her children better than she does and that probably really upsets her. I don't think she thinks you are incapable, she thinks SHE is incapable and by putting you down, it helps to make her feel better. This incompatibility of styles is probably only going to get worse, not better, as the boys get older. There are actually more choices over parenting issues as kids get older, and when the boys are able to verbalize their preferences.

Maybe this is a one time thing, in which case, whatever, you move on. But if this is only the first in a series of battles, then you may want to think about finding a new position sooner rather than later if this really bothers you.

HTH,

[sweetbasil]

Shandelle~
Wow- what a huge responsibility you have! It sounds like you're cautious about what the boys do, eat, etc. and that you really have their best interests at heart. I'm wondering if this was maybe just a knee-jerk response on her part because she was there at the one moment when this happened and felt really out of control, so it was easy to call you up, make a new "rule" about no Cheerios and allieviate herself of any guilt that might've been creeping into her mind? I know I've done things like that before (in my weaker moments-and goodness knows it's easy for moms to have *weaker moments* sometimes!), but I bet this will pass.

Maybe down the road you might revisit the Cheerio issue with her and see if her views change a little bit. Probably when she's not so "in the moment" she'll open her mind and let you try the Cheerios again....

Good luck!

[Shirale]

Shandelle
Did you read the Nanny Diaries?? A great, funny book about someone dealing with a similar thing...not to make light of your problem at all, but it reminded me of this book!!!
Anyhow, I don't really have too much in the way of advice that no one esle has mentioned...but maybe you should ask her what other things you can give instead, and then in a couple weeks ask if the cheerios could be re-introduced. Babies need to learn to chew, gum, food...good luck!!!