Depression and pregnancy...

[parkersmama]

I'm wondering if anyone out there can give me advice on this subject. I've been experiencing some pretty bad depression lately. Or at least I guess that's what you'd call it. I've never really had any depression (other than normal down-in-the-dumps) before so I'm not even sure that this is it! In about the last month, I've lost all ability to focus on anything. I am barely able to deal with my two children civily (I'm feeling like a really horrible mommy). I look around the house and see all sorts of things I need to do but I feel so despondant that I can't seem to get anything done at all. I'm not sleeping much (not because I can't get comfy but because I can't quit worrying and thinking). I cry at the drop of a hat which is totally not normal for me even when I'm pregnant. I'm able to be nice and act like myself when I'm around other people but inside I just feel horrible. Really almost hopeless feeling but I'm not feeling suicidal.

I had an OB appointment (32 weeks) yesterday and explained it all to him and he felt like I wasn't at the point of needing medication yet. I'm worried about ending up with PPD after the baby and he said that it's very likely that I'll have it based on what I was telling him. I've never had PPD before and I don't want to miss the first months of my baby's life being depressed! My OB said that he would prescribe something (safe for bfeeding) for me to take when the baby comes and will give me something before then if things get worse.

I guess my question is did any of you experience this? Did you take medication? Did it help? What other things can I try to make it better other than medication? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[etwahl]

Denise, I don't have experience with this specific to pregnancy, but just had to reply anyway. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I wish I could give you a big hug - not that it would help, but I wish I could anyway. I have gone through periods in my life where I just felt depressed and sad though (as I'm sure we all have) and found that going to a counsellor or psychologist really helps. It's just nice to clean out the garbage in your head every once in a while. Sometimes just talking things out with an impartial person really can help. You've got a lot going on - two kids and another one on the way really soon. That's got to be a lot of stress and pressure for even the strongest person in the world. I have confidence you'll get through it, and know for sure that you are definitely not a horrible mommy, even though you might feel like it inside. It just sounds like you've been taking care of everyone else for so long, that maybe it's time to take care of yourself a little. You probably need a break in addition to talking to someone - maybe a spa or something else luxurious for just you.

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[gravymommy3]

Denise,

I read your post and I feel your pain. Execpt for the fact that I am not pregnant, I am going through what you are right now. I am not taking anything because I am breastfeeding and my DD's ped doesn't want me to take anything. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better. I don't. It sounds like you have a supportive OB - do not hesitate to contact him if things seem to get worse. Don't stress about doing things around the house. It just isn't that important. Ask your OB if you can take Benedryl at night to help you sleep. A little sleep will go a long way toward lifting your mood. As far as the kids, dig deep for patience with them. You are a good mommy and they know it. When you reach your limit with them, have DH watch them and escape to the mall - even if you just sit there, it will be peace and quiet.

I know you don't know me, but if you feel the need to unload on someone, you can email me at [email protected] and I will listen. Take care of yourself, and if the feelings turn a little darker (like you feel you might hurt yourself), please, please do not hesitate to contact your OB. Remember, this is not your fault or something that you can necessarily control. Don't let anyone tell you you need to "snap out of it." Hormones are very powerful and can really mess with you.

Again, email me if you need to (I will be happy to give you my phone number or I can call you if you really need someone to talk to.)

[Rachels]

Denise, what you're describing sounds like it's really impairing your ability to enjoy your children, your pregnancy, and your life. Your OB really isn't trained to help you assess it. I agree with Tammy--- see a psychologist. In addition to all the hormone stuff, you've got phenomenal transition going on. It sounds like you just need someone to help you over the hump. I'm a little biased because it's my profession, but frankly I would like to see psychological care integrated into prenatal care for EVERY pregnant woman, and I certainly sought it for myself. You can do a lot toward heading off PPD if you address this now. I think you can do this medication-free, but if you do decide you want to try meds, the SSRI antidepressants are generally considered very safe during pregnancy.

If you need help finding a therapist in your area, PM me and I will be glad to help. I've got a pretty good network and can usually get a good name.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[COElizabeth]

Denise,

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I can't offer any suggestions, but I do remember reading recently some story about a woman who had depression while pregnant. She was totally fine once the baby was born. I think you should certainly be aware of the symptoms, but don't think of getting PPD as a certainty. And it is treatable even if you do. Also, FWIW, my aunt had it with her fourth child but not others, I don't believe, so you're not alone in experiencing it just with a later pregnancy. Take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing. Oh, one more thing. I don't know where you live, but I wonder if SAD (seasonal affective disorder) could have any part in this? Cold gray days really are depressing. Maybe you will start to feel better as the weather warms up and you are able to be outside and get sunlight more.

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[atlbaby]

Densie,
I'm sorry you are going through this right now! I agree with what others have said, and I think it would be wonderful if you could talk to a psychologist (love Tammy's 'good to clear out the garbage in your head' line!) I'm glad your OB will prescribe you something once the baby comes. But if you are stuggling now, it would be good if you could have some support while you are still pregnant. Don't worry about the house, or even dealing with your other 2 children--they know you are a great mommy!

Also, if you ever want to talk please don't hesitate to email me (you can PM me) and you can just vent away...

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[jojo2324]

Denise, I don't have any thing to say other than I'm sorry you're going through this. But at least you have the courage to say something. I worry that too many women suffer in silence because they think they will be deemed bad mothers or whiny. I would definitely look into some sort of counseling. It always helps to get things out and talk about them.

If there's anything we can do, let us know. We're all here for you.

[parkersmama]

Thank you all for your help. It really does feel good just to hear understanding from someone. Although my dh is the most wonderful man in the world and a terrific husband and father, I just don't think he "gets" it. He knows that I'm not doing well (I've told him and besides, it's pretty obvious!) but I don't think he really understands. He doesn't know what to do to help but I think he's trying. I just hate to go on like this. Like Rachel said, it really is impairing my enjoyment of life. I was seeing a psychologist from January through around November of last year because I was dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a tornado that we were involved in about 9 years ago. (Rachel, I was doing EMDR, are you familiar with it? It really, really helped me.) But even with the PTSD I wasn't experiencing depression so I'm not familiar with dealing with it. I have employee assistance through my company so I guess I should just go ahead and go back to therapy and see if that helps. My reluctance is finding someone to take care of Wesley while I'm there. I guess dh will have to fill in!

Anyway, it really did help to read all of your posts and understanding words. Also reading that this might not lead to PPD encourages me a lot. Maybe if I can go ahead and see the psychologist now it will help me to avoid it later like Rachel said. Thanks everyone!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[Rachels]

Yes, go back! EMDR does seem to be really helpful for some people with trauma, but you'll need different tools for working with depression. Your therapist can talk over the options with you. If there's anything I can do to support you, let me know! And yes, let DH take Wesley so you can go. Remember you're doing both yourself AND your babies a huge favor by dealing with this!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[KathyO]

>Also reading that this (depression during pregnancy) might not lead to PPD encourages me a lot.

It might not, but the odds are not the best. I hate to cast a dark shadow here, but I participated in a huge study of post-partum depression that tracked women through pregnancy and into the first year. They monitored life stresses, emotional state, and levels of certain brain-affecting hormones (pregnanolone and allopregnanolone) throughout.

One of the strongest predictors for post-partum depression they found (as participants, we got sent copies of the results) was depression during pregnancy. I don't have any psychology background whatsoever, and of course, I don't know you, but I'd like to echo Rachel's encouragement to seek help now in whatever form works for you. It would be SUCH a drag (pretty silly way to put it, but I can't think of anything better) to not be able to enjoy your baby properly because you were toiling under a burden like this.

You have my very best wishes - do keep us in touch with how you get along!

KathyO

[dogmom]

Denise,

I'm sorry, I wanted to respond to you earlier, but then my DS started screaming and it took a while to get back on. I hope you get this response.

I didn't suffered from PPD, but I have suffered from clinical depresseion in the past which I eventual treated with medication after years of suffering on and off. The best way I can describe it to someone else is that while depressed I was incapable of experiencing joy. Which I know doesn't sound like a big deal, until one realizes all that is left is sadness. My best friend also has a history of depression and she did develop PPD after her last child. She eventually got treated with medication and it did help a lot. She says she really wasn't there emotionally for the first part of her son's life because of her depression and wish she had gotten treatment earlier. It didn't prevent her from breast feeding, if you were wondering.

Both my friend and I had the same issue of marrying men who never saw us depressed and then saw it years later. When I had my first, and only, depressive episode after my marriage my husband thought it meant I wasn't happy with him. I had to reassure him it had nothing to do with him. (Being a guy it's not like he just came out and said it. There were weeks of sulking around the house.) He finally got it when I explained to him that it's like I'm lying bed and there is a button on the bedside table that if I push it I will feel better and could finally get out of bed. But when I'm really depressed I can't see past the depression to push the button, because there seems to be no point.

I definately agree that seeing some kind of mental health professional is a good idea. Even if you take medication a therapist can really help you with communicating with your husband and helping you cope.

As far as medication goes, I find that people wait too long before they do resort to it. I know I did. Maybe there are people out there that take anti-depressants too quickly, but I don't know any of them. I think there is a lot of stigma about depression and medication, that people are reluctanct to seek any kind of treatment. Once I did get on a SSRI I felt much better in a couple of weeks. In fact, I had no idea how depressed I was until I felt "normal" again. It had been so long. If your wondering, I didn't need to take it forever, and it's been over five years since I've had a major depressive episode.

I hope some of this rambling is useful to you. I'd be happy to talk to you via email also.

J.M.
Mother of Harvey, 1/16/03

[parkersmama]

Thanks. I have been pretty good yesterday and today. Strangely enough I'm feeling really crappy with a cold but the depression seems a little better. In dealing with it over the last few weeks I'm seeing that it does sort of come and go...never gone but sometimes not as bad. I'm struggling with the dh thing, too. He really doesn't get it at all but he's trying to be helpful. I did talk to him about wanting to see my psycologist again and he was supportive until I brought up that it would mean working out a time when he could deal with the kids! He is in the middle of tax season (he's a computer guy at a big CPA firm) and he feels guilty for taking any time off. Of course, after that conversation I was so bummed that I haven't done anything else about it. I have a friend who will watch the kids so I'm planning on calling Monday about an appointment. I know my dh doesn't understand because neither of us have ever experienced depression before and it's so hard to describe to him. I might try your description and see if he gets it from that! Thanks again.

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[KathyO]

You might tell him it's also an "act-now" kinda thing for a number of reasons. I remember some data showing that depression sort of "wears a groove" in your brain chemistry... the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get up out of the rut. People who spend long periods of time depressed are more vulnerable to getting depressed again later. The chemical state gets kind of... laid in, if that makes any sense.

I am married to a chronic depressive. He runs on about a five-year cycle. I have seen him completely immobilized by it. He's a smart, funny man and he could barely speak or think. The last time around was while I was pregnant. He felt it coming on and acted fast - went on medication, because he didn't want depression to wreck his experience of fathering. Meds may not be the thing for you, but something is called for.

Oh, and you can also mention to DH that there are folks on this board who spent long periods on enforced TOTAL BEDREST during pregnancy - all YOU'RE asking for is occasional trips to the psychologist!!

Best,

KathyO

[deenass]

Wanted to add my two cents here... I'm due in less than a week and twice this week the issue of my depression (and possible PPD) has come up, first with my therapist and then with my midwife. They both have concerns based on my current mental state.

I'm having a very hard time with waiting for this baby to come and my own anxiety with the birth process. Can't see much past it to get excited about bringing the baby home. Luckily, my husband has been through depression with me before (including a short stint on meds which I went off of after about 6 months).

I IMPLORE you to get help from a therapist (especially one you've seen before if you were happy with them). It;s great that your OB recognized the signs, but a mental helath professional is one who can help you through it. Your husband is going to have to deal with the kids so that you can deal with them in the long run. Don't let his issues make you feel guiltier about needing or getting help.

Good luck ...

[Rachels]

Deenass, just want to encourage you! Birth is very hard work, and you can absolutely do it. Trust your body, which knew exactly how to grow this baby. Think how much you've stretched and grown to accommodate your pregnancy. You can certainly stretch enough to let your baby out, and the great thing is that your body knows exactly how to do that, too. You're going to be very proud of what you can do. Wishing you a beautiful birth!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Annette_C]

Denise,
I'm sorry my reply is a little late but I wanted you to know that I totally sympathize with you and I, too, urge you to see a therapist.
I've been going through some problems myself (not sure if it's PPD or not) and I'm on medication.
I don't have a history of depression (other than the one I experienced after the sudden death of my husband...normal, I think) and I didn't have PPD when my other kids were born.
I found out, though, that it doesn't really matter. Depression can strike anyone at any time so, please, don't take any unnecessary chances. If you like the therapist you saw for PTSD, go back.
As a side note...I did EMDR also and found it helpful. My therapist was wonderful and helped me a lot with my PTSD (I had a hard time coping with the weird circumstances surrounding my husband's death).
Unfortunately, I had to go to someone new this time and I didn't like her.
Please take care of yourself and let me know if I can help you in any way....even if just by talking.

Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[parkersmama]

Thanks for your message! I had a bad morning yesterday after several good days which sort of came as a shock to me. It was like everything came crashing down around me. The catalyst (this will seem so silly) was that I put on my clothes for church and didn't like the way it looked! I cried and was totally digusted but didn't have a choice about changing (we were late for church). At church, I felt incapable of enjoying anything...didn't sing the hymns or do the responsive prayers, etc. I actually started tearing up again in the service and ended up going to the restroom and sitting there and sobbing. This is just so unlike me! I think that after several good days, I had convinced myself that maybe I didn't need the therapist. Wrong! I called today and have an appointment with him for tomorrow morning. I feel really relieved to just know that I'm going.

It's neat to meet someone else who has been helped by the EMDR. I find that most people know nothing about it and think it's pretty kooky (including my parents who are both health professionals!). I did it for about 10 months and it really helped me to deal with my long suppressed feelings (anxiety, guilt, etc) about the tornado experience we had. I certainly had my doubts about the EMDR at first, too, but it worked so well and I feel so much more capable of dealing with life now (of course, until the depression hit!).

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[Annette_C]

Denise,
I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday but I'm glad you're seeing your therapist tomorrow! Let us know how it goes....
As far as the EMDR, I have to admit that I was a little skeptical at first but I was so desperate at the time that I was willing to try anything. Sure enough, after a few sessions, I began to notice the difference and to feel better. It even got me through some very negative and stressful situations later on.
I hope you'll feel better soon and e-mail me anytime if you want to talk. My address is [email protected]
Good luck tomorrow!
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[megsmom]

Denise,

I'm sorry I haven't responded to you before now. I experienced depression both in the latter part of my pregnancy and had PPD. Your story about sobbing in the church bathroom really broke my heart. That was me, I felt absolutely no control over my emotions and was either an anxious basketcase or falling apart sobbing. It was hell, I am definitely going to be more proactive with my next pregnancy! I did get over it without medication though sometimes I wonder if that was the smartest thing. I just didn't know how to even help myself. I am curious about EDSR (sp?) since I am kind of worried about depression happening to me on my next pregnancy. Either way, I am glad to hear you are going to the therapist. Talking with someone about my depression was essential for me. I wish you all the luck.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01

[parkersmama]

Jen,

I had been seeing a psychologist because I had post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after being in a tornado where a lot of people were killed about 9 years ago. I believe that you're talking about the EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing, I think) therapy that I did. It is a specific therapy for those suffering from PTSD that helps you to deal with your emotions over the trauma that you'd experienced. I don't believe that it would help with depression unless the depression was being caused by a trauma.

I think you're right, though that being proactive is important. So far, I'm still doing it without medication although I'm open to that if need be. I try to not be too reactionary about these things. You know...automatically assuming that I need drugs as a cure-all. I know so many people who take anti-depressants that I'm confused about their helpfulness. I'll do another post to tell more about my appointment today!

Thanks for your words of kindness!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[nofeea]

Just another 2 cents...

I was pretty depressed also at certain points during my pregnancy (DD is now 4 months old, born prematurely at 33 weeks). I remember being so concerned and doing internet searches about PPD also.
I'm happy to tell you that after the birth I was really weepy for about a week or two (but not really depressed in between crying jags!) and pretty much OK after that. Of course there's the regular sleep deprivation grumpiness...
I remember it was really hard to find info on this topic. Stay positive- there are more of us out there. Wish I knew about these boards then...

[parkersmama]

Thanks! I've had the weepiness before after both kids but it was a happy weepy, not a sad weepy. I'm still hoping for no PPD!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003