Maybe going back to work? Need advice

[Magda]

DH and I always planned for me to stay home while our children were young. I would return to work when the youngest was about 3. Now youngest is 8 mo. and we plan to get started on #2 this month.

The thing is that I've been offered the perfect job. And I REALLY want it. I would be director of a child care center very close to my home. The assistant director would be a friend of mine, whom I have worked with before and work well with. I could bring DS to work and get an 80% discount on child care. The company also offers 3 month paid maternity. PLUS when he was older this center would take him to school and pick him up so he could be with me before and after school.

The down side is that I could not be with DS, and the as yet unconcieved child #2, as much. I wouldn't be the one correcting his mistakes, teaching him, etc. I'd never get time to workout and would have to work until 6 pm at least three nights a week. And DH isn't thrilled about the idea. He just thinks DS should be with me.

I am not debating the issue of stay at home vs. day care. I just don't know how to decide what is best for my family.

Horribly torn,

Elaine

[twins r fun]

That does sound like an ideal situation if you WANT to work. But if what you really want to do is stay home then it's not really perfect for you beacuse the timing isn't right. My inclination would be to just stick with your initial plan and assume an equally good opportunity will be awaiting you when the time is right for you to go back. Don't be pushed into working because you think this is a once in a lifetime chance if working is not what you really want. There are always other opportunities out there. Obviously this is a very personal decision and that is just my opinion as an outsider.

Nicole

[flagger]

It sounds like the perfect situation, but will it really work for you in the long run? Is the director position involved in the day to day care of the children or just the management of the center? Would you get interaction time with your DS during the day? Time to feed, change, etc.

Have you ever been separated from him for long periods of time? If he sees you there, will he always want Mom and not someone else to care for him?

My only thought about this, is there is so much to experience in the 36 months between birth and when you planned on going back to work? Do you really want to miss out on any of that for the furtherment of your career or your wants?

I am not passing judgment on your decision either way. You asked for advice and I just wanted to offer things to consider and contemplate.

[COElizabeth]

Elaine,

I feel for you. I was offered a great job shortly after I learned I was pregnant, and whether to take it was a difficult decision for me. Or at least, I thought it should be difficult, because I felt like I would be so stupid to turn it down. I had been trying to get a job there for 3.5 years, the people seemed really nice, the setting was growing and challenging and very interesting, and they were willing to let me work 3 days per week. Also, I didn't think it would be something that would be too easy for me to get the job again a few years later (though I may be wrong about that). I had always envisioned myself staying home with my baby for at least a year or two, though, and in the end I decided to stick with that. As I told the man who offered the job, while I had been trying to work there for 3 1/2 years, I had been wanting a child for a lot longer than that. That was the decision that was right for me, but it may not be right for you. I think the best thing you can do is to go with your gut feeling. When you first wake up in the morning try to think about what you really want to do - before you wake up enough to start all the reasoning! If you really want the job, I think you should take it. Either way you and your family will be fine, and once you have made a decision I am sure you will feel better. Good luck!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[Hallie_D]

Elaine, is it possible to try it out for a while--that is, shadow the current director for a few days while bringing DS to the center so you can see if it is something that works for you, DS, and DH? It is wonderful that you have the option to stay home, but it sounds like part of you is really interested in working. As someone who has to work for financial reasons, but who also is lucky enough to love her job, I have to say that there ARE rewards to working other than money. And it does seem like this would be a pretty good situation, since you would be near DS all day. My son is in daycare and I can tell you that he loves it. He is excited to see his teachers when we drop him off, and he is happy when we pick him up. It is a very warm environment and the director does spend some time in the classrooms. She has a child at the center, as do many of the teachers.

It is very difficult balancing work and family, but if you need to or want to, it is possible. I think the only way for you to discover what is best for you and your family is to "test the waters."

HTH,

[Magda]

I wish it was possible for me to test the waters, so to speak. The previous director is no longer with the company, and the area manager is clearly looking for someone permanent. The last director was at the center for less that 18 months and they don't ant anymore transitions for the families and staff. I feel if I took the job, I would have to be certain it would be the right thing.

[bnme]

Wow, you can never gaurentee you'll be permanent, thats a lot of pressure. I think you need to go with your gut and not feel that it is a permanent situation. Of course you don't want take the job and quit 2 weeks later, but don't worry about what will happen when #2 comes along, focus oon whether or not you can do it NOW. You can't predict what will happen when #2 coems along.

I don't have any particular advice. I myself am on maternity leave and going back in 2 wks (it was supposed to be 4, the called me back early, urghh). I thought I'd be able to go back and am now dreading it and hoping I can eventually find something part-time becuase I don't want to be away from DS, yet I need to work some ($$$). But ask yourself these questions: How long has it been since you worked? Was the job similar? Can you see yourself doing that and all of your current family obligations? Do you feel a need to have this at this point in your life (meaning, are you longing to get back into the work place).

Look at the big picture and do what you feel is best for YOU and your FAMILY.

Goodluck!!!!!

[egoldber]

Only you can decide what is right for you. But I agree with Nicole. There is never only ONE perfect opportunity. And if you really want to stay home with your children, then I don't think any job will compensate for that.

But I would seriously ask yourself why you want this job so badly? Are you happy staying home? I know that staying home has been NOTHING like I thought it would be. It has been so much more wonderful and also so much HARDER than I every thought it would be. And it only gets harder as DD moves into toddlerhood. So if you are truly not happy being home full time, then I would take the job. If you enjoy being home, but are afraid that this is a once in a lifetime opporunity, then I would stay home. There are always other opportunities.

HTH,

[Magda]

Thanks everyone for all the input. Keep it coming.
I reall needed a neutral sounding board.

Obviously I can't know that I'd be permanent, but I couldn't go into the job feeling wishy-washy. Like I was just trying it out.

Elaine