Your baby's beautiful! Too bad you're a dog!

[Rachels]

So we went out to dinner tonight, and Abigail wore her bear hat. She always gets LOTS of comments when she's in her bear hat, and tonight was no exception. One older man, who, to be fair, might not have still had all the brain cells he was born with, said, scowling, "Who does SHE belong to?" I smiled and said she was mine. He scowled BIGGER, and said -- and I am not making this up -- "No. She's way too pretty to be yours." And looked away.

Gulp.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[etwahl]

ARE YOU KIDDING?????? I'm blown away. Don't even know what to say.

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[mamahill]

WHAAAAAAA?! I'm speechless. What a jerk. (and so NOT true!)

[nathansmom]

The nerve of some people. Trust me you have nothing to worry about, your both very beautiful.

[egoldber]

I tell you, I have ceased to be amazed at the rudeness of complete strangers.

On a similar vein, when Sarah was much younger a woman came up to me in a restaurant and congratulated me on my adopted (?????) baby? I said, thank you, but she's not adopted. The woman looked at me, looked at Sarah and ran away!

[mama2be]

Rachel...first of all you are very very pretty, so please please please assure me that there is a chance that this old man had Alzheimers...he had to have!!!!

I've shared this story with a few of you...but our first outing with Tristan the other day we were in Costco and he was in his fleece carrier hanging out in front of me-loving life. This maybe 70 year old (almost certain she was right from Germany), round rosey cheeked women serving "the cheese of the day" (employee)...approached me "baby?????", she asked...(you have to say these quotes with a strong German accent to get the effect...I said "yes" and she went on to say "no good....no good" about the fleece sling..."baby needs hat" (he was sweating it was hot)...I heard "no good" and "hat" about 100 times I swear I almost asked her since she was so smart why was she working for $5 an hour handing out cheese. I was getting so mad...and then she literally chased me down the aisle asking "You give him Breast????", "You give him Breast' even when I lied just to shut her up she still continued to ask it...I swear everyone noticed...and heard...I almost killed her. I have made a commitment to myslef that I will nip these total strangers who are rude in the bud!!!

[MartiesMom2B]

Rachel:

Do you live in FL? That old man sounds like the "friend" of my MIL who told my SIL and DH that the whole family was fat and needed to lose weight at my rehersal dinner.

I had DH read your post and his quote "That's f#@*ed up!"

Anyway, Abigail is beautiful and so are you!


Sonia
EDD 4/14/03

P.S. I absolutely adore her bear hat. Where did you get it?

[gour0]

I don't suppose that was crotchety old man for a joke?

[Rachels]

Sadly, no. He was really, truly scowling. He didn't completely undo my self-esteem, but it was kind of flabbergasting. I can't imagine saying such a thing aloud. Thanks for all your compliments, everybody, by the way. I wasn't fishing. It's one of those moments where you'd love to have a good comeback, but you only think of them later. But here it is, later, and I still am totally speechless...

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Rachels]

Baby Gap! It's the only thing I am going to miss about winter-- but I'm going to REALLY miss it!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Andrea S]

I know this is not funny, but I have this image of this german 70 yo women ditching her cheese and chasing you around Costco. You should have told her Tristan eats whatever we do that would have really put her over the edge.

DH wanted me to bring Andrew into his office the other day so people could see him again. And I had to just bite my tongue one lady kept saying you are not using the baby talk are you no do not use baby talk I hate that mind you we were talking normal to him at the time, but I use some baby words with him he goes night night and using a blankie. Then she says to Dh you should be Papa that is better. We are finally like we got to go see other people. I wanted to say back off.

When strangers come up to me and give me advise I just pretend like I do not hear them and comment about something else or just smile at them. They probally think I have problems, but it shuts them up.

Andrea
mom to Andrew 8/14/02

[ddmarsh]

I cannot even begin to imagine that either of these things were said - how bizarre.

It's funny b/c recently I was thinking we should start a thread on rude/odd/insulting things that people say to you while pregnant or have a child!

Maybe you both could have just pretended to speak a foreign language and starting rambling nonsensically :).

Debbie

[mama2be]

...again...could he have had Alzeheimers...any chance??? He just had to have...

[momathome]

Ugh!!! This story broght back bad memories of a MIL incident a few months back. She called to tell me she had just developed some pictures of my then 21 month-old dd and was raving about cute she looked in the pictures - and then proceded to tell me how amazed she was that Kasey did look pretty , given what an ugly baby she was! (Ugly duckling were the exact words she used.) She said she's really come a long way - lovely words from the child's grandmother!!!
-Lauren

[sweetbasil]

I worked in retirement communities for several years before having Kellen, and when the residents said hateful things like that, I'd always just say, "Well, thank you!" They were always so caught off guard they didn't have a response back, and it was up to them to decide if I was too dense to understand their cutdown, or if they'd feel horribly guilty later about how hateful they had been. It sounds like you couldn't have been more gracious, Rachel....besides, did the man have failing eyesight to go along with his poor judgment? ;-)

[megsmom]

I hope that was some dementia speaking! Good grief, Rachel. You think people could at least be polite around cute babies. More than once, people have wondered if Meghan's red hair is natural. AS IF I WOULD DYE MY BABY'S HAIR. Then they often look suspiciously at me, the very brunette mom, and say, "Well she must get that from her father." I'm half tempted to say at this point, "Nope, that's from the mailman!" and dash off. It would serve them right.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01

[atlbaby]

Oh my gosh Rachel, my jaw dropped when I read this!! This man must have his eyes checked out, because both you and Abigail are beautiful!

This isn't the same I know, but it's along the lines of people not thinking before they speak: I have always been told I look like I am 16, which is 10 years younger than I am. I used to not care whatsoever, although it was hard when people would think I was a pregnant teenager! Anyhow, for the first few months I had Arielle I started to get annoyed because *no one* ever thought she was mine when I wasn't with DH! I would be out with her and people would say, "you must tell her mother she is gorgeous" or "aren't you a doting babysitter." DUH, I'm doting because I'm her mother! It's a little better now since we both have blue eyes and there must be some similarity, but when I'm alone buying diapers etc I still get asked who I'm buying them for. I very nearly wore a sign saying "I'm the mommy" though, for a while...

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[parkersmama]

Good grief! I swear, people hit retirement age and suddenly think they've been given a free pass to say whatever the h*ll they want to no matter how rude!! What a jerk!

Funny, though, we were watching a documentary on tv about the human body and they were talking about hormones (it was that funny British researcher guy...anyone familiar with him??). They were saying that testosterone is what makes men more aggressive, etc. (like we didn't know THAT!?) but they pointed out that as women age and go through menopause, their estrogen levels drop and testosterone levels rise. This is the reason that so many old women are so darn crotchedy and say whatever they please...the testosterone is bringing out their aggressive side! LOL! Of course, that doesn't give that old fart any good excuse though! :-)

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[atlbaby]

Jen,
I feel for you with the comments about Meghan's red hair! I get it from the flip side, since I have red hair and neither of my parents do. So I constantly remember being with my mom and having people ask, "where do you get your red hair from?" Still get asked it whenever I'm with my mom now, come to think of it!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[dearmeemee]

It is pretty astounding that people could get to be over the age of five and not have a filter as to the appropriate things to say to a person.
How about all those strangers who have to tell you that you will never get your figure back after pregnancy.
Or how about total strangers who tell you your life will be so different now that you are going to have a child.Duh I want it to be different .Thats why I am having a child.
Or how about where did you get your baby assuming if the child does not look like you that you got it from a third world country.SOOOOOrude!!
There should be a thread of good comebacks for all these not well meaning strangers.

[zen_bliss]

good heavens! this would be a great time for a poll:

does anybody have any great stock of comebacks for moronic things that people say? a mona lisa smile and a bitten tongue can only work for so long. please share!!

i think that the most disarming thing to do is say something gentle, succinct, and above it all (well, ok, a satirical stinger that leaves them confused can be MOST satisfying) but those rarely come to mind when your hackles are rising and all you want to do is run away / smack the person.

all i can think of for now is a smile and "what a lovely thing to say." if he doesn't get it, the audience his rude comment attracted will, and will be inspired by your poise. if only i can remember this the next time i am absolutely shocked by someone's appalling behaviour...

[abigailsmom]

It is absolutely amazing the things that people will say!!! I'm sorry that you had to deal with a person from the @$$-hole club! I have found that people feel like they can say anything these days!

I had a particularly wonderful experience on Valentine's Day... a woman walked up to Abigail and I as we were picking out a balloon and said, "My God that is a fat baby" and then just walked away!x( x( Now I will be the first to admit that Abigail is a healthy-looking girl, but come on!!! People need to realize that Mom's and babies have feelings too!!

[etwahl]

Wouldn't it be nice to forget being so p.c. and come back with an honest "deserved" response? Something like:

- Wow, that's the rudest thing I've ever heard! OR
- You're not so thin/attractive yourself!

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[jubilee]

How horrible! The man must have real issues if he'd say something like that. If it's some comfort, at least those rude people are everywhere judging by all the stories in this post. I encounter the rudist UPS man several time a week at work. I am still 5 weeks away from my due date, but every time I see this UPS man he says, "Oh, my gosh! You are huge! You look ready to pop any minute!" For several weeks I just tried to ignore him, but then I started crying one day at home from too many of those type of comments. (Unfortunitaly the UPS man isn't the only rude person out there!) My husband got so upset when I told him, he was actually going to call UPS. I talked him out of that, but did take his advice on responding to those people. When someone says I look like I'm going to pop, I now smile and reply "yes, I am close to popping the next person who says I'm huge". I say it with a laugh and a smile, and normally the person retracts their comment... except the UPS man, he still says it everytime.

[mama2be]

OH that bums me out because I love every UPS man that I have ever met...they usually are the nicest most smiley people. I think I got told I was huge a lot but then again I was!!! I think I usually beat 'em to that comment. "I'm huge" would be uttered out of my mouth in seconds.

I'm pretty sensitive but in my case I related "huge" to the pregnancy and never looked at it as "me" if that makes sense!!! But he is obviously saying it in a not nice way...which is sad...

[Shirale]

I just read your post Rachel, and my mouth is wide open. First of all it is completely not true, you are beautiful and so is Abigail (I also love that hat) and I just cannot imagine anyone being rude enough to say that...wow. I would have burst into tears. People sayt he strangest things...I had an (elderly) woman stop me on the street and ask me (no kidding here) if my then 5 month old baby was toilet trained. I said, um- no, she is 5 months old. She then proceeded to give me a lecture that she should be trained by 9 months and told me how to do it...I said- I was toilet trained at 3 years and I am perfectly fine, thank you for your advice and walked away....I was laughing the whole way home...but even if she was wacko, at least she wasn't mean. :-( You are beautiful!!!!

[Rachels]

Thank you, Shira, that's sweet. I was actually too dumbfounded to burst into tears. There have been some exhausted new mom days where that would have just done me in, but Friday wasn't one of them. I just kept shaking my head in disbelief for about an hour...okay, three hours. At least it was me he insulted and not Abigail, which would have inspired me to clunk him in the head with a chair.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[brubeck]

One of the best comebacks is, "Please don't use language like that. My baby is learning to talk and I want her to grow up learning to be polite.". :-)

My babies both look a lot like me, and I often get the comment, "Your baby looks just like you!". The weird part is, sometimes it seems like a compliment (person is smiling and cooing at the baby) and sometimes they are all frowning and stern. Sometimes I get it when my baby has a face full of acne (and yep, I have acne too, lol) or when he/she has spitup alll over his/her face, etc. So is it a compliment or not? I usually take it as one, regardless of who said it and how.

[alkagift]

Rachel,
OK, I have absolutely nothing original to add, but I think the man must have been on medication. How could anyone actually say that?? It's just flabbergasting. I've had unwanted comments too, just like most everyone else, but boy, he really takes the cake!

My problem so far has been, prior to the last month, people constantly telling me I was too small--which did nothing for this worrywart, who ran to the doctor and demanded a measurement (I'm fine!) Now, there is this woman at work (who is a serious clothes horse) who does nothing but comment on my appearance, first thing in the morning. "That's not too flattering." "You're really looking pregnant now." "The bottom of your shirt is wrinkled." (I personally love this one--all maternity shirts are long, and when you have a huge stomach and sit down, of COURSE they're wrinked!) I know this doesn't sound bad, but the tone is so sarcastic!

The comments are constant and they're almost always negative. What is up with this woman? Does she feel that sarcasm is her right? Who knows. But Rachel, they're always out there, aren't they--we are always entitled to their opinions!!!

Allison
Expecting #1 5/27/03

[gour0]

I had one like her at work! I was always very thin until about two or three years ago. And, a lot of women at work were NOT so there was a lot of animosity. Anyway, I started to put on weight after about age 26 (I went from 119 to 135 in about a year) and this woman said to me, "I always told you you needed to put on weight but I was wrong. You look terrible!" !!! BTW my mother said almost exactly the same thing to me one day when I was trying on a skirt. I basically have learned to just take these things with a grain of salt and assume that people have no idea how rude they sound!

[Rachels]

I know. It's astonishing. When I was in my first trimester, I had terrible nausea all the time, so I nibbled constantly to try to keep it at bay. We were having some remodeling done in my office, and one day one of the construction guys (to whom I had not been introduced) came through the lobby where I was standing with my rice cake. He took one look at me and said, REALLY loudly, "Wow, you're eating AGAIN!"

Uh. Thanks for pointing that out to everyone.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[sntm]

My biggest problem with the "you've grown over the weekend," "you are really popping," "you look huge now," and, my favorite, "twins? triplets?" is that I hear it about 25 times a day and it just gets tiring. I'm just not in the mood for that sometimes.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03

[MartiesMom2B]

I was told that my face looked swollen today. Grrrr.

5 more weeks to go, I'm sure that the comments will increase as I go along.

Sonia
EDD 4/14/03

[juliasdad]

> and then she literally chased me down the aisle asking
> "You give him Breast????"

Response: "no, he likes it better when Daddy gives him beer".

People are just amazing. Though I would have thought you'd be used to this by now... it seems that as soon as a woman begins being obviously pregnant, she becomes public property and must submit to the advice and scrutiny of anyone within a half-mile radius!

You never know what's up with people. Maybe Rachel's tormentor did have Alzheimer's. Maybe she took the parking space that he was hoping to get. Maybe she reminded him of his ex-wife who left him so that she could be with his sister. All you can do is shake your head, try to laugh it off and take comfort in the fact that you're at least a few rungs up the evolutionary ladder...

-dan

[SASM]

Rachel,

I don't know what to say...I am just so appauled :-( Please don't take it to heart. He probably just didn't quite know what he was saying. I have a hard time believing that someone can say something like that, intentionally. Abby IS your beautiful baby :-)

BIG hugs,