Beth, how did it go today?

[cara1]

Beth, I was just wondering how Sarah's assessment went today. Hoping for the best...

[egoldber]

Well, it was not what we expected.

The assessor did a really good job. She spent a lot of time with Sarah and Sarah really warmed up to her. She said that Sarah DOES definitely have gross motor delay, but feels she will be walking soon. She thinks that in some ways Sarah has become slightly lazy and I haven't helped. Of course she didn't say it quite like that. But if Sarah wants to get somewehere, she has learned that rather than walking, it is much easier to hold out her hands to me and have me carry her. The therapist encouraged us to encourage HER to walk on her own to get what she wants. This is going to be really hard, because Sarah gets VERY frustrated and cries. The therapist told us we NEED to LET her get frustrated and let her learn to work through that frustration.

Okay, that was the easy part.

The therapist was actually MORE worried about her language development, which totally floored me. I had thought she was on track. And the therapist agreed that "technically" she is on track. But she is a bit concerned because Sarah did not (at least today) make any sounds involving lip movement, like b, m, and n sounds, which are sounds she should have developed by now.

Another issue she pointed out is that Sarah's pincer grasp, while well defined, is not strong. She thinks she may have some minor muscle tone issues in her extremeties (which could be why she is having trouble with the lip sounds as well).

So she gave us some exercises and things to try and we are going to see her again in a month. She thinks that 2-3 months of concentrated effort could help to alleviate this. But she was quite concerned that left to itself, the language issues could become more serious.

So this was really NOT what we expected. But I feel pretty positive about the assessment process. We have "homework" to do, yikes!!! And I guess I am REALLY glad I decided to go ahead and get the assessment.

[mary b]

Hi Beth, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you also and wondering how it went.. I am sure you handled the news better than most of us would and I imagine how hard it would be to go there knowing you are going to have a frank discussion about one main area of DD's development only to have the language discussion come out of left field. Please don't be too hard on yourself and instead be proud that you did take her to an assessment. I am glad you felt comfortable with her and hopefully "early intervention" will be the key with both issues.

Please take care and know that you have the support of the entire board and we will be there to support you and hear about Sarah's successes!

Mary

[atlbaby]

Hi Beth,

I was thinking about you and Sarah today! It sounds like the assessor was very thorough! I'm sure you were surpirsed when she told you she was concerned about Sarah's *language* development when you had expected to just be assessing her gross-motor development! But it is great that you got some concrete "home work" (wow!:) ) to do with her, and that it's not a blanket delay, but just a few sounds to work on. I'm sure it will be hard to let Sarah work through her frustration, it's so hard to see them so frustrated when we can fix it so easily (I get my share of that around here...) But I suppose that's part of what we have to learn to do, so they will figure things out on their own.

Anyhow, it sounds like it was a very good thing you took Sarah to be assessed! Let us know how she comes along with the "homework" (love that!)


-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[KathyO]

The frustration's hard to deal with... she just doesn't understand why you're just STANDING THERE and WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER DOWN LIKE THIS???

Hold onto a vision of her expression of triumph and glee when she realizes that two-foot locomotion is the route to a whole new world of fun and trouble, and she is now a Woman On the Move!! With Catherine, it was the realization that she could now REACH more stuff, and CARRY stuff around, that cemented the deal.

I think you're great for identifying and solving problems now, and not later. I betcha in just a few months she's made up the ground and heading for the front of the pack!

Best,

KathyO

[megsmom]

Well, I am glad you liked the therapist and that she was able to provide some helpful information. I admit I am a bit floored by the speech concerns as well. Wow. It almost seems that half the babies we know in playgroup are then behind as well. To make you feel better, I do think I heard you mention in another post that Sarah did utter a "m" sound in the correct point of the "Moo, Baa, La La La" so at least we know she can do it. Remember how Meg would not stack blocks at the peds office? :)

It sounds like you are working with a wonderful lady whom you all really like, but I can certainly pick the brains of the pediatric speech therapists at my job (I'm good buds with several). I know my sister had lots of speech delays but really responded well to speech therapy (which she did not even get until first grade). I'm a big believer in early intervention and I'm glad you guys are getting what you need.

I feel for you in having to let little Sarah get frustrated to help her work through this. It' hard to deal with tears even if sometimes you know you are doing it for her own good. It's very hard for me to watch Meg struggle when I know it's easier for me to swoop in and make it all right immediately. It's something we'll wrestle with all through their childhoods as they have frustrating moments on the playing field, or with schoolwork or whatever down the road.

I've been thinking of you guys all day and am glad you know where you are headed now.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01

[egoldber]

Jen, if you could talk to some folks at work that would be great.

Funny you mention the "Moo, Baa, LaLaLa" example. We cited that example triumphantly to the therapist. So we did "a cow says ..." and Sarah said "ooooo" NOT "mmmm". I had just HEARD it as "mmm". Still very cute, but NOT what I needed to hear at that point. And her very enthusiastic "bye-bye" which sounded so DISTINCTLY like "bye-bye" to me, the therapist pointed out was "dye-dye"!

It has been a VERY trying day. She was so UPSET all day long because we kept trying to get her to move on her own instead of us picking her up. She was NOT happy! And then I realized this evening that the molar she has been working on for weeks FINALLY popped through today. So on top of all that added frustration, her poor little mouth was hurting.

Feeling like the world's worst mommy today....:( :(

[nohomama]

It's clear to me that you are NOT the world's worst mommy, today or EVER. Today sound's like it was a helluva day, but now you're armed with a knowlege and an awareness that will allow Sarah to expand her horizons. It sounds like you may have a tough several weeks or months ahead of you. Take heart though. Things WILL get better.

[parkersmama]

I've been wondering how things went, too, so I'm glad to see your post.

Despite the fact that you're feeling like the world's worst mommy (something I can sympathize with completely!!) you're actually proving that you're the world's BEST mommy!!! Taking her in to have the asessment sounds like the best possible thing you could have done. Early intervention in these situations is crucial. I find it especially encouraging that your evaluator was so thorough...not just paying attention to the question at hand but also bringing up possible additional concerns. Believe me, I certainly understand that no mom likes to be told that there is possibly a problem with their child but you are doing just the right thing by following her suggestions. Keep in mind, too, that even though it hurts to watch and Sarah gets frustrated, she won't remember this at all when she gets older but she will know it if you don't get things worked out now. Does that make sense? I'm having trouble describing what I mean! It's so very hard to let our little ones learn things for themselves but so very necessary. I still struggle with it now as my oldest does his homework and cries and says "I can't do it!" but I know that he can if he just works at it. I want to rush in and do it for him but I know that's not the best way for him to learn. I think this is something that we all struggle with and probably will for years. You are absolutely doing a great thing for Sarah and I can't wait to hear the terrific results that you get for your efforts!!

{{{BIG HUGS}}} because I know you're feeling down about this but also a great big pat on the back for doing such a great thing for your daughter!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[twins r fun]

Wow-I'm sure that was pretty surprising news. I can imagine your shock! It sounds like your assessment was incredibly thorough. I think on an assessment like that all our kids would have been behind in many areas! Dear God, I can't imagine what your therapist would have said about my boys! Good luck with everything-hopefully it won't take Sarah long to figure out she CAN walk and then the frustration will be over.

And I totally understand (and of course disagree with :)) your feeling of being a terrible mother. It doesn't take much to completely demoralize us and make us forget all the good things we've done for our child(ren)!

Nicole

[COElizabeth]

Beth,

I'm really sorry it's been such a stressful day for you and your family! But it's obvious that Sarah is such a smart little girl and that you are an absolutely fantastic mom. The homework and speech therapy will be a pain, but I'm sure she will do fine. I know I have mentioned this before, but my nephew said ONLY "da" when he was 2 years old. No "mama," nothing else. "Da" was used for EVERYTHING. Now at just-turned-5, he still occasionally will leave a sound out of a word and say something like "pider" for spider if he is in a hurry, but he talks up a storm now and is easy to understand for anyone, I think, and he was "released" from speech therapy a long time ago.

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[Annette_C]

Beth,
I was out all day today but I kept thinking of you and Sarah and wondering how things went.
I'm sorry you had such a stressful day and, please, don't even for a minute think that you're a bad mom! In fact, I've always thought of you of one of the best, most informed and knowledgeable moms on this board! (you don't have the most stars for nothing! *just trying to make you smile*)
I'm sure that Sarah will come along fine after the exercises you have to do for "homework". It's obvious she's a smart girl...and a cutie too!
Good luck and keep us posted.

Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[egoldber]

Thanks everyone. Yesterday was just a horrible day. I feel much better today and so does Sarah, thank goodness. Oddly enough, she actually was much more self motivated this morning to take steps to get to places. I think she was just too tired yesterday and we were pushing too much. So I need to re-think my "attitude" on this and remeber to keep things positive for her while still encouraging her. Sigh.

I am also VERY grateful that she passed all the cognitive and social-personal pieces of the test with flying colors. So the news was not all bad, I was just focused on the negative news.

Thanks everyone! Your support means so much!

[Kate888]

Glad to hear that things are getting better for you, Beth. I've been thinking of you both. Sarah is such a bright girl. I have no doubt she will soon be enjoying getting to places by herself :) The speech homework seems to be on target. Enjoy those activities, just like playing games :)

And I have to let you know how TERRIFIC you are (both as a mom and a friend). I can't count how many times I've taken your advice and it worked!!

{{{Big Hugs!}}}

Kate
Mom to Maya 2-17-02

[cara1]

Boy, that is strange. I wasn't expecting you to say that. Gosh, aren't we (parents) good at blaming ourselves. DS (13mos) still only says bababa, mamama, dadada (and not specific for DH or me). I keep blaming myself for not labeling, not talking enough, not doing this or that... At least you are now on the right track. What sorts of exercises have they recommended? Is there any formal therapy/early intervention at this point, or just what you do at home? Best of luck to you and Sarah...

[brubeck]

FYI, 13 months is not late to talk compared to my daughter! She had only one word at 13 months (nose) but by the time she turned 2 she was talking up a storm. It took her until about 18 or 19 months to really get interested in talking.

Of course now that she can talk she comes out with such gems as, "Mama put baby down on floor!" (her brother), "Mama I want it!" and my absolute favourite, "No potty! No potty!". Maybe early talking ISN'T such a good thing. :-)

[mama2be]

Beth I personally feel like I know little Sarah, and from what I do "know" about her once she gets up and moving you won't beable to stop her. She seems so bright and like such an angel and I know her mommy has surrounded her with educational products, tons of love, and much research...you mark my word she will be blowing folks away in the very near future...I have NO doubt!!!!

[KathyO]

>Maybe early talking ISN'T such a good thing.

Yeah, mine's almost two, and has latched onto two phrases: "Help, help, help me!!" (a phrase out of one of her story books when the hippo gets stuck in the mud hole) and "Ow, that hurts!" (what I say when she pulls my hair or attempts to gouge my eye, out of curiosity). She'll sometimes get into repeating them over and over.

Needless to say, it gets us some peculiar looks in the mall... (which is probably why she's saying it) - I'm waiting for someone to follow us out to the parking lot and copy down my license number!!

KathyO

[egoldber]

I just thought I'd clarify, it wan't Sarah's lack of vocabulary that she was concerned about. She IS on track for things like number of words (3-6 words is typical for many babies at this age) which is why I thought she was fine. The therapist was concerned that she wasn't making SOUNDS that she should developmentally be able to do, specifically m, p, and b sounds, not even as babbling sounds.

For her speech, she recommended a couple things. The first was using a different type of toothbrush to stimulate her lips and try to get her using them more. Another thing we are doing is sorting her toys by sound groups and working with each set at least once a day. I am also going to make her some flash cards for those sounds we need to work on.

For her grasp, she wants us to use heavy toys that require her to hold and manipulate the toy. Also, encourage activities that require finger movement, like shape sorting toys, puzzles with smaller knobs, playdough. She also wants us to encourage her to throw things (which I'm not too thrilled about).

For her walking we are to encourage her to take steps whenever possible and NOT pick her up (within reason) to help her get to what she wants, instead encourage her ot move there, preferable trying to take steps there, on her own. That is the weird thing, she CAN take steps, she just in NOT confident in doing so and mostly just prefers us to carry her places. She also had us get an easel, which encourages both standing/walking and finger stimulation (coloring).

I haven't had this much on my daily "to do" list since I got laid off from work!

[Rachels]

I love the easel idea! How is Saarah responding to all of this?

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[kathsmom]

Beth,

As usual, I am late jumping in on things. DH has taken over the phone and the internet in his job search, and since they are both on the same line, I rarely get on either one!!

I am so sorry that you had all that thrown at you at one time. I know it can be very disheartening. I am a non-practicing speech therapist, and when I was working, it was difficult to tell parents stuff like that (at least for me), especially when they are not expecting it.

I am going to e-mail you personally a little bit later today.

Good luck with everything!

Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23/02)

edited for typos!

[parkersmama]

It sounds like your therapist really knows her stuff. I'm glad that you seem to be in such competent hands! The easel sounds like a great idea. We don't have one (no room) but I've heard lots of parents say that it is the only toy in the house that gets played with every day by a variety of age ranges so it sounds like a terrific investment! As for finger manipulation, what about using food, too? Specifically small foods that she'd have to manipulate to get in her mouth...cheerios, carrot cubes, green peas, etc.? Lights, Camera, Interaction makes lots of great puzzles with small knobs. My kids both started using them at around 15-18 months. Be sure to get one that is something she is interested in. My boys loved the vehicles one and actually even manipulated the puzzle pieces to use them as toy cars! Playdough is great too because you can have her imitate you...make a small ball by rolling it in your hands, make a snake or worm by rolling the dough on the table under your hand, etc. I hate playdough because of the mess but my kids think that it is the greatest stuff since sliced bread!

It's great to hear that you're feeling more positive about the therapy now. One way to look at it is that now you and Sarah have lots of fun, new games to play together! :-) Trying to put a positive spin on things!!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003