godparent question

[posterelle]

The godparents we choose will be symbolic only -- just adults that we hope will have a special place in our child's life. So I know there aren't any "rules".

But , generally, when do you ask people to be godparents? And how many do you choose? Do the sexes have to be even in number? Any thoughts would be appreciated -- thanks!

[SASM]

I think that you can ask them whenever you want. My DH and I asked Ian's godparents about a month before the due date just because I was superstitious and wanted to wait until I felt comfoartable with Ian's gestational age. That's just me.

As far as numbers/pairing of people, consult your church. When I reserved the baptism date in the church the coordinator said that he'd send out some books for the parents and godparents to read over. The "coordinator" at your church would be able to answer that question and any other questions that you have would probably be in the literature or preparatory class that is offered by your church.

Good luck :-)

[Rachels]

We asked when I was about 7 months pregnant. Abigail has a godmother and two godfathers. There are no rules.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[flagger]

Remember godparents are something seen in the eyes of the church. I am not sure of the religious requirements might be in the Jewish faith or any other besides Protestant for that matter.

However, IMHO the most important thing to do is to decide who you would want raising your child/ren in the event something should happen to you and DH. A will is of utmost importance and is something we plan on putting down in writing before Ms. Flagger goes to work. We don't want the state deciding where our children will go and therefore will make our wishes known immediately.

The hardest part is our permanent residence is in Texas, so we don't know if we will do one in NC or in TX. We don't know where our next assignment will take us or when that will even be.

As far as answering your question. I have one Godchild in the eyes of the church and a now married female is his other Godparent.

[juliasdad]

Posterelle said:
> The godparents we choose will be symbolic only
> -- just adults that we hope will have a special
> place in our child's life. So I know there aren't
> any "rules".

As Flagger says, whether or not there are "rules" depends
on your religion and specific church.

> But , generally, when do you ask people to be
> godparents? And how many do you choose? Do the
> sexes have to be even in number?

We asked about 6 weeks in advance of the Christening. BUT,
we knew pretty well that the couple that we asked would
be thrilled and available (DW's sister and her husband).
We wanted a single godmother and godfather, though our
particular Catholic church would have been fine with any
number/combination, as long as one of the godparents was
baptized and practicing in that particular faith.


Flagger then said:

>However, IMHO the most important thing to do is to decide
>who you would want raising your child/ren in the event
>something should happen to you and DH. A will is of utmost
>importance and is something we plan on putting down in
>writing before Ms. Flagger goes to work. We don't want the
>state deciding where our children will go and therefore will
>make our wishes known immediately.

I think that this is very good advice, as difficult as it
is to think about.

However, I don't think that it is something that should necessarily
be talked about in the context of selecting godparents. In
the "old days", there was a sort of implicit understanding
that godparent==guardian. Today, the Christian religions
(which are the only ones that I have any real knowledge of,
I'm not trying to ignore others!) try to be very clear in
steering people away from that association. A godparent certainly
MAY also be your legally-appointed guardian, but they are
two very separate roles. Selecting a [Christian] godparent
should be about selecting someone that you want to have a continuing
spiritual relationship with your child, someone who will pray
for your child, who will lead your child spiritually by living
example, and who will be involved in your child's development in
the faith (talk about God, etc.). While these attributes may
well be some you would also want of a legal guardian, they're
far from being a complete checklist for guardianship.

So don't burden the godparent decision with the decision of
legal guardianship. Both are important to think about, but
they can (and should, IMO) be considered separately.

-dan

[gour0]

The only thing I would add is that my godparents were my parents really good friends when I was born and now they don't speak at all. I haven't really had any contact with them since I was small. Just something to consider when you make your selection.

[SASM]

I second Stacey's post.

My godparents are my aunt and uncle - I have had a very close relationship with them throughout my entire life. My younger brother's godparents, on the otherhand, are my mother's first cousin and my father's best man. My brother has not seen his godfather in over 25 years (since childhood) and his godmother was not a huge presence in his life either.

Something to keep in mind...

[jubilee]

On the issue of legal guardianship, I just had a new will done up and talked with my lawyer about this quite a bit. Just telling someone you want them to raise your child if something should happen to you isn't legally binding. And in most cases the child will become a ward of the state, and the state will try to place the child with a family member if one is willing.
If you name guardianship in your will, you should name the guardian as the trustee of the assets and finances you leave to your child. Naturally, you should obtain permission to list someone as guardian in a will, and give that person a copy of the will-- as well as information as to where the original will is kept, lawyer's name, etc. Anytime you wish to change the listed guardian, a new will must be drawn up, and thus the old one is invalid.
Of course, if you name someone as guardian and another person protests that they can go to court. The court tends to side on the wishes of the deceased parent, however the court can order background checks, home studies, etc to be sure the parent made a good decision on the guardianship.
If the child is born to you and someone you are not married to, the guardianship will be given to the other natural parent before it is given to the spouse you currently have. (This was an issue for me. I am remarried, my 1st son lives with me and my husband. In the event I would die, my son would be given to his biological father even though he hasn't seen him in years. Fortunitely, my ex-husband waived his parental rights and my husband adopted Jacob two years back. So Jacob would get to stay with Tom now.)
I'm sure this goes way beyond what you were talking about in the godparent issue, but I thought I'd share anyway! :)

[flagger]

I only brought the will part up because of my understanding of what my godparents were. They equaled legal guardians in the eyes of my parents. I am also a legal guardian of my godson (in the eyes of the church and the state). But yes I was familiar with the Christian significance of naming godparents.

I guess I am showing my age or the age of MY parents. :)