Nature vs. Nurture

[Shirale]

I find the whole boy/girl thing so interesting...Amira is SO girly...loves to play with her "baby," pushes her around in a doll stroller all day, looks in the mirror and says "so pippy" (so pretty!) loves to shlepp my purses out of my closet and play with them...loves dresses...so now is this because she is copying me? Or is it really who she is?? She loves DH, and copies him as well, but some of the things she does are just total stereotypical "girl" and I wonder where she got that from! What do y'all think about that??? Are your babies typical? It is nurture?

[Karenn]

I don't know, but I find it interesting that at 8 months, Colin is already obsessed with balls and throwing things. (And I don't do too much of that around here, so he's not just copying me. ;) )

[juliasdad]

As someone who was adopted at 2 months old, had a wonderful life with wonderful parents, and found and got to know his birthmother and her family when he was 35 years old, I will say this: as important as "nurture" is, it is absolutely astounding to me how much is actually determined by "nature". Social behavior, sense of humor, interests; my own life, as an experiment in nature/nurture, comes out very very very strongly on the side of "nature".

-dan

[atlbaby]

Interesting topic!!

I've been thinking a lot about this too, recently! Arielle is also very much a 'girl'. While she loves to walk around with and roll/throw balls, she is so completely different than the boys her age! She's not into wires/cords, or cars and trains like the boys I know. She loves to sit in her little corner by her bookcase and read books, and feed her "baby" the little bottle! I know a 14 month old who (much to his mother's dismay) plays around with the circuit breaker which is stupidly located near the floor in their apartment! He turns off the power constantly! When I heard this I thought "Given the chance Arielle would never think to do that!" And Arielle is also a bit of a scardy-cat! She is scared of parts of her Elmo and Wiggles videos!

Of course it could also be that Arielle is more cautious because by nature DH and I are that way. I'm not the bravest of people, and I know from my mil that DH scared of a lot as a kid. I won't say of what, but rumor has it that it was a lot! ;)


-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[KathyO]

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that inner nature ultimately rules. One of my friends had three daughters - one alternative/grunge/social activist type, one makeup/jewellery/perfect nails/plays-with-Barbies type, and one baseball-cap-turned-backwards/tomboy/hang-around-working-in-Dad's-autobody-shop type. All three had the same parents... were dressed in the same clothes as small children... go figure.

My daughter isn't a very "girly" girl right now (prefers crayons and balls over dolls and purses), but I guess we'll see what happens! I always joked that with me being such a low-maintenance chick, any daughter of mine would rebel by having flawless taste and an unerring instinct for accessorizing!

KathyO

[brubeck]

I was always a super girly-girl, but my daughter is 25% girly and 75% boyish, if you go by the stereotypes. At 28 months her favourite toys are (in order) tools/toolkit, Mega Blocks and toy cars/planes. She also loves her Little People sets, particularly the Farm and Airport, not the house with its pink roof.

She is VERY interested in what my husband does but I think that's partly because he isn't around as often. She sees me all day every day so I think I'm less interesting. I did get a huge smile out of her the first time I put her in a dress though. She started tugging at the skirt like she didn't know what it was until I pointed out that she was wearing a 'dress like Mommy' and she was so thrilled. Then she goes and tries on her Daddy's underwear when I am trying to fold the clean laundry. Go figure!

I think at this point she doesn't really have a concept of gender roles (maybe a little more of Mommy/Daddy roles) and I try really hard to let her play with whatever she wants to.

Now the REAL question is, will I be as broadminded with my son? He's not quite 3 months yet but what will I do when he picks up his sister's pink sweater or her Barbie doll? Hmmmm......

[sntm]

Good question! I always considered myself as fairly equal-opportunity, avoid stereotypical gender roles, etc., but have found myself uncomfortably conflicted regarding buying books for Jack. I've been hesitating over Madeline and Olivia and other "female" books, though I would have no problem buying a book on Big Trucks for a girl.

What have y'all with boys done about that?

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03

[egoldber]

This is interesting. Sarah loves playing with dolls and things much more than cars and loves playing "dress up" (although goodness knows she never sees ME doing that :) ).

I was also a little hesitant to buy "girlie" things for Sarah, but she really enjoys them. I guess my personal theory has become that a good sense of self worth and self esteem is more important than the toys you play with. I cerainly was given only dolls and no trucks etc as a child. And I grew up to be a math major, with a masters in Statistics and was very successful in the corporate world.

[parkersmama]

It is hard with boys. I think with girls we moms have a tendancy to want to give them that "I can do anything a boy can do!" attitude but with boys we are afraid to nuture their feminine side. Both my boys had/have dolls that they play with. They had a play kitchen and grocery cart, etc. My 3 year old's favorite toy right now is his vacuum cleaner!! But, they are also extremely into trucks, trains, planes, cars, snakes, lizards, dinosaurs, etc. I try really hard to give a balance of "feminine" toys (i.e. dolls, fridge, vacuum), "masculine" toys (i.e. cars, plastic snakes, balls), and neutral toys (i.e. blocks, crayons/coloring books, magnets, shape sorters, puzzles, games). I probably over-think the whole thing but I want to raise boys who become men who respect women and their accomplishments and yet are proud to be men. Not easy in this day & age!! As an added dilemna, we are having a girl this time around so that will give a whole new element to our "boy" household! LOL!

Shannon, when it comes to books, I mostly try to buy based on what I think they will like rather than who the main character is. We have lots of trucks, cars, dinos books (more than I can count!) but we also have books on Olivia, Amelia Bedelia, Junie B. Jones (those are for older kids) and so on. I haven't bought any Madeleine yet because I just don't think either of my little guys would be that interested in her. One author who is absolutely terrific (from about age 2 1/2 & up) is Kevin Henkes. He wrote "Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse", "Chrysanthemum", and "Sheila Rae, the Brave" among many others. His books have such great illustrations (the characters are mice), lots of "layers" that children and parents both enjoy and find amusing, and they have a wonderful message for children's self-esteem. Both my children love them (even though lots of the characters are girls) and we read them over and over. I highly recommend them!

Denise
mom to:
Parker, 9/1/1997
Wesley, 3/9/2000
and #3 (a girl!) due 4/29/2003

[nigele]

Thomas is definitely a boy. He is starting to get a bit rough - he pulls, grabs and bashes whatever he gets his hands into. A neighbor of ours picked him up to show him her orchid and he did a dive-bomb for the dirt! He does have two plush baby dolls but he couldn't care less about them. He also has a plush Piglet rattle that he beats the crap out of.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

With my son, who is now 12 years old, it was apparent that he was all boy from the start. His first toy car, he picked it up and made motor sounds, no one taught him to do that, he just ~knew~.

He had a fascination with sticks and rocks, and emptying his pockets was always an adventure. One day when he was about 2 or 3, he came home from day care and dug down in his pocket and brought out a wilted crushed dandelion and said "I picked this for you mommy". There was an earthworm in the pocket with it. :)

He did ask for Barbies when he was about 4 years old, so I bought him some. But boys play differently with Barbies than girls do. Forget ever changing their clothes or brushing their hair. He would set up camping trips and put them all in the boat and stand at the top of the stairs and shout "waterfall!!" and sent the boat down the stairs. :) Lots of role play, but no grooming and dressing play with them.

I had to round them up every now and then and brush all their hair.

I'm hoping for a girl this time, just for variety, but I would be happy with another boy who stuffs his pockets with rocks and flowers for mommy.

...Karen
Mom to Jake age 12 and expecting Logan Elizabeth or Garrett Logan, EDD March 21

[muskiesusan]

I tend to buy Nick neutral gender toys. I find that friends and family take care of buying the traditional boys stuff, so I am just trying to balance it all. He has dolls that he likes to carry around, but isn't really attached to any one toy, except for his pooh bear he sleeps with.

The problem I have is the toy makers determining what are boy and girl toys. Why do so many of the household toys, ie brooms, vacs, etc have to be so pink??? It drives me nuts. I mainly buy wooden toys for this reason, but I would like to buy him an ironing board without breaking the bank, KWIM?

Susan
WAHM to Nicholas 10/01/01

[brubeck]

Ha ha ha, I have a child's ironing board in our playroom that I used when I was a toddler in the 70s. And guess what? It's solid wood AND pale pink. :-)

Little Tikes makes some good household toys that are not ALL pink. For example, their vacuum cleaner is while and dark purple with a red dustbuster. My neighbor's son (25 months) loves it.