Eating my words with a dash of Oregano re:Pacifiers [Archive]

mama2be

03-18-2003, 10:51 AM

Please send any recipes for eating your words that you might have...I suspect I will be entertaining that dish often in motherhood and don't want to get board with my selection!!!! :)...

I was so proud of myself for my "Queen of the household" Executive decision of tossing the pacifier two weeks ago. Well Tristan cried often yesterday in the afternoon especially, and appeared hungry all of the time to me...his intake is very high!!!

Well DH came home with a paciifer and my little angel was back...he behaved so well for daddy once he was home.

So now I have a shrine for "the bink"...worshipping it everytime I pass it, but he cries when it falls out, and Saturday we were at a party with parents running frantically thru out the house looking for the pacifier for their 3 year olds as if life depended on it. (and now that I am a mother I realize "life" did depend on it)...

I know this topic can lead to a debate and don't want to see that..but any advice out there...am I doing the right thing...how did you successfully wean etc...In all honesty I have more anxiety over the pacifier issue than anything else. Maybe I am just displacing my anxiety...

Thanks all...

sweetbasil

03-18-2003, 11:11 AM

Neve,
The paci is probably our most guilty pleasure at this house...Kellen STILL uses his- but ONLY at night. At his 1 year appt., the ped said, "okay, this would be a good time to stop with the paci, mommy." I'm thinking, yeah- why don't you come home with us and deal with the hysterical paci-less babe? So I've heard there are two *ideal* times for stopping paci use, and the latter is 2 1/2 yrs old. We're about there, so I'm thinking the pacis are about to mysteriously "break" (read- I'll cut the little nipples off of them...) He has 3 pacis, incidentally, one for his mouth and one for each hand, but he loses them in his sleep and only bothers to find them when he wakes up. All that to say, I'm of the don't worry too much about it mindset. But if it really bothers you, then maybe you can find an alternative....

Good luck! :)

lisams

03-18-2003, 11:13 AM

Here's what I've heard from various people and books: some babies *need* to suck, it's just comforting to them (babies suck their thumbs while in the uterus). I have read a few times that by the age of 3/4 months, that need usually goes away, or declines. I have also read that it is recommended that the pacifier only be used when a baby needs to suck or be comforted, not all the time, all day long. Our pediatrician recommended using a pacifier, but our baby would never take one. I would say that you should go with your gut, and do what you think is best for Tristan. I know the pacifier use is highly debatable, but I think it comes down to individual children (like I'm finding out on almost every highly debatable issue!)

Try not to let it bother you too much!!!!
Lisa

MartiesMom2B

03-18-2003, 11:20 AM

Neve:

I agree just go with your gut. He may wean himself off (hopefully).

I hope your trip to D.C. went well!

Sonia
EDD 4/14/03

juliasdad

03-18-2003, 11:27 AM

Heh heh. I gained weight in sympathy with DW during pregnancy and haven't lost it yet, and I blame my current weight on all the words I've had to eat! Some of the staunch positions that we took, pre-pregnancy, seem like another lifetime ago. My gosh, we were so anti-pacifier, anti-fingerthumb-sucking, etc.

Here's some advice, for what it's worth (and it's all just my opinion, of course):

1) there's little that you can do to "ruin" a child in their first 6 months; probably the worst thing you can do is harbor anxiety over anything, as they'll sense this as insecurity. Just have fun, enjoy Tristan and be comfortable letting him lead you where he will.

2) The word "wean" probably doesn't deserve much space in your vocabulary during that time.

3) Look around at adults your age. Ask yourself how many of them are dependant on pacifiers. Certainly, a large number of them were probably using them at age 3...

4) Figure out what seems to work for your child, then find a professional opinion that validates it (and while I'm being somewhat flippant here, I'm actually serious about this, within reason). For this pacifier issue, I'd suggest reading the section on sucking in Dr. Brazelton's book "To Listen To A Child". It'll make you feel much better about the pacifier. There's research out there that indicates that babies at this stage need to eat and suck, and that those two needs are actually completely independant, separate needs.

Going into pregnancy, we were so dead-set against using a pacifier. Today, on my to-do list, is to pick up another 2-pack of Mam silicone 4-18month, because we want to have a total of 6 pacifiers to "sprinkle" around Julia's crib so that whatever position she works herself into overnight, she's likely to be able to get to a pacifier if she needs it. I'm just glad we didn't record our resolutions in any way...

-dan

brubeck

03-18-2003, 11:35 AM

I had the opposite problem. My babies wouldn't take a pacifier in the beginning when I REALLY wanted them to. As they got older they learned how to suck their hands/fingers/thumb.

This sucking need goes away by itself after about 6 months (according to all the doctor's books!).

The substitute I used with both my kids was my own finger. Wash your hands, then insert a finger into your baby's mouth, fleshy side up. You'll get a new view of how powerful their suck is! I now understand why my nipples hurt. :-) Oh and make sure the nail on that finger is short.

Of course you can't spend your entire day with your finger in the baby's mouth, but I use it frequently to help him nap.

parkersmama

03-18-2003, 11:43 AM

Yes, you're right...there are lots of words you're gonna be eating! One of my personal favorites is "I'm never going to let my kid run around with his nose running like that!" LOL! As if we have any control of a runny nose! Try as I might, those things still run! :-)

Seriously, I was one of those try hard to avoid the paci moms until it became the only thing to help me hold onto to my sanity! And I've done this not once, but twice! As much as I wanted to avoid it my kids (so far) have a high sucking need and it's either the paci or my nipples will fall off from all the sucking. With both kids we took them down to paci at naps & bedtime only as a first measure (around 9 mos with 1st ds and around 15 mos with 2nd ds) then eventually got ride of them altogether (around age 2 1/2 with both kids). The dread of cutting back or getting rid of it was actually worse than the actual act...really not that bad. With our second son he is so pig-headed that we knew it had to be his decision. We got new beds for them to share a room to make space for the new baby and told him that the new bed was a "no-paci" bed. He was free to choose where to sleep but couldn't have the paci in the new bed. As bedtime grew closer he warmed up to the idea and slept in the new bed, no paci, and never looked back! No tears even!

Please, please don't feel bad about using a paci! It's really not a big deal even though I admit that I felt it was somehow. You're doing a great job and there's no way you can "ruin" that little guy! Keep up the good work and if that includes pacis then so be it!!

memedee

03-18-2003, 12:01 PM

I used the pacifier Binky as it was called with both my children.
My husband who is a dentist actually encouraged this as he said that it is far preferable to thumb sucking which may affect your bite.
My rule right from the beginning was only in the crib.
It was not a problem weaning them at all because as soon as they were out of the crib the paci binky was gone.
They tend to lose interest in it gradually anyway so it was not a big deal giving it up.
My big problem with the pacifier before I had children was seeing other children walking around with it stuck in their mouths. But ,now those children are fully functioning adults with apparently no residual effects.
I think it just not a big issue whether you use it or not and if it helps the baby ,why not.
Both my children slept through the night at a very early age and I think the binky in the crib might have helped.

Karenn

03-18-2003, 12:07 PM

I was the opposite. I announced that Colin was going to use a passy so that he wouldn't suck his thumb. Ha! He took a passy for 3 months, and then gave it up on his own, prefering his fingers (sort of). I would have given anything for him to keep using it, especially during the days when I couldn't get him to sleep! Do what works, and don't feel guilty!

Andrea S

03-18-2003, 12:36 PM

I was the same way I do not want to use paci, but we would let him suck on our finger (we had some exercises from the LC to do with him) and then when he was about a month old and he wanted to suck on your finger to go to sleep so out came the paci--he loved it and still does. We use it for sleep or consoling to sleep and yes he has 3 in his crib so he can find them when he wakes up. So I already ate those words and since I have had a baby I have learned to just stay open mined and closed mouth.

Andrea
mom to Andrew 8/14/02

megsmom

03-18-2003, 01:03 PM

This was an issue I got myself so worked up over, it is slightly unbelievable. I think my dd was overpacifiered in the beginning (by my MIL) which did create some slight nipple confusion in the beginning with bfeeding. That only lasted a couple of days after we used them less and got her back to nursing better. Meghan had a huge sucking need and when we weaned her onto bottles, she really needed her binky since she got less sucking time on the bottle than she did on the breast. I had a huge issue with this since I kind of felt it had been semi-responsible for our nursing woes, but looking back there were lots more issues there than the pacifier. Before I "gave in" to the pacifier when she about 6 weeks old, she was crying constantly and it was difficult to get her to sleep. After she had some sucking time on the binky, she was almost a different child.

She is 20 months and still uses it in the bed. One of these days we will say it's time to bid so long to the binky, but right now it's still a huge comfort to her, especially when teething. I have several friends whose babies suck their thumbs at this same age and they suffer no angst about it. I finally decided why should I? She is finally seeming to get attached to a blanket and her stuffed Barney so I think this will help ease the transition when her binky goes bye-bye. I am comfoted by a poster above that the actual time the pacifiers went it wasn't such a huge issue, even at 2 1/2.

Sorry for the ramble, but if it's a comfort to him, Neve let him use it. I actually had friends in the beginning that were jealous that my dd took a pacifier since it soothed her. Sucking is just something babies need to do, some a lot more than others.

Jen
mom to Meghan 7/13/01

jojo2324

03-18-2003, 01:42 PM

Hahaha!! I TOTALLY hear you on the snotty noses Denise! Golly, if you could see his nose now! And he has developed a real disgust with any sort of nasal care, whether it be a tissue or aspirator or even mommy's already cruddied sleeve. He's quick to dodge my well-meaning, but way too slow, hands. But interestingly enough, the shoulders of my shirts are just covered in crusties; THAT'S fine to wipe his nose on, I suppose! :P

And Neve dear, don't you worry a bit about the pacifier. I WISH Gannon had taken one in those first months. It would have been so much quieter and my nipples...Well, they would've had some free time. He did pick one up a few weeks ago and actually used it properly, but that was for about ten minutes. He spit it out and now chews on them occasionally if he finds one during his travels. I second the finger approach. He would take my pinky finger, and it would calm him down at times.

cuca_

03-18-2003, 02:14 PM

I am expecting my first at the end of May and I am definitely using a pacifier (if the baby will take it, of course). I used one as a baby while my sister did not. She sucked her thumb, and let me tell you it was much harder to wean her off her thumb sucking. As to your question about weaning, I apparently was pretty obsesive with my pacifier (I actually remember climbing kitchen cabinets to get to it), so at age 3 my parents told me that if I left it out for Santa he would bring me a special gift. Pretty materialistic, I know, but my Mom says she had tried everything. It worked pretty well, I loved my Fisher Price castle and did not miss the pacifier one bit.

sweetbasil

03-18-2003, 04:05 PM

I hear you on the problem of stopping-the-finger-sucking issue...I rationalize our approach by remembering a dental health reminder "you can cut the nipple off the paci, but you can't cut the finger off...." That's what I keep holding onto, anyway! :)

gravymommy3

03-18-2003, 04:08 PM

I have several perspectives on this issue. I have three kids: one sucks her thumb (can't break the habit even at age 5), one who sucks multiple binkies and one who sucks only on Mom :) .

My DD who thumb-sucks has a horrible overbite and will have to have braces (and the dentist has already told us to start saving our money now!) My DS is three and shows no signs of giving up his binkie. My ped. wants him to ditch it but I am not up for that battle right now (DS is, how to say this nicely, a total terror!) And DD 16 mos shows no signs of weaning from the breast (ped. also wants her weaned!) Guess my kids just like to suck!

It will be interesting to see if the younger two end up with the same orthodontia bills as the oldest. Kind of like a science experiment...

egoldber

03-18-2003, 04:26 PM

Well, having a thumb sucker :), the only stuff I have read about this is that excessive thumb sucking in later years can cause mouth structure issues. Generally, the concern is after permanent teeth have erupted.

http://www.dentalreference.com/html/thumb__finger__and_lip_sucking.html

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/thumbsucking.html

http://www.aapd.org/publications/brochures/tfphabits.asp

But most kids spontaneously give it up by age 4. I have also heard that once they start school, that peer pressure plays a big role in helping to break the habit.

And almost everything I have read say that trying to do something to stop it before your child is ready is usually counterproductve.

I was NOT a thumbsucker as a child, and my parents still had a huge orthodontic bill. So there are no guarantees. :)

HTH,

parkersmama

03-18-2003, 05:48 PM

Pediatricians can be so reactionary. Why is it such a big deal? Especially, why does he want you to wean your toddler? 16 months is certainly not excessive for nursing!

Like Beth, I wasn't a thumb sucker (but I did use a paci for a while) and my parents had lots of orthdontist bills! I'm thinking that although these things have an influence, genetics has a lot to do with it, too!

suzska

03-18-2003, 06:03 PM

I didn't read through everyone's responses, but I'll tell you how things went in our house.

Evan used a pacifier from the first week. It was often the only thing to settle him down. But eventually throughout his first year, since he was teething ALL the time, it became more of a "chew toy" than a "pacifier." We always used the Gerber/NUK silicone ones and had about 6 available at any one time.

As Evan approached one year of age, the "binkies" slowly got dropped behind the crib or somewhere else and forgotten about. I stopped retrieving them or replacing them until they were all gone. ("And then there was none...." ) By the time he was one I don't think he even noticed they were gone. He found many other things to chew on.

C99

03-18-2003, 09:54 PM

And I WAS a thumbsucker (until I was 8) and didn't wear braces. :)

I WISH Nate would take his thumb. He has on occasion, but more by accident than by design. He'll take a pacifier more readily, but still prefers screaming to anything else!

houseof3boys

09-10-2003, 10:44 PM

LOL at this old thread that all of you guys had such great input on. I am now becoming anti-Paci since it seems to be the only thing that calms Ryan down after he has nursed and is still a fuss pot. I did a search to find out what the "experts" here thought about silicone vs. rubber nipples and this old post came up. I just wanted to post so that others may learn from the wise crew here and read everyone wax poetically about Paci's in this thread.

I don't feel so bad now about him using a Paci now after reading this.

blnony

09-10-2003, 10:55 PM

Neve-
I don't have any advice on getting rid of them.....they are all over my house! :D
My dentist did ease my fear some: pacifier use will not harm the teeth like sucking fingers or thumbs. Audrey cannot make it without them..we've labled her "paci dependent." :)
I just thought I'd let you know you weren't alone...

Edited to add: I didn't realize this was such an old post!! neve-
has Tristan given up his pacifer yet??

bnme

09-11-2003, 06:26 AM

My Jason is a binky baby also....and for now I don't mind one bit. I did not plan on using one but when he arrived back in my hospital room after his circumsicion (sp?) there was one in his bassinette! At first I was angry, although I had never specified not to give one. I took it out and told DH we were not using one. A while later he was fussing after just nursing and we couldn't comfort him, even tried nursing again. Well, DH popped in the binky and he was happy as a clam sucking away.

I definetly think at the newborn stage some babies just need the extra sucks. My DS was a marathon nurser so it no way interphered with his intake!

Now I guess it is more of a habit/comfort object for him and I am OK with that. I have recently stopped having it clipped to him the entire day and don't bring it out unless he seems to want it. That has helped cut down. I will work slowly at weaning by trying to offer it less and less during the day.

Right now we are having sleep issues so I ain't messing with the night!