I NEED DESPARATE ADVICE RE:TRISTAN AND A TRIP!!!

[mama2be]

Thanks in advance for any advice that can be given.

One of my largest dreams in life has been to learn to sail, I mean really sail (I've done recreational sailing but dependant on others big time). I've watched Steve add to his motorcylce, add to the car, race the motorcycle (and wreck and break his neck-TRUE), and golf and purchase "the best clubs". But I've wanted this so badly. So recently Steve made the huge mistake of purchasing a huge amount of excess (not needed) parts for the motorcycle. I took that as my opportunity to book myslef (and him) on a very hard core ocean sailing course off of the Outer Banks in NC. WE will be on the boat for 5 days and will leave the boat with a lot of knowledge. thru connections I got the boat booked for just us and Tristan. Boats rock babies to sleep so I thought that might be good. Plus we are out doorsy and on the go all of the time and so want him in our life style...

But as time draws near (this course is next week), I worry about sun burn, being off the coast etc...and of course my parents would love the opprotuntiy to watch him.

I figure this is probably the best time to do this if I am going to do it over the next decade atleast...(pre preg would have been the best time in hind site)...

Do I leave him with loving grandparnets...or take him...
I'm prepared for opinions...I have asked :)...

OH AND GREAT NEWS!!!! I am sailing in a women's regatta the week after...a race of a 4 women crew and will be crewing with the sailing companies owner's wife!!!! I so can not wait!!! Tristan and daddy will cheer me on!!! I can not stress what a dream this is of mine.

[alkagift]

My two cents...which means very little since I don't have my little one yet and I really think the emotional attachment hasn't impacted me yet so you'll probably hear different things from "real moms."

My husband is a sailor (or was before we moved to Atlanta) and I've seen how much work sailing can be, how much attention it takes, and I've never been the responsible one! I'm sure you know things happen--weather being primary (especially off of the OB)--but just dealing with eating, bathing (and dare I say it, the 'head') are logistics that would get much more complicated with a baby. If I were you and sailing was my ultimate dream, I would leave Tristan with the grandparents. I know you would miss him terribly and the separation would be awful, but I think you would worry about him in the boat and not learn as much as you'd like because it would be difficult to manage both.

Since you plan on doing this seriously in a regatta later, you really want to have the most education you can get. If you were going to just learn how to sail recreationally on a river or a big lake, then maybe it wouldn't matter, but the open ocean (or even the intracoastal) is a different thing, in my opinion.

Just my very humble two cents.


Allison
Expecting #1 5/27/03

[flagger]

Personally Neve, I think you should take him. I remember reading an article about Terri Irwin, the wife of the "Crocodile Hunter". She has accompanied him all over the world and did so even while she was pregnant. After Bindi was born, she was out in the bush with them at TWO days old. She also went on an international trip with them to the Gallapagos Islands at six weeks.

I think he will be totally well rounded and adaptable to your lifestyle and I think you should take him. You will be vigilant of him or Steve will and you will still learn. I say thumbs up to you if you decide to take him. I have a huge soft spot for parents who make their children a part of every aspect of their life.

[Momof3Labs]

Neve, if you were going to sit back and just enjoy the trip, then I would say to take him. But since you want to learn a lot while you are there, I would leave him with the grandparents. You'll have plenty of opportunities to include him in your outdoorsy lifestyle, but wait until you go on trips where you can devote your full attention to him. Especially since you have wonderful grandparents who would love to take care of him!

While Terri and Steve Irwin might be an example of integrating baby with their lifestyle, they were also experts at what they were doing before they brought baby along!

[nigele]

Whoa - I can't give any advice on sailing but I couldn't help but notice all of the toys Steve buys himself. Tristan SO deserves the $200 worth of wooden toys you got the other day!!!! In fact, you should go out and get him a wooden motorcycle!! Hee, hee!

[COElizabeth]

How exciting! Have you talked to the instructor? I would ask questions like whether he would be trying to teach both you and Steve "the ropes" at the same time. If he will, it might be hard for one of you to hold Tristan. Of course, if is is sleeping in the cabin a lot, it might not be a problem. Would there be a possibility of taking a baby-sitter or one of the grandparents along so that someone who is not learning to sail would always be available to watch him if he needs attention when you are busy? That person could also keep him indoors during the peak sun hours. Also, what about life jackets? Will he have to wear one on the boat, and will he be comfortable?

Let us know what you decide!
Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[blnony]

If it were me, I would leave him with the GPs right now. First, if you really want to use this as a learning experience, you might not be able to devote your full attention to sailing with Tristan on board. (Even with the best preparation, you will be a little worried about him.) Second, he is so young now, that he won't be learning anything. He will be able to adapt your lifestyle once he is a little older, and really comprehends everything. Finally, this might be a good chance for you and Steve to do something together, post baby, and you might enjoy the time with your husband to fully devote your attention to him and sailing. I know it will be hard to leave him, I've been in that situation too, but it would probably be a good bonding experience for him and his grandparents.
If it were going to be a long trip, (2 weeks or so) my opinion might be different.
Also, with the Irwins, not only were they experts, but they also have a crew with them and others that are there to help with the baby. I saw them on Oprah as year or two ago with their daughter, and they have others that travel with them.
Have fun on your trip, it sounds like such a good time.

[MartiesMom2B]

warning: 1 hand typing

Congrats on the regatta. V. proud & excited for you.

I know zip abt. sailing but I would leave Tristan w/ grandps. you'll learn better and won't have to worry about him. Enjoy trip.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[flagger]

I am just going to add that I would be far more worried about my 3 month old not being with me than what might happen on this adventure. Five days is a long time to leave someone that young with grandparents. I am all for the idea of a evening or maybe even a night. Five whole days away would be just dreadful for me. I just think you will enjoy the adventure much more with both the loves of your life with you. But then again, this is JMHO. We can all agree to disagree.

As I emailed you, you know what is best to do for you.

Good luck on whatever you choose.

Good luck in the regatta the next week.

[etwahl]

my opinion is that you know what's best. you just have to follow your heart and instincts...

Tammy,
Mom to Lauren Genevieve
03/12/2003

[ddmarsh]

I was just going to say as Tammy did and add that my sense from your post is that you are leaning towards leaving him and I think you should go with that. Personally I feel like there are many limits to children participating in our lives and I also feel like that's ok - we all need adult time and this sounds like a wonderful experience for you and DH to enjoy together. As a mother I just think that you would be so much more focused on Tristan that you may not enjoy it as you had hoped. Plus honestly I just think it would be *so* hard to worry about a baby that age around the water, that's just not something I would be too keen on (did I just use that phrase, too keen on?!). Anyway either way I hope you have a fabulous time.

BTW, I'd say a few jewels are in order to even up the score on the toy buying!

[muskiesusan]

I think some of it also depends on Tristan. I have done very limited sailing and there is no way I would have been able to handle Nicholas while I was learning, and I was learning just for kicks. It was around 3 months that Nicholas decided he didn't need naps and wanted to have constant attention, which made it difficult for me to even get a shower (or maybe that is a commentary on how equipped I am to handle a "spirited child," but that's another post!).

Even if Tristan is laid back, I still don't know if I would take him on this trip. We are big supporters of including children in everything, and I can count on my hand the number of times Nicholas has been left with someone other than my husband or I, but you will have plenty of trips in the future to include him on!

Just my 2 cents for whatever its worth.

Susan
WAHM to Nicholas 10/01/01

[lukkykatt]

First of all, I think this is so wonderful for you!

I would leave Tristan at home though. You will be able to concentrate solely on learning to sail, without worrying about your baby. Also, you may be different from me, but when I know what I want to do, I just do it. When I am not so sure I am doing the right thing, I start asking everyone what I should do.

Whatever you decide though, will be the best thing for you and your family. Have fun!

[egoldber]

Neve, do you have any sense of what your daily "schedule" is like on the boat? Is it basically just you and DH sailing the boat with minimal help? Or is it a "you sail the boat for a few hours and then the instructor really does the rest" kind of deal? If your trip is more like the former, then I would leave him. If it is more like the latter, then I "might" take him. And believe me, I am all for taking your child with you on trips, I think it is never too early to start, and that children need to learn how to adapt to their parents lifestyle.

We took a boat trip through France last year when Sarah was 9 months old. At that age, she was fairly easy to travel with (eating every 4 hours or so, easily entertained, 2-3 longs naps a day, not yet mobile). My ILs were there too, and it would have been impossible for us to take her without my MIL there. It took both DH and I to just pilot a boat that is TRULY designed for dummies through a canal. I can't imagine sailing with a baby if I had to do much more.

HTH,

[mamahill]

I didn't want you to think I wasn't paying attention to you, but I honestly have no idea. I agree with Tammy and Debbie - you know what you should do. I think it is absolutely WONDERFUL that you are doing this. Hip hip hooray for finding something to be passionate about. I think things like this are what help make us better women, and re-energize our soul, to make us more effective and loving mothers. Way to go (oh, and be sure to take pics of Cap'n Neve for us all to admire!).

ps - i'm sure this goes without saying, but do you have a regatta outfit for Tristan to cheer his mummy on in?

[mama2be]

Sarah-LOL he does have some cute nautical clothes to greet me with (wish lil Ainsleigh was out there in her nautical attire too. BUT I of course want him greeting me with a good Bloody Mary!!! Oh and Gannon in that whale oxford shirt wouldn't that be a riot...

I want to thank each of you for excellent advice it takes time to give such great advice and I really appriciate it. Each one of you said something that will help me now and into the future. I also consulted with our ped who I adore and he said to go without him and encouraged Stve and me to go and reminded me that grandparents love their grandbabies...and like one of the post said I know they love him more that they love me :)...he worried more about sun burn really than a lot of stuff. The captain by the way is fine with it he has a young son they sail bet recreationally not in this capacity.

I've been thinking I have put out money to go thru a course not a vacation...I am fortunate that we are being captained by the sailing schools owner and that a connection has gotten me a nicer deal than normal. I might be foolish to throw away the chance of an awesome lesson especially if I plan to really dive into this!!! So Sunday I am driving up to Aleaxandria VA and taking my T man...I'll stay there till Thursday see my friends show mom my routine...have Tristan feel at home at their house with me...and drive straight to the boat to meet Steve Thursday night and then go pick Tristan up on the 27th... I can't stand the thought of being away from him, but suspect this will keep me busy. steve would watch him while I take the helm but I also want steve included in my passion. this is a hard decision but really when better if I plan a larger family etc...

Grandma and Papa Ours (daddy Bear) will take good care of him and spoil him to no end I am certain.

Then when I get him back his future wife Lauren (Tammy's girl) will be here two days so he'll be all into her and will forget to be mad at mommy:)...

Watch me come home with him on thursday and take him...
Thanks again,

[ddmarsh]

Oh you sound so exited about your journey, have a wonderful time Neve and be sure to fill us in on all the excitement! Who knows, you and Steve may even have time to practice creating future sibs for Tristan ;).

[mama2be]

One day we'll have sit down over a glass of wine, a baquette and brie and I would love to hear about your trip!!! We spent 3 1/2 weeks in France of out 4 week honeymoon I loved it so much. We roughed it not as glamerous as your trip I am certain...but I sure did love it. Wow a boat thru the canals...was it a house boat???

I'd love to hear about it one day!!!

[MartiesMom2B]

I'll wave hi to you as we drive past Alexandria on Monday on our way back from Silver Spring, unless we make a side trip to Tysons in the morning. Aaaah where the stores are.

Can't wait to hear about your sailing adventures!!

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[Annette_C]

Neve,
I think you made the right decision.
Tristan will be in good hands with his grandparents and you and Steve can enjoy your lesson to the fullest.
When Tristan is older, I'm sure he'll enjoy coming along but, for now, he's better off at grandma's.
Enjoy your outing and good luck with your regatta.
Don't forget to take pictures!:)
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02