HELP! I'm totally exhausted!

[spu]

Oh I don't even know where to begin. I'm just so completely exhausted with taking care of the babies. I need some sort of reassurance that I'll someday have a little more energy. It's not that I'm down or depressed or anything like that, I just feel so wiped out.

Sleeping has been a challenge and our efforts of sleeping with the babies started off great, but now they're back to the old routine of waking alot during the night unconsolable, even when they're in bed with us. I though it might be a cold or in last night's case, baby constipation (they both hard kind of hard nugget poops this morning.)

It's just some times I don't know what else to do and I'm not one to let them cry so any time one of them peeps a bit, I rush to get them, otherwise I'll have 2 babies to settle and it gets to be a bit stressful at night, esp when DH gets frustrated too and I can hear him getting upset so it upsets me more.

How do you cope? I'm trying to picture myself having the energy to help the babies when they're little kids with their homework, etc. and I have no idea how it's going to happen. Is it an age thing? (am I 'getting up there? -- i'm only 34...) Is this normal? I'm sooooo pooped.

thanks for any advice! (sorry so long winded)...

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else
susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[blnony]

Susan-
I don't have twins, but I really do understand what you're saying. We've been getting 4 teeth in, and I am so tired. Just bone tired. We are up at least once, but usually three times at night. (this after four months of 10-11 hrs. sleeping at night.) Just hysterical crying jags. Nothing helps. We've were lucky that last night she slept through the night, but its so hard.
The only thing I can recommend, nap when they nap (if they nap.) At least once or twice a week I have to do this or I wouldn't be able to make it. Even if its just an hour.
And I know what you are saying about your DH. I feel bad with that too. I know he has to get up and go into work, but then I think, you know..he wanted kids too!:) Just a little humor, you have to laugh about something.:)
Good luck- I am wishing you good sleep vibes right now...:)

[jojo2324]

Oh honey! I've been wondering how you do it at all!! I am so impressed by your abilities, and when I met you I couldn't believe how energetic you were. I just came back from a week visiting Sarah, and with two of us for the two babies we were still pooped. And late all the time! Newfound admiration for mommies of twins! :D

I don't really know what to say because, unfortunately, my child is quite the handful. We have major sleep issues (such a pity, because he was SO GOOD in California! :( Maybe we'll relocate...:D), and I just pray each day that he'll eventually outgrow it all. We had a long talk the other night about how he needs to start going to bed when it's time to go to bed. And then I just brought him into our bed because I was tired.

And I am totally with you about nary a peep out and I'm off and running to scoop him up. But it's been said that it's OKAY for little ones to cry. It's normal, and it lets them relieve stress. (Stress?!?! What stress??? They don't have to do ANYTHING.) I wonder if in the long run my picking him constantly has led to him REQUIRING that I do it all day long. I just don't know.

Sorry that I'm of no help, but you have my respect and complete and utter sympathy.

[nigele]

I'm sorry you are feeling so worn out! We have lots of sleep issues here, too. I can barely function anymore so we are having to let him cry at night and it is murder! I am constantly on "patch police" during the day making sure Thomas wears his eye patch, which he HATES and I am exhausted so I can't imagine how tired you feel with two little ones. Just today, I was thinking how the heck I will cope with another baby when I constantly have to give Tom so much attention due to his eye surgery (he will have to wear a patch for up to eight years.)

I do wonder if my energy level would be different were I 21, rather than 31!

Good luck, Susan, and hang in there!

[COElizabeth]

Susan,

I would ask my aunt who has twin girls for advice, but she's pretty busy right now. One of the girls is getting married at home in about 4 weeks, and my aunt is doing most of the work since my cousin is still in college out of town. And the other girl just announced that she and her boyfriend want to get married this fall! My uncle pretty much said, "No!" He claimed that they needed to know each other longer - she has only been dating this guy since around Christmas, and she is only 21, so the advice to wait at least a year seems good to me. But I am sure the prospect of another wedding so soon colored the parents' opinion! LOL. Don't mean to scare you, though! The girls have always been so well behaved and are each other's best friends. In between the sleeping all night and the getting married stages, I am sure you will have at least a few opportunities to catch up on your sleep! I hear you on the age thing, though. I am glad I waited (I am 34, too), but I sometimes think it would be a lot easier to handle the sleepless nights and constant up and down off the floor if I (and my knees) were 21! Hang in there - you are doing such a great job. I am in awe every time I read one of your posts!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[MartiesMom2B]

Susan:

I bow down before you. I'm pooped with one tiny little baby. Only one not two. I have no advice, but just wanted you to know that I think you are doing great. I don't think it's an age think. I am slightly younger at 26 (27 next week) but I am very very very tired.

I met someone with triplets and when her kids were getting really bad and reeking havoc, she'd close the door to her room and tell her children that she was putting herself in time out so she could get a few minutes to herself. Her kids would knock on her door and sit outside her bedroom door so I don't think they destroyed her house while she was in "time out".

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[egoldber]

Could they be teething? Whenever Sarah gets really irritable, it is almost always teeth.

But it sounds like you really need a break! Is there a way you can get someone in to help you just a couple days a week? Someone to let you take a nap for a couple hours? My DH's sisters are twins and my MIL will talk LONG and LOUD to anyone about how STRESSFUL it is to have twins. And she had a baby nurse until they were sleeping through the night and a full time maid three days a week for goodness sake!!!! I too admire both you and Nicole all the time. I don't know how twin mommies do it. I am also 34, and I too sometimes wish I had started the whole baby thing when I was a bit younger and had a bit more energy!

I am also a firm believer that tiny infants need to be held and comforted at the slightest peep. But at some point, your child begins that transition from infant to toddler. During this stage, the same behaviors that were so important in the early days (answering every cry, comforting every whimper) become the same behaviors that will create tyrannical toddlers. Every baby is different in terms of when they make that transition, but for most babies it is sometime between 8 and 14 months. And I was a bit amazed at how dramatic the transition was. It wasn't one day to the next, but at 13 months I would say Sarah was still a baby and at 14 months she was a toddler. It was fairly amazing to watch, and fairly agonizing to live through. I'm not sure if that was really helpful, but I think that around the age your girls are, you need to start watching their behaviors for signs of toddlerhood and begin deciding on a parenting style you will be comfortable with as they become older.

Good luck!

[Rachels]

Oh, Susan, you sound so tired! I know how a terrible night can just pull your feet right out from under you and make you forget that usually you cope pretty well. For starters, though, you DON'T have to figure out how to help them with their homework right now. If you try to picture all the bridges you have to cross, it will be too daunting. Focus on the bridge you're on. (Or the specific step you're on.) Begin with the constipation. Did they try a new food? Is there a source you can trace it to? In the meantime, apples, pears, peas, peaches, or prunes will help get things moving. And remember you're normal! It's not an age thing. It's a sleep deprivation thing. You're going to feel so much better after you have a few better nights. And they ARE going to outgrow the waking up thing, and you CAN survive it. I know how hard it is.

Hang in there! Call if you need some support.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[mamahill]

Oh Susan! When Joanne was here we were watching "Baby I'm Yours" (that documentary from the Oprah people - who, by the way, I have a bone to pick with, but that's another thread), and one of the women had twins, and we just sat there shaking our heads, wondering how on earth someone could have TWO babies and not burn out.

I'm sorry I don't have any real helpful advice, but I suppose it HAS to get better since there are many twins out there with younger siblings.:)

Oh, and it's interesting that you should post this now, since one of my best friends, who has triplets, just emailed me almost the same thing a couple days ago, and her babies are about 3 weeks older than yours. All I can say is that Ainsleigh seemed to change a LOT when she hit 1 year. Here's hoping you get more rest soon.

Honestly, woman, you are a beacon of strength to all of us.

[parkersmama]

Susan,
I'm so sorry that things are rough right now. When you're sleep deprived every little thing seems 3 times worse so it just builds and builds! I haven't raised twins but having survived two infanthoods so far, I can promise you that it DOES get better!!! Honestly, there will come a day when you realize that it's been a week since you had to get up in the middle of the night and you'll be amazed. Motherhood is one of those things where there's always something to worry about or stress over but the tiredness does improve. Hang in there!!! I'll be thinking of you and hoping it gets better soon. And by the way, I know what you're talking about when you say your dh starts getting upset. That always makes me totally uptight. So much so that I'd sometimes rather deal with the kids on my own no matter how frazzled and tired I am than listen to him fuss, too! LOL!

[brubeck]

My neighbor has twins who are 3 months younger than Amy, so we hang out a lot. I can tell you that in the first 18 months or so she was totally exhausted dealing with them all the time (although she perked up a little when she weaned them) and she made me appreciate having just one.

Now that her twins are 2 she is doing fine and has a well-run household with everyone on schedules. I on the other hand had to start all over again being pregnant, having sleepless nights and nursing and now she seems to be better off. The Moms of multiples I know say the same thing: Moms of singles have it easier for the first 2 years, then the Moms of twins have it easier.

So in short, it WILL get better!

[mama2be]

Susan,

I just want you to know that you are a super mommy!!! I know you must be tired...if I lived near you I'd come over and help I promise!!!

Hugs and energy your way!!!

[Annette_C]

Susan,
You poor thing! You have every right to vent about feeling burned out! I only have one and, somedays, I feel like jumping off my close-by bridge!!
Babies go through so many different stages and teething is one of the worst! I have a feeling that's what's happening to your girls (Sabrina has been going through a similar period of fussiness lately).
Sorry I don't have an answer but know that age has nothing to do with it: I wanted to jump off a bridge with my first two also and I was only 20!
Hang in there...we're here for you....and....with you!
Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02

[mharling]

Susan -
I will give you any reassurance you need!! I am constantly amazed at you as I learn about you, Charlotte & Else through your posts. I would suggest doing whatever you need to do to make sure you can get a nap, shower and/or pampering time. Charlotte and Else need a happy and rested Mommy! Good luck and I'll be thinking about you. Let us know how you're doing going forward.

Mary
Mommy to Lane Michael 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b33928e40550

[Caitlins Mommy]

Susan you sure do have my upmost respect right now.I really don't know how people with twins manage.I thought my dd was a hand full.I can't even imagine what its like to deal with two babies at once.

I really don't have much advice to give you except I'd ask dh or a very close friend/relative if they would take over for a couple of hours,just to give you a break.You have earned it and deserve to get some much needed sleep and a nice long hot shower without having to worry about having to hurry becasue of the kids.


Sorry I couldn't be much help.I just wanted you to know that I think your doing a great job.


Mommy to Caitlin Hope 9/28/96
Trying to give Caitlin a brother or sister

[twins r fun]

Sorry you're having a rough time right now. I don't have any real advice except to say, do whatever you can to get them sleeping better. I'm finding toddlers to be more exhausting than infants-sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear! My guys sleep through the night (most of the time) and still by the time I put them to bed at night, I am completely out of energy. It's not the sleep deprivation, just that they are so physically demanding! I would hate to be dealing with the physical demands of chasing two toddlers and still getting up at night. However, I didn't breastfeed which would have made infancy more difficult and then maybe not such a big difference to toddlerhood, so maybe you won't find it to be that much harder. Whatever, it's all exhausting, right! I am sure one baby is hard, but with twins, there's just no down time. It's twice the work (even the little stuff that adds up-diaper changes, cleaning high chair trays, getting dressed) and there is just less time when you aren't being called upon to provide something. I think what you're feeling is completely normal and you just take it a day at a time and get breaks and rests when you can. Good luck! Sorry I couldn't just say "Oh wait a few more months, it will be so much easier."-I certainly would have liked to! But you'll survive. Please try to work in some breaks for yourslef, though.

[spu]

thank you everyone! All your wishes, hugs and reassurance is really helping. I've been feeling like I"m back in the newborn stage again. We just returned from visiting some friends of ours who have a 5.5 yr old and twin 3.5 yr old - all boys - and what a delight to see them actually go up to bed, put on their pjs and that was that. (maybe they were prepped beforehand - or else! LOL)

It's so comforting to know you're all there, and we're all in the same virtual boat together. I'm going to try and solicit some more practical help from family. They love spending time with the babies, and I feel like I still play hostess, so maybe they can take the babies out for a walk or something and leave me alone to close my eyes without my adrenaline kicking in when someone starts to scream. You're all so right about taking breaks and rests whenever possible. I think I've forgotten to do just that now that the winter is over.

thanks again everyone! Here's a big hug to each of you from me and the babies!

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[mharling]

Glad to hear you have family close by that can help! Let us know how it goes (or don't, if you're too busy napping!) ;)

Mary
Mommy to Lane Michael 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b33928e40550

[ltn]

Hello-

It's reassuring to see I'm not alone. I'm new to this system, and in a (growing rarer) moment where both of my girls are napping, I came on-line to seek reassurance. My fraternal twin girls are 15 months now and life has gotten a whole bunch craizer in the past cple of months. I respect all the stay-at-home moms so much becuase my very demading professional job is way easier than weekends with my kids. Seems like you are also a working twin mom, so I bet we have lots to share.

It's been some months since your post, so now that some time has gone by, I'm hoping you are doing better.

I'm an older mom, 41, so feel like maybe I'm just too old for all of the demands of chasing after two...actually only one is walking but my crawler is getting so close. After reading through a variety of posts on a variety of sites, it sounds like my girls are typical so I'll just need to hang in there for a cple more years before life gets easier.... Most twin parents tell me that sometime between 2 and 4 things get easier. Here's hoping it's sooner rather than later. We have no family in the area and DH works weekends, so breaks are few. You'd think I'd be back to my pre-preg weight or less. But, I still have 10 pounds to go. Anyway, thanks for listening. I hear my beauties babbling so it's time to get a snack together.

Take care all-
Lynn
Mom of two incredible girls, Genna and Alyssa, 6/16/02

[mama2be]

I suspect you "don't know what (else) to do"....because you are doing everything just perfect!!!!

I know you have to be tired, and I highly suspect you'll do wondrful when they are toddling around and then needing homework done...I bet you'll be tired then too but I hope god (or whoever) gives us more strength when we need it :)...but from everything I gather from you you are an amazing mom!!!! Here is to some sleep...and hugs to those gorgeous babes, and mom!!!

[ginalc]

Call a girlfriend and go for coffee or to the park - just do something for yourself!!!

I know what you mean about the exhaustion thing. Too tired to brush your teeth or wash your face. Don't care if your hair looks bad, haven't thought about lipstick in months.
Your only concern as you walk out the door is whether your hands still smell like the last diaper change! :)

The best bit of advice anyone gave me was "Sleeping Through the Night" by Jodi Mindell. I borrowed the book from a GF and within a month DD was sleeping through the night.
That meant that I was getting some rest too.

It gets easier as they get older. I promise!!! My ex-husband had identical twins that I took care of from age 3-8 yrs. They were simply angels sent from heaven they were so easy!
I actually think 1 is more work when they're older because they're always wanting a playmate! :)

gina, mom to 3

[puglucy]

We are not worthy! that's what I think every time I see the parent of twins. Lately, I've been waking DH up every day or so, bleeting "I can't do this anymore!" bc we're having such sleep problems, so i truly can't even imagine having 2 little ones. I feel pretty inadequate for one right now.

The only "advice" i can offer is to seek out other parents of multiples -- online or in person (Mom Group?). I just think if it were me, I'd like to talk to others who are going through the same experience.

best of luck to you!


Lucy
mama to Alex 3/18/03

[cinrein]

I just wanted to add what others are telling you... you are a wonderful mother to Charlotte and Else! Those girls are so very lucky to have you. It's because you're such a great Mom that you are so tired.

I won't begin to compare myself to the mother of twins, but DH and I were reaching a breaking point with Anna and her sleeping. Both of us sat down and talked out how we were going to handle her going to bed and sleeping each night. It's only been a few days, but I have to say that things are going well. Anna still has some trouble, but now we know we're dedicated to a uniform way of dealing with her. That alone has made things easier--just know that DH and I are on the same page.

Also, I'm 37. I may have had more energy at 27, but no way would I have had more patience. You can get more energetic by taking good care of yourself (that means grabbing naps, getting help). I believe you only learn patience through experience. :)


Cindy
Mama to Anna 2/11/03