OT - but I need some advice!

[gravymommy3]

Sorry about this being off topic, but, hey, I trust everyone's advice. I just received an graduation announcement for my step-nephew (not very close to my step-sister or her kids). It is just an announcement - it makes it very clear that a ticket is required for admission to graduation and one was not inclosed. Money is tight around here right now. How much of a gift am I required to send, seeing as how I am not important enough to invite? Just looking for what would be appropriate.

Thanks!

edited to add: this is for high-school and the graduate in question already has a 2.5 yo son (big-time oooppps!) and I gave them a carseat that I was no longer using so the baby would be safe.

[jubilee]

I would just send a card and put a little cash or gift card in it. Cash is always enjoyed by that age group. When my nephew graduated I just sent a card with a gift card to a resturant and said I hoped he'd celebrate his achievement and wished him success in his future.

[blnony]

i think you have a couple of options.
First, if you aren't very close to him and since you aren't invited to the event, I think etiquette would allow for you just to send a congrats card.
But, if you see them kind of often, and feel you'd like to do more, you could always send $20 (I wouldn't send more) or enclose a gift certificate.
I think you just have to judge how close you feel to him or his parents, and what your budget allows. For high school graduations, I don't really send high amounts of money, and I don't think its required to send anything if you're not really that close to the graduate. I just don't like endorsing the lesson to kids that if you send out 100 announcements you'll be swimming in cash. I think they should be acknowledged but not expecting a windfall.

[gravymommy3]

Thanks guys. I don't want to seem like a skinflint, but $20 right now hurts. I mean, it won't mean someone goes hungry around here, but I have plenty of uses for $20 (DH is trying to start his own business and it is a money pit right now, kwim?) I was thinking $15 but I don't want anyone ragging me about being cheap. It does seem like everyone sends out invites/announcements just to get the cash ball rolling. And, I have given his child two nice birthday gifts, and he and my step-sister can't even bother to come to any of my kids' parties, much less give them anything. I guess this is the proverbial "rock and a hard place."

Thanks again for the advice.

[dogmom]

Is there any one else in your family that might be sending a gift and is understanding of your $$ situation? My brother and I have a standing thing about gifts. He and his wife don't have the same income me and my husband do, so often we buy a large gift for my dad or mom, and both are names get put on it. He throws a few bucks my way if he had them. Alternatively, I think you are far enough removed that sending a card is more than enough.

Jeanne

[MartiesMom2B]

I'd just send a card if I were you. You weren't invited to the ceremony. I think announcements are just a way of saying "Hey this is what happened in my life" It sounds like you've already given them enough and it doesn't sound like they reciprocate. If you go to the dollar store you can get a card for 50 cents. BTW, I'm sure the kid sent a whole bunch of annoucements out and not everybody is going to send a gift/money.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[trumansmom]

I think $15 is fine, especially if you're not very close. And frankly, I think it's generous considering the circumstances.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01

[nigele]

I am in a similar situation. My ex-husband's nephew is graduating from high school. I am still friends with my former SIL but we don't exchange gifts or cards anymore. I feel I need to get him something but don't want to break the bank (and I never see him or talk to him so we aren't close.)

Since he's going to college, I thought I would buy him a dictionary or thesaurus. Here's a link to one that's $12.57:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0877791694/ref=pd_sr_ec_ir_b/002-2380799-7776019?v=glance&s=books

I know he will see the cost but at least when he is tallying up the cash and gift cards, he won't be able to see a dollar figure!

[jojo2324]

Amy, I think that a card is sufficient. I don't think that anyone should ever expect a gift, and seeing as you've been generous in the past with his child, then a card will be fine. What's most important is your family and being able to take care of everyone, not what a distant not-too-close relative will think when he gets a card. And if he's annoyed, so what? It's not like he can call you and say something. (Let's hope!) :D

[Rachels]

I agree. Or if you wanted to send a gift, put something inexpensive but meaningful, like a frame for his graduation photo or a book that's important to you, or something like that. I wouldn't send cash, though.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[candybomiller]

Since they sent you a card with nothing in it, you send back a card with nothing in it! :)

Quite honestly, I think it is entirely appropriate to send just a card. It doesn't sound at all inappropriate to send just a card. On an off topic, when on earth did everyone start thinking that they were entitled to receive cash/gifts for everything??? This is really a pet peeve of mine. Ok, mini-rant over. :)

Candy
Mommy to Matt
5/22/02

[mam615]

I'm not a big fan of the Lottery, but some people in my family send eachother scratch tickets as gifts, stocking stuffers, etc. This might be a good way to send a fun $10-15 gift, with the chance that it could be a little more.

[atlbaby]

I would just send a card. They might have sent the announcement just to let you know what's going on in their family, and not expected you to attend, and certainly they shouldn't EXPECT you to send a gift if they haven't invited you!

Plus, you've already given your step-nephew gifts for his child, which is very thoughtful!

-Rachel
Mom to Arielle Jill, 10/30/01
#2:) EDD 10/24/03

[gravymommy3]

We live about 10 miles apart, so it is touchy. I guess I will cave in and pony up the cash to avoid the wrath of my step-mom and step-sister. What can you do?

[kathsmom]

Amy,

Are your step-mom and step-sister aware of your DH starting his own business? Surely they would understand if you couldn't send anything monetarily right now. I think a picture frame would be nice - they have some at Target that you could probably get pretty cheap.

If you can't do anything money wise, could you maybe invite only him and his family over for a celebration brunch/lunch? That way, you don't have to feed a ton of people! Is he going to college and living in a dorm? If so, maybe you could give him a homemade gift certificate stating that you will bake him cookies or brownies and send them to him. It could be redeemable at any time or maybe during his first college exams.

HTH!