Baby @ Wedding

[jd11365]

Did any of you take your babies to a wedding? My good friend is getting married, but I feel weird asking if the baby can attend. Normally, I would think not, but since dd will only be 7 weeks and I am bf, I wouldn' t be able to attend if she couldn't come with me.

[sweetbasil]

I would definitely ask...we've taken DS to several weddings, and at one, we drove 4+ hours, had 2 nights in a hotel, and all the while I was trying to "help out" with taking care of my 18mo old son WHILE recovering from breaking my ankle, only to find out at the wedding that DS wasn't really invited in, and that while they had childcare, it was only one girl in charge of watching 6 kids under the age of 2, so my sweet DH took care of DS during the whole ceremony. We might not have even made the trip (even though it was family), had we known that would be the case.

[egoldber]

I would ask ahead of time. But I took Sarah to several weddings. We always sat in the back, so that I could make a QUICK discreet exit if I needed to. I have also breastfed her at those weddings also. Just make sure to buy a dressy outfit that is suitable for nursing in public (not so easy).

IMO, it is MUCH easier to take a small infant to a wedding than an older child. I wouldn't dream of taking her to a wedding at this age.

HTH,

[heidi_timms]

Yes I would ask! I attending 4 weddings this summer and I am a bridesmaid in 3 out of the 4 weddings. I am BFing, but I am planning to just pump and have family take care of the baby instead of bringing DD. My freezer is already full of milk, ready for this summer's events!

~Heidi
Mom to Kailey Ashlin
4/27/03

[friedmana1]

Asking is the best things to do - I brought her to many weddings when she was a peanut - about 3-4 months, and nursed her in the bathrooms. We also sat in the back for the ceremony in case she decided to stretch her lungs. :) However, in those cases, weddings were for good friends of mine, and they asked me specifically to BRING the baby, so they could meet her. We have a number of weddings coming in the summer/fall, and depending on the secenario and how close the people are, we will probably leave her with a babysitter and pumped milk. I brought her to my sister's college graduation, and she babbled her way through, and wanted to shake her rattles - right during the quietest part of the ceremony - I had to make a quick dash for the door. FYI, most of the people seated around us came up to me afterwards, wondering what happened to the "cutest, most well-behaved baby." I guess they just thought she was being cute...

Aimee

Mother to Leah 10/26/02
Aimee

Mother to Leah 10/26/02

[heytootsy]

I would ask if it was ok, BUT also ask if smoking is aloud at the reception. I took a 2 month old to a wedding, and didn't even think about the smoke aspect. It was horrible!!! We left early just because of it. Something to consider.

[mama2be]

WE took Tristan to a wdding when he was exactly 4 weeks old and it too involved a 4 hour drive..we went enjopyed and came home which made it an 8 hour drive for the day. he did splendid...but he was very much invited they insisted. IN our case it was not a "good friend", it was the daughter of the gal who made my wedding dress and she became a good friend BUT The bride was her daughter who I had never met. I would ask your friend but I would hope she wouldn't expect you to leave your baby...

[MartiesMom2B]

Definitely ask. I'm in a wedding too this summer and have been invited to 3 total. Martie's name was even included on the invitation of one "all adult" wedding. I still have to ask the other two wedding parties though.

We had an "adult" reception at our wedding but had kids from my family there (mostly my cousins and nephews). One of my husband's friends brought their baby son to our wedding and only stayed for the ceremony and the dinner. We didn't really care and we loved to see a baby there. But DH's aunt threw a fit that the baby was there because we banned her ill behaved older grandchildren from attending. Well I didn't personally, it was my MIL.

Point is I think babies are better to bring to weddings than older children, especially ill behaved ones. You can always tell your friend if she's hesistant that you will sit in the back and slip if need be.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[stillplayswithbarbies]

We took Logan to my cousin's wedding when she was 7 weeks old. It involved a 9 hour drive, 3 nights in a hotel, and it was the first time the family saw the baby. My biggest concern was not overshadowing the bride on her special day, so we made the rounds the day before so all the relatives could see the baby for the first time rather than making a big fuss over her at the wedding.

We sat in the back in case we needed to go out, but she was quiet and slept through most of it.

My cousin made it a point to tell me to bring the baby because she knew I would be breastfeeding. I did take a bottle of expressed breast milk into the ceremony because the dress I wore was not easy to nurse in. I did nurse her at the rehearsal dinner and the reception. At the reception, we sat far away from the dance floor so the noise would not be too bad for her ears. There was no smoking at the reception, but if there had been, we would have left very early.

If I were you, I would definitely ask if you can bring the baby and make sure to tell them you are breastfeeding so they understand why.

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel 2/27/91
Logan Elizabeth 3/25/03

[C99]

If your child's name wasn't on the invitation, you should either ask or assume that your child wasn't invited.

I know that I am going to sound like a crank here, but I remember such heartache I had over this issue when we were planning our wedding. My husband's SIL and a cousin had both had babies about 4 months before our wedding. We knew this before the invitations went out and as we were planning an adult party, didn't include their names on the invitations. At the time, I didn't understand that you can't leave a 2- or 3-month-old home for 6 hours. I just didn't want to hear a baby wailing or fussing during my wedding ceremony. Since everyone was planning to bring their babies (another cousin brought her 12-month-old), I ended up hiring babysitters for both ceremony (1:3) and reception (2:3). Everyone used them for ceremony, but not really at the reception.

[colleenfs]

Julia attended 3 weddings before she was 6 months old. The first was a local wedding at 8 weeks, and the second involved a plane trip and hotel stay for a weekend at 3.5 months. She did very well at the first, and pretty well at the second. (She started wailing soon into the ceremony, so my husband ducked her outside pretty quickly since it was my friend who was getting married.)

Another friend got married a few months after that; it was an hour away, but it was on the Cape, so we decided to stay for the weekend. The bride did not want to have children at the reception, which I respected. She did allow me to bring her to the ceremony, but only b/c I was nursing. We ended up bringing a family friend along to watch her while we were at the reception. (And we left relatively early too.) The bride did arrange for childcare, but we felt that Julia was too young to be with a bunch of strangers.

Definitely do not assume any child is invited unless their name is on the invitation! If you have to bring your baby b/c you are nursing, it doesn't hurt to ask if she can accompany you. I truly believe a wedding reception is no place for a really little child. You might also have to let the bride and groom down by not coming. It's a long day for a little one especially if you are not at home. And as a previous poster mentioned, take care to make sure the baby doesn't overshadow the bride on her big day!

Colleen
Mama to Julia 1-10-02

[jd11365]

Thanks for all of your advice! I called my friend to regret that I wouldn't be able to attend because I am breastfeeding and couldn't leave dd at home...hoping she might "give me some direction" as to what to do and either invite dd or say she understood my absence. Well, she said she understood why I wouldn't be able to make it...which confirmed that dd was not invited. I certainly understand...I really didn't want children at my wedding either in case they cried...but you are all right in saying that a newborn is easier than a toddler...they just sleep all the time anyway!


BTW, I got some great ideas from your posts for upcoming weddings that we are invited to...We are attending my brother-in-law's wedding in July where none of the family has seen the baby. I love the idea of a "Pre-Show" of dd the day before the wedding so she will not take away from the bride on her wedding day. Good advice! Also, I am aware that there will be smoking at this particular reception...which is just driving me nuts at the thought. I have to go...it's my husband's brother, I guess I will be standing by the door with dd most of the time...ugh!

[nofeea]

Just another thing to consider in addition to smoking...
The MUSIC at receptions can sometimes be dangerously loud for a baby (not to mention for adults!!) Even if you're away from the speakers, the volume in the room is often too loud for comfortable conversation (and any time you have to raise your voice to be heard above music it's too loud for Baby.) No fun sitting out in a hallway all night....

[vikivoly]

I'm going to have to agree. I'm a photographer so I have a lot of wedding experience under my belt. I've seen a lot of babies/children interfere with the ceremony. The B & G's reaction usually depended on how close they were to the baby/child. If it was their niece/nephew, they usually thought it was cute, if it was just a guest sitting in the back, they complained - but not to the mother.

Another thing about Bride's. Most do not have children and have no idea of what it takes to be a Mother. They are very wrapped up in "their" day. When I was pregnant and working at weddings, I only got sympathy and help from the bridesmaids who had children and knew what it was like to be pregnant and bending over in heels! After having the baby, my bride's do not understand why it's NOT ok to call me at HOME after 7:00 pm. I'm not saying that I wasn't exactly the same way before I had a child, but don't assume that she will understand that you won't be able to attend without her.