How do other children address you.....

[muskiesusan]

We moved out to the burbs last fall and I just can't get use to the kids in the neighborhood callng me Mrs. so and so. I understand that they are being polite and respectful, but it just doesn't fit me, or I just don't like the fact that it makes me feel old! I also find ma'am to be too formal for my taste (this goes back to a college roommate who had to address her parents as ma'am and sir, immediately we were all afraid to look at them).

Trying to compromise, do you think it would be okay to ask to be called Miss Susan, or should I just get over it?

Thanks for your advice!

Susan
WAHM to Nicholas 10/01/01

[C99]

I don't know. OTOH, I know how you feel -- it's so offputting to be called Mrs. ____! But OTOH, I think these things are somewhat set my social circle/ convention. I was raised to address my friends' parents as Mr. and Mrs. _____ -- and still do, even though I've known some of these people since I was 5 and now hear them called by their first names by my friends' spouses.

[Momof3Labs]

Interesting thread. I was also raised to address adults by Mr and Mrs so-and-so unless otherwise indicated, and I am still surprised that almost all the kids I run into address me by my first name, even though I haven't given them permission to do so (but their parents have).

Could you ask to be called Mrs. X (or whatever the first initial of your last name is)? That would be a less formal address, but still consistent with the tone of the neighborhood (and the respect that the parents are teaching their children).

[mama2be]

Caroline I was too...yet here in NC (or atleast where i live) they never call you Mrs/Ms LAST NAME .....instead they call you MRS. FIRST NAME. I have to say that actually shocked me, I think they even call their teachers by Mrs. FIRST NAME but I might be wrong. I do plan on having Trisan say ma'am and sir though. Now I know my parents taught me that too but I'd be lying if I said they enforced it. In fact they would do that correction infront of people "you mean yes ma'am" or "say hi to MRS Williams"...I am glad after reading a book that I value that it says not to do that infront of people...but they did!!!!

[brubeck]

I am teaching Amy to call everyone Mr. or Mrs. so-and-so. The reason is that it is respectful for children to call adults by their last names, and can be improper or insulting if children use adults' first names.

The real issue is that toddlers don't understand exceptions. Their world of rules is black and white, otherwise they come to think that there is no rule. EVERYBODY has to be Mr. or Mrs., otherwise Amy has problems remembering that form of address.

Generally speaking, I think it's better to err on the side of being respectful than too casual.

[C99]

Lori-- I ran into this yesterday and I found it somewhat surprising. My best friend's cousin referred to me as "Miz Caroline" to her 4- and 2-year-olds. To a certain extent, I don't care -- since my best friend's kids are being taught to call me by first name (sort of an honorary aunty thing) -- but I still found it somewhat odd that the parent would choose that manner of address instead of the more formal Mr. and Mrs. ____.

Neve-- My sister lives in Texas. She calls her native-Texan friends' parents by Miz and Mr. Firstname and her other friends' parents by Mr. and Mrs. Lastname.

[muskiesusan]

I find this interesting. Growing up, no one in our town ever used titles, we always used first names except for at school. It is still the case when I go to visit, but maybe b/c it is a small town and everybody knows everyone? I think this is why I am having a hard time adjusting to being called Mrs, I have never been around it before.

I understand your point about the toddlers, but the only toddler who I have regular contact actually calls me Miss Susan. I think this is in part b/c she is in a montessori program and that is how they refer to the teachers. Most the children around me are in elementary and high school. I think I will pay more attention to how they talk to other adults to see if its just me b/c we are new, or how they were raised.

Susan
WAHM to Nicholas 10/01/01

[cara1]

You know what? Growing up, we called all our friends' parents by their first names. And I think it was great. I'm not so sure how I feel now, though, and DH wants the Mrs./Mr. Course that's confusing when we have different last names...

[MartiesMom2B]

Yes I've grown up addressing people as Mr. and Mrs. _______. Now I find it very difficult since I've graduated college that they insist on me calling them by their first name that I just don't call them anything.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[sweetbasil]

I'm teaching DS to call people Miss Firstname because it's a little less formal than Miss Lastname, which tends to make people (especially in their 20s-30s) a little uncomfortable. DH hates it b/c it's such a southern thing, but I want DS to sound polite, and since I get to do that kind of social shaping during the day, that's what has been happening around here :)

We do agree, however, on the yes/no ma'am, sir thing- that's a must, and even when talking to friends, we hear little DS say, "May I please have the...." In Bible Class last week, the teacher pulled out a box of trucks, and in his meek little voice, DS said, "May I please have a truck?"- the teacher didn't hear him, and he continued to repeat it until tears welled up in his little eyes. He finally got one (I was about to grab the box myself!), and calmly went on playing. The may-I and thank you's, and no thank you when he doesn't want something (instead of the defiant NO that comes so much more naturally) just sound so much sweeter to us ;)

[posterelle]

When i was growing up, we called my parents' friends Aunt First Name & Uncle First Name. (and it wasn't confusing -- we knew exactly who was a relative, & who was a friend). We called acquaintances Mr. & Mrs.

I think a lot depends on where you live, the kindof culture you're in, etc.

When i teach college students, I tell them they may call me anything from my 1st name to "Professor" to "professor Last Name" to "ms. last name" -- whatever they feel comfortable with, as long as it's used w/respect. One student called me "Teach" very sweetly, & I loved it.

[blnony]

Well, I'm a Southern Gal, and here it is always Mr. and Mrs. LAST NAME and yes sir, no ma'am. Its just how I was raised, how all my friends talk etc. I've really never known any different. Even now, with a lot of my friend's parents its still Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. I've never really thought of it as weird! :) (you learn something new every day.)
Although, when I was little, for close friends of my parents it would be Mrs. FIRST NAME etc. But always a Mrs., Miss or Mr.
I still use Ma'am and Sir even if I'm at the deli counter or bank! :)

[egoldber]

I was always taught Mr and Mrs Lastname. (Of course, that was long before the days of Mr Lastname1 and Ms Lastname2, LOL!!!) but all the children in my neighborhood refer to adults as Mrs Firstname. So I teach Sarah to do that just because that's what the neighborhood kids do.

I think you need to sort of go with your social flow on this one. I think it would be MORE confusing for her to hear other kids calling someone Mrs Firstname and she has to call them Mrs Lastname.

HTH,

[mama2be]

I agree...and realize that Tristan will probably be saying "Mrs Donna" BUT I do know for certain he will never call a friend/adult "Donna' without the Mrs or Mr infront!!! Even if the adult says so until maybe he is off in college and then until he says so. Funny thing I callt he retired folks in my enighborhood "Mr Reed" most correct me for for the life of me I can't call them "Phil"...same with my parents folks they are Mrs. Last name in my eyes...

[flagger]

I cannot control how other parents have their children address us. I have heard both Mr. and Ms. First name and Mr. and Ms. Last Name. I have also heard just first name.

However if I have my druthers, Cocoa will ALWAYS use Mr. or Ms./Mrs./Miss Last Name no matter what the other kids are doing. First names are to be reserved only for family members (except mom and dad another pet peave of mine but OT) or those close enough to be called Uncle or Aunt. If she asks or shows any sign of confusion, I will channel my parents and say "just because the other kids..."

There are certain traditions and terms of respect we want to pass on to her. Things like addressing adults, offering something to drink to any guest in your home and never returning an empty plate to someone who has brought you a meal in one of their dishes.

[AngelaS]

We are teaching our girls to address people as Mr/Mrs Lastname.

There are a few exceptions where it's Mr/Miss Firstname. Our next door neighbor lady is Miss Firstname.

In our circle of friends, most of the children call me Mrs.Lastname. I've gotten used to it. :)

[Andrea S]

I was raised to say Mr/Mrs. Last name, but all of my friends called adults Miss/Mr first name. I grew up in SC so now it depends on who I am talking to. My niece and nephew in GA call everyone Miss/Mr. first name.

I have not even thought about this yet. I do not like everyone being Uncle/Aunt I think that is reserved for family or really, really close friends. My DH has a habit of referring to everyone as Aunt/Uncle and it drives me crazy.

Andrea
mom to Andrew 8/14/02

[kransden]

Well, I haven't given this much thought. I guess I will now. lol
My best friend is a gay man who can't have children. We already call him uncle and his family are her grandparents, aunts etc. I make a point of bringing her there for holidays etc. Our biological families do not live close by. Everyone is comfortable with this.

I am not sure what to do with the close family friends. I'll have to take a poll. Will it be Mrs. Lastname or Miss/Mrs. Firstname. What will I become?? Problems I have never faced before.

Karin
Katie 10/24/02

[mama2be]

those were two big ones in my families home I too was taught to always offer someone a drink in your home..even when they say "no" I make one and just tuck it beside them so as not to create a stupid scene.

we were also taught to not return an empty plate BUT when Tristan was born I did return empty clean plates the way I look at it my dear friends would never have wnated me to stop what I was doing and to worry about fixing them something...I mean if I had that stress I would have preferred them nt to bring anything...

NOw this is a funny one and I argued with my mom aobut this one last time she was here...she pulled her sheets off of the bed...I have seen this written both ways and I HATE IT when people do that. First of all I like me beds to look made I know if they need to be cleaned or not, so once they left I had friends over and I had to close the bedroom door since mom upheaveled the bed, thank god our mattresses are new up there but I have had many that were not new and I'd prefer my guest to leave the sheets on the bed. IF they think they are helping they are not they are making me address the cleaning right away, and if folks are so worried about "helping clean" then why don't etiquette books say clean the shower, the toilet, clean your dishes...I mean they are my guest!!!!!

[egoldber]

Oh Neve, I have had this battle for YEARS with my MIL! When they leave, not only does she insist on taking the sheets off the bad, but carrying them to the laundry room. Mind you, she doesn't WASH the sheets, just drags them down so that they are TOTALLY in my WAY! It really irritates me, because when guests leave, I would prefer to be able to wash my sheets in my own good time! GRR!!!!

[brubeck]

My Mom came up with a great compromise and I do it when I am at other people's houses. We strip the bed, but put the bedspread/comforter back on so the bed looks nice, then bring the sheets to the laundry room/basket/whatever. It works well.

[nohomama]

I guess I don't subscribe to the notion that calling someone Mr. or Mrs./Ms. denotes respect. For me, respect/politeness is shown in the way one behaves towards someone rather than the way one addresses someone.

Because we childcare coop, Lola has several adults in her life with whom she is very close. She addresses them by their first names and their children address me by my first name as well. To do otherwise would be construed as awkward by everyone involved. The same is also true with close friends and family.

In an instance where we're meeting someone for the first time, I follow they're lead. However they introduce themselves to us is how they are addressed.

I think going with what's become excepted practice in your neighborhood is fine unless it makes you feel uncomfortable. Since that seems to be the case, the next time a child calls you "Mrs. So-and-so," go ahead and reintroduce yourself with what you want to be called. It would probably help to do so in front of a parent so they don't keep correcting the child but otherwise, I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with being different.

[Calmegja]

We do Miss Jessica, Mr. Eric, things like that. It seems to be how most people do it around these parts. Occasionally we run into a Mrs.___, but not that often....

[jojo2324]

Hmmmmmm, I dunno what to do about this one. Growing up, everybody was on a first name basis. And that wasn't because of a lack of respect...It was just how we were. But then we're Northern folks. :) Gannon has several adults in his life, close friends of ours, and they are all Uncle and Auntie _______. We haven't really had occasion yet to introduce him to Mr. and Mrs. _______. Besides, he doesn't even get mama yet! :P

I think that if a friend introduced me as Ms., I would say, with a laugh, "Oh, Joanne is just fine!" But I am a firm believer in following people's leads. If somebody were to intro me as Ms., I would do the same for them, despite my request to be on a first name basis. It's not my decision to make.

This reminds me of a scenario that DH and I find ourselves in often. We are very close to DH's best friend's family, often times spend Christmas Eve with them, etc. Now, DH's friend's parents are divorced, but she opted to keep her married name. So she is Mrs. Last name. She has had a boyfriend now for several years, and we call him by first name. So we always refer to them as Mrs. Last name and boyfriend's first name. I don't feel comfortable calling her by her first name, and neither does Shawn, but then we feel bad that by using her last name, we're reminding her and her boyfriend of her ex-husband...So we usually don't really address her by any name! A whole can of worms I tell you! :D