need help....have many qs about feeding sched and just want to vent

[cchavez]

Well here's the vent: DS was 7 wks on Tuesday....he is still very fussy.....and what makes things worse is that i don't have any family to help out.....we live far away from our family....and my friends all have young children to take care of.....

DH started a great new in town job when DS was 3 wks old....he used to travel 4 days a wk.. We thought it was going to be a 9-5 job and he would be able to spend lots of time w/ us. Well he leaves at 6:30 AM and comes home b/w 7:30-8:00 pm and there are many nites when he is not home until 10:30....so I hardly get a break!

My mom was here for a few days and that helped alot! She is coming back in 2.5 wks and staying for 10 days....i can't wait for her help.

we might have my mil come up next wk......but getting her up here is a big issue....and to be honest with you guys it makes me feel like a bad mother b/c i can't handle my baby!!! But i have to swallow my pride and realize i need help

OK here are the q's I weaned my son to formula b/c we had so much trouble bfing...i am still trying to fight off this thrush...it has gotten much better but is not completely gone.

DS seems to be doing ok on his formula.....I was told that he should be on a 3 hr sched since he is not on formula...so i started him on that sched. last Friday....he gets fed every 3 hrs....EXcEPT he still gets BF 1x a day...so when he get BM I feed him 2 hrs after that....HE was used to getting BF every 2 hrs during the day Should I let him go 3 hrs after the BFing too??? But i know he is going to scream 2 hrs later b/c he is so hungry....i don't think the BF 1x a day is going to last long...so should I just want until then....and then i have to screw with his schedule again!!!!!????



Anyway, he is also sleeping less at nite than he used to not by much but he used to sleep about 4 hrs wake up to feed and then sleep another 3 hrs....well now he is sleeping 3 hrs and then waking up to feed and sleeping another 2.5......could he just be screwed up b/c i changed his feeding schedule or what else could it be??
I am so confused!!!

Also I sometimes feed him after 2.5 hrs for his last feed before he goes to sleep for the nite...b/c i am tired and want to go to bed...for example......if I feed him at 7:00 and then i might feed him at 9:30 b/c if i feed him at 10:00 it will take take me close an hr to feed him and put him down and by then it is 11:00 and he will probably be up at 1:30 anyway so i need to get some sleep

i guess i need to know how stringent i need to be about the 3 hr schedule.... any advice is appreciated tia

[flagger]

The best advice we ever received was not to watch the clock and let our DD tell us when she was hungry. We never woke her to feed as she would always let us know.

The past two days she is going through a growth spurt, so she is feeding almost every 1.5 even through the night. However we were getting 4.5 hours stretches in the night. And about 2-3 hours during the day. We are BFng.

Remember you cannot overfeed a newborn. As you learn which cry is which, he will let you know when he is really hungry. Or he will spit up if he takes in more than he can handle. Now that I am feeding EBM, I burp every .5 ounce and some burp every ounce.

With formula, it will take him longer to digest so he will go longer than when he was BF.

HTH

[cchavez]

Thanks for the advice...problem is I am not a laid back person...i need to follow my DS lead more often.
Anyway....i just got off the phone with a lac. consultant and she told me to drop the BF 1x a day....i have gone thru so much and i need to get rid of the thrush... i am going to cont. tx for another week and if it is not gone go back to my ob...but she said it should go away since i will not be using the nipple shield any more.

Thanks.

[bnme]

Yes, try not to worry about time. DS will let you know when he is hungry! I always just wait till he lets me know and then feed him. Well, now that he is a little older I do tend to feed him BEFORE he lets me know -but thats because I got so used to his schedule first. Sometimes they may want to eat 1.5 hrs after a feeding and that is OK, too.

Their sleep-length seems to lengthen and shorten constantly -well, at least thats how it has been to me. He will probably go back to the longer stretches soon. It may be just because of the changes right now.

It must be so hard to have little help! I am lucky in that regard, but there are still days that I am doing it all becasue of DS's work sched and I feel so drained and don't want to look at one more bottle! Hang in there! It is great that your Mom is coming for 10 days! Try and get some rest while shes with you.

[twins r fun]

I know what it's like to want a schedule. That's the way I am, too. I do not funtion well without one, but unfortunately my kids didn't understand that! I've had countless pieces of paper since the boys have been born titled "schedule" "updated schedule" "new schedule" "newer schedule." I have to laugh at myself! And I think a schedule is great-my boys do really well on a schedule and have from pretty early on. I've always been pretty good about taking their cue and changing the schedule based on them, though. However with ones as little as your DS, you can have a schedule in mind, but use it more like a goal and watch your son and do what he needs. When Jacob and Caleb came home from the NICU (2.5 weeks and 5 weeks old) they were on a pretty well established 4 hour bottle feeding scheldule (either EBM or formula). That was wonderful of course, but after a few days or weeks or some such time they wanted to eat more often. I fought it for a little while, tried to stretch them between feedings, etc when I could. But then I gave up and fed them more frequently and they were much happier, less fussy babies. Starting around 2.5 - 3 months we had a wonderful schedule where they would be up 2 hours and then sleep 2 hours throughout the day. I would give them a bottle when they got up (3-4 ounces or whatever it was at the time) and then at the end of their 2 hour wakeful period I would give them a mini bottle (1-2 ounces), which got them through a 2 hour nap easily and they didn't wake starving. So I think you can either take your baby's cues on a day by day, feeding by feeding basis or if you are more comfortable you can set up a loose schedule, but base it on your DS and be prepared to change it as your son demands. I think you will definitely have a happier child if you follow his cues, but it doesn't mean you can't have a schedule.

One thing that also might help: when my boys could normally go a certain length of time between bottles, but then for several feedings wouldn't make it that long, that was my cue that they needed more in their bottles. I would up the amount 1/2 and ounce and they'd go back to their old routine.

[chrissyhowie]

First off -- you are certainly NOT a bad mother! There's a reason why the saying goes, "...it takes a village to raise a child"! Caring for a newborn is an enhausting, all-encompassing and challenging journey that we've chosen to embark on. Asking for help is proof-positive that you are a GREAT mom who wants the best for your child. :)

Now in terms of scheduled feedings, I think the best way to think of schedules are just as guidelines. They have helped us with DD in figuring out why she might be fussy. If she starts to fuss only an hour or so after eating, almost always it isn't because she is still hungry. If she starts to fuss at around 2.5-3 hours after her last feeding (she was usually satisfied for about 4 hours after a good feed), we try other things first to calm her down, but more often than not we end up feeding her again and that does the trick. I'm a schedule and routine person myself, but trying to force your DS to stick to a pattern will only make you and him unhappy! So we use a schedule as a rough guideline versus as a strict timetable, and that helped us a lot in understanding what DD wanted. Your little one will be going through lots of growth spurts now as well, so that will make things a bit unpredictable at times too. Keeps things interesting and challenging, right ;)?

HTH,

[spu]

I know how you are feeling. It's a strange feeling to be a new mom and the expectations around us are so high that we feel like we're not doing a good job if we're tired, stressed, etc... But remember you just did the most amazing thing - you gave birth to a new life and have every right to be tired, scared, frustrated, etc. It's both tremendous, exhillirating, and exhausting!!

As far as schedule, like everyone else said, the most important thing is to watch your baby. I have twins, and i know first hand that every baby is completely different. If you trust your instincts and feed him when he's hungry, while watching the diapers and weight, then everything will fall into place. I started feeling so much more confident in myself as a new mom as soon as I put the books away and stopped asking other people what to do.

Eventually things will be on a schedule, but for now in these early months, if you go by cue-feeding, weather formula or breast, then you and your baby will be much happier. No one knows your baby better than you and you're doing a great job!

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[dueinmay]

Christine,

I second the suggestions to let your baby guide you to when to feed. But I'm writing mainly to tell you NOT to feel bad about being feeling overwhelmed! You're certainly not a 'bad mother'! I too am far away (cross country) from any family, mine or DH's, and I totally agree it can feel overwhelming! I think a lot of it is the lack of sleep. ANYTHING is hard when you have gone week after week after week with little sleep. Anyway, hooray for your MIL's upcoming visit. Definitely enjoy and take advantage! You're doing the right thing for your baby by making sure you don't get burned out. I had my mother helping out in the beginning for 2 wks and I would love that help again. And I'm hoping my MIL will visit too!

Sounds like you are being an absolutely great mom. Hang in there! We all understand . . .


Rebecca

It's a girl!
5.14.03

[dogmom]

Everytime I try to get my DS to do something on schedule it never works out. Luckily I'm not a schedule kind of gal. Just every once in a while I feel guilty that I'm too free form and give it a try. My son always looks at me like, "I'm sorry I didn't get that Memo about the feeding...naptime...bathtime, whatever."

I would be pulling my hair out if my DH had that work schedule. I'm sure in the current economy you have no choice, but it must be rough. I lose it when he goes out every other Friday for a regular thing. And he comes home before he goes out again.

I have a neighbor girl who is 16 come after school for a couple hours once a week so I can get some work done. It's great. She is going to come more often since school is out. All she does is play with him and change his diaper. I get so much work done in two hours, which frees me up to sleep when he naps instead of running around the house trying to get stuff done. Maybe you can try something like that when your MIL leaves?

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03

[jubilee]

Actually I am impressed your baby can go 3 hours between feedings. My 10 week old goes only 1 1/2 - 2 hours between feedings!! So I am feeding at 2pm-2:30 then again at 4pm-4:30, etc. Don't be worried about feeding more often, it certainly won't hurt a baby this little. Sometimes Logan will eat even just a half hour after a feeding. Don't forget the breastmilk or formula is both food and drink to them. I sometimes get thirsty sooner than every 3 hours :) With some relief and help, you'll certainly feel better. My best to you,