an odd but serious question...

[spu]

I was talking with my neighbors about finding out about registered sex offenders. Apparently, the only way to find out in our state is to fill out a form and show ID at the police dept. and they'll tell you who and where they live. I'm on the fence about what to do. On one hand, it's very serious and with 2 babies, I WANT to know, but on the other hand, will it make me more paranoid if I do know? or more paranoid if I don't know? I'm also a little scared to put my name down on paper as one who knows. Has anyone thought about finding out in your neighborhood?

susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else
susan

twin girls 7.20.02
charlotte & else

[Marisa6826]

I think I would be more concerned if Sophie was old enough to play outside on her own. As a baby, she is never out of the sight of an adult that I know and approve of.

Now if she WERE older, I would probably want to know. I think it also depends on what kind of community you live in. Are you in a big city or in a little town where everybody knows each other (and unfortunately, each other's business)? Is it going to really have any sort of impact on how you plan to raise your girls already (hopefully with diligence and caring despite your neighbours)?

As much as I would like to believe that if a person has done their time and served out their punishment they should be left alone, I know life isn't that simple. Leopards simply don't change their spots. It is a very difficult thing to worry about and there is no easy answer; and yes, Jonathan and I have discussed it.

It's such a tough world that we're raising our little ones in. I HATE that I will have to ask her schoolmates' parents whether they have guns in their houses, that I will have to worry about having a special safe codeword, and that I need to concern myself with registered sex offenders.

It's just such a sad commentary on our society.

Edited to say that the bottom line is that I probably WOULDN'T find out. Maybe ignorance is bliss??

-m

[flagger]

A question to ask yourself is checking and knowing about it going to change the fact that their might be registered sex offenders in your neighborhood? Are you going to pack up, pull up roots and move? What if a new one moves in to your new neighborhood? Please don't take this as an attack, just some questions for you to consider. I understand how as a mother you are rightfully concerned.

I don't want to know. I want to practice vigilance without paranoia. I want her to have time to explore her independence and imagination without constant hovering.

Of course now I hover to change a dirty diaper, etc.

Woe be to any potential suitor when she reaches her teen years though.

[blnony]

I would want to know. I'm not too concerned right now with the age Audrey is, but when she is a little older, I would want to know. Although knowing whats on the register by no means protects them anymore than not knowing, because you never know who is really out there, but I think that registry was started for a very good reason, and I would take advantage of it.
I understand your concern about putting your name down on paper, but I would rather take that chance. I don't think it would make me anymore paranoid to know the names or faces than not to know. I think as a parent you are just naturally a little paranoid anyway.

[flagger]

Edited: Whoops you are not in Texas, but maybe the link will help someone else if they want to know.

I thought you were in Houston for some reason.

I found this link for Texas:

http://records.txdps.state.tx.us/soSearch/soSearch.cfm

You can find it by zipcode if you want to know.

About my email, MA is not on the list.

Edited again:

Here is another link (Mass is not on it either) and some states do charge a fee.

http://www.sexoffender.com/search.html

[muskiesusan]

When we moved last fall I went back and forth on whether to find out or not. I thought that I should be viligent about Nick's safety constantly, and didn't want this information to cause me to let my guard down. On the other hand, our neighborhood is very social with children constantly playing at others houses and at the pool. I would hate to think that I "set" Nick up by inviting a sex offender into my house, or sent Nick's to his/hers. So, I found out and was glad that there wasn't any known offenders. Not sure what I would have done if there were, I think that is hard information to know.

These databases can be very unreliable, at least here anyway. The person is required to register, but don't always. Our friend sold her house this year and there was supposedly a sex offender living next door to her according to the polic, however, that person had moved 5 years earlier. Also, what is considered a sex offender can be misleading. Not sure if this is true or not, but I understand that if you are arrested urinating in public it is deemed a sex crime.

Edited: I wanted to clarify that my situation was different b/c we were looking for a new neighborhood and had not closed on the house yet. At my old house, I did not look at the database.

Susan
WAHM to Nicholas 10/01/01

[egoldber]

In many states you can go on-line and check by zip code (including mine). Personally, I haven't checked. And I won't. Why? Because I asked myself what would I do differently if I discovered that the person 3 doors down was a sex offender. And the answer is probably nothing, so I haven't checked. And the unfortunate truth is that when children have been molested, it is almost always by a family member or a close family friend.

But you should do what you think would give you the most peace of mind. For me, it's not knowing.

HTH,

[jojo2324]

I don't know what I'd do. I don't think I'd want to know. And the statistics do show that usually offenders are relatives or close family friends, but I know of at least two people who were sexually assaulted as children by strangers. I don't think I could forgive myself if that happened to one of my children and the information was out there for the taking.

If you go to www.meganslaw.com, it gives info for each state.

[flagger]

A couple of things to remember as those rolls should be taken with a grain of salt.

1. Not all of the victims were children.

2. If you were 16 and your then boyfriend was 18 and you went beyond heavy petting and were caught, your boyfriend could be charged, convicted and listed on these rolls as a sex offender.

3. Due to some archaic laws on the books in several states, two consenting adults (married or unmarried) if charged and convicted of sodomy would be listed on these rolls as a sex offender.

4. The aforementioned urinating in public.

[barbarhow]

I hadn't thought about it but the other day I went to the town's park and rec deptartment to register for tennis and they had about 15 pictures and profiles of registered sex offenders posted on the wall. It was a bit unnerving on the onehand to realize so many of them are potentially around but also comforting to know that staff are on the lookout for them at the playgrounds.
I agree with those of you who have posted-vigilence is the most important thing. We unfortunately cannot protect them from everything. This is certainly one thng that I would like to prevent. The statistics on childhood sexual abuse are staggering. I have worked with alot of survivors. The current estimates are that somewhere between 30 and 70% of women presenting for mental health services have experienced some form of childhood sexual abuse. The reason the stats are so broad is because the definition of CSA is broad. The bottom line whether CSA is defined by unwanted touching or otherwise it happens much to frequently. But Joanne is right it most frequently occurs by someone known to the child. Supervision, supervision, supervision.
I probably won't check the registry either, although I believe in our area the police let you know if a registered offender moves to the neighborhood.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[AngelaS]

Iowa has some of their registered sex offenders listed on a website. The law here is that a registered sex offender cannot live within 2000 feet of a registered home daycare.

I have a friend with 5 girls under age 9. A registered sex offender, who'd molested a 7 yog and was considered at high risk to reoffened moved in across the street. She did some leg work and discovered that he was within 2000 feet of TWO home daycares. In order to get him to move, she had to go to the police station with all her information and point out that he could NOT be living there. One officer went so far as to tell her that they didn't want to make him move 'cause he'd just signed a lease'. Whatever! He finally had to move tho.

I have a 5yo so I have looked to see who's living around us. Yes, most sex offenders are friends/relatives of the child, but there were several high profile cases just last summer, when it was a next door neighbor who abducted, assaulted and then murdered the child. You have to be aware....

[blnony]

I know in our state when you check the registry, it lists the statute that they were convicted under. That helps weed out a lot of the non-child related offenders. ALso, they don't list the registry online here, so you do have to do a little leg work.
At public parks etc. here, flyers with the offenders picture and the statute they violated, dates etc. are posted around, so at least they try to make this info known in public places that are frequented by children.