Any suggestions on leaving a screaming baby with a babysitter?

[crazyshopper]

Hi everyone,

With the summer finally here, we are invited to a few weddings where children are not welcome and overnight stays away from home are required.

We have lots of family available to babysit, but our DS (8 months old) gets hysterical when he is away from me or DH for longer than 30 minutes (or even less sometimes!). He cries and cries, and won't eat or sleep. We've left him before for short outings (ie. dinner etc.), and he'd cry for those few hours, but we have never have left him for a whole day, much less overnight.

Any suggestions on how to help my baby be a little more independant, so he can be left with our family for longer than a few hours?

Any suggestions, tips, reading material would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
Crazyshopper

[Momof3Labs]

First of all, it would help tremendously if your son gets used to the family member(s) babysitting him before the actual day of the wedding. Colin is a little like that (typical 9 month old stuff) but is great with my mom because he sees her regularly. Can you make lots of little visits/playdates to their house before leaving him? Will the family member(s) stay at your house or bring him to their house? If their house, I'd suggest giving him a chance to get used to their house long before you are gone, also. It would probably help if you leave him there for short periods, too, once he is comfortable. Maybe even do a trial overnight before you leave, just in case.

Unfortunately, I don't think that there is a magic formula to fix this. And from his perspective, it would be scary to be left in a strange house with a strange person and not know where mommy and daddy went!

[crazyshopper]

Thanks for your feedback. It sounds like we think alike...I guess I should have mentioned what we have done so far...

We generally see both parents (mine or DH) about every two weeks (i.e. one week my parents, the next week DH's parents), so DS is quite familiar with them (my Mom even wears the same outfit everytime he sees her, so he recognizes her even more...hahaha...that's another story!)

DS has seen them at their house and they have come to our house. He is fine while DH and I are around, but as soon as we're out of sight, after about 15-30 minutes the wailing begins. (We've done the "We'll be back/we're back" method, and try not to leave when he's crying).

I've also slept at my parents house with him before, hoping that he can get used to their house for long periods of time....thought that would help, but didn't.

Ugghhh!!! Maybe I should video tape us, so the parents can pop a tape in and he would still "see" us!?!?


Crazyshopper

[August Mom]

We're having some serious separation anxiety here too, but when left with my parents my DS usually isn't crying when we leave, then starts crying after we've left and stops crying after 15 minutes or so after we're gone. The longest we've ever been gone is 3 hours. My parents have found that the key is distraction. They are usually exhausted when we get back. LOL My dad claps for DS, my mom bounces him on her knee and reads to him. My dad flies DS around in the air and they both get almost all his toys out and play with him. My mom also usually feeds him something. Right now, his favorite thing is Gerber Wagonwheels, so those generally occupy him for awhile.

Our babies may just be completely different, but how active are your parents being with your DS? From what my parents tell me, constant activity and lots of different activities are a must. Maybe you could see if a new toy (doesn't have to be a purchased toy; it could be something around the house) would help him take his mind off you being gone.

Good luck.

[Momof3Labs]

Can your parents stay at your house with him? Maybe keeping the familiar surroundings would help ease the anxiety of mommy and daddy being gone.

[crazyshopper]

My parents are semi-active...being first time grandparents, they were "delicate" with my DS at first...they are more playful with him now.

I'll try to bring more toys to their house to keep him/them active and see how it goes...my poor parents...they'll be exhausted!!! (LOL, my Dad plays guitar, so maybe that would work???)

Thanks!

[August Mom]

Good luck. Definitely have your dad try the guitar. That should fascinate your DS for awhile.