Call me crazy, but I want another baby...somebody stop me!

[daisymommy]

Joshua is almost 11 months old, and I am having some very strong motherly urges to have another baby. I must be nuts. I always said I wanted my children 3 years apart. The planner and control freak in me said this way my child would be 2 when I got pregnant. He would be easier to care for if I had morning sickness (had it bad with Josh for 3 months), I wouldn't have two in diapers, and a 3 year old can do alot for themselves (with a little help), while I'm caring for baby #2.
But the reality side of it is this--I want to be pregnant so badly, and to have another child! I'll admit, some of my reasons may be selfish, but I hope not.
I am stillmourning and regretting not being able to breastfeed Josh, and I long for that close relationship with my baby. Things went badly last time with nursing, but I am amazed at how little I knew, and how little the darn LC knew and helped with. I am hoping now that I know better, thing swould really be better. Josh will barely even sit still in my lap long enough to take a bottle. He doesn't want to be held anymore now that he's so mobile. :( He's just everywhere! I also miss having a baby to hold and cuddle in bed with us. I tried bring Josh back in to cosleep with us, but he's "out of practice" and cried and squirmed until he was back in his crib.
I just really have a major nesting instinct going on here, and I don't know what to do with it! I realize women way back in the past often had a new baby almost every year. That was nature. I thought it was terrible, because no way would I be a baby producing machine. But now I wonder how much we are surpressing our natural instincts as women, trading it for scientific, convenient planning.

Is there anyone here who has children spaced close togther (Joanne, you'll count in this catergory soon! :)). How was it being pregnant with a baby to take care of as well? How was it having a new baby with a toddler to chase after? It took over a year to get PG with Josh, and we almost had to start fertility treatments (got PG 1 month after my initial fertility work-up). I also on the BC patch right now, so I'd have to be off it and on pre-natal vitamins before we started trying again. So, needless to say, it could be awhile if things go the way they did before--or it could be quick, and then there's no going back! That would make Josh a little over two years old.

What do you all think? Should I give in to my instincts, or just enjoy Joshua and being able to sleep through the night a little longer while I can?
Thanks for your advice,

[aagirls]

Hi Amy! I was diagnosed with endometrios, and was operated on. doctors told me It would be incredible if I'd fall pregnant. I left it in God's hands and 3 months after I was married, I was pregnant. Those same doctor's were surprised, so were our families. From the time I delivered Evangelia, I could not put her down. I cuddled with her, we took naps together, and at night she would sleep on my chest. As she got older, she was getting to heavy, so she would sleep next to me real close. People thought I was crazy, but I enjoyed every minute of it, and so did she. Two years later came Epiphania, she didn't want you to hold, or touch her. It was like ok feed me, burp me, change my diaper, and leave me alone. As she turned 1 she started wanting all the affection she could get. Funny!
Now 2 years later I'm pregnant with our 3. God willing everything goes well, they will have another sibling to play with. As for the years apart I honestly didn't really think about it. It just sort of happened. In my case, my 2 yr old helps me with my 4 yr old instead of the other way around. I'd say go for it, but it's up to you and your hubby. We all moan and groan that we don't sleep, we have no time to ourselves, no alone time with the hubby, and we really can't go any where. I personally would not change a thing!

[candybomiller]

Have you ever heard the saying "If you want to make G-d laugh, tell him your plans"? I've found that to be so true. I say, if it feels like the right time to you AND your dh, the get busy. :)

I, too have been "craving" another baby. Unfortunately my dh had a vasectomy *GRRR* so it's a moot point. How does your dh feel about this?

Candy
Mommy to Matt
5/22/02

[mom2kandj]

Imagine my surprise when I found out that I was pregnant when DD was 9 months old! I am the oldest of three in a row (1971, 1972, & 1973 - what was mom thinking? :) ) and was going for two years between kids. Luckily for me, DD was an early walker, so I was doing a lot more chasing than bending over and picking up or carrying. I was also very lucky in that DD, though she is very precocious, has always been a joy and an easy child to raise. The last year and a half has been hard, but I wouldn't change a thing! Katie doesn't know or remember life without her brother. :) They truly are best friends and at times worst enemies!

Because Katie was the first grandchild on both sides, she was a pretty spoiled little princess. As I went into my third trimester and cut back on work, we did some pretty strict behavior modification. Because she was the first, we were pretty liberal with her schedule and often let her "get away" with stuff. We went into serious sleep training to form good nap and bedtime habits. No more sleeping with mom and dad. She had to learn to calm herself if she woke up. She had to learn to close her eyes and go to sleep after reading bedtime stories. She had to learn that she had nap time every day even if she wasn't tired. (We put up a safety gate across her childproofed room and she was to have quiet time if she didn't sleep.) We worked on transitioning her to a big girl bed. We got her eating table food and working with a spoon and fork. She relished the newly set boundaries and flourished. To this day, she still naps better than her brother. I think those 2 - 3 months of tough love and discipline made all the difference in her ability to accept her brother. She grew up so fast and now I can't believe she almost out of diapers! :)

It has been a crazy ride! The first couple of weeks you just want to learn how to balance the two. Then you start to get out and it is okay while #2 is in the infant carseat. When #2 gets mobile, look out! The hardest part has been the last 6 months as Katie learns to share and be gentle with her easy going brother. I forget how young she still is and how quickly she gets frustrated. Jack, being a boy, just grunts and ignores her. As his walking has improved, so has their play. As the days pass by, it is getting easier and though I look at little babies with envy we are looking forward to starting to travel as a family without the restrictions of an infant.

We not sure about more kids in the future, but our plan is now to wait two more years(out of diapers) before TTC. If we decide to have more, we'll have #3 & #4 close together! It is a lot of work, but soooo worth it! HTH!


Rose
mom 2 Katie (31 months)
& Jack (14 months)

[daisymommy]

I've never heard that saying, but oh boy, is it ever true! I had "planned" on having a girl, in the spring time. We used all the methods the books suggested to have a girl, and purposely tried to get pregnant at a time when I wouldn't have to be waddling around in the heat of the summer. Well, Joshua was born in sweltering August! So I guess God did have other plans!
DH is such a flexible "go-with-the-flow" kind of guys. Whenever I say I'd like to do something, or try something (unless it's another sling, diaper bag, or stroller! ;)), he's fine with it. When I mentioned I felt like having another baby sometime soon, he just said "Those womanly instincts and motherly drive sure is strong isn't it?" Which isn't really a yes or no. DH and his brother and sister are all 16 months apart, so that's all he is used to. I haven't talked to him seriously about this topic, for fear that he'll jump on the bandwagon, and then I'll change my mind! I usually make up my mind, then try to persuade him to my line of thinking (hee-hee!). But really, he'd probably go along with it no problem if I really wanted to.
Thanks,

[ddmarsh]

Many people I have known have decided on the "not really trying, but not preventing it" approach when they feel as you do where they think they have the urge but are not quite sure what they want. Perhaps that sort of approach might work for you as well :).

As for baby urges I'm not one to ask, if logic didn't play any role I would already be pregnant with #5 and my DD is only 5 months!

Good luck no matter what when you decide, having siblings is a wonderful gift to give a child.

Debbie
3 DS's, 1 DD

[mama2be]

There's another saying...soemthing to the effect that "life happens while you are making other plans"...

I too want a second baby so much...I have cried the last three months when I have gotten my period. I was jsut 100% this past month that i was pregnant and couldn't bleieve I wasn't. Now I have to go to DC to help one of my dearest firends in life and wouldn't you know "The perfect time" this month falls while I am there and Steve is here...

...anyway I hear you sister...I'm in the same boat!!!!

[dogmom]

You are not crazy. Maybe listening to your natural maternal instancts, but not crazy. I was wondering if we really wanted more than one and soon as they put my DS on my chest in the delivery room the first thought in my head was, "I want another!" I hadn't even delivered my placenta yet and I'm planning my next pregnancy. I think there are pros and cons to waiting longer or not waiting. I'm *trying* to wait 18 months to try because studies suggest that getting pregnant before 18 months leads to higher complications for both the mother and baby. I suspect I'll make it 13 months and start trying. I start getting overwhelmed when I think "How am I EVER going to do this with a toddler?!" But then, I could have thought that about my son and then I would have never had him.

[Momof3Labs]

Amy - I know how you are feeling, that baby bug has started buzzing me again, too! I think that it is because Colin is so toddler-like now, crawling and cruising and close to walking. But we only want two total, so I am holding off for now because I know that our next will be our last - and I'm not ready to have my last baby yet!

Also, I want to enjoy Colin as much as possible, especially in these times when he changes so much day to day, and know that I wouldn't enjoy him nearly as much if I am pregnant and exhausted, or nursing a newborn and exhausted.

For the record, we'd like to have a second when Colin is about 3 years old, so that means another year and a half before trying. We have to do extensive fertility treatments to get pregnant, so are going with the "not preventing, not trying" plan but don't expect anything to happen on its own.

[himom]

Add me to the crazy list too. I was seriously considering baby #2 when Josh was 3 months old.

I changed my mind and decided to wait because of my utter adoration for my son. I don't want to spoil him, but I do want to be able to give him my full attention for at least a year or so. I think it would break my heart to have him crying for me while I have to rush off and deal with morning sickness, etc.

I'm hoping when he's older he can adjust better to a sibling and won't feel ignored. I'm also hoping that if he's on a nice, set toddler schedule I'll be able to spend some quality time with the new baby while DS naps, etc. Of course, I'd better keep in mind what earlier posts mentioned about plans!

This probably sounds bad, but at this point in my life I really can't imagine loving any other child the way I love Josh. I'm positive that when the time comes and the new baby announces its presence I will love her just as much, but I still can't imagine it.

Josh is definitely getting at least one sibling, though. As far as I'm concerned the best thing my parents ever did for me was give me my little brother. When I was a kid he made a great toy and now he's an amazing and wonderful friend!

Jodi
Mommy to Joshua
Feburary 2003

[brubeck]

I don't think two years apart is such a bad thing, and I've put my money where my mouth is! :-) Now that I'm just finished nursing I can look back on the last 4 years and I realize that in all that time I have only had my body to myself for about 12 months. And I have spent 4 of those 12 dieting (with another 2 or so ahead of me) to lose pregnancy weight. Amazing, I have spent 3 years of my life preparing for pregnancy, pregnant, or nursing and now it I sometimes subconsciously wonder when the cycle will begin again.

People get a little scared thinking that they should be getting pregnant when their child is 13 - 16 months old, but then the pregnancy is 9 months long. Amy was more than 2 (and well into toddlerhood) when Andrew came along. She has developed significantly since, yet I have been there to see it. I have also been present for Andrew's advances, often at the same time! For example this morning Amy and I were reading together on the floor and I was surreptitiously watching Andrew out of the corner of my eye as he made his first crawling attempts. He finally made it all of 1.5 feet over to the edge of my dress (which he promptly started chewing) and the look on his face was so proud and thrilled. I don't think I missed anything by witnessing this event as I was reading to Amy.

Obviously child spacing is a personal issue, but I don't think it's unreasonable to start thinking about baby #2 as the first approaches their first birthday.

[himom]

I think two years apart is just about right, too. We're talking about trying for #2 as soon as DS hits one year. But then again, we had planned to try for our first after we were married for two years, and we kept finding reasons to wait. Who knows, we might do the same when planning another baby!

Jodi
Mommy to Joshua
Feburary 2003

[Melanie]

As an only child, I don't from first-hand experience, but Ds' friend's mom purposefully spaced hers 18 months apart. Now she has a 2 yo and a 6 mo and, frankly, you couldn't get me to trade places with her for anything. Her sons are both relatively 'easy' babies/children as is mine, but it's still really really REALLY hard. I am sure she'll be glad in a couple of years when they are so close, but right now I don't think she is.

I'm thinking maybe when Ds goes off to college! LOL!

[Calmegja]

I have 4 kids, and they are all stairstepped, roughly two years apart, and it has worked really well for us. Our oldest is almost 8, and our youngest is a freshly minted 1 year old. Our closest gap is 24 months, our longest is 30 months, and it has been exactly right for our family. Having two in diapers was rough at times, but not insurmountable. I'm down to one in dipesright now, and it feels bizarre! ;-)

It is chaotic at times, and it is hectic, but it's happy, and slurpy, and loving around here, and I am thrilled with how it all worked out.

And as DH sayas, we're happy to have everyone here, so we can get on with the rest of ur lives as a family unit!

I think you just have to kind of go with your gut on the spacing thing, and just know, whatever you decide, that's how it was meant to be!