Parenting Books---how do I choose?

[alkagift]

Hey,
I printed an old thread from this forum recommending some parenting books and I've looked at Amazon at all of them--Dr. Sears, Weissbluth, and Satter's feeding book. I've got the Satter and I'm happy with it, but I'm really in the market for a true parenting (child development) type of book. The amazon reviewers are either really positive or really negative (Weissbluth is cruel, Sears is condescending to working moms, etc). This is almost as confusing as the stroller selection process (well, maybe not that bad).

If you had to choose one really great parenting book, which would you choose? I have the What to Expect and the AAP's Caring for your Child from Birth to Age 5, but they're more information, but not so much HOW TO. And right now I feel pretty incompetent, so more "how to" would be nice!

Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[KMommie]

Oooh, I'll be interested to hear some answers, I'm in the same boat. I'm looking for any books that will give me some strategies and info.

I have both the Sears The Baby Book and the Weissbluth Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and here's what I think about them...

Weissbluth has some info on the science of infant sleep. I found it interesting, but not all that helpful. I've been lucky so far, DD loves to sleep, and is really easy to put down, especially now that I know about the 2 hour rule, etc. I needed more info on how to keep baby up on her sleep, while still having a normal life. The first two weeks I tried Weissbluth, it drove me crazy trying to schedule things around DD's naps-- after she wakes up, has a diaper change, feeds, there really isn't that much time left before she has to "wind down" to sleep, I just couldn't take it, and her previously quiet nighttime sleep was a lot more restless, the length stayed the same, though. But other than sleeping, does Weissbluth go into the other aspects of childrearing---in other books maybe? I've only heard about his sleep books.

The Sears book does make me feel badly about going back to work and even worse about formula feeding. But, I do reference it a lot whenever I'm worried about DD. It's very complete. And I like how it maps out developmental milestones, and games you can play to help them practice their new skills, etc. Not quite sure about the attachment parenting discipline though... I'm a little "old school" on that front.

Part of the problem, I think, is that there are lots of different theories on how to raise children. Each child and each parent is different, so what works for one may not necessarily work for another. I decided when I had friends rave about BabyWise and other friends who ranted about BabyWise, that I would just read about all the different theories that are out there, and go with my own instincts. Kind of scary though, to actually trust myself.

Jeannie
mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

[C99]

Don't worry about how-to books -- your instinct will kick in and you won't need them. I know it seems scary, but there really isn't a good "how to parent" book (and nor, IMHO, should there be). I have a book called, Games Babies Play and it includes developmental information and how you can encourage development through games and gives instructions for said games. It might be along the lines of what you're looking for without being condescending or rote.

[houseof3boys]

Just a note for buying all of these wonderful parenting books that people recommend. Buy from www.overstock.com because they have the best prices. I usually just go on amazon and read some of the comments and then order from overstock. I just ordered 5 books yesterday ( Fussy Baby by Weissbluth, What's going on in there as recommended by Beth, Baby's week by week since I loved pregnancy week by week for my husband to read and Baby Minds with "brain building games") and saved a decent amount over amazon.

[peanut4us]

i would really recomend burton white's The First Three Years. it is an excellent development book. he breaks down the developmental phases of the first 3 years and talk about dev in terms of motor, social skills etc. i really like too that at the end of each chapter he recommends toys that will help your child for the correct phase.

[egoldber]

I love Burton White. This one and the Satter book were the books that I think made a real, positive difference in my parenting experience. I find him to be practical and compassionate at the same time.

[mharling]

I third Burton White. I got it based on Beth's recommendation and like it a lot.

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b3237413c427 - New 6/18

[Board Baby]

Board Baby

The Sear's Baby Book is great. I often give this as a gift to new parents who all love it. I never felt that it was condescending to working women. His wife helps write it and she is a nurse. It covers all the bases and I like their style of parenting-loving yet promoting independence .One book I also loved was the Baby Whisperer and the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers. I incorporated a couple of her tips into our everyday parenting and they work so well.

[zen_bliss]

another strong vote for william & martha sears. the basic philosophy there is compassion -- listen to your baby and trust yourself, rather than trying to force your child or yourself to schedules or what you 'should' be doing. i read like i was doing a ph.d in baby while i was pregnant (because i didn't know a thing about babies beforehand!), and i think that the sears books were in large part the reason why i felt confident as a parent early on. though readers may disagree with certain of the attachment parenting practices -- co-sleeping, babywearing, BFing only -- i think the sears books are written with a clear tone of support & reassurance. i was surprised that others cited 'condescension' . in other books, i found too much tsk-tsk finger-wagging & points-of-view presented as fact, and found the sears books to be quite a relief. right now, even though as it turns out we (so far, anyway :) ) have a super easy-going baby, i'm reading their fussy baby, high needs child book, and find it excellent support & information to keep in mind for challenges. it's quite helpful to read several books and see where they concur & where they contradict. next up, i'm getting the burton white books. i detested the gina ford "contented little baby" book (has some fans here), and i like just fine the 'what to expect' books (which have a lot of detractors). later, if you want to read about development with an academic perspective, try Jean Piaget & Jerome Kagan. these don't read so well in 10 minute snatches, though. ;) good luck!

[egoldber]

I really agree about reading lots of different books (if you have time). While in the end, you have to make your own choices and decisions, I like reading all the different philosophies. I think its interesting to know where there are differences and similarities. I love the library for "test driving" all the different books.

Just FYI, Burton White is not a "how to/comprehensive" book like the Sears Baby Book or WTE the First Year. His sole focus is development, from the physical, cognitive and social perspective. I like the WTE books as a basic reference and the Burton White as my "how to" for child raising. But he just gives you basic principles.

And you're a better woman than I for slogging through Piaget! There is a book called "The Piaget Primer", which is sort of Piaget in a nutshell that I liked OK.

[alkagift]

Thank you everyone, for your suggestions! I looked up the Burton White and I think that it's perfect, just exactly what I was looking for. I also will pick up the "What's Going On in There?" from the library, as it seems like a good read but not so much of a daily reference tool...the reviews in Amazon were really positive.

I had considered the Sears Baby Book, but I only heard about it after I'd received the WTE and the AAPediatrics book, and I thought it would be redundant with what I already have. If anyone else has both, I'd be interested to know if you found that it covered the same material.

I wish I could get Weissbluth from the library, as it seems from everyone's comments I've read over the last 6 months that there are bits that are great and bits (like the early CIO-ing) that aren't. I would love the info on lengthening the nighttime sleeping, but the CIO stuff is not my bag. Is it easy to pick and choose through Weissbluth, or is the process so interconnected that you can't do parts?

Thanks!

Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[dogmom]

I'm late chiming in, but I'd like to put in a vote for Brazelton "Touchpoints." Some people find him less extreme than Sears, although I do like Sears. I also like to put in a vote for "The Children's Hospital Guide to Your Child's Health and Development" as a great resource book that you will use until your child is in school. The Emergency section in the back is excellent. It is more like a reference book than a "how to book", but it's great for answering questions.

[sugarsnappea]

I am late joining too! However, I was surprised that nobody mentioned Penelope Leach. I think "Your Baby & Child from birth to age 5" is a classic developmental book. This would be a good addition to your collection. :)