What to Expect the First Year...

[Lori in NJ]

Hello all,

Was wondering if a lot of mommies have this book and if so, if it's worth it? I've read through a lot of the posts about different baby books and now I'm getting anxious that I don't have ANY... Don't really love What to Expect When You're Expecting b/c I find it is VERY general, but just wasn't sure where to start with this...

Any advice is welcome--thanks in advance,

Lori

[Calmegja]

I'm sure I'm probably in the minority, but in general, I intensely dislike the "What To Expect" books.

I think they are unrealistic, and try to scare the bejeezus out of new moms. A person could waste every minute of every day trying to follow the diet guidelines, with the fear that they will be doing horrible damage to their child if they misstep. Who can live with that kind of pressure?

Anyways, I know it sounds silly, but the way I found parenting books that fit my style (and I'm a Sears girl, "The Baby Book" ), was to spend a long prechild afternoon in a bookstore's parenting section. I read portions of different books, looked at summaries, and tried to see which books jumped out at me instinctively. I read them casually before baby was born, and more intently after babywas born, and I knew how I felt, what kind of child I had, and how things were going. It changes your perspective on how things work when you've got the real thing in front of you...

Everybody is so different, it's just hard to judge what'll be right for you. I know people who live for the "What To Expect" books, whereas they make me feel kinda grouchy. ;-)

And I also am a huge believer in instincts. I think some of the best parenting things I learned came from experience. If anything, I think I like the books I like more now than I did at the time I purchased them, because they are now more of a reinforcement of the parenting choices we have made along the way, if that made sense...they're a kind of literary pat on the back.....;-)

[Vajrastorm]

Well, you aren't the only one who doesn't like the "What to Expect" books ....

[egoldber]

I am one of the ones who likes the What to Expect books. :) (Although I do agree about the complaints about the diet.) I did find WTETFY to be a good book. But it is similar in tone and style to WTEWYE, so if you don't like the Expecting book, you probably won't like that one. But to me, the info is very similar to that presented in all the "baby's first year" type books.

But I agree that you should spend a few quality hours BEFORE baby in a bookstore or at the library. Read a lot of different books and find ones that speak to you and have a style that you are comfortable with.

HTH,

[KMommie]

I also am not a big fan of the What to Expect books, but I do have both of the Expecting and the First Year books (they were gifts) and I did read both of them. I don't think they are very good, for just the reasons already stated: 1. VERY general, 2. the diet is just plain ridiculous, 3. I totally had to read the OF SPECIAL CONCERN chapter BECAUSE it said I shouldn't read it unless it was happening to me.

I went to the local BN bookstore and spent a few hours looking at different baby development books pre-baby and that was helpful. However, the books I am currently reading (because there was a thread about baby development books--I took a couple of the suggested readings) I honestly don't recall ever looking at them in the store, and I thought I searched pretty well. The books I ended up buying "pre-baby" were:

The Baby Book by William Sears---comprehensive Attachment Parenting style book by a pediatrician

The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hoag--how to communicate with your baby, sleep techniques

I remember getting annoyed at the books BabyWise and Touchpoints.

Since DD was born, I have bought:

Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child--all about child's sleep needs

Games Babies Play---games to play with baby that are developmentally appropriate

The First Three Years--goes through the different milestones to look for in your child in all different areas of development.

Child of Mine- Infant and toddler feeding... not just about breastfeeding, but all feeding.

One other book that I've heard mentioned on the boards is The Happiest Baby on The Block--- I haven't checked it out yet though.

HTH

[peanut4us]

I am split on this. I thought what to expect when you are expecting was a total waste of my time. I really hated it. It freaked me out and never gave me enough info on any of the things that were likely to happen to me and any other pregnant women.

I do really like What to expect the first year. I don't really use the month by month thing, but the index is great so if something is happening, I go there first. Also, they have a great symptom/illness graph that I have found really useful. And they have the growth charts you see at the doctor's office. I use this book mostly as a reference.

Beyond that, I really liked KMommie's list. Very comprehensive.

[Karenn]

Well, I really liked WTE The First Year and I was not particularly fond of WTE When You're Expecting. I also felt like Expecting was too general, and it did have a tendancy to "freak me out." On the other hand, I found that The First Year usually had all the information that I needed and I didn't get that "freaked out feeling" after reading it. I ignored all of the diet stuff in both books. Incidentally, I disliked Expecting enough that I had decided I wasn't going to buy The First Year, but they gave it to us free at the hospital, so I used it, and liked it.

My other favorite general child development book is Touchpoints. For some reason, reading Brazelton always makes me feel relaxed and confident.

More and more I'm realizing what a personal decision it is when you're choosing a parenting book. Mostly because whenever these "what's your favorite parenting book" threads come up, we always have a zillion different answers! :)

[jd11365]

I love The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood: Wise and Witty Advice on Everything from Coping With Postpartum Mood Swings to Salvaging Your Sex Life to Fitting into That Favorite Pair of Jeans by Vicki Iovine.

I also read The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy...also a hoot!

[kristine_elen]

I have the book and refer to it from time to time, but I wouldn't recommend it. Every month it says "what your baby should be doing," and if my son isn't doing it and I talk to ped, he's never worried and wonders why I am. Also, there's something in there about how your 7 month old could be manipulating you. That is just such a negative way to look at babies that it really made me sick.
I would highly recommend checking out a few from the library and see what appeals to you then buy those. For instance, Dr. Sears is more attachment parenting while others such as Weisbluth (sp? -- the Healthy Sleep Happy Baby guy) is the total opposite, but you'll get recommendations for both.
I really like Penelope Leach's "Your Baby and Child." American Acad of Pediatrics also has a no-nonsense book that's nice for when you want VERY BASIC info that isn't filtered by one person's perspective.
I don't care for Brazelton, and I found Dr. Spock to have a nice introduction (that actually made me cry when I was pregnant, but what didn't?) but the book is formatted in a kind of confusing way that agitates.
Blah blah blah. Good luck.

[Marisa6826]

I found the What to Expect books to be really alarmist. I really like the Sears books though. We also have the Spock baby book, but I haven't found it to be much use.

More often than not, you need to go with your instincts! If I'm still not sure then I go to Sears, and if I'm STILL not sure, I call one of my girlfriends! :)

-m

[Lori in NJ]

I just had to comment on your point about the "Of Special Concern" aspect of What to Expect... I didn't mention it in my original post, but part of what put me off of the book so badly was that I lost my first child (a boy) to incompetent cervix and I was just SOOOOO... angry that this part of the book was SO well hidden and they played down premature labor so drastically. I don't expect pregnancy books to emphasize what can go wrong during pregnancy, but after what I went through it would've been nice to have a realistic view that not all pregnancies are picture-perfect and that a bad pregnancy is not defined as eating more than one 1/2 cup serving of ice cream a week...

[parkersmama]

Ditto, ditto, ditto. Hate the "what to expect" books. LOVE the Sears books!

I think that Jessica has the right idea. Take some time at Barnes & Noble, get a latte, and grab a bunch of books and a cushy chair. Spend the afternoon perusing and discovering what suits you best: your philosophies, your parenting style, your way of life, etc. Have fun!

[parkersmama]

I love The Happiest Baby on the Block but you really need to get it while pregnant and read it before the baby arrives. IMO it mostly applies to the first few months of life. Of course, some of what you learn can be applied further but it's really about surviving what he calls "the 4th trimester" or the first 3 months post-partum. It's a great book and I give it credit for my wonderful, peaceful sleep!

[sntm]

I agree it can be alarmist, but also tends to be pretty detailed and better organized than many. I've found answers to questions in there that I can't find in all the others. I picked mine up at the library and plan to check it out every month or two.

I like Sears a lot too. Mayo Clinic book is good. I wasn't impressed with Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy, but the first year one is enjoyable, mostly because i am reassured that i am doing more for my baby than she seemed to do for her kids (I know, bad Girlfriend!, but that laid-back approach is not me!) I can't get in to Brazelton, just because of the format.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[cindyl]

i have what to expect - it was a gift from a friend - and i agree with everyone else here. it basically stinks. i wouldn't waste a dime on it.

my favorite baby/childcare reference book is the "portable pediatrician," by nathanson. it's downtoearth, has a lot of stuff on medical problems and remedies, but also gives good guidance on emotional/developmental stuff without being alarmist. the only thing is she is very opinionated and has a real issue with childhood obesity/overfeeding children. nevertheless, of all the babycare books we have, this has been the most helpful. when our daughter got rotavirus at 6 weeks, for example, this was the book that helped us figure it out.

good luck

cindy
mom to chloe (1/3/03)

[alleyoop]

I am with Kristine! Though I have and reference WTETFY, The Baby Book, Mayo Clinic and The Baby Whisperer, I really like Penelope Leach's "Your Baby and Child," the best. I think that it is the kindest, most middle-of-the-road book on development and parenting that I have read. I never come away feeling like my baby and I are behind the curve in any way. If you plotted child development specialists on a scale, with Ferber on one side (Schedule, CIO) and Sears on the other (Attachment, On-Demand), I think that she would fall squarely in the middle.

I would agree, though, that you need a couple books. I personally like to see the spectrum (on say, weaning or sleep issues) before making a decision on how to proceed. Personally, I found WTETFY and Mayo the most useful for the first couple months, and slowly worked in Sears, Whisperer and Leach as we got out of that infant stage. Based on the reviews here, I might add "The happiest baby on the block" if we are blessed with #2.

[alkagift]

I'll chime in on the What to Expect books--the "Expecting" did make me nervous and my OB flatly told me it made me worry unnecessarily and to stop reading it verbatim. I do have the "in the first Year" one, and I do refer to it from time to time, but only as a backup to the "Caring for your Child from Birth to Age 5" which is comprehensive but doesn't make me obsess.

I also like The First Three Years of Life. I may be in the minority, but I don't love Sears.

Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[kransden]

Dr. Sears is by far my favorite. The Expecting books are clinical, but I read them more as a reference than a guide. Dr. Sears is very attachment parenting and WTETFY isn't. The view points are very different. I like to read Dr. Sears first then WTETFY as a 2nd opinion.

Karin
Katie 10/24/02