OT: Grad School and Baby?

[csa12]

I know this is totally off topic, but I have been really trying to think this decision carefully for the past few months. DS is going on 8 months old and I am thinking about going back to grad school. The plan before baby was for me to pursue my PhD (in Literature) and then see where the teaching jobs are (what few jobs there are). But then we had beautiful DS and right now I am a SAHM and plan to be for at least his first year. With his birthday coming around the corner and with application deadlines looming (although I can certainly apply next year) I would like to hear about experiences other parents have had going back to school. I realize it is my decision ultimately, but I would love to hear what experiences people have had, specifically what they view are the pros/cons, what kind of childcare arrangement they have, quality of family life, can you take your babies to classes? etc. I have been out for about 5 years and so even though this has been a lifelong pursuit and dream of mine, I guess I am a little nervous about getting back in the game. Maybe I need a little reassurance that it is doable. DH is an Ortho resident and will be for another 3.5 years so I am worried about throwing another commitment into the already crazy mix.

Thanks for letting use you as a sounding board,
Cheryl

[ralu]

I was a postdoc and my DH was a grad student (he still is) when we had our baby. (For me the postdoc was practically the same with being a grad student in a terminal year.) I think being in grad school was the next best thing to staying at home. We had tons of flexibility (but we didn't have to take any classes and we didn't have any teaching assignments, just research). We didn't use any child-care help; we mostly worked at home, esp. late at night (8pm-1am); during the day (sometimes) one of us worked while the other watched the baby. We used to go outside with the baby together about 2h a day or more. It's not easy and you have to be quite organized and efficient for this to work, but it's great to be able to stay with your child most of the time.

I think it would be somewhat harder in the first years of grad school, when you need to take classes; also if you need to teach to support yourself. But still, you can do a lot of work from home; my estimate is that you need to be at school about 10-15 hours per week in the first years. It may also depend on how flexible your spouse is and/or on whether you can have some occasional external help.

We had other friends in a similar situation; most of them managed without daycare. Some use external help (e.g., grandparents), and some use the university daycare (which, btw, often are very good and sometimes offer discounts for students).

As far as taking babies to classes, I never saw any baby in a class that I took. Some people brought their babies to research meetings, but, frankly, it was disruptive for everyone.

Good luck with your decision and I'll be glad to answer any questions that you may have.

Raluca & Matei (Feb 2003)

[ddmarsh]

Hi - I have done both grad school and law school with babies and actually had one of my babies while in grad school and one while in law school. My children range in ages up to 11 and I can tell you that at this stage I cannot imagine being able to be in any type of program. It may be hard to imagine at your stage of the game but things get so much more complicated when kids get older with school, homework and activities. I rarely dealt with the childcare issue b/c I took most of my classes in the evenings when DH was home and used the occasional sitter at times I needed a day class. I also totally agree with the above that it is the best compromise between staying at home and working - you get lots of stimulation and time with big people while still primarily staying at home. All writing, studying and the like I just managed somehow to squeeze in around everyone.

HTH and good luck with your decision -

[kransden]

BIL is a SAHP and went back to school. What finally worked for them was to put ds in daycare for 2 days a week. That way he was able to take the classes he needed and do the homework without interruption. Ds eventually loved it becaused he was able to socialize with other kids. It really is working great, and something you might consider since your dd will be a older.

Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[lizajane]

cheryl-
let's definitely get together and talk about this some more! i am in a very similar situation. i want to get a masters and maybe even a phd, probably in some kind of literature or writing program. eventually, i want to go back to teaching. but i really want more education before i go back to work. i want to be at home with schuyler and his yet to exist sibiling for about 5 years- when schuyler goes to school and sibiling goes to preschool fairly regularly. but, of course, i have to apply and get into a school. and i have to figure out how to pay for it, on top of not having any income now. maybe we should figure out a way to have opposite class schedules and do a babysitting swap!!!!

[csa12]

Wow! Thanks for the motivational boost! There are some amazing parents here on this board. At first balancing school and baby seemed initmidating, but it sounds like people have found it doable. (Yes, Liza let's definately get together to talk!) I realize the time frame may be tight if I want more kids, but if I am going to do it I may as well do it (life just gets a little busier-right? :) )

Thanks so much for the feedback,
Cheryl

[caffeinedreams]

I think it is a great time for you to go back to school. I was an English Lit major in undergrad and think it sounds so interesting to take graduate courses in that subject--tons of hard work, but interesting. I have no experience with going to grad school with a baby, but I did want to "second" one thing someone said above regarding taking babies to class. When I was in law school, a couple of students brough their babies to class and honestly it just did not work. Once in a while might be fine, but regularly I think would be too much. I sat next to one and invariably she had to get up during class, and I was just plain annoyed that I was paying so much money to go to class and having that kind of distraction. Of course, it did not take much to distract me from Federal Taxation, so that might be part of the problem:), but I personally don't think it is fair to the other students.

Just my opinion:) Otherwise, best wishes with going after your lifelong dream!

[jec2]

I am currently a graduate student "working" on my dissertation. Although baby hasn't yet arrived I do find that I am super distracted from my work just thinking about baby. I think this is probably quite normal anyway when one is expecting. Another thing to consider is the expense of school--it isn't the cheapest of endeavors. I have put myself in debt working on my PHD and probably won't make a lot if I decide to teach. But, it's the lifestyle!!!! You really cannot beat an academic lifestyle, it's the best! Like others above have said it is like being a stay at home parent. My schedule is really very flexible and so is Dh's since he works on campus too. Thankfully too I work with a professor who is a real family man so he is so supportive of me and family time.

Finally, I would just say, make sure you absolutely love your field and have that you have a fairly good idea of what you want to study specifically--it will shave some time off your grad school years.

[mommyj]

I think you should go for it! I'm currently working on my PhD and just had my first baby. I know having ds means it might take me a little longer to get my degree, but I'm totally fine with that. DS is only 2 months old, so I can't really comment on what it's like to ake classes and have a baby, but I know a lot of other students who've done it. My mom worked on her masters with 3 little kids (all of us were under the age of 4 at the time), so it is definitely somehtint that can be done. It might mean more sleepless nights, but I've had so many sleepless nights in grad school, I didn't even notice the lack of sleep when I had ds.
I know some moms in intense grad programs hire babysitters to come to their house while they work on their papers. A lot of others have parents or in-laws who help out. Or, you might be able to find other grad students who would babysit while you're in class.
If you want to talk more, you can pm me. I'm not an expert on having a baby while in grad school, but I'd be happy to talk to you about my experiences in grad school.
Go for it!!!

[toomanystrollers]

Hi Cheryl,
I just finished my MS and wore my cap & gown while 9 months prego w/number 3! My advice, start slowly (if possible w/i your program). I started 2 1/2 yrs. ago with one night class each semester. I then added some summer courses, an accelerated Sat. class and before I knew it - I was done! I owe a lot to my Mom. She's close by and would watch the kids until DH got home.

So my MS is in tech. but I don't picture myself w/a 9-5 with three kids soooo....I'm looking into an accelerated MS in nursing. (This would have been so much easier when I was 18!!!)

Go for it momma!

[csa12]

I love this! I love hearing about all of your experiences. You are all amazing. I don't know why I let life sometimes get the best of me. I got the best advice about this issue from a physician who specializes in geriatrics who had three boys while she was in residency. Her husband is a doc too and she told me that while they were both in residency at the same time and found out that they were pregnant, they were like "ok do we both want to continue working?" After they decided that they both did, they made childcare arrangements for the baby and they both finished. In a nutshell she told me "so life gets a little complicated (in a good way) you just deal with it!" I tend to overthink things so much to the point of it weighing me down.

Thanks for all the great tips and I will me PMing a lot of you shortly!
Cheryl