major shower hosting problem! help, please!!!

[lizajane]

WHAT DO I DO?? i told a friend that i would like to help host a shower for her. she lives 1 hour away, so hosting at my house wasn't a good idea for her guests. she told some folks who were planning a shower that i was interested. they sent me a letter that said they were working on getting a shower together, and if anyone was interested in co-hosting (it was a generic letter addressed to "friends" not to me) "the cost wwill be $100 per couple and you can mail a check to XXX address." seriously, that is a quote.

well, i was horrified. how tacky. there was nothing about HELPING to host a shower, just a request for "donations." that is NOT how i do things around here. i make the cake. i make the food. i make the decorations. i make the flower arrangements. i put a lot of LOVE into my parties. i had two baby showers this spring. i think they were great, without caterers, expensive flowers, boutique invitations... and i did not want to be a part of something if i didn't actually get to BE a part of it!

so i just got the invitation to the party, which i already knew i could not attend because the mom-to-be told me that it was the same weekend as a wedding i already said i would attend.

so... MY NAME WAS ON THE INVITATION AS A HOST!!! i NEVER even talked to the people hosting the party!!! i never sent a check, i never got a phone call, an email, another letter... i never even knew the DATE of this party that these people ASSUMED i was co-hosting!!!

SO WHAT DO I DO????? i don't want to send $100. it isn't the money. yes, money is tight. but i am willing to spend money on this friend. she is VERY important to me. it is the fact that i am supposed to pay for a party that i don't get to do anything for. but now my NAME is on the invitation and i feel like i need to do something????

i know this is long, i am sorry, but PLEASE HELP!!!

[flagger]

I would do nothing. It was awfully presumptious for them to include your name without having even talked to you. Maybe they did because they know you (and the hostee) are so close in absentia.

[C99]

I wouldn't feel obligated to contribute financially either. Send a nice gift for your friend and be done with it. As you said, you didn't commit to co-hosting or to making a monetary contribution. If they made assumption, that's their problem -- though I could certainly understand how you feel bad that your friend is friends with such tacky people!

[mama2be]

Sweetie I'd do nothing either...
Are your circle of friends differnet than her circle of friends in that you can also throw her a shower???

I am much the same way as you are...If I do it I want to do it!!!! I think they presumed way too much by adding your name and the amount you need to give (wow that's a lot!!!!) though if you actually hosted you'd spend that probably, but then it is "your way". I suspect they have enough money to cover it...

How many "host" are listed????

[heidi_timms]

Whooah! That is absolutely ridiculous for a shower! I could see it if it were only you and someone else hosting a shower, but if there are more than 3 people hosting then I would ignore it too.

If you are really feeling bad and they do end up contacting you, I would explain that money is tight and you would be happy to order and pay for the cake. That way, you can control where you get it and the price. I'm sure you can get a really nice cake for $40-60. Heck, our Costco makes great cakes for $17!

~Heidi
Mom to Kailey Ashlin
4/27/03

[nigele]

Liza,

How tacky! I am appalled that they did this to you. I don't know what I would do in this situation but I would not send them the money! Maybe you could tell them that you did not realize they were putting you as co-host on the invitation before you replied to them and you already spent the money on a nice gift for your friend instead. They seem like the kind of people who will bitch about this to your pregnant friend so you might want to gently explain the situation to her (don't tell her about the money request but do say you are unable to co-host and the other friends accidentally put you down.) Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.

[houseof3boys]

Liza that is the oddest and rudest thing I have ever heard. I agree with Lisa about telling your pregnant friend since you don't know what the "rude" friends will tell her. I wouldn't contribute the $100 either! SMH (shaking my head), I just can't believe they did that without even uttering a word to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep us posted on how this turns out.