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View Full Version : Help--The fact that I am back at working has finally hit me like a ton of bricks LONG



peanut4us
09-25-2003, 11:47 AM
So yesterday wasn't good. You know that. What I realized yesterday morning came down to was that I would do some things differently than DH. But i also realized that I am SO fortunate that he is there. And he is the primary care giver and I can't go around usurping his authority just because I think something should be done a different way.

Yesterday got better. Today is yesterday but getting worse. This past week Sara has started getting up at 6 am (after several nighttime feedings, but wouldn't you wake up to eat if you only ate 6-7 ounces total during the day?). DH usually gets up with her at 6 so I can sleep until 7. I usually wake up at 7 because she is screaming her head off as he is rocking her to sleep. I mean screaming. Not what I would consider protest, but something is seriously wrong with me screaming. This morning, it was because she never ate. Usually I feed her when I get up because she's not hungry at 6 (having just ate at 4). So I fed her and rocked her (she was quiet) for about 15 minutes, and she was NOT going to sleep. Finally, i just put her in her crib because I had to get ready.

When I got out of the shower DH had her and she was screaming again. She finally went to sleep, but I think it was because of her crying. DH let me know she only slept for 40 minutes, got up for about an hour and a half and was a pill, so he put her back down. And again she only slept about 40 minutes.

DH has a friend in from out of town, so naturally they are planning to go around town today. And DH said that Sara has just been crying and crying this morning. Very unusual behavior for her. She is getting over a cold, probably starving from a 6 month growth spurt (where she refuses to eat much in the day from a bottle), and I think she's teething again. So DH just gave her Motrin. Said she's refusing to eat. I've requested that they not drag her all over for hours.

We get off the phone. I'm in tears because I want to be there for her. She needs me. I can't do a darned thing from here. Then it hits me... I call and ask DH if she has had her reflux medicine... uh, no. She gets it usually around 6. No wonder she has been crying and not wanting to eat.

DH does really well with her... and they really are great 99% of the time. But sometimes I just feel so helpless, and that, I can't do anything for her. I just hate this. And then I feel all self-important (and bad about feeling that way) that I could make it better where he can't. I stink. And a tear just landed in the wrong place, so anyone who sees me will wonder if I am "leaking".

KMommie
09-25-2003, 12:17 PM
Oh Joey! What a rough couple of days, you are having. I know it's so hard to see things being done differently, because let's face it, no one does it like you, the mom. It sounds like you are really coping very well, considering. It's so hard to be away from your baby, and you really are lucky that DH is there instead of putting DD with a daycare or sitter, etc.

The amazing thing I've found with my DD is no matter how tough things get for her, she ALWAYS bounces back, and so will your DD. It piles the guilt onto me, but at least there don't seem to be any lasting effects, other than MY guilt complex. You are doing your best for your DD, by working and allowing your DH to take care of her. Try to remember what an amazing relationship DH and DD will be getting, by the time they are spending together, once they work out the "kinks".

No one can make things better like Mommy, BUT your DH is a good substitute, he and your DD WILL find their way, and things WILL get better! Hang in there!

Jeannie
mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

alkagift
09-25-2003, 03:23 PM
Joey,
The conflicting emotions are just awful, and I know so many of us are going through this--you're just having a particularly bad week. I'm so sorry you feel so awful, but don't kick yourself for feeling proud of a moment when DH couldn't do as well. As I remind my DH often, you're a TEAM, the three of you, and you SHOULD complement one another--when one forgets, the other remembers--your interdependency is part of what makes it great. That's why being a single parent is such a hero's job. Don't feel bad about not being there--Sara couldn't ask for a better mommy!


Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

C99
09-25-2003, 04:09 PM
Joey,

I'm sorry. I know the feeling. If it makes you feel any better, I stay home with Nate full time now and there are some days that I feel helpless and can't get it together or forget to do something important in Nate's care. I hope it gets better!

houseof3boys
09-25-2003, 05:20 PM
Joey all I want to say is that this to shall pass...

Look forward to the weekend with her and you feel better with all of the love you both can shower on each other!!!!

You are a great mommy :)

wendmatt
09-25-2003, 07:38 PM
Oh Joey
you poor thing. Dh can't give Sara what you can, but something else from a daddy, so don't feel bad for not being there, especially if there's nothing you can do to change it. I know it's easier said than done, but they'll get into a little routine and things will get better I'm sure. Try to get to bed early and get some rest as you are up alot in the night, being tired makes it all so much worse.
It's almost the weekend! Keep your chin up.

Jenmv
09-25-2003, 10:58 PM
I know just how you feel. I agree about the helpless feeling. Its like you want to be the one to do everything for her. When I first went back to work, if she had a bad day I was convinced that it was because DH wasn't doing something right and I felt like I should have been there. I felt like I was losing control. DH and I work split shifts and he has her during the day. I know that it is the best thing for her and am glad that she will develop a closeness with her dad, but its true that there will always be things that we do differently. It was pretty rocky for us at first and he did mess up a few times with her and I was constantly pestering him about every last detail of their day and making sure he wasn't parking her in front of the Baby Einstein videos too often but now they have there own little routine that works well for them. I've learned to relax my control a little. On the weekends she gets mommies routine which is a little different but DD doesn't seem to mind. I have to admit that the biggest problem for me is that I am jealous that he gets to spend more awake time with her Mon-Fri than I do.

mamahill
09-26-2003, 11:24 AM
Oh Joey - I just wanted to give you a big ol' hug and wish you a wonderful weekend with Sara. I hope that Sara is feeling better and that it is a little easier for you to go to work. You're doing a fabulous job and sometimes it's hard for us to let the daddies experience the trial/error we seem to be accustomed to (if only they'd learn faster though!:)). Wishing you a brighter day!

amp
09-26-2003, 11:28 AM
Oh Joey,

Hugs to you! No words of wisdom for you, but just wanted to tell you that you will get through this. I know you know it, but I just wanted to reassure you, because I know it's not easy to be in the middle of it. Just hang in there!

And if your mom and grandfather are still coming this weekend, have a great time!