Going back to work suggestions :(

[Dcclerk]

I am going back to work on Thursday and need as many suggestions as you can think of for making it bearable. I have cried every day for the last 2 weeks just pondering it, so I know I will have a tough adjustment period. Nonetheless, it must happen since my salary is roughly 4 times that of DH's.

I am going with the SoCal BB group to Disneyland as a fun last hurrah before I have to go to back to work. (Thanks, again, Rose!) I have been taking pictures of DS and have bought special frames to put up in my office. I will go in early (DH will drop DS off at Grammy's) and will plan on leaving the office early. (This will be hard since in the past, I have been known to stay at work until 11 p.m. or so. I'm hoping the powers at be will respect my schedule.) I am making up one of those baby photo albums of pictures of DH and I for DS to look at while we are away. I have lunch plans with one of my good friends on my first day back so she can help me through it.

For those that went back to work, is there anything that you were glad you did or wished you did to make being back at work better or easier? I'd love any suggestions (or prayers) as this is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

[csa12]

Hi Kerry -
I am sorry I don't have any valuable advice to give you, but I just wanted to send you my support. You are a wonderful mom and doing your best for your family so DS will be so proud of you! My DH works long hours and what he does is call DS and I every free moment he gets, even if it is just to say hi for a minute. I find that helps all of us b/c there are days when he misses seeing DS while he is awake. At times I am like "wow we talked 10 times on the phone today!", but although it is by phone, that is simply how we spend the day together, which is important. Also, the constant contact helps with DH missing DS so much. :)
So have a great first day back at work, keep your dear pictures close by, and know that you can pull through this difficult time as an amazing mother.

Cheryl :)

[713abc]

I went back to work on Aug 20th and the first day I cried ALL DAY LONG. I think some of my coworkers thought my baby was deathly sick, not just at the daycare in the same building! It was so rough I thought I was going to go crazy. I was lucky that DS was right here with me at work, at the day care only a 5 minute walk away. But I didn't want to visit him b/c I didn't want him to see me crying the way I was. Anyway, while I missed him a ton, for me my emotions were very much connected to being worried about him at day care. The next day I cried a little less, then the next barely at all. I started to realize he was really happy there, and as he began to nap very well and drink all of his bottles and smile and look happy, I felt MUCH better. I still miss him during the day, but know he is well cared for.

There's nothing I can think of you doing to prepare for it, but just always remind yourself that you have a healthy child who loves you very much, even if you are not with him all day. That's the most important thing. You will always be his mommy and nothing will change his connection to you. It does get easier, which everyone will tell you but you will not believe a word of it at first. I know I didn't. For me it was hard to talk about him, think about him, or look at his picture the first few days of work because it would make the tears flow big time and I would fall apart. But now that we are both so well adjusted all I want to do is talk about him all day long with my co-workers.

Good luck!

[peanut4us]

Kerry, I feel for you. I am in my 5th week back fulltime. It's sad that I instantly know what week it is. I was in the same situation as you are, very upset at going back but making at least 4 times DH's salary. I had a heart to heart with DH, and we decided that Dh would stay home with Sara. I know this isn't for every guy, but it might be something to consider. And it has worked out fabulously so far.

He loves being with her, and they take digital pix and send them to me at work. He brings her by for lunch at least once a week, and I talk to them about 2 times a day.

I know that's not an option for everyone, but it has really helped us. And it sounds like one of your parents will be watching your son during the day. I know I would have felt a lot better about leaving Sara if it was with one of her grandparents versus a center. We had her enrolled in the best center we could find (read, expensive! but really loving), and I still couldn't hack it.

As far as your schedule goes. I have made a gentle point of shooing people out of my office or off the phone if they are just wasting my time. I used to put in long, late nights too, and I have just decided that unless it is the last 2 weeks before a code drop, I am outta here at 4:30. No negotiations. The thing is, I know that I can do my job in 40 hours a week (or less many weeks) if I cut out all the crap. Also, I don't know about your place of work but the nasty, tedious, unproductive meetings. If I can, gracefully, leave a meeting that really doesn't pertain to my life, I do. If I can't leave without leaving a bad taste in people's mouths, I bring my laptop and keep working. Just take a firm stand, and let people know what to expect from you right away. You're going to be more "efficient" with your time.

If you're going to be pumping that is a whole other story. Email me if you want.

Best advice I can give is be creative. With your time at work, your time with DS, and your time with DH. You can do it. Expect to be exhausted for a while. This is the first week I feel like I might be getting used to it.

Chin up! You're a great mommy.

[Jen841]

You can do it! Having the baby with Grammy is great. That will give you some peace. My Mom watch DS the first week I returned which was great.

Pictures at your desk and on your computer are great. The first week is really rough.

I suggest making a routine for when you get home. I RUN out the door to get Jude at daycare. We have our routine which he and I both enjoy.

Our deal is I work now, and later I hope to work less (or not at all) when Jude is playing sports, going to events,... For now we live in Chicago, but some day we hope to be where the cost of living is less. For now we will enjoy the big city and all it has to offer, which includes a loving day care for my Jude-Bug.

[McQ]

Joey really hit the nail on the head. Be efficient with your time and hold your ground. I work for a large consulting company where people tend to work hours on end and put work above their family life. It's been hard but I've said I will (and I do) go home to be with my son. I get my work done, cut out the useless crap and get on with my life. Nothing bothers me more than wasting time when I could be spending it with Declan. There have been many late nights recently (working on a big proposal) but I've said by 6pm I'm out the door so I can go home to feed, bathe and put my son to bed. Then I hop back on the computer.

What helped me when I first came back was talking about Declan at work. People were excited that I was back and wanted to hear all about him. So we'd go to lunch and I'd gab away. I also have these pictures of him up. Kind of like a collage. It starts with a picture from the day he was born then one at his each month birthday. Each are so special and make me smile.

It will suck, but you will get through it. And the best part of the day is the big smile they give you when you get home.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[ethansmom]

Kerry, I feel for you! This is my 4th week back to work part-time, and it sucked. I too was down for several weeks prior to my return and lasted 30 mins at work before I was in tears. Fortunately, my husband is home with Ethan while I'm at work. It helped to know that my DH could bring my DS to my office if I couldn't bear to be apart from him for the full time. I'm sure your mom would do the same thing. My only other suggestion is to hang in there; it will get easier!

[barbarhow]

Kerry-good luck tomorrow. Stay busy-it will go fast and then each day gets easier. I am lucky as I am only working part time. I work 3 days a week. The first day was horrible-unfortunately the hardest part for me being back at work seems to be more about my colleagues making things tough for me. Jack and I have adjusted well but my coworkers seem to resent my part time status. Oh well. Too bad for them.
I have pictures all over my office and on my computer. I carry pictures with me and anyone I see that I know gets a viewing. Its really a great excuse for me to look at his pictures. I wished I had had something of his in my desk. I missed the way he smells. (crazy, I know)
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[Dcclerk]

Thank you so much for all of your comfort and suggestions. I really think they helped. I just finished Day 2 of being back to work and can honestly say that I survived. In a lot of ways, it felt like I had never left. And it is always fun to have people miss you, isn't it? :) DS did GREAT (almost too great for the momma who was pining away for him:) ).

It helped so much to remind myself that I have the best possible childcare for him and he is being loved on all day. It also was remarkable to see how efficient I could become (not my natural inclination) because I knew that it meant I could get home to my babe more.

Thanks again, everyone. It really meant a ton to me.