"He's all boy" / "She's all girl"

[cara1]

Anyone ever hear this? Anyone ever say this? I just don't buy it. A friend recently told me that their 11 mo DS is "all boy" because he loves to climb and throw balls. So does my child, and it seems normal for me. But he's also a boy. But tell me, those of you with girls, do they NOT like to climb and play with balls? I know this gets into the whole nature/nurture debate, but I'm just curious as to other's experiences. I mean, even if a toddler is "all girl", you can't escape the fact that someone ELSE bought the girly clothes, the girl didn't pick them out herself. So what about your DS/DD? All boy? All girl? Or just all kid???

[dogmom]

Man, I hear you! This whole boy/girl thing really got my goat about 10 years ago. A friend of mine believed in it very much. While she was pregnant we got into constant debates over it. I kept saying, look studies show that people interact with boys and girls very differently from birth, so how do you separate genetics from environment? Well she had a girl. She spent all this time making a handmade doll with authentic Victorian dress, including underwear!, and then she gave it to her daughter. Her daughter proceeded to rip off all the dolls clothes and then run around the house and whack things with it. Turns out her daughter was is very athletic and when she was younger wanted to play with the boys because girls were "boring." My friend has decided to let her children be her children.

Having said that, I hear "he's such a boy" all the time. Not the least of which is my husband! Of course when I hear "he's such a boy" I think of all the really incredible stupid things boys and young men do that get themselves killed at disportionate rates in their late teens and 20's. (Sometimes being an nurse just sucks! Things I wish I could forget.)

I just smile now, and say, "Yes, he is a boy." Of course I suspect if I have a girl my hackles will get raised a little more.

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03

[bluej]

My best friend has two girls. The first one is a girly girl. She loves dresses and tea parties and all of the typical girl things. The second one hates dresses, prefers jeans (something her first one never even owned until she started school), plays w/ cars and overall is more 'active' than the first one. There is no explanation other than she is just another child all together.

My neice is far more active and into things (another trait that seems to get lumped in w/ the boys for some reason) than my five year old could ever dream of being. Caden likes cars and trucks and balls and all of those things, but he's pretty calm. In fact, all of my nephews (my son included) could be viewed as sissy's b/c they are all over cautious. Our girls seem to be more risk takers. So in my family there are no 'all boys' or 'all girls'

[mama2be]

I'm not defending myself...but I say this all of the time!!!...when I say it I just say it...not formally , it just comes out!!!...I also say it to little girls who are dressed up and carrying purses...I really think it is conversation, kind of like asking someone "how ya doing", as you walk by them 10 miles an hour and don't sit around to hear the answer...

I do think Tristan is all boy...but what does that mean I don't know :)...he is a boy!!! But the day he carries around a purse (and he will at some point in toddler hood I have no doubt) I suspect if someone is standing near me I won't say "tristan is all boy". But in the next 30 minutes when he is playing with his dump truck I'll probably say "Tristan is all boy"...

It's just chatting in my book...

[jojo2324]

LOL, people say Gannon is all boy all the time. Somebody actually said to me the other day, "I really like Gannon because he's all boy. You can see the devil in his eyes, just like Dennis the Menace...That's the way they're supposed to be." Ummm, thanks, I think?

So yesterday, he got a basketball hoop for his birthday (in Gymboree class he LOVES the basketball hoop), and we were playing with him. But he dropped the ball and went over to his soft stacking rings and put two around his wrists, like bracelets. He does this all the time. It's so funny! And this morning, he is playing with the vacuum. But I still think of him as a boy's boy, even with his bracelets! :)

[COElizabeth]

I know people mean no harm by saying this and that it is just one of those things people say about babies and toddlers (like "what a big boy" regardless of the actual size of the infant), but the "he's all boy," which I hear much more than the "she's all girl" comment is one of my pet peeves! Honestly, I almost posted a similar comment a couple of weeks ago!

I get so irritated when I hear the "all boy" line, usually from my mom, who has pretty traditional gender role expectations. For one thing, plenty of girls like to play ball and climb. And plenty of boys like to cook, care for children, etc. I hope my DS grows up liking all those things. And yes, like Jeanne, I probably overreact because I fear that he will in fact turn out to do a lot of those stupid and reckless things boy teens are known for (and pay high insurance for) or that he will be one of those guys who will let his bathroom become so dirty his girlfriend will eventually clean it for him (hmm, where would he get that from?). But I'm pretty sure he will at least learn to cook, since the men in DH's family are all the primary (or at least equal-time) cooks in their households.

Having said all that, to date James appears to be everything my mom means when she says "all boy." Squirmy, not liking to cuddle very much, in constant motion, loving to climb, tear things apart, play with balls, pull a dog's hair instead of pat it, etc. I still have hope he has some nurturing qualities inside, but I am not sure how they are going to come out!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[alkagift]

My mom is absolutely the same about my DS, even though he's not even doing too much! I think she says it because he's a little chunker and she doesn't know what else to say.

In any case, I am cuddling Matthew even harder today, knowing that he might be a little James in 6 months and won't let me!!

Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[mamahill]

Ainsleigh is MOSTLY all girl. She loves everything pretty - hair clips, bows, pretty clothes (well, any clothes - right now she likes wearing a bikini over her clothes), flowers, necklaces, earrings, etc. She also loves "cleaning" with me and is quite delicate when it comes to trying something new. I can put her on a kitchen chair and she won't try to get down. I can tell her to stay upstairs and she won't approach the stairs. She has three purses already, and loves to watch me put on makeup and asks for her own (I have since washed out a powder puff and given her a clean eyeshadow applicator). She loves rocking her baby to "sleep" and has tried to wear my sling with the baby. She has three purses.

But... her favorite things to carry IN the purses are matchbox cars. And she loves airplanes and fire engines. I don't know what that makes her. Daddy's little girl, I guess.

[lizajane]

i agree with neve that it is mostly just conversation.

but if i heard it too much, or if someone kept saying it to another child who was playing with mine as a way to say my boy is girly, it would really get on my nerves.

i think assigning gender identity is unfair. no, i probably won't go out and buy schuyler a bunch of dolls. and i may go out an buy him a dump truck. BUT if he says he wants a doll, i will get him a doll. and if he turns out to be a professional football player, fine. if he turns out to be a cross dresser, fine. whatever makes him the happiest.

when i was babysitting one time, the baby boy reached for his mommy's razor. she took it from him (duh, it was unsafe! of course she did!) but when she did, she said, "that's mommy's razor for shaving her legs. you won't shave your legs. unless you are a swimmer, a cylist, or you are gay." she was totally serious, and i really appreciated the frank way she talked to her 2 year old. she didn't say "boys don't shave their legs." she said it was unlikely that he would, but he might.

[christic]

my daughter Alice is about a month older than Ainsleigh and seems to share many of her girly habits! She also has 3 purses (all from her handbag-mad grandma), and I'm embarassed to say I actually bought her her own powder brush today because she was smashing mine by rubbing it all over her head and face while watching me.

That said my mother-in-law drives me crazy saying how it must be genetic when Alice starts feeding her bears with her little spoons, and then seems to ignore her when she's throwing balls all over the room.

Who knows???

[khakismom]

The way you describe Ansleigh could be *exactly* the way I would describe Kathleen. Sometimes very girly-girl. But then she throws her Barbie down and grabs her her Little Tikes toolbox and proceeds to try to build you something. Or play hoops or baseball or golf. :)

I think each kid is just trying out what they like, trying to "find" themselves a bit.

[Melanie]

Yeah, it irritates the heck out of me, but I try to remember people are just trying to make nice conversation (like with the "Is he a good baby?" comment - UGH! "No, he's rotten. Very devient.")

I don't like it b/c I don't enjoy the traditional gender-rolls, and I don't want to proliferate them (okay, except for the one that the men kill the bugs). ;-)